I want to become a foster parent. Now what?

Making the decision to become a foster parent was easy for me. Every since I was a teenager, I have always known that this would be something I would do. There were a few hurdles for me in taking the next steps:

1. Being Financially Sound
2. Having the "Space"
3. Having the Time/Energy
4. Being Ready Emotionally
5. Figuring out the System

The truth is, items #1 - #3 have not been an issue for me in the past few years. I have a 3-bedroom house that I share with my furry family, my two cats & two dogs. I am doing well financially when I budget correctly (still working on planning for the unexpected). Also, I have plenty of spare time each week.

It was #4 "Being Ready Emotionally" that held me up from moving forward. I didn't feel prepared to take on the immense responsibility of a child. I had my own issues, how can I help someone else? My family issues escalated in the past few years and I felt it was my responsibility to help take care of that. I had issues about how I felt about myself, where I was headed, and what I wanted out of life. I hadn't quite figured it all out or how all the puzzle pieces fit together.

I've always always wanted to build my own family. I always imagined it would be through traditional means - meet a great guy, fall in love, get married, have bio children, foster/adopt kids. However, my life has never led me down a path to have that happen for me. When life didn't follow this plan, I thought I'd develop a "Plan B". Plan B would be having my own baby through alternative methods and build my family that way. Something about that just didn't feel right in my heart. Seemed a bit selfish in a way since there are so many kids already born into the world with no one to love them or provide for them. I'm not implying that everyone that decides to pursue alternative birth methods are "selfish". This only applies to me - how it felt inside of my heart. By no means is it a generalization to the general public. Everyone has a different path and I believe this is mine.

Last month, everything seemed to fall into place. Maybe, just maybe, everything in my life happened for a reason to get me where I am today. The way I grew up, my family dynamics, having another family take me in, etc. If I had everything that I ever wanted, or thought I wanted, out of life - I probably wouldn't be in the position that I am in today or be willing to take in a foster child or adopt. "Everything happens for a reason."

Once I was ready emotionally to take on this responsibility, I had to deal with #5 "Figuring out the System." A few years ago I reached out to a local agency and attended an orientation meeting for Fostering/Adopting. I completed the interest form and returned it to an agency. They called me back and we played phone tag for a few days - then the communication stopped. No word from them. At the time, I had some some family issues going on so it was easy to just stop the process and not pursue any further.

This time around, there was nothing stopping me. I pulled out a listing of agencies and called one that certified for both Foster/Adoption (since I'm still deciding which direction to go). Amazingly, I received a call back within a few hours! Through the phone conversation, I figured out Step #1: Attend an Orientation Meeting. I also received an email (same day) with the orientation dates. I was extremely impressed with their responsiveness and relieved that I was in contact with this particular agency. I added the next orientation date to my calendar.

Everything felt like it was falling into place. I had the means, space, and time. I was emotionally ready to move forward in the process. Now, I was in contact with an agency that was responsive and I had set-up a time to attend the Orientation - the first step in the process. :)

A Little Bit About Me

To understand my journey to becoming a foster/adoptive parent, I think it's imporant to know where I came from and a little bit of historical information about my story.

My Story (Cliff-Notes Version)

I am 30 years old, going on 31 in a few weeks. Some people dread their 30's. I am the opposite, I'm absolutely enjoying it! I am finally in a position to do something that I've always wanted to do - become a foster or adoptive parent. But I will get to that in a future post :) I'm single with no kids.

I did not grow up in the most stable household. We had (and still have) issues in my small family. The one area where I was most fortunate is that I was able to grow up in the same house since I was five. I would not have guessed it at the time, but a family living three houses down from us would have a significant impact on my life.

The neighbors around the corner had five children of their own. These "neighbors" have grown to become family to my older brother and me. They took us in. We went to their family events, we spent almost all the holidays with them, and they were there for us when we had difficulties in our household. A family of seven, taking in two non-related, troubled, neighborhood kids - just out of the kindness of their hearts.

Being an adult, I understand how easy it is to get caught up in your own life and ignore the peripheral. Especially if you have your own family and life to worry about. Who really has the time, strength, or energy to invest in the neighbor's kids? Growing up, I did not realize how unordinary it was for a family to open their home and hearts to other people's children. I am also at fault for focusing on the negative of my life, instead of on the positive. It took me an extremely long amount of time to truly understand the significance of what they did for my brother and I.

Fast forward twenty-five years later, when I talk about my "family" - I'm referring to them.They are the rock in my life, the place I know I belong, they are home for me. I truly feel blessed and fortunate that circumstances occurred the way that they did. They ARE my family. Moving to the small house when I was five was a pivotal moment in my life that would bring me to my "adoptive" family. I  truly do not know where I would be today if I had never met them or if they had never reached out to us.

Why Blog?

Last night I was discussing with a close friend of mine about my first "Partnering for Safety and Permanence - Model Approach to Partnerships in Parenting" (PS-MAPP) class. I had so many concerns, questions, and emotions about the process. She suggested that I keep a journal about my experience since there are so many instances in our lives where we forget things, why we took this/that action, thought processes, and feelings/emotions. A blog would be a nice record and a good outlet to express what I'm going through.

I'm not a blogger, this is my first attempt at it. More to come :)