New Birth Certificate and SSN

I recently picked up my son's new birth certificate! It was a surreal experience seeing my name listed under "mother" and seeing my son's new name. 

When picking it up, I asked if they needed to see the adoption order. She said, "No, you're the mother. Just need to see your ID." 

Going to the Social Security Office was an adventure... Took 2 hours! I've never been to the SS office before so had no reference on how it all worked. Worse than the DMV! Seriously. But... At the end of the day, we were able to get a new SSN for my son, just waiting for the card to arrive in the mail. 

It still feels so surreal to me. He's MY son! I'm still trying to wrap my head around the "future" - that there is a future with him. 

One day it'll just feel "real" and "normal" to me, I'm sure. It's hard going from worrying every single day that he'll be taken from me, to thinking he's here "forever".  Now, the fears of raising him right are kicking in! Because however he turns out will be on ME! And only me. Oh my... Such a shift in thinking and such a huge responsibility. 

Thinking about my parenting style, what kind of mom I want to be. Am I doing it right? Am I messing him up? Am I spending enough time with him? Am I helicopter parenting? Am I disciplining right? 

All "Normal" parenting worries I'm sure... And I'm so grateful that I have normal parenting things to worry about with him instead of foster parent worries! 

I am so lucky to be his mama :) 

Act of Kindness

I decided to attempt to go out to dinner with both boys today. I haven't actually gone out to dinner with both boys yet. Although I've done other things with both kids (store, zoo, events, etc). Mostly because Munchkin has his 5pm "witching hour" where he's extremely fussy. I normally work around nap and witching hour for outings. And, truth be told -- I haven't gone grocery shopping! So, it was go out for dinner or order in. 

I decided we would go to Olive Garden. Someone complimented me on how well behaved the boys were :) Which is really nice to hear when I was stressing out trying to accommodate both of them. Little Guy was perfect! You never know with him, but at dinner he was being so good. Munchkin didn't have his normal fussy-crazy stuff going on. He got a little fussy at the end, but it wasn't nearly as bad as it normally is. 

The nice thing is -- someone paid for our meal!!! I don't know who it was, but I suspect it was the nice man that complimented my kids. How very nice that was!!! I've never had an act of kindness done for me like that. I was very touched by it. 

Made me want to reciprocate and pay for someone else's meal. Instead, I gave a big tip to the waiter, he was a nice talkative kid. 

How very sweet and thoughtful of someone to do a simple act like that. Makes me want to give back more to others. 

So wonderful, nice, and unexpected. 

Wish I could tell this person, "Thank you!" :)

2nd Birthday!

This month we celebrated Little Guy's 2nd Birthday! Can't believe my baby is already 2 years old. Time is going by too quickly. 

Birthday - Day

What's interesting about the whole Adoption thing is now, we can create our own Family traditions! For Little Guy's 1st Birthday, we were in Florida on vacation - so we did stuff like go to Disney World, Chuck-E-Cheese, Kennedy Space Center, the beach, etc. 

This year, there wasn't so much go-go-go. Which was REALLY nice! I think I like the laid-back aspect of really just enjoying his birthday. The week before his birthday I would tell him, "You're going to be 2 years old in X days!" Being the toddler that he is, he would say, "NO!" when I told him that. LOL. 

On his birthday, once Little Guy woke up, I went into his room singing Happy Birthday to him with a chocolate chip cookie slice. 

He then opened his birthday presents that were from me and from some foster care organizations that provide birthday presents to foster kids. I gave him a scooter for his birthday. He's still learning how to use it! 

Then for breakfast, I cooked home-made pancakes and sang Happy Birthday to him again :) 

Then, we made his cake together. He helped crack the eggs, mix the ingredients into the bowl, and mix the batter. He really liked the hand mixer! For dinner, I sang him Happy Birthday again :) 

The Party

Birthday Theme: Thomas the Train 

Birthday Party Location: Local Gym, where the kids can run around on the equipment.

Little Guy's party was the day after his actually birthday. For Little Guy's party, I purchased these cute invites on Etsy. Then, printed them from home on card stock. I'm really loving the Etsy thing these past few months! 

Some pictures from the venue: 

Purchased this cake for the party: 

We had a lot of friends make it out for his birthday party, which was amazing :) All the kids had fun playing at the gym. I'm just reminded how blessed we are to have such wonderful people in our lives. We are so lucky. He received some really fun toys, books, and cool clothes. I am always amazed at how generous our friends are. Really, their presence at his party was gift enough for us.

Here are our Thank You cards that we sent to everyone (bought at Party City). I'm happy I was able to get them out within 2 weeks from the party! I normally take a little bit longer to mail Thank You's out... if they get mailed at all! I included a group picture of the kids at the party and also a picture of Little Guy opening the gift they provided. 

Overall, Little Guy's 2nd Birthday was a lot of fun. We started some new family traditions and got to celebrate with our friends.

I still get tears in my eyes when I think about him being my Forever Son. There are going to be so many more birthdays to share together. I'm so grateful. Sometimes I wish I could press the PAUSE button and enjoy him while he's still little. But at the same time, I'm so amazed at the wonderful little person he's becoming. My Little Guy, I love him to pieces. How did I get so lucky to be his Mama?

I'm already planning Birthday #3! I'm thinking the Zoo would be a fun venue for him and his friends. 

Cycle #7, IVF #1: Post-Cycle Consult + Next Steps for IVF #2

Had my Post-IVF #1 Consult with my RE today. There's no way to really tell why the cycle didn't work, just need to change the protocol. I did find out that my Estradiol levels were good for my first two blood draws. But my third blood draw, the levels weren't high enough.

IVF #2 Plan

My RE wants me to do the following precycle for at least 1-2 months prior to my IVF cycle:

• DHEA: 75 mg/day 
• CoQ10: 2x's/day 

The plan is to be more aggressive with the meds. RE said that I'll be on the highest dosages that I'll get on.

• IVF Protocol: Lurpon "Microdose" Flare. I'll be on Lupron 2x's a day, but a very low dosage. Also, instead of 10 days before the injections begin - I'll start only 2 days before injections. 
• FSH/LH Injections: will be 2x's a day. 
• AM: 150 iu Gonal-F, 75 iu Menopur
• PM: 225 iu Gonal F, 75 iu Menopur

I'm starting Provera today to try and induce my period this month. We are aiming for a February Egg Retrieval, but the timing may not work and it may have to be in March. 

• February Egg Retrieval: Week of 15-20. Period needs to start by January 17th.
• March Egg Retrieval: Week of 14-19. Period needs to start by February 14th. 

The weirdest part is: the time between cycles. With IUI's my cycles were monthly. Now, with IVF#1 being cancelled - it'll be 4-5 months since my last IUI (in October) before I can even "try" with IVF #2. Feels odd not "trying" every month and instead "waiting" or doing "stims". I just hope that the change in protocol and the increase in meds leads to an actual egg retrieval! Will see how it all goes down. 

One of the staff members told me to "keep my chin up" and to stay positive. They are so supportive and sweet. I can't imagine ever leaving this RE's office because of how nice they are to me! I also was able to donate my PIO shots to my RE's office. I received them after my cycle was cancelled and they expire in 30 days. Hopefully another woman can get it for free and save some money. 

Another interesting thing about moving forward is insurance coverage. I am changing providers beginning 1/1/16. My "coverage" stays the same, since it's through my employer, but just hoping things are still smooth running. 

I wish I can say how I feel about this whole thing. Truth is, I feel a little disconnected from the process right now. Not really sure why? I guess because I have absolutely no control over what happens next or how my body will respond to the meds this go-around. I need to think about things and decide how I'm going to handle it, so I have realistic expectations for IVF Cycle #2. 

Next Steps: 

• Start Provera to induce AF in December. 
• Call RE's office when AF begins this month. 
• Order DHEA and CoQ10 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

Budget Project: Baby Steps #1 and #2

Update on my Budgeting Project! Which thankfully, has been going extremely well. As I've mentioned before, I'm following Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps to work on getting out of debt. Here's a quick update.

Baby Step #1: $1,000 into an Emergency Fund -- DONE!

I am now complete with Baby Step #1. I have to admit though, I've done baby step #1 multiple times and I *always* ended up tapping into it! This time, I'm going to make sure I'm more disciplined and held accountable and NOT touch it.

Reasons I tapped into the emergency fund: travel expenses, holiday costs, TTC costs. Not true "emergencies". So, now I've completed Baby Step #1 for the 5th or 6th time! Time to stick with it. So far, so good.

Baby Step #2: Pay off All Debt with the Debt Snowball -- IN PROGRESS! 

Things that have stalled my debt snowball: The holidays, the adoption costs, December birthday costs, and the IVF charges.  Haven't made much dent into my debt snowball. But good news is, I'm curving my spending somewhat. I have the following debt to pay off:

1. Student Loan debt
2. Outstanding Credit Cards - only 2 cards carry a balance. Out of those, only 1 of those I actively continue to use for the above mentioned debts.  

Budgeting using YNAB

I've been using YNAB consistently for 3 budget months now (Nov, Dec, Jan).

First, I'm BUDGETING! Sadly, this is the first time in my adult life that I've kept to a real - true - honest budget. After the hurdle of getting acquainted with YNAB, I've really gotten used to it. What I've changed about my habits:

• Daily: I input any expenses "on the go". For example, if I get gas - I input it at the gas pump on my app. Makes life easier to have everything in there as the expense happens. The great thing about YNAB is it remembers your payees, so this is really quick. I have gotten behind on this a little bit because I seem to be spending left and right for Christmas. Need to be more consistent! 
• Time: Takes only a few seconds. 
• Weekly: I have a Reminder set on my phone to review expenses / clear transactions from my accounts. Why weekly? Honestly, it was just to keep me honest and to keep me on top of it! It only takes a few minutes. I only have 3 accounts I really "work" with: my checking account, my savings account, and my only active Credit Card. This is also when I reconcile my accounts. I've started off doing it weekly, so I can get into a habit. Also, so there's "less" to reconcile at a time. 
• Time: maybe 10-15 minutes (tops - but this is mostly due to learning curve, I expect this to be more like 5 minutes in the future). 
• Monthly: Once a month (usually on the 20th of the month) I've been setting my budget for the next month. I chose the 20th because all of my current-month expenses are cleared by the 20th.
• First, I reconcile my accounts, to make sure I didn't miss anything from my weekly reconciliation. I was importing the transactions from my accounts, but since I'm inputting my expenses "on the go" - I do not have a need to import. This saves me time. 
• Second, I input all income I expect for the month I'm budgeting for. I'm a month ahead, so what I earn in one month, I spend for the next month (i.e. November earnings go to December expenses). 
• Third, I input all the planned expenses into my bank ledger for the next-month, so I can get my "working balance" (just a thing for me - I like knowing how much to expect in my account, one way I reconcile). This makes weekly reconciling easier, since I do the majority of the work here. 
• Time: 15-20 minutes 

I'm in the process of seeing where I can curve expenses. Expenses that I plan to cut in 2016: 

• Massage - Yearly Savings $708
• Gym Membership - Yearly Savings $245 

Rainy Day Funds and Savings Accounts 

Something new that I'm going to start, now that the new year is rolling around - I'm going to start allocating funds to my Rainy Day Accounts and Savings Accounts. I just need to assign values to each category: Ultimate Goal, Time to Goal, and then monthly allocation. What's great about this is that I can figure out the values relatively easy since I'm in the mist of the holiday/birthday season. Here's what I'm planning to save for: 

• Christmas Fund
• Kid's Birthday Fund
• House - Hardwood Floors 
• Travel/Vacation 
• New Car 
• Pet Care - these costs always seem to sneak up on me! 
• Gift Events 

Rainy Day Funds: 

• Emergency Fund 
• Clothing 
• Car Repairs - going to need new tires soon 
• Home Maintenance 

I totally customized my Budget Categories. The goal around this was to look at my optional spending and see about curving the costs. I also wanted to lump together my expenses that I need to report on my taxes. I work from home and track my utilities for tax reporting. I love how you can totally customize YNAB categories to whatever you want. Originally, I had the traditional categories (House, Utilities, Food, Auto, etc). This works so much better for me. It just took me a little while to get used to the different organization, as I prefer the traditional categories for mental peacefulness. 

• Mandatory - Monthly Fixed
• Mandatory - Monthly Variable 
• Mandatory - Not Monthly 
• Tax Reporting - Monthly
• Tax Reporting - Variable
• Savings - Mandatory (Rainy Day Funds)
• Savings - Optional 
• Optional - Monthly Fixed 
• Optional - Variable 
• Giving 
• Pre-YNAB Debt 

What's been difficult: It's hard because I normally like going by the balance in my account. Previously, I would move all my extra funds into my Savings account and keep the balance in my checking account at $100 (one way I reconciled). I have a higher interest rate in my savings account, the main reason I moved the funds.

Now, I'm going by the budget since I'm saving for future costs and just keeping the funds in my checking account. Was thinking I could still move it to Savings, but it takes too much extra time to look at each category, add it up, and move the right amount. So, now the balance in my checking account is higher than I normally keep it because all the "savings" funds are staying in there. I'm still working on overcoming this mental barrier to accept that since I've been doing my old method for the last decade or so!

Overall, I'm extremely happy with YNAB! I just need to stay on top of things. Now, I need to curve my extra spending and start making a dent in my Debt Snowball. 

Declutter Project: The Garage, Part 7

Finally making headway in my Decluttering Project! I've had time to really clear out the garage. It's not totally done yet, but it's very-very close!

I forgot to take a before picture. But beforehand, my little car would barely fit in the garage. 

What I did: 

• Broke down all my boxes. So many from Amazon and diapers! 
• Donated old stored kids clothes and toys to Goodwill. 

Still needs to be done: 

• The boxes were broken down, but they can't fit in my recycle bin. Working on bringing them directly to the recycle center. For now, they're located on the left side of the garage. 
• I'm donating one dog crate to my veterinary office. The other dog crate is getting moved to the backyard. Also, donating the cat crates to the vet as well. 
• I have a ton of pet/baby gates. Getting rid of them in bulk trash next month. 
• I have a few boxes of shredding I need to bring somewhere to get shredded. Too much to shred on my own. 
• There are 3 boxes of items I need to sort through and/or put them in their right place in the house. 
• I have two fake Christmas trees. Waiting to hear if a friend wants the one I'm not using. If not, going to donate it. 
• After all that is done, maybe reorganize and/or add overhead storage. Want to move things around to be able to fit two cars in. Even though I only have one car! Lol, still want the space to be cleared for two. 

I've lost track of how many bags of items I've brought to Goodwill, how many were trash, and how many were recyclable. 

Thoughts on IVF #1 being Cancelled

It's been a few days since my IVF cycle was cancelled. Now that I'm off stim medication and have a little more perspective (AKA not emotional), I think I'm OK writing about it now.

Originally when the cycle got cancelled, there was so much disappointment around it. I've been focused on this IVF cycle since IUI #6 failed in October. That's 1 1/2 months worth of anticipating all that is involved in IVF-land. Since I responded so well to my IUI injectables, the thought of being a non-responder to the medication didn't even occur to me to be within the realm of possibility. Now, I know better. IVF is such an intricate process. Every-single-step in the IVF process is critical and the cycle can be cancelled at any step along the way.

What's interesting, is I knew this with my IUI cycles. I was always anticipating my IUI cycles being cancelled at each monitoring appointment. Why that anticipation didn't carry-over to this IVF cycle, I'm not really sure. I suppose since I've been at trying to conceive for so long, without any major delays (cysts, non-response, etc), the possibility of the IVF cycle being cancelled just didn't register.

How I imagined this IVF cycle to go: stim and have 10-15 follicles at egg retrieval, have at least 5 make it to a blastocyst, with a fresh cycle transfer on day 5, and with some to freeze. Then the real hope of all hopes: that I would get a Christmas BFP with Baby C arriving in September 2016.

So much dreaming, imagining, and hoping for a cycle to finally work and to realize a beautiful dream of having a birth child.

All of it got smashed when the cycle finally cancelled.

Looking back at it now, I'm actually glad the cycle got cancelled when it did. If I went through Egg Retrieval and had no eggs make it to day 3 or day 5... that would have been even more devastating. Not to mention the Egg Retrieval being a serious thing (the one part I was scared most about). I would've hated going through all that and then not have any viable eggs. So, I'm grateful the cycle got cancelled early enough to avoid that. In all honesty, I think that possible scenario would have been 10x's more devastating.

Everything happens for a reason, that I know for sure. I have no clue how this is all going to end. One year into TTC and there's not much to show for it besides a big hole in my pocket book. Hoping 2016 will be the year TTC will lead to a BFP... fingers crossed.

I haven't decided what I'm going to do next yet. I'm actually predicting that the way the cycles work with my RE's office, I'm probably looking at a February or March IVF cycle. Which seems so very far away. I do know that I want to move forward, I just don't know when that's going to be or what it looks like right now. I'm not giving up yet. I have at least one more IVF cycle in me. Hoping the protocol is good and I actually respond to it this time.

Next Steps: 

• 12/16/15 @ 9:15 am: IVF #1 Post Mortem Discussion and Next Steps 

For more details on my IVF #1 process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

Cycle #7, IVF #1: Cycle Cancelled

I had my monitoring appointment this morning. Things didn't go well, this IVF Cycle is cancelled. They didn't see any growth in my follicles, most were under 10 mm. Only 1 in my right ovary, but was still small. Then 2 in my left ovary, which were also small. The largest one was in my left ovary and hadn't grown since Sunday.

Originally, I thought I'd be able to convert the IVF to an IUI. But the RE said there were no viable follicles to do that. With the largest one not growing, it probably does not have an egg in it and the others are so small. So, no IUI.

Of course, after Sunday I knew the cycle could be cancelled. But I thought that I'd be able to convert to an IUI. So, I was really bummed from that. I cried again, but this time was able to hold it until the end. The nurse gave me a hug and the entire staff looked so sad for me. They have all been rooting for me over the last year. I really like the staff there.

But here I am... a cancelled IVF cycle. So crazy. I didn't think of this as a possibility when I started this whole thing. I was entirely too optimistic. Almost like with my IUI's, I was sure that I would get pregnant within 6 cycles. This journey has had so many bumps in the road for me. Who knew it would be so difficult and hard and long to have a baby :(

I think I processed the possibility of the cycle being cancelled on Sunday and was prepared for a bad outcome for today. I've been so busy with other things that I haven't had a quiet moment to really process this loss. Now, I'm faced with new choices:

1) Take a break from TTC or
2) Move forward with another IVF cycle under a different protocol.

I guess technically there's a third:

3) Stop TTC all together.

For now, that's not an option... I just can't stop right now.

I have a consult with my RE next Wednesday and will see what he says/suggests.

I feel a little numb about the entire thing. On Sunday it was devastating news. Today, it felt inevitable and numbing. Ugh. Not to mention that things get so much more complicated after this, as I will be back to work next month - can I make the monitoring appointments? Will I need to use vacation time? What if this happens again? When do I stop trying? How much more can I put my body through? <sigh>

I've decided to wait until my discussion with the RE to decide anything. Right now I'm thinking going forward with another IVF cycle is what I want to do. Have to look at the timing and everything... Let's see what is to come.

Next Steps: 

• 12/16/15 @ 9:15 am: IVF #1 Post Mortem Discussion and Next Steps 

For more details on my IVF #1 process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

Cycle #7, IVF #1: Stims Days 6-8, Possibility of Canceling IVF Cycle

Here's how Stims days 6-8 went down... not good news for this IVF Cycle. For the other stim days see:

Stims Days 1-4
Stims Day 5

Stims Day 6 (12/4)

Brought my son to a kid museum. There were so many pregnant ladies with either 3 kids including a newborn or 2 kids and pregnant. It was definitely a little overload for me! My Little Guy seemed to enjoy it for the most part. It's funny, he's so independent. Some other kids his age were very dependent on their moms. But seeing so many pregnant women and so many newborns in one place... And being on all these medications! Ugh. Was a bit much. 

Not having coffee is really getting to me! It's not like I used to drink a lot. Just 1-2 cups a day. But going without it in the morning feels like something is missing. Oh how I long for my cup of coffee... Coffee... Coffee... <sigh>  

Stims Day 7 (12/5)

A very emotional day. Darn meds. I'm also really-really tired. Normal activities tire me out quickly. Still getting the perpetual headaches and feel like I need to nap, but then can't! Ugh. A few hot flashes as well. Joy-joy. Also, the injection sites keep bleeding. Thinking I'm just hitting bad spots maybe? More annoying than anything. 

Stims Day 8 (12/6)

Much anticipated monitoring appointment today, ultrasound and bloodwork. I have to admit... I was worried! These were the questions I was considering:

Would my egg retrieval get finalized? 
Would I get my trigger day/time? 
Would I need more monitoring appointments?

So many questions that I hoped would be answered by this day. Instead, we discussed the possibility of canceling the IVF cycle... My follicles are not developing as quickly as they'd like. It's weird too because through all my IUI's, I stimulated really well to a low dose of injectables. Now, I'm on such a high dosage of meds and I'm stimulating about the same as I did for my IUI's.

I wasn't prepared for the discussion of canceling the IVF cycle. I knew in my head that it could happen. I knew that if I didn't stimulate well, that there's no point in going through with the egg retrieval. I just wasn't ready to hear it. Wasn't prepared to hear it. I was ready to discuss trigger times and finalizing the egg retrieval day/time. Not ready to hear that all of this could be for nothing.

I go into my appointment and the vaginal ultrasound is the most painful/uncomfortable than it's ever been. The RE was trying so hard to find the follicles... I knew it was bad before he even said anything. I know what a developing follicle looks like and they weren't showing on the ultrasound. Basically, I have 1 lead follicle in my right ovary and 4 small ones. The left has 2 large ones and maybe a few small ones. So, a total of 3. Three. That's it. Just like my IUI's.

After the ultrasound was completed, he told me that there was a possibility of canceling the cycle. They want 4 or more follicles to do IVF. He talked about the possibility of converting it to an IUI instead. I couldn't help myself, I cried. I'm so overly emotional on these meds. I knew it was coming and couldn't stop it, the tears came and came. Ugh. First time I cried in the RE's office in front of the RE and the nurse. I'm sure I'm not the first one to cry... But it was still embarrassing to be so vulnerable in front of them. I even warned them before it came because I couldn't stop it from happening.

I'm pretty upset about the entire thing. After all this IVF stuff-- this is what happens. It's just heartbreaking. To think, I didn't even really want to do IVF. It took a lot of thinking and considering before I decided to move forward. Now I'm here and it's not going well.

I have one more monitoring appointment on Tuesday where the decision will be made on what happens next. What I need to decide is:

If there are <4 follicles - do I have an IUI done instead?
If there are >5 follicles - do I still go through with the IVF cycle?
Do I do nothing and cancel the cycle and not do an IUI?

I hate these choices. My head is spinning. I know statistically that IUI success rate is so low after 6 IUI's. However, here I am with follicles -- do I try this month or let the follicles go to waste? It all just sucks. I'm so upset about this. This process is so crazy and so emotional and so heartbreaking. It would be great for it just to work.

Not to mention that it feels like I'm never going to be able to have a baby. It just seems like the odds are stacked against me and nothing is working. It makes me so sad. I've tried to remain positive through all of this, all the IUI's, all the appointments, all the medication, all the BFN's. It's just so hard sometimes. Right now it feels like it's just too much.

Not to mention, if this cycle doesn't work (whether I convert it to IUI or do an egg retrieval) -- the thought of doing another IVF cycle is hard to think about. I don't know if I can make all the monitoring appointments when I'm working... not to mention having to meet my insurance deductible and out of pocket expenses again. Ugh. This process is a time suck and a money suck. It's like an endless pit of suckage.

I used to tell myself that it would be all worth it in the end when I had my Baby C in my arms. But now, who knows if there will be a Baby C at all... :(

Hoping for better news on Tuesday. Let's see... 

Next Steps: 

• 12/8/15 @ 8:45 a.m. - Ultrasound and Blood Work. 10:00 a.m. Acupuncture. 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

Cycle #7, IVF #1: Stims Day 5

Had my first monitoring appointment today for IVF. I also had my acupuncture appointment.

Ultrasound

The ultrasound went really quickly, but the results weren't where I wanted them to be. The results:

• Right Ovary: 4-5 follicles 
• Left Ovary: 2 follicles and a cyst! 
• Uterine Lining: 11.56

The RE didn't seem worried about the cyst... Said some women get a cyst during stims, that they're just going to ignore it. Ugh. Not sure how I feel about it and scared to check Google-verse. So maybe I won't...

So potentially 7 follicles developing right now. I was hoping for over 10... I had about 15 at the baseline ultrasound. 

I'm a little worried. But, can't really let myself worry about it - just have to see things through and see what happens. 

My fears are that I won't have many mature follicles and that I won't have any embryos to transfer and/or freeze. It's a true fear and a possibility, which is scary... Because the % goes down. Not all eggs are mature, not all mature eggs will fertilize, not all fertilized eggs will divide to a 5 day blastocysts. I wanted to start off with enough so that I would have a few left at the end of the entire process.

To go through all this IVF stuff, you really hope and pray for good results. It's so much to put your body through. 

Anyways. I'm trying to stay positive. Some days are more difficult than others, especially when the results aren't what you wanted or expected. 

Forgot to mention, I'm HIGHLY emotional - I'm assuming due to the medication. Since I started Stims, I am so easy to cry! 

Christmas card shopping = cry fest. 

Sad news stories = cry fest. 

Happy news stories = cry fest. 

You get the point. My emotions are all over the place. Darn meds mess with your balance. 

Just praying that this process will get me Baby C at the end of all this. Praying - wishing - hoping.

Blood Work 

Results for E2 = 280.5

Acupuncture Session #4 

I had my acupuncture session today. We focused on my headaches. The sessions are becoming more and more relaxing as I continue to go. Felt light again afterwards. Wish that feeling stuck all day long!

Portal Message: Medication Changes 

I received the portal message and here's what it said:

Based on your lab results your medication dosages have changed. Please follow the new dosing starting with your next scheduled dose.  

TONIGHT: 12/3
Gonal-F 300 iu
Menopur 150 iu
Lupron 5 iu  

FRIDAY NIGHT: 12/4
Gonal-F 300 iu
Menopur 150 iu
Lupron 5 iu  

SATURDAY NIGHT: 12/5
Gonal-F 300 iu
Menopur 150 iu
Lupron 5 iu 

The only real change is the Gonal-F is going up to 300 iu (was at 225 iu). I have to think that they weren't happy with my response thus far then. Hoping the change in dosage will help push more follicles to develop. Fingers crossed.

Next Steps in IVF-Land:

• 12/6/15 @ 9:30am: Ultrasound and bloodwork. 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

Cycle #7, IVF #1: Stims Days 1-4

I'm supposed to stim for 8-10 days. So technically, I'm about half-way through stims right now. Which is crazy to think that Egg Retrieval is NEXT week!!! It's getting so close to being here. Here's how Stims Days 1-4 went for me.

Stims Day 1 (11/29): 

After Stims Day 1, I started getting this horrible headache. Normally, when I go to sleep with a headache it's gone by the time I wake up. Nope, not this time. When I woke up the next day, the headache stayed ALL day long. It was so bad. Which made it worse is, I had my annual eye exam that morning and had my eyes dilated :(  I ended up going home and having to sleep until my eyes got back to normal, it was just too much. 

Stims Day 2 (11/30):  

Not surprisingly, I was able to mix the medications without reading the instructions! Guess I've been at this for awhile now, almost feels intuitive and natural mixing and injecting medication. Odd. 

Stims Day 3 (12/1): 

I had my Acupuncture Session #3 this day. Since I was getting the headaches on the medication, she put the needles in places to help with the headaches. I felt so good, I fell asleep a few times! Afterwards, I felt extremely "light". Not sure how to explain it.

Doing Stims this night, I made a mistake with the Gonal F pen! I dialed it up to 225, then put the needle on. Well, when I was twisting the needle on I accidentally pushed down and some meds got squirted out!! I was like "NOOOO!" Luckily I only pushed out 25 iu. But still, meds are expensive! Felt like such a waste.

Strange, but I also bled a lot when I took the needle out after doing the injection. I don't normally bleed at all. If I do, it's just a little bubble. This time, I had to put pressure on it to make it stop bleeding. Not sure what the difference was? Maybe just that one spot was sensitive or something. Who knows. I also got a headache again this night and into the next day. 

Stims Day 4 (12/2): 

I had my Blood Work this morning. I was going to the zoo with my son, so I brought him along. I was a little worried what he would do while I was getting my blood drawn. But surprisingly the staff just took him and entertained him while I got my blood taken. Have I mentioned how much I love my RE's office? I just love the staff there.

The blood work today was to test my Estrogen (aka Estradial, E2) level. The result = 197. I'm not sure if that's good or bad... I'll need to ask tomorrow when I go in for my Ultrasound and more Blood Work. This is the time where they might start changing my dosage of medication (increase or decrease).

Today, I'm also supposed to start checking the Portal Messages. The portal message today said: No Medication Changes. So, I'm guessing they were happy with the blood results. Let's see what happens tomorrow. Hoping for good news that a lot of follicles are developing! Fingers Crossed. 

Next Steps in IVF-Land:

• 12/3/15 @ 8am: Ultrasound and Blood Work. @ 10am Acupuncture Session #4. 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.