IUI Cycle #3: Test Results and Cycle 3 Final Thoughts

Results of Cycle #3.

Test Results 

12dpIUI - HPT -  negative
13dpIUI - HPT  - negative
14dpIUI - HPT - negative

16dpIUI - Beta test - negative 

Cycle 3 Final Thoughts 

I spent most of the TWW thinking that this cycle wasn't going to work. I was preparing myself, as I had an unusually emotional TWW period! But I also thought that this cycle was very different from the first two:

• I used injections
• I had 2 nice mature follicles 
• The IUI was timed better with my "normal" cycle (I have long cycles) and the IUI happened the day I would have normally ovulated. 

So, although I was preparing for failure and trying not to have any expectations. I was still extremely hopeful.

Things I'm worried about: 

• The odds start to go down (% wise) on having success with IUI after try #4... 
• I only have 1 vial left of my donor.
• The cost - I added up the costs and I've already spent close to $7,000 for everything. If #4 doesn't work, I'll have to purchase more donor sperm and pay for at least 3 more IUI's before I can move to IVF. 
• The idea and realization that I might have to do IVF and if that's something I really want to do. Wondering how much out of pocket I'll need for IVF. I'll officially qualify as "infertile" at that juncture (if I have 6 failed IUI's). 
• My weight is an issue for IVF. All the fertility meds make it difficult to be proactive about exercising. Not to mention the stress. I need to make a change somewhere and get back into a good workout routine. I've gained throughout the process. 

I wasn't very emotional about getting a negative this time around. Probably because I had so many emotions during the TWW, I was tapped out. 

Now, onto Cycle #4. Just waiting for AF to begin. 

IUI Cycle #3: Two Week Wait version 3.0

I wasn't sure how I was going to handle the TWW. Originally, I wanted to track it like I did last time. Because you know the minute I don't track things, will be the cycle that is successful and I would've wished I tracked things.

I already know I'll have all the progesterone side-effects. I had them for the first two cycles. So, I don't really need to dive into those sorts of things again. I think this time I'm just going to wing it and write when I have something on my mind. I'm going to try my best not to track every single day, as that makes it feel just that much longer!

After the IUI

I had some cramps the day of the IUI. I was also extremely emotional the night of my IUI. Just couldn't get into a "normal" frame of mind. I can't remember the last time I allowed myself to wallow like that. But I think it's good to let myself feel my emotions. Most of the time I feel like I bottle them up inside. It felt good to really let myself FEEL.

I read through some of my old diaries where I first started considering having a baby on my own. Way back in 2008/2009. I wanted to start at 32 years old. I had these "plans" to attack the dating world and "get out there". Wanted to make sure I put a good effort towards Plan A before having a baby on my own. The dating thing didn't really work for me. I decided to become a foster parent in 2010, which pushed back my TTC timeline AND my potential dating life.  Funny how life works out sometimes...

Things to keep me busy: 

• Grey's Anatomy Season 11 marathon on Netflix - Bad Idea, I was a crying mess! 
• Read some novels - got through 5 1/2 books. And yes, I was a crying mess over some of the books as well! 
• Had a business trip out of State. 
• Social Events: Attended a birthday party, an awards event, had meetings. 
• Started a declutter project! Got a lot done! 

Symptoms and Feelings: 

• I was an emotional wreck for the week after my IUI. Easy to cry about everything! Which is totally not like me! Hate that my emotions are all over the place.  
• The progesterone had me exhausted. I was highly unproductive and the house got a little out of control until I started my declutter project!!! 
• Hot Flashes starting at 8dpIUI 
• Congested - not sure if related to TTC, but started about 8dpIUI. 
• Starting getting cramps about 9dpIUI - AF coming? By 11dpIUI was positive AF was coming, but thinking the Progesterone is delaying it. Which, if AF is coming - would work out in my best interest for AF to be late... as I'm traveling! So, the timing would work better if I start when I get back, so I don't have to skip the next cycle (if this cycle isn't a success). 

Thoughts: 

• Although I tried not to focus on it, I couldn't help but think about a future with a little Baby C. I've even decided on potential names...! 
• Thoughts of a 4th cycle make me feel so tired and exhausted. 
• I hate and love Google so much. I need to stay away from it. No matter what I Google, it can't tell me if this cycle will be a success.  
• I felt so emotion this entire TWW... made me wonder how much more of this I can take if this time doesn't work. I'm such a jumble of emotions. Why is this TWW so emotional? 
• I'm pretty sure that this cycle will end up not being successful. 

Beta Test Results on Friday, if AF doesn't show up first. Since I had my IUI so late in the cycle, I'm due for AF any day now. 

IUI Cycle #3: IUI Today

With all of my emotions from earlier today, I wasn't sure how my IUI experience would go. To try and distract myself, I listened to Clash of Kings on audiobook on the drive there. But still, already felt teary eyed just walking into my RE's office.

The actual procedure was quick and methodical, which helped ease my emotions. I went into the room, verified the sperm vial / donor number, signed a form with the sperm count listed, got ready for the procedure (feet in stirrups), little tickle when the syringe went in, then done. RE said, "And they're in!" Was about 5 minutes total from entering the room until it was done. My legs were a little shakey again, tried to control my nervousness by closing my eyes and focusing on my breathing. 

Then I laid there for 10 minutes, did some visualization techniques, said a quick prayer, and drove home. No crying! 

The sperm in the syringe: 

Sperm Count:  25 million, 48% motility. Similar numbers to Cycle #1.

How do I feel? 

I don't know... I want to be optimistic. But I just can't psych myself out like that. I guess we'll just see what happens. Just hoping for the best. I'm going to try not to think about "what happens next" either way. No thoughts of a 4th cycle. No thoughts of a potential pregnancy. I'm just going to lay low and wait.

Next Steps:

1. TWW
2. Beta Test 7/31 @ 7:45am. Had to do it later due to my travel schedule. 

Edited to add: my RE's office plays the best music from the 1990's! Reminds me of being young again & brings back so many memories. Those 10 minutes on the table aren't so bad with the music on :)

IUI Cycle #3: Follow-Up Ultrasound - Cycle is a Go!

I would lie if I said that I wasn't worried about this cycle getting cancelled! At my Mid-Cycle Ultrasound last week, my follicles were not mature enough. I had some travel out of the state and had to change my travel time to get back in time for my follow-up Ultrasound yesterday (7/13). The entire weekend I kept thinking, "Please do not ovulate!" But I did prepare myself for this cycle to be cancelled. Thank goodness, that didn't happen!

Cycle #3 is a GO!!!

Here are the results of the ultrasound:

• Follicles: 

Right - 16mm 

Left - 20mm, 21mm. 

• Uterine Lining: 8.1mm

The follicle in my Right ovary hasn't grown since the Mid-Cycle Ultrasound last Thursday... which I'm wondering if that's normal or maybe it's a different follicle? My RE said it's a little small and might not trigger with the ones on the left. I'm thankful for the extra monitoring and that my RE was right and I did not ovulate over the weekend! We scheduled my IUI for Wednesday. 

Trigger Shot 

I triggered early this morning at 2:15 a.m. I was so tired from the long drive and long weekend, that I basically slept walked through the process and it went really smoothly. I couldn't go back to sleep afterwards though!!! Even though I was exhausted. Oh well. At least it's done.

How do I feel? 

I'm not really sure how I feel at the moment. Part of me thinks "This can be it!" and is really excited. The other part of me thinks "Don't get your hopes up." I'm happy to have 2 nice sized leading follicles with maybe the 16mm possibly catching up. I guess I'm cautiously optimistic... But it still feels like it will never happen... <sigh> Hoping the IUI goes well and that the TWW isn't so stressful. 

Next Steps: IUI is tomorrow @ 2:15 p.m. Hoping for major baby dust and fingers / toes crossed...! 

IUI Cycle #3: Mid-Cycle Ultrasound, Follicles need more time

I woke up being very anxious for this ultrasound and wondering if the medication did the trick with maturing my follicles. I ended up getting to my appointment 30 minutes early (over estimated traffic). Sat nervously in the waiting room, checking emails and updating my To-Do List, trying to stay distracted.

Mid-Cycle Ultrasound 

Then, it was finally time for the ultrasound. Not bad news, just different from Cycle 1 and Cycle 2 mid-cycle ultrasounds. I thought with the extra use of injectables and my "mini-stim" round, that my follicles would mature faster. That's not what happened. Instead, this is where I'm at:

• Leading Follicles: 2 leading follicles - Right - 16mm and Left - 14mm. There are a bunch of small ones, but the RE said that the "recruitment period has ended" and none of the smaller ones will catch up. 
• Uterine Lining: 5.3 mm

RE said that my uterine lining is low because I'm not ready to ovulate. Said the triple layer looks good though. He said that he wants to give the 2 lead follicles time to mature more and get bigger, also allow my uterine lining to catch up. Instead of getting my Trigger and IUI time, he scheduled another ultrasound for Monday to check the development of the follicles. This is the first time I'm having 3 ultrasounds within a cycle (instead of 2).

He also mentioned that he doesn't think that I'll ovulate over the weekend, since I have long and irregular cycles. Additionally, he doesn't think that I ovulate on my own (with the irregular cycles). Which is one reason I have to use the HCG trigger shot (to force ovulation). So, I shouldn't worry about it too much...

How do I feel? My thoughts:

First: I know there's nothing I can do about it. My follicles aren't ready yet. Calmness and acceptance.

Next: This cycle is really different than the first two. Maybe that's a good sign? Perhaps this means the quality of the follicles are better than the first two rounds?

Then: Please-please-please do not ovulate over the weekend!!! A little panic there.

Finally: I need to adjust my schedule to make sure I get back on Monday in time for my appointment. I'll be driving back from California that day. Also, have to find someone to watch Little Guy while I go to the appointment (this step is complete!).

Back to Calmness and Acceptance and planning peacefully. 

Last Thoughts: There's still a possibility that the cycle may be canceled. If I ovulate early and there are no follicles at the ultrasound on Monday. Praying and hoping that things progress and that the cycle doesn't get canceled.

Next Steps: 

1. Monitoring ultrasound on Monday, 7/13 @ 3:45 p.m. Hoping: I don't ovulate before then and that both follicles continue to grow. 
2. I should get my Trigger/IUI day/time at this appointment. 

IUI Cycle #3: Mini-Stimulation, Clomid + FSH Injectable

My first "Mini-Stimulation IUI". It's funny, when I first started this TTC process - I never thought I'd be able to give myself shots. Now, not only have I done the HCG Trigger Shot - but I can now add on injectables to that. I guess I asked for it, wanting to get more aggressive with TTC. It's just interesting how now, giving myself a shot is not that *big* of a deal and I actually asked for it!

Here's how the Mini-Stimulation IUI round went for me.

Clomid, 100 mg, CD 3-7

Surprisingly, the 5 days on Clomid weren't bad at all! I still had a few symptoms.

Side Effects: Hot Flashes, some irritability, sudden mood changes.

Overall though, wasn't as bad as Cycle 1 or Cycle 2. Thank goodness!

Maybe it was easier because Little Miss left or because I wasn't thinking about it too much or perhaps combination of both? Who knows.

FSH Injectable, Bravelle, CD 8-10

Really liked the company I ordered the meds from. They sent a sharps container along, free of charge. I also liked the way they shipped the medication to me. Was a lot nicer than the other company I used for my other two cycles. Here are my 3 sets of injectable shots supply:

• Vials 
• Sodium Chloride (diluent) 
• Q-Cap 
• Sterile needles & syringes
• Sharps Container 

Here are the directions and one set of shots: 

The injection needle (same as the Pregnyl Trigger shot): 

Day 1: I decided to try and sit down to do the injection. When I did the Trigger Shot, I stood. But I watched a video on YouTube where she said it was easier to sit down, so I thought I'd give it a try. It seemed to work out OK - no real big difference between sitting vs. standing for me. It took me two times before I was able to inject myself. Had to count down "3, 2, 1... stab!" Going in didn't hurt. When I started to depress the medication in, I felt a slight burning half-way through. Then it was done! I did get a small bruise on the first day at the injection site - no biggie. But I didn't get them with the Trigger shots... so, it was just a surprise. 

Day 2: much easier and quicker with the "plunge". Decided to stay standing for the injection and prefer it that way. 

Day 3: Mixing and injection went smoothly. 

Side Effects: Didn't notice any really, just a little short-tempered and tired. 

Next Steps: Ultrasound tomorrow to check out my follicles. Hopefully will have 2-3 good sized ones and will get my Trigger Day/Time and IUI Day/Time. Hoping IUI will be on Friday, 7/10. 

IUI Cycle #3: Baseline U/S - Round #3

After my cycle FINALLY started, I quickly got back into the swing of things and scheduled my baseline ultrasound to check for cysts and for a follicle count. I have to say, I did not miss having vaginal ultrasounds! 

No cysts! # of Follicles - 6 on the right, 5 on the left. It keeps going down each month. Darn aging process... 

New Medication Plan: 

• Clomid 100mg for 5 days CD 3-7 
• Baby Aspirin 81mg, Daily 
• FSH stimulating hormone, Bravelle, 75iu for 3 days CD 8-10 
• Pregnyl Trigger Shot 10,000 iu 
• Progesterone Vaginal Suppository 100mg (after IUI) 

Sheesh, that seems like a heavy load! But the only change from last cycle is adding the FSH injectable. Let the mood swings begin...! I decided to stick with Clomid this cycle (instead of Femara). There was a lot of good input on the SMC board on Clomid vs. Femara. For right now, I think the good choice is to go with Clomid because I know how I react to it. Switching to Femara and adding the injectable -- who knows how I would react to that combo. So for now, it's Clomid with it's wonderful side effects.

What I'm hoping for is: 2-3 mature follicles that are >18mm at the mid-cycle ultrasound. Hoping the new medication plan will stimulate, but not over stimulate! If I have more than 3 mature follicles, my RE will cancel the cycle (risk of multiples would be too high). 

How do I feel? 

I feel calm and a bit excited. I'm optimistic. I do feel more relaxed now, although the timing still worries me. Or maybe my expectations are just aligned properly now? I'm going to try and not stress and just relax into this entire process. I'm hoping the 3rd time is the charm! We shall see. I deleted some of the forums that I've been following online... decided that if I stop reading them that it'll be less obsessive-like and more time to focus on other things. Let's see if I'm successful at staying away from Google and over thinking things for this round. Although, I should probably not even attempt that. I've already started Googling "mini stimulation IUI".  Tsk tsk. 

Next Steps:

1. I have to get my prescription meds - in process. 
2. Mid-cycle ultrasound scheduled for Thursday 7/9 at 8:15am. It's looking like the IUI will be either 7/10 or 7/13. I'm hoping for 7/10... I'm going out of town on 7/11-7/13. I'll rearrange my travel schedule if needed. 

IUI Cycle #3: Back on the Bandwagon, CD1 has Arrived

It was an interesting time taking a month off of TTC. It gave me a good opportunity to really think about what I'm doing, how I feel about things, and how I can be more relaxed throughout this process. It's also been wonderful being "myself" and off any fertility medication!

Waiting for CD1

All that "thinking" for the month off and I thought that I would be able to "Relax" -- relax?! Who was I kidding?! I started stressing out about this cycle and the "timing" right away.

First, AF was late. Of course, when I don't want her to come - she comes. When I want her to come, she takes her time. Ugh. I got used to being on a regular 28 cycle while I was on fertility meds. It was like clock work. The month off, AF decides to take a detour and go back to her normal irregular self. CD #1 finally arrived today, after a 33 day cycle. I had a few days of spotting. I was so worried, that I scheduled my CD3 ultrasound when I started spotting - thinking I would get AF the next day. That didn't happen, so I had to reschedule it to later... It's now on July 1st.

Anther Short Trip

I'm starting to feel that "stress" with the timing again...! I don't think I've ever willed AF to come so hard before.  I have one last weekend trip in July & I may have to move things around if the IUI timing falls in there somewhere. Which I'm sure it will. I'm having so much anxiety over it that I actually considered skipping July... I would hate to waste the money on a cycle and then have my travel cause a hitch in things.

IUI Timing

The other thing that worries me is the "timing" because my last IUI was on CD13. CD13 for this cycle falls on a Saturday... which means I'd have to do CD12 or CD15. I think with the new medication protocol, CD15 may be too late and CD12 might be too early? I'm assuming the extra injectable will push things and I'll ovulate earlier than the other 2 cycles.

Relax? Yeah right! 

It's so weird how I can go from being completed relaxed to being completed over worried about Cycle #3 in an instant. It's mostly due to that "perfect timing" that's needed with the IUI. Everything has to be so completely perfect and I hate the stressors of: another trip and the RE's office closed on the weekends.

<sigh>

Ok, I have a few more days to really start just letting all this worry and anxiety go and trust that things will happen as they should. I need to get my Zen back. But hey, AF is here - I'm hormonal! :)

A month off of TTC + IUI Cycle #3 Game Plan

A Month Off 

For the last few months it felt like forever just to get started with Cycle #1. The pre-tests, the pre-consultations, the surgery, buying sperm.  I prepared myself to just TRY. There are no guarantees it'll work. Yet, there's all this hope. If I were being honest, I never thought that it wouldn't work! I thought I'd be one of the lucky ones and get pregnant within the first few tries.

Cycle #1 happened. Not pregnant.

Cycle #2 happened. Not pregnant.

All that waiting to just try and then bam - cycle #1 and cycle #2 felt like a whirlwind, went by so fast (accept the TWW of course!). It can be an all consuming thing, trying to get pregnant. Just trying and hoping. Spending all this $ on something that is not guaranteed.

During and after Cycle #2, I started to have major doubts and started to worry that maybe - just maybe - I will never get pregnant... I know I've only gone through two cycles, but the negatives were devastating. It's hard putting all this love and hope into something and then have it not be successful.

I really needed a month off to gain some prospective. At first, I was angry that I would have to take an entire month off!! More delay in trying. I'm not getting any younger! But it couldn't have come at a better time. Life is getting a little more "clearer".

• Little Guy's adoption is going to happen!!! 
• Little Miss will be leaving in a few weeks to be back with family. 
• All my big travel plans (and the stress that goes with that) are over. 

I also started to ask myself, "Will I be happy with just Little Guy and me?" I absolutely adore Little Guy! He is my world right now. But... I would feel like our two-person Family C would be missing someone. Missing our much loved and hoped for Baby C. I really want Little Guy to have a sibling. I also always wanted to have birth children... I would like to have at least 2 children with a max of 3. 

I've decided to continue on with TTC and am committed to going through as many as 6 IUI cycles before reevaluating. If I have 6 failed IUI's, then I'll think about IVF or possibly adoption or just continue to provide foster care. 

It's a little funny to think about it... but I never imagined my life turning out this way! Would I change anything? Absolutely NOT!

I wouldn't change anything because that would mean I wouldn't have Little Guy in my life right now and I wouldn't trade him for the world. So, maybe TTC doesn't work - maybe it does... I'm sure that in the end it is all going to turn out as it should and we will add to our family the way it was meant to be. I just know that we will be adding at least one more child to our family, it's just a matter of how that will happen. 

I really needed this TTC break. Being off of fertility meds has been heavenly! It's great feeling normal. Also, all the stress that goes with Cycling wasn't here this month. There is just so much riding on getting that BFP. This dream of dreams to complete my family... The hope. The love. It can be a bit much at times. Never realized how much stress I was holding onto until it wasn't there anymore. 

IUI Cycle #3 Plan 

I met with my RE today to discuss "next steps" and come up with a Game Plan. He doesn't think we need to go to full-on injectables. He's suggesting a "mini stimulation" round:

+ Clomid or Femara (Letrizole) for 5 days
+ FSH stimulating hormone (Bravelle, Follistim, or Goanl-F) for 3 days
+ Pregnyl Trigger 
+ Progesterone Vaginal Suppository 

I haven't decided if I want to do Clomid again or go with Femara... I have a few more weeks before I need to decide. My RE doesn't have a preference either way. I've decided to go with Bravelle, because it's cheaper and should have the same results.

He also discussed an Injections or "full stimulation" round which would be FSH stimulating hormone (no clomid or femara). FSH 75 iu/day for 10-14 days. More ultrasounds, about 3-5 and blood work. I ruled this one out (for now) because of the increase of costs.

I also discussed IVF with him. He said my BMI needs to be under 40 in order for them to do IVF with me. However, if it's between 37-40 that they have to do a consultation with the other RE (there are two RE's in my office) to see if they want to proceed... I'm going to have to work on getting my weight down if I end up going this route.

Let's see what happens on Cycle #3. Hopefully it will be successful and I won't have to worry about moving towards an injectables-only IUI round or IVF.

"There's no telling how many miles you have to run 

while chasing a dream."

Anonymous