IVF #2 (Cycle 8): 3 embryos made it to freeze!

Received wonderful news this afternoon! Out of the remaining little ones, 3 made it to freeze! 

• 1 - cell 4: Didn't make it. 
• 1 - cell 5: Didn't make it. 
• 3 - early blastocyst: 2 made it! Both Grade 2's! 
• 1 - full/expanded blastocyst: Grade 2 

I have to admit, I'm so relieved and happy to hear that 3 made it to freeze. The thought of going through an entire IVF cycle again was daunting. Now, I at least have a few little embies on ice. 

They're all the same grade as the embryo that was transferred yesterday: Grade 2's. So I have 3 Grade 2's frozen. 

As a recap of my entire IVF process: 

• # of Eggs Retrieved: 9
• # of Eggs Mature: 8 (88.8% of the 9 retrieved)
• # of Eggs Fertilized: 7 (87.5% of the 8 mature eggs)
• # of Embryos that made it to Blastocyst: 4 (57% of the 7 fertilized) - 1 fresh transfer and 3 frozen  

Feeling grateful, relieved, happy... not to mention curious at who these little embryos can turn into... but I can save those thoughts for another post :) 

IVF #2 (Cycle 8): Embryo Transfer Day!!!

My embryo transfer was yesterday! I meant to write yesterday, but I was just too tired. Here's how it all went down. Sorry in advance, it's going to be a long read - it was a long day!

The Night Before 

It was really hard not to think and wonder what the Embryo Transfer (ET) would be like. So, I went to the Internet and started reading blogs on ET days. I found this extremely funny one, by Daddy Dazed, that had me laughing so hard! After I read that one, I felt good enough to go to sleep. All the other blogs were so serious and emotional, but that one just made me feel good - that you can find humor in the small things and it can be a little "lighter" if you let it. I was not under any illusion that I would be lighthearted and carefree for my ET! I would be more on the "serious and emotional" side of the blogging - hence my Pre-Embryo Transfer post.

Prior to my Embryo Transfer 

I spent the morning trying not to think about things. I focused on work and got a lot done, so I could leave early for my transfer. But I just couldn't get my mind from wondering how many embryos made it to Day 5 and what types of decisions that I would have to make.

My ride arrived at 11am on-the-dot! Love it! My friend drives a corvette and I have to say... I was a little worried I wouldn't make it to my ET, he's a bit of a "free" driver in that little car. LOL. But we made it, of course, and I'm forever grateful for his graciousness. I told him about my entire TTC journey and how long I've been trying. We also got to catch up on his life, which was wonderful - as we haven't had time lately to really catch up.

Arriving at the Clinic 

We arrived at the clinic early, love-love-love. Have I ever mentioned that I HATE being late. I don't even like to be "right on time". I like to be EARLY, 15 minutes at least, prior to whatever time I need to be somewhere. Otherwise, I start to stress out a little bit! I know, it's weird. I totally got this from my dad. He was early for every single thing. I used to hate it because he would drag me and my brother out of the house so darn early, just to get there before places even opened, so we can get in and out before everyone else. Now I'm sure my kids are going to hate it when I do the same thing to them :)

OK, I'm rambling. But yes, we got there early and on time! I started working on my required 24oz of water I needed to drink prior to the ET. Right at NOON, I took the Valium (to help relax the uterus). I didn't really notice any impact the Valium had on me, I think it actually helped relax me a little as I was giggling a lot!

Prepping and Acupuncture 

Right after I took the Valium, my acupuncturist arrived and the nurse called me back for prepping. My clinic = always on time! Love-love :)

Back in the prepping room, I had to undress (everything except my bra) and put on one of those lovely and flattering hospital gowns, little booties over my feet, and a hair net. I had to sign more paperwork and waivers. Does anyone read these the day of a procedure? I've read them prior, since they came in my IVF packet, but I just wonder... I read legal jargon at work and I couldn't help but wonder, "Maybe I really should read this thoroughly?" But what was I going to do, not go through with the ET? Must've been the Valium making me loopy. They also checked my heart rate and my blood pressure, both which where perfect.

After I signed my life away (again), it was time for my pre-ET acupuncture. What's great about my acupuncture is that she has a wonderful relationship with my fertility clinic. My RE actually recommended her when I had my IVF consult back in November. Since they have a good relationship, I was able to do the acupuncture on-site vs. having to go to my acupuncture's office.

I've had acupuncture a few times, but I've never had a needle on my head or in my ears! OUCH! Like really, that dang little needle hurt like hell going into my ears! Wasn't this supposed to relax me? Sheesh. After all the needles were in, I got to sit there with my thoughts. What I love about acupuncture, is even though those darn needles don't feel the best going in -- I always feel relaxed afterwards (or it could've been the Valium?). After maybe 20-30 minutes, my acupuncture was over and it was time to wait for my RE and the Embryologist to come in with the report on how my little ones were doing.

Fertilization Report and Decisions 

This is the part I was extremely anxious about: how many embryos survived to Day 5? Here's how my 7 did:

• 1 - cell 4, hasn't continued to divide. 
• 1 - cell 5, hasn't continued to divide. 
• 3 - early blastocyst, but not where they want them yet. They are giving these one more day to develop to see if they can make it to freeze. 
• 2 - full/expanded blastocyst - these were recommended for transfer. Both are "Grade 2". My clinic ranks embryos from 1-4, with 1 being high. They said that both Grade 1's and Grade 2's lead to viable pregnancies. 

I was hoping for a better result, but knew that if I had only 1 or 2 good ones - I would be happy with that! This is where I had to make some choices: Transfer 1 or Transfer 2. 

I decided I would only transfer 1 and freeze the second one. My reasons: 

• I have a toddler 
• I'm not sure how my body would handle a twin pregnancy, how would that impact my son AND work if I was on bed rest or if I delivered early? 
• They said the risk of twins with the quality of my embryos would be 30%!! EEK. That was way higher than I thought it would be. 

So, I went with one. 

After I made the decision, they showed me the picture of my little embie blast that would be transferred! Is it strange to be totally enraptured by a picture of a ball of cells? I totally was! I just kept starring at it in awe. God is truly a miracle worker, it's amazing how any of us are here today. 

I then had to sign MORE paperwork, then it was time for the TRANSFER! 

My Transfer Experience 

The nurse staff came in to take me to the procedure room. I have to say - the RE, the Embryologist, the nurses - were all so excited and happy! It was contagious! The nurses wheeled me on the stretcher to the procedure room, then I had to walk into the procedure room from there. It was the same room that I had my Egg Retrieval in. I went to the table, put my legs in the stirrups, and then the "magic" started to happen.

What I didn't realize is that the lab - where they harvest the eggs - is connected to the retrieval room! How cool is that? They had a lot of "checks". They checked to make sure that the embryo had my name on it.

Then the RE got me ready. The lifted up the table, which was weird, my crotch was at the RE's eye-level... with a bright light shining on my lady bits. RE put in the speculum and cleaned my cervix, very similar to my IUI's or a Pap Smear. My hospital gown was pulled up so I was really "out there" from the waist down, as they had to put an ultrasound machine on my tummy for guidance. Here's a picture of what it all looks like: 

My RE said something really funny about the embryos being "cultured," but can't remember the exact saying! The atmosphere was light and happy and exciting - but at the same time, everything was precise and accurate. How wonderful a team they are! After everything was cleaned and the ultrasound was in place, it was time for more double checks as the Embryologist came in with my little embie blast in the catheter! 

I had the nurse, my RE, and the Embryologist all watching my lady bits as the catheter went in. I could watch it all on the TV, which showed the ultrasound picture. I saw the catheter go in and was waiting to see the embryo leave the catheter, I was afraid to blink - that I would miss it! But I didn't really see it go in, they showed me where it was and I have a picture, but I totally can't see what they're talking about. LOL. 

After the embryo was placed in my uterus, we waited for a few seconds, then they withdrew the catheter. The Embryologist took the catheter back to the lab to verify the embryo was no longer in there. With the double check, we were all done! I got a lot of well-wishes, and best of luck from the staff. They transferred me back to the stretcher and reclined me, where my legs were up in the air. Didn't expect that! I kind of felt like I was on a roller coaster ride with all the moving and reclining of tables while I was on them! 

Being wheeled back to my room, in a recline position, was strange... 

Post-Embryo Transfer Acupuncture 

I had to have the acupuncture in this reclined state with my bladder full! She put the needles back in my ear -- OUCH, hurt that time too. I stayed reclined with the acupuncture needles for about 20 minutes. Then, it was finally time to go vertical, release my bladder (Yay), and get dressed. 

Going Home 

They wheeled me out in a wheel chair to my friend's car. We drove home. Where I sat on the couch, watched some TV (Walking Dead!) and read a little. I was tired early, so went to sleep pretty early (for me). 

Beautiful Day to make a baby!

I still can't believe I have a little embryo sitting in my uterus...! I am beyond in awe of this entire process and how any of this is possible. Technology can be a truly miraculous thing. At this point, I'm trying to stay positive and give it to God. Trying not to be anxious... But will see how successful I am at that! Right now, I'm trying to be optimistic and happy that I made it this far. 

I'll receive my freeze report later today on how the rest of my little ones are doing and if they make it to freeze. The Embryologist said she'll provide me pictures of all the embryos that make it to freeze. 

Now... the Two Week Wait... Oh joy. 

Next Steps: 

• 2/25/16: Bloodwork for hormone levels. 
• 3/2/16: Beta/Pregnancy Test!!! 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

IVF #2 (Cycle 8): Pre-Embryo Transfer

It's the day before my Embryo Transfer and I'm highly emotional just thinking about it... No surprise there I'm sure!

I have to admit that I have a fear that I'll receive a call in the morning telling me that none of my 7 little embies made it to Day 5. It's a big fear that I'm trying not to entertain, but it's floating there in the back of my mind nonetheless.

It's a strange thing trying to explain to someone that hasn't experienced infertility issues where all these fears and doubts stem from. How going from cycle to cycle with so much hope, just to have nothing to show for it over a year later.

It's not that I don't want to feel absolutely excited and positive about this entire experience -- I wish I could! I actually get scared when I feel too comfortable with things going smoothly, because that's normally when bad news comes.

I guess it's good I have friends that are telling me:

"Stay positive!"
"How exciting!"
"Prayers for your embies!"
"Good luck, hoping for a pre-Christmas baby!"
"I pray it takes!"
"It will work!"
"Crossing fingers!"
"I'm so excited for you!" 

I need to hear it because sometimes it's hard for me to pull out that inner optimism and to really believe it's going to happen. Because sometimes it feels like I'm chasing a dream that will never come true...

So, here I am on the eve of my embryo transfer NOT being stress-free, over-thinking, and being way over emotional. Not to mention these Estrogen Patches are making me a moody-moody not-good-to-be-around person.

I also had to figure out another ride to the procedure. My poor friend that was going to make me is really sick. She's the sweetest person ever and was going to try to make it work, which I totally appreciate! But she really needs to take care of herself and start getting better. Taking me to my procedure is about 4 hours round-trip. That's a big commitment and not something she should be doing when she's feeling horrible.

After some calling around to friends and even looking into the cost of a medical transport (my RE won't let me use a Taxi or Uber - need someone I know or medical transport), one of my dear friends stepped up at the last minute and said he would take me. Thank goodness for kind people! He doesn't know I'm going through IVF. He doesn't know why I needed a ride. He just said, "I know what it's like to need help. I'll take you!" The relief and joy and gratefulness I felt is overwhelming. How very generous and kind of him. I'll tell him about the whole IVF thing when we're headed to the procedure. But the good thing is = my friend gets to rest and try to recover from this awful sickness + my other friend is taking the time to take me + I will make my embryo transfer.

It might take a village to raise a child. But it also takes a village to make a child through the IVF process! Just to think about all the people involved to make this happen.

I was starting to think that maybe I shouldn't do a fresh transfer! With all these hurdles I've been experiencing lately with Munchkin getting sick for my egg retrieval and now having issues with transport to my egg transfer. But luckily the universe has made it all work out in the end. Thank the Lord!

This time tomorrow, I should have one of my little embies back where it should be - with me :) So hard to believe...

Sending positive vibes out in the Baby Dust universe to sprinkle some of it my way. Prayers for my 7 embies and for a successful transfer tomorrow.

It's finally almost here...

Next Steps: 

• 2/22/16: Day 5 Transfer! 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline. 

IVF #2 (Cycle 8): Fertilization Report - Day 3 + Egg Transfer Scheduled!

I've been on pins and needles wondering what was happening with my 7 little ones. It's hard to explain, but it feels weird that I have 7 fertilized eggs sitting in a lab an hour away from my home. Like, is this really happening? Am I really going through IVF? Feels a little surreal.

For the Day #1 Fertilization Report see: Fertilization Report: Day 1.

• # of Eggs Retrieved: 9
• # of Eggs Mature: 8 (88.8% of the 9 retrieved)
• # of Eggs Fertilized: 7 (87.5% of the 8 mature eggs)

By 72 hours ("day 3"), embryo development should be at least 6 cells (and preferably some at about 8 cells). I received the call this morning for a Day 3 report on how my little 7 embryos were doing.

Good news = all 7 fertilized eggs are dividing! Here's where they stand: 

• 1 at 4 cell (slow responder) 
• 1 is between 5-8 cells 
• 3 are at 9 cells 
• 2 are at 10 cells (fast responder) 

The Embryologist was funny she asked, "Were you anxiously waiting for my phone call?" LOL. I was very happy with the Day 3 Fertilization Report. The Embryologist did level-set with me that we'll lose some in the next day or two. She expects between 2 and 5 to make it to blastocyst stage (Day 5 and 100+ cells). Just a note, I didn't get any embryo "gradings" at this point. Didn't even think to ask! Not sure if my clinic grades the embryos at Day 3 or if they wait until Day 5. I know I'll get gradings on transfer day.

We discussed a few things:

1. I'm confirmed to transfer on Monday, 2/22 at 1:00 p.m. 
2. I'll have to get there by NOON for my acupuncture appointment. 
3. I have to take a valium at NOON (1 hour prior to my transfer). NOTE: It's supposed to help relax the uterus. 
4. I have to drink 24 oz of water, starting 90 minutes prior to my transfer. Have to have a full bladder. 
5. Do not wear any make-up, perfume, cologne, scented hair products, or perfumed body creams. Embryos are sensitive to odors and this can impact success rates. 
6. The RE and Embryologist will let me know how many of the 7 made it to blastocyst stage. At that time, they'll recommend how many to transfer (1 or 2) depending on quality. 
7. I'll receive a picture of my embryos as well :) 

Transfer 1 or 2? 

I don't want to risk twins. But I do want to have a good chance to get pregnant. I think the chance of twins is 20% when transferring 2 (but really depends on the grading of the embryos). Right now, I want to transfer just one. However, if the quality isn't there and if there aren't many blastocysts that make it to Day 5... I'll take whatever recommendation that they give. I figure, they know what they're doing more than me! Will just have to give it to God at that point. 

It would be great if 3-5 made it to blasts and I had some to freeze. But we'll have to see how they continue to develop. 

How am I feeling? 

It's hard to explain how I'm feeling. I had a busy day taking care of my kids, that I haven't really let myself think about it too much because I get too emotional about it! I was extremely happy to hear that all 7 of my little ones made it to Day 3. But I know it's a long road for them to Day 5. Imagine, they have to go from 4-10 cells to 100+ in 2 days! That's a lot of work. I know I'm going to lose a few, which makes me really sad. 

At the same time... I just can't believe I'm here. I can't believe I'm going through this. I've been trying to conceive for so long and I know there's a possibility that I still may not get pregnant... But to know there are 7 embryos out there -- MY embryos, apart of me... Is such an amazing feeling. I feel so very close that it scares me. I don't want to get my hopes up, just in case it doesn't work... However, I can't help but feel so much joy that things are going well right now. 

It's interesting how happy and exciting others are for me in this process. It's so very nice knowing that others are cheering on my decision to do IVF and also putting out positive thoughts for my 7 embryos. I have to say, their enthusiasm has become a little contagious... I'm starting to let myself feel it -- feel the HOPE, the LOVE, the POSSIBILITY. 

I was looking at a picture of my Donor (#4). I got really emotional looking at his baby pictures and thinking that I have 7 embryos that this man has helped make. It really is a gift, all the donors out there (sperm donors, egg donors), to help others build their families. I will forever be grateful to Donor Four. 

I can't help but wonder: Is Baby C one of these 7 embryos developing right now? 

Some Updates on Medications 

Progesterone In Oil (PIO) Shots 

Day 2 (2/18) - I'm not a "fan" of the PIO shots. But... they definitely aren't as bad as I thought they would be. There was one big surprise on Day 2 of my PIO shots... I pulled the needle out and blood is just gushing out, dripping all over the place. Sorry if it's TMI, but I was totally shocked and unprepared for this. Ugh. I also got a 'welt' after I did the shot this day. 

Day 3 (2/19) - I was "prepared" just in case I gushed out blood again. But I guess I had better luck this day. Needle went in easy - absolutely no pain. Hardly any blood!

I have started to pee multiple times in the night. I blame the progesterone. When I was on progesterone suppositories during my IUI's, this happened as well. Have I mentioned how much I dislike progesterone? 

Estrogen Patches

Started Estrogen Patches on 2/19. I'm supposed to do 2 patches and replace every 2 days. They are just like little stickers that go on your tummy. I did something bad and Google'd estrogen patches and all these "Caution" and "Warning" things came up on using them. Ugh. I need to step away from the Search Bar. Had some irritation, less patience, and a slight headache. Can I blame it on the Estrogen patches? Or the Progesterone? Hmm. No way to narrow down the culprit as I'm on a ton of meds! 

Fingers Crossed and praying for my 7 little ones to keep developing!

Next Steps: 

• 2/22/16: Day 5 Transfer! 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline. 

IVF #2 (Cycle 8): Fertilization Report - Day 1

Found this nice diagram of Embryo Development from Have A Baby Website: 

After IVF Egg Retrieval, the next step is to focus on the Fertilization Report from the Embryologist.   I'll be following the Embryo Development very closely. The Embryologist will update me on the number of embryos that make it through each stage of the process and she will also decide when my transfer day will be. 

Day 0 (2/17/16): Retrieval Day

# of Eggs Retrieved: 9

Day 1 (2/18/16)

I received the call this morning at about 9:30am for my fertilization report:

# of Eggs Mature: 8 (88.8% of the 9 retreived)
# of Eggs Fertilized: 7 (87.5% of the 8 mature eggs)

SEVEN fertilized!!! I'm so excited and happy with these percentages! This is great. The Embryologist will call again on Saturday (Day 3) to give me more of an update. She said that she's 98% sure that I'll have a Monday (Day 5) transfer. This is significant... as Day 5 means I had a good showing of eggs and they developed nicely. However, still have to take one step at a time and wait for that Saturday phone call on how the 7 are developing.

I have to admit, I was so relieved to receive this phone call. Thought I would wonder all day what was going on with my eggs. After I hung up, I cried and prayed. I'm so grateful things are looking good right now. But I still have that fear lingering in the back of my mind to not get too excited.

One step at a time... 

Just wanted to notate some of the things post-retrieval. As I mentioned in my Egg Retrieval post, they had ann extremely hard time getting the IV in. I have a horrible bruise where they tried to put the IV in on my right arm. Ouch.

I also had to pee multiple times in the night. Peeing wasn't "painful," but it was like I couldn't fully empty my bladder and it was just drizzling instead of emptying. There was also a lot of pressure on my tummy from the cramps. Very uncomfortable, but not unbearable. 

Happy to report, that although I still have some slight cramping this morning -- I'm not in as much discomfort as I was yesterday. 

Next Steps: 

• 2/20/16: Fertilization Report - Day 3
• 2/22/16: Estimated 5 Day Transfer 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline. 

IVF #2 (Cycle 8): My Egg Retrieval Experience + First PIO Shot

I had a very sleepless "sleep" last night before my retrieval. I kept waking up and checking the time, worried I would over sleep and miss it!

4:15am: alarm finally goes off! What a relief! Woke me up from a strange fretful dream. I get up, take a shower, and wait for my ride to arrive. I was feeling my emotions. Not sure if I can describe it... But it's like if you're playing a sport and you practice really hard, but you lose every single game -- no matter how hard you practice. Now, it's your last game of the season -- will you get your one "win" to make it all worthwhile? 

Yeah, too much time to think and wonder. It can really drive you bonkers. But let's just say, I really need a "win" right now. This past year has been tough with disappointments. 

I use the app "Pink Pad" to track my periods & also follow their IVF board. Well, according to Pink Pad - the chances of getting pregnant today are "high" and I'm on my fertile days. Fingers crossed Pink Pad is right! 

5:20am: My ride arrives early! Did I mention how much I love friends that are willing to wake up before the crack of dawn, drive an hour to my house, then drive me an hour to my appointment, then wait 3 hours, then drive me home? I am forever grateful for all my friends that have helped me out through all of this. How very sweet and thoughtful to go out of your way for another person. I feel so fortunate and loved right now :) 

6:10am: We beat rush hour and arrived at the clinic 20 minutes before my "check in" time. Which, I love arriving early - so it all worked out for me. I heard later on that there was a bad traffic accident and someone was going to be late to their appointment. I'm glad we missed all that potential lateness.

6:30am: Check In Time! The front office of the clinic seemed like a ghost town, but it was busy in the back. They took me back to get me ready. I had to get into the operating gown, put a net over my hair, and booties on my feet. We checked my blood sugar levels (since I'm diabetic and was being put under anesthesia), my levels have been really good lately and they were great this morning (99).

Then the hard part came = the dreaded IV! I have "hard" veins, according to a lot of people that have taken my blood in the past. Hence, sometimes it's hard for them to take blood or put an IV in. Which is also one of the reasons I have a fear of needles! It took 2 nurses and 3 needle pricks  - meaning 3 sticks and "searching" under my skin - to finally get the IV in. They did my left hand, my right forearm, then back to my left hand (where it finally worked). Having an IV put in is painful... I heard it's because I wasn't allowed to drink anything, so that makes it even harder to find a vein. But alas, they did eventually get it in!

I had to sign away my life again in waivers, go over medical information, and sign more papers. The nurse went over everything (she was very enthusiastic for 6:30am in the morning, BTW), the RE came in and we discussed the procedure a little bit, and the guy doing my anesthesia came in and asked me a few questions. They also just hired a new RE at my clinic, so I got to meet her - as she was going to be there for my retrieval.

My RE also mentioned there may be a possibility of a 2-day transfer... depending on how the fertilization process works and how the eggs look... 

7:30am: It was finally time for my Egg Retrieval! They had me go to the bathroom one last time and then I walked into the retrieval room. The retrieval room was... small and dark. They go in with the ultrasound to get the eggs out, so I'm guessing it's easier to see things when it's dark. I had to lay down on the table, put my legs in stirrups - which was awkward, but strangely comfortable. They put some sticky things on my chest to monitor my heart rate, another thing on my finger, and then put the mask on. I was out before I knew it!

8:15am-ish: I have to say that I slept REALLY good while under anesthesia! I woke up feeling rested. I was having a really good dream, although I can't remember what that dream was when I woke up. The nurse checked my blood pressure (a few times), checked my blood sugar levels, and then I got dressed. I was ready to get out of there a little before 9 and was home by 10.



# of Eggs Retrieved: they were able to retrieve 9 eggs. I'll find out tomorrow how many were mature and how many fertilized. They said I might not hear back until the evening...

As mentioned previously, I'm doing Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) Pronounced IK-SEE.  This is the process where one sperm is injected directly into the egg. This is supposed to increase the fertilization rate of the eggs.

By this time tomorrow, I'll know how many embryos I have...

Post Egg Retrieval: I was feeling really hungry after the Egg Retrieval! So, the first thing I wanted to do was eat. Then, I couldn't really turn off my brain - so I watched the Walking Dead and some other TV shows I've DVR'd. Until finally I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I then slept most of the day away.

I am having a little bleeding (not much). I'm also very crampy, feels like really bad AF cramps. Even though I slept most of the day, I feel tired.

Progesterone In Oil (PIO) Shots 

The dreaded PIO shots... What's weird is I totally dreaded doing these shots. But now that I'm more concerned about what my fertilization report will look like tomorrow, they didn't seem as intimidating. 

I had the nurse draw circles on my back-side, so I would know where to aim for. I iced the area a little ahead of time. The mixture wasn't as thick as I thought it was going to be, but it's a warm day today - so maybe it just naturally heated itself up. The actual injection was awkward. I had to twist and look in the mirror. I hesitated a few times and then finally just plunged the needle in. With my hesitation, it hurt a little - but not as bad as I thought it would be. I did bleed a lot more than I normally do when I do injections. I then heated the site afterwards with my heating pad.

For the first time... not too bad...! Hopefully it'll continue not being bad. The only hard part is, I'm not sure I will be able to rotate sides. I don't really trust my left hand to inject a needle into my bottom! Well, it's not really my "bottom" - but more like my hip/back area. But still, not sure I trust my non-dominant hand to work properly. Will have to see how it goes sticking to the right side. 

Other Medication: 

• Medrol - 16mg daily for 7 days (at bedtime) 
• Zithromax - 1tablet (500 mg) every evening for 3 days 
• Continue taking: Baby Aspirin, Prenatal Vitamins 
• Start Estradiol patches starting Friday morning. 

I'm trying not to obsessively think about or worry about my eggs and what's happening with them right this second. Harder said than done. Really hoping for a great fertilization report tomorrow. I can't believe my little tiny eggs are outside my body in a lab... It's all such a strange experience going through this. Fingers crossed Baby C is one of those eggs. 

Next Steps: 

• 2/18/16: Fertilization Report - Day 1 
• 2/19/16: Potential 2 Day Transfer 
• 2/20/16: Estimated 3 Day Transfer 
• 2/22/16: Estimated 5 Day Transfer 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

IVF #2 (Cycle 8): Pre-Opp Instructions for Egg Retrieval

I had a very emotional day today! Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, made me teary eyed. Darn fertility meds. 

It's the eve of my Egg Retrieval... 

A few more hours until my Egg Retrieval!!! I can't believe it... After all this time and preparation, it's finally almost here. I have so many emotions and thoughts going through my head. I'm trying not to over-think everything, but it's so darn hard. I have this overabundance of feelings just cooped up inside of me ready to burst. Yes, it's probably due to my hormone levels being skyrocketed for retrieval - but, I feel so ready to see this through.

I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. I don't know how this is all going to turn out. I do wish I could take out my TTC Crystal Ball and have the Powers That Be show me what to expect. Only if life could be so easy as to know the outcome prior to going down a certain path.

I can't help but wonder what my future Baby C would say if he/she read this blog and saw all that was done to bring him/her into the world...

An Update on Munchkin

He woke up this morning with a fever! Poor baby. Luckily I was still able to secure childcare for him. The kindness of people through this IVF process has been a little overwhelming - in a good way. Really appreciating all the last minute workarounds that everyone has been doing to help me out. 

Pre-Opp Instructions

Below are a few more reminders about your procedure Wednesday:

1. We will need you to arrive one hour early to the surgery center. Your arrival time is 6:30 AM.

2. Remember to not eat or drink anything after midnight Tuesday night; this does include water, gum and mints.

3. Remember to remove all jewelry (earrings, necklaces, rings, and any body piercings).

4. Remove all fingernail polish you may have on (you may leave on toenail polish). If you have artificial nails, they will need to be clear in color (French Tip is Fine).

5. If you wear contacts, please wear your glasses instead.

6. Remember to wear loose, comfy clothing with shoes that are easy to slip on so that we can assist you to get dressed after being under anesthesia.

7. Please arrive with a pad already in your underwear as you will have bleeding after this procedure and you may not wear a tampon.

8. Your ride home will need to arrive with you at the same time.

If you have any further questions, please feel free to let us know and we will see you Wednesday! 

With all the nerves that I have over the retrieval and knowing I may not be 100% for at least a day, I spent this evening cleaning my house and doing laundry! That way, I won't have anything to do the day of retrieval. I'm taking two days off of work to recuperate (day of retrieval and day after). Planning to TRY to go to sleep early... but I don't think that's going to work out, my thoughts are spinning. 

Praying and hoping that everything goes perfect tomorrow...! 

Next Steps: 

• 2/17/16: Egg Retrieval!! 
• 2/18/16: Fertilization Report 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

IVF #2 (Cycle 8): Monitoring Appointment #4 (Stim Day 10) + Trigger Shot!

Stim Days 1-4
Stim Day 5 (Monitoring Appointment #1)
Stim Days 6-7 (Monitoring Appointment #2)
Stim Day 8-9 (Monitoring Appointment #3)

Stim Day 10 - Monitoring Appointment #4

Had my monitoring appointment this morning. Nothing progressed from yesterday, everything was about the same:

• Lining: 9.55 
• Right Ovary: 2-3 Follicles 
• Left Ovary: 5-6 Follicles 

Still 9 follicles in the running. My left ovary looked really good, as far as follicles go. The right ovary, not so much. Makes me wonder how this cycle would've gone if both my ovaries were working at the same capacity. RE said we would trigger tonight and have the retrieval on Wednesday! I was very excited to hear that. I've officially made it to EGG RETRIEVAL. Woohoo!

Estradiol Level: 1474.4

Progesterone Level: 0.26 

Portal Message:

You will give your trigger (HCG) shot tonight at exactly 7:30 PM (remember only 1ml of the water into the powder). 
You will not be giving any other injections tonight, however you will continue all other ORAL medications. You will not have any injections tomorrow, but again please continue any oral medications at this time. 
Your appointment for retrieval on Wednesday will be at 7:30 AM. 
Please arrive at 6:30 AM so we have time to get you ready! 
Your ride home will need to arrive at this same time as well. 
Please remember nothing to eat or drink past midnight the night before. 
You will not have any other appointments until the day of retrieval; if you had one scheduled, it has been cancelled for you at this time. 
TODAY OR TOMORROW you will receive a portal message with your Pre Operative Instructions; please be on the look out for this message. 
Please let us know if you have any questions!
Thanks so much! See you Wednesday! 

Trigger Shot - 7:30 PM 

I did my trigger tonight at 7:30 p.m. - on the dot, as directed. It's kind of funny, as I've been on stim meds so much - but I haven't actually had to do a trigger shot since IUI #6 back in October! So, I did go slow for that and read the directions slowly while mixing. I was done mixing a little early and waited about 3 minutes until 7:30 hit. Those minutes seemed to linger...! 

But it's done. I have officially Triggered. I will have my Egg Retrieval on Wednesday... two days from today... or shall I say, 36 hours from the time of my trigger. Oh my... 

Things I need to do: read through the documents on retrieval day (haven't received them yet - hopefully it'll arrive tomorrow morning). I kind of know what to expect, but I want to read through everything so there are no surprises. 

Things I've already done: I've taken care of childcare for both potential transfer days (Day 3 and Day 5). The only potential issue that I'm facing right now is my foster son, Munchkin. He seems to be coming down with a cold and is running a low-grade fever tonight... If his fever gets any higher, I won't be able to bring him to daycare. His daycare provider was the one that was going to watch him and Little Guy while I had my Egg Retrieval. Will have to see what happens tomorrow. My friend that's taking me to my egg retrieval said we can bring him with us, if needed, and that she would watch him. Thank goodness for nice friends! I would hate to bring Munchkin to the Clinic being sick and all... but I might not have a choice. Fever = no daycare = no childcare for Egg Retrieval. Have to play this one by ear and figure it out as we go. 

Other than that, I'm happy that I've figured out Day 3 and Day 5 transfer for transport and for childcare. I'm hoping for a Day 5 transfer (2/22) - but we'll see what happens. It'll all depend on what happens after Egg Retrieval. 

Man... I feel excited and so very hopeful! At the same time, I'm worried about Egg Retrieval. I don't really like being put under anesthesia. I've only been put under twice: 1) to get my wisdom tooth pulled and 2) for my hysteroscopy last year. Not to mention, I'm worried how many mature eggs they'll be able to retrieve. 

One step at a time... 

For now, fingers crossed Egg Retrieval goes well on Wednesday... TWO more days!

Next Steps: 

• 2/17/16: Egg Retrieval!! 
• 2/18/16: Fertilization Report 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

IVF #2 (Cycle 8): Monitoring Appointment #3 (Stim Day 9)

Stim Days 1-4
Stim Day 5 (Monitoring Appointment #1)
Stim Days 6-7 (Monitoring Appointment #2)

Stim Day 8

Nothing really "new" on this Stim day. Same ol, same ol. 

Stim Day 9 - Monitoring Appointment #3  

I have to start off by saying how lucky I am to have friends willing to watch the boys on these last minute/weekend appointments. My friend came and watched the boys today, on Valentine's Day, while I went to my appointment. I was a little concerned I would have to bring them... Very fortunate for my supportive friends. 

I was extremely anxious for this appointment. It can be from the failed IVF cycle, it can be from the fertility meds, or it can just be that this entire process is nerve wrecking! Even with the reassurances from my RE at my last monitoring appointment, I couldn't stop the nerves and worries. 

The appointment went well! They counted almost all my follicles they could find. Results: 

• Lining: 9.55 mm. He even showed me how they can see the triple layer on the U/S. It's all about the stripe. 
• Right Ovary: 4 at good sizes and a few smaller ones. 
• Left Ovary: 5 at good sizes and a few smaller ones. Looks like a possible cyst is developing again. 

Total of 9 in the running. 

Estradiol Level: 1,058

Progesterone: .20

Portal Message: No changes to your medications! Please continue your most current dosing (the same dosing you took yesterday) and to follow the calendar instructions at this time. 

See you at your next appointment tomorrow. If you have any questions please feel free to call us. 

I was happy when I saw my E2 results. I knew they needed to double from my last monitoring appointment - and they did! Not sure what my Progesterone level should be at this juncture. I'll worry about that later. 

I still don't have as many follicles as I hoped for when I started this IVF journey. But that's ok. I am where I am. Will have to see how the % work when I go through the fertilization process. 

One step at a time... 

For now, I have another monitoring appointment tomorrow (Stim Day 10). We should schedule my trigger and retrieval day then...! My RE said he thinks my retrieval will be Wednesday - as scheduled. Which would be awesome. Another friend agreed to watch the boys at the last minute for my next monitoring appointment tomorrow. It's a holiday tomorrow, so I don't work and daycare is closed. Again, so thankful for all the help. 

Wednesday... 3 days from today. Oh my...! I already have childcare ready for the boys for the Egg Retrieval day and have already notified work (not sure if I need 1 or 2 days off). I need to make arrangements for Transfer day... I'm hoping for a Day 5 Transfer (which I have childcare covered already), but need to be prepared for a Day 3 transfer as well. This one is al little more tricky, since it may be on the weekend and I may not know until the day-of if I'll be having a transfer. Adding it to my "To Ask" list from my friends. 

I'm excited that I've gotten this far in the process this go-around. After last time, I was looking for land mines this entire cycle expecting something to go wrong at any turn. Glad to say that nothing horrible has happened thus far. 

Can I also say that I'm hopeful!! I even let myself think that "this can really be it!"

That's a scary thought to let myself have, especially with all the disappointments over the last year - I don't want to get my hopes up. But at the same time, I can't help but hope that it finally happens. 

Let's see what's to come tomorrow and hopefully get the big GREEN light for the Egg Retrieval. 

Next Steps: 

• 2/15/16: Monitoring Appointment #4 (Stim Day 10) 
• 2/17/16: Egg Retrieval!! 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

IVF #2 (Cycle 8): Monitoring Appointment #2 (Stim Day 7)

Stim Days 1-4
Stim Day 5 (Monitoring Appointment #1)

Stim Day 6

Starting to get some bruising on my tummy from the injections, need to rotate around the area a little bit better. These twice a day injections are tough. I rotate sides: right side in the morning and left side in the evening. The bruising is mostly on the right hand side for some reason.

When I was using the heating pad and reflecting, I couldn't help but feel some Infertiltiy woes. This just wasn't how I imagined trying to have a baby would be like. Not in my wildest dreams. Sometimes I wish it didn't have to be so difficult. Mind you, it's probably the fertility meds talking here more than anything! But dang, I wish it wasn't so hard and so uncertain.

On a side note, my CM is becoming more noticeable. I hope that means my E2 levels are going up. Hoping for good news tomorrow at the monitoring appointment. 

Also, started having vivid dreams again. 

Stim Day 7 - Monitoring Appointment #2

To say I was worried about this appointment would be an understatement. I knew a lot was riding on how I have responded to the meds at this point.

The Good News = my RE said that I should make it to Egg Retrieval this cycle!

• Lining: 7.7 mm with triple layer 
• Left Ovary: 5 follicles 
• Right Ovary: 3 follicles and maybe some small ones. Right Ovary was hard to see on U/S, it was hiding or something. 

So, still only have 8 follicles "in the running". Hopefully a few more will pop up between now and Egg Retrieval (or maybe they just can't see them on the U/S).

I have to admit that when the RE said I should make it to Egg Retrieval, I almost started to cry! I've been so fearful that this cycle would get cancelled too. Hopefully things will keep progressing and I'll continue to respond to the medication.

Estradiol Level: 523.4

Portal Message: No changes to your medications! Please continue your most current dosing (the same dosing you took yesterday) and to follow the calendar instructions at this time. See you at your next appointment Sunday. If you have any questions please feel free to call us. 

I have to admit, I've been overanalyzing my E2 results. Googling the heck out of "IVF E2 Levels." Partly because I don't understand them. From what I've read, they seem to be progressing well. However, they're lower than my IVF #1 cycle readings. It's just all confusing. Now, just have to wait for the next step on Sunday to see if everything is progressing as it should. Maybe I'll get my Trigger day/time and my Egg Retrieval will be finalized? Crossing fingers big time... I feel so close to seeing this through.

PIO (Progesterone in Oil) shots arrived today as well. The needles are soooo intimidating....! Eek. These shots are different because they go into the muscle. The stim shots have a tiny needle that go into your tummy. PIO goes into your bottom or thigh. Guess I won't worry about it until I have to do them (after egg retrieval).

One step at a time...

And just as a reminder, I really shouldn't watch Grey's Anatomy while I'm on Stims! Emotional - sheesh! 

Next Steps: 

1. 2/14/16: Monitoring Appointment #3 Ultrasound and Bloodwork. 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

IVF #2 (Cycle 8): Monitoring Appointment #1 (Stim Day 5)

Today was my first official monitoring appointment for IVF #2. I wasn't really sure what to expect and was pretty nervous about the entire thing.

I had my bloodwork taken first, then had the ultrasound. Here are the results:

• Lining: 5 mm 
• Left Ovary: 5 follicles (some about 10mm) 
• Right Ovary: 3 follicles (they were small) 

Right now there are 8 follicles. I'm worried that the left ovary has really large follicles and the right ovary has all small ones. Wonder how that'll all play out. Usually my right ovary has better follicle count than my left...

I was hoping for more... But know that it's early in the monitoring process.

My RE said that this is better than IVF #1. He also said, "We'll get you there this time." Which was nice that he was so reassuring, I just hope he's right. 

Estradiol Level: 252

Just for comparison purposes, for IVF #1 on Day 5 monitoring my E2 was 280. So, a little lower this time. Very odd. Last time, they upped my medications dosages. This time, no changes. I suppose I need to trust that my RE knows what he's doing and just do what he says and hope for the best.

Portal Message: Based on your blood work results there will be no changes to your medications! Please continue your most current dosing and follow your calendar instructions at this time. We will see you at your next appointment on Friday! If you have any questions please feel free to call the office. 

Also, just to mention a few quirky things. I did end up getting AF after I stopped the birth control pills. It was a strange period. But the RE said he expected me to get it. Another thing, and I'm not 100% sure if this is due to the meds or not. My skin has gotten extremely dry! Especially my hands, where my skin started to crack. Ouch! I'm trying to use more moisturizer to counter the dryness. Additionally, I've started to break out a bit. Pimples... Like I'm in High School or something. Got to love being on fertility hormones, never know what your body is going to do next. It'd be nice though if my ovaries responded better. <sigh>

Not really sure how I feel right now about this cycle. I'm hopeful, but I'm also trying to prepare for the possibility of it getting cancelled again. My tentative Egg Retrieval day is in one week: 2/17. I wish I could be excited about it... and I think I will be, once my RE says, "It's time to Trigger." Because that'll mean the cycle was successful (stim-wise) and that it didn't cancel. Let's see what happens at my monitoring appointment on Friday.

Next Steps: 

1. 2/12/16: Monitoring Appointment # 2 (Day 7 of Stims) 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

IVF #2 (Cycle 8): Stim Days 1-4

Here's how stim days 1-4 went.

Sometimes I feel like I'm "pushing pills" through my TTC journey. Here is the pill line-up for IVF #2. The ones on the left are for morning, the ones on the right are for evening.

Morning: CoQ10, Pre-Natal Vitamin, Metformin, Decamethasone, Baby Aspirin
Evening: DHEA, Metformin, Zithromax, CoQ10

 Here's the Stim Line-up: 

Menopur, Gonal-F Pen, Lupron 

Stim Day #1

Starting stims again is almost like riding a bike. It is almost intuitive. I didn't really have to follow step-by-step directions, since I already know how to mix everything. I just double checked my IVF calendar to make sure I was administering the right dosages. 

The morning injection felt rushed. I had a class to get to and I had friends that were visiting that were leaving. So, I actually mixed my meds before they left. I showed them how I mix them. Was kind of nice showing someone else what I need to do for IVF. 

I waited until they left to inject. Then, had to rush to my class. Not much time to hesitate when doing my injection. 

After my class, I ran home to have lunch, then went to my acupuncture session. Acupuncture was really relaxing! I fell asleep and felt so good after. 

The evening injection was a little more relaxed, as I had plenty of time to mix and inject. 

After my last injection, I used the heating pad on my tummy for 20 minutes. 

Stim Day #2

These morning injections have felt rushed. On this day, I had Munchkin, my 8 month old foster baby, crawling up my leg crying. Of course he was perfectly fine until I needed to inject myself! I might get a bruise from this one, since he crawled up my leg right when I was injecting and it put me off balance and jiggled the needle a bit. 

At this point in the stims, I was already feeling a bit short tempered and impatient. All I can think was, it's going to be a long week of hormone-induced emotional imbalance. <sigh> 

I continued the heating pad after my evening injection.

This night I woke up with major sweating! I've had hot flashes with these medications before. But I can't remember a time when I woke up drenched. Ugh. Yucky.

Stim Day #3

Stim day 3 was probably the least stressful of the bunch. No work meeting conflicts for the morning injection (Yay!). 

The evening injection did burn a little more than normal. 

Used heating pad for 20 minutes after last injection. While sitting there with the heating pad on my tummy, I couldn't help but think that maybe the egg that will become my future child is growing right now in one of my ovaries. So much hope for Baby C. 

Stim Day #4 - Bloodwork 

Had my bloodwork this morning. I was a bit anxious to get the results and compare to IVF #1 E2 levels. Now that I understand what the E2 levels mean... I wish I didn't compare my numbers from last cycle. 

Estradiol Level: 192.3

Was a little concerned when I saw my E2 level. It's actually a little lower than it was for my cancelled IVF for Day 4 where it was 197... Even with the higher med dosage, the number was lower. Ugh. Let's see what tomorrow's levels look like.

Portal Message: No changes to your medications! Please continue your most current dosing (the same dosing you took yesterday) and to follow the calendar instructions at this time. 

See you at your next appointment tomorrow. If you have any questions please feel free to call us. 

Have to think E2 is good if my medication dosages haven't changed. But last cycle, they didn't change medication dosage after Day 4 bloodwork either. They upped it on Day 5 of meds. 

I would be lying if I didn't say that I'm worried this cycle will be cancelled too... Just have to see. I'm hoping my E2 levels will look better tomorrow. 

Hoping the monitoring appointment goes well. Maybe I will be able to see my follies growing? Fingers crossed... I really want this to work this time. In the back of my head I keep wondering, "What happens if this doesn't work? If I don't respond to the meds again?" Trying to keep those thoughts quiet, but it's so very hard. 

Hoping for the best... Let's see.

Next Steps: 

1. 2/10/16: Monitoring Appointment # (Day 5 of Stims) 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

IVF #2 (Cycle 8): And the shots begin...!

Just like that, it's time to start giving myself shots again! 

I started my 20 iu of Lupron yesterday. I have to give myself shots 2x's a day. I chose 9am and 9pm, thinking those times would work best in my schedule. Gosh, doing the shots at 9am really has been a bit stressful! I work from home, but yesterday and today - I got stuck on conference calls. I found myself scrambling to run downstairs and inject myself. Hopefully next week won't be as bad (work-wise). Evenings are golden and not a problem (thus far). 

I have to admit that it's been a little hard to stab myself again! My heart starts racing and I have to take a few deep breathes. Luckily, the Lupron needle doesn't hurt and it also doesn't burn going in. That's going to change with the stims... But at least I'll have a few under my belt with the Lupron and hopefully it won't be an issue. 

Lupron Shot 20 iu 

I start my stims tomorrow with twice a day injections. 

Morning: 

• Lupron 20 iu 
• Menopur 75 iu 
• Gonal-F 150 iu

Evening: 

• Lupron 20 iu 
• Menopur 75 iu
• Gonal-F 225 iu 

Also: 

• Start Baby Aspirin (81 mg) 
• Start Zithromax Tripak: 3 days with food 
• Start Dexamethasone (1.0 mg) until retrieval 

To be a little more organized with the process, I made 2 baggies for the supplies for the morning/evening injections. 

Inside Baggie: 

• 4 alcohol swabs (one for my skin and 1 for each medication) 
• Menopur vials (saline solution and powder) 
• Mixing Needle 
• Injecting Needle 
• Lupron Needle 
• Gonal-F Needle 

What's Inside

I didn't really have to do this last time, since it was only 1 shot a day in the evenings. I have my supplies upstairs and then the Lupron and Gonal-F are in the refrigerator downstairs. So, I put all the non-refrigerated stuff in the baggies and then bring them down to the kitchen each morning. If I have to do an injection "on the go" - it'll be really easy to pack up and go.

Technically, I could probably section the entire stim days out. But, each evening I like resupplying the baggies -- keeping myself connected with where I am in the stim process. Plus, it doesn't really take much time to gather.

I also think I'm going to get a period. The nurse said I may/may not have a period after stopping the birth control. I think that I am going to get it. My last birth control pill was on Monday (2/1)

Since I am starting stims tomorrow, I had my last cup of coffee this morning.... Sad, so sad...

Directions are the same as IVF #1 including: 

• No Caffeine, Alcohol, Tobacco. 
• Limit Exercise to walking only and avoid heaving lifting. 
• No Advil, Ibuprofen, Aleve, or Motrin 
• Use protected intercourse only. 

The no caffeine thing is going to be the hardest part... I put away my Keurig this morning so I wouldn't look at it longingly. 

Just to think... I'll know next week whether or not the stims are working and if I'll make it egg retrieval. In two weeks, I'll know more about egg transfer... If all goes well and as planned, I'll know in about 4 weeks whether or not this IVF cycle has been successful. 

Fingers crossed and praying really hard...! 

Next Steps: 

1. Saturday, February 6: Start Stims and acupuncture appointment. 
2. Tuesday, February 9: First Blood Draw (Day 4 of Stims) 
3. Wednesday, February 10: First monitoring appointment (Day 5 of Stims)

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

IVF #2 (Cycle 8): Med Order #2 + Cyst Follow-up

This IVF cycle is starting to feel "real" to me now. After my failed IVF cycle, I feel like I've been waiting an eternity to move forward. In the real world, it's been nearly 2 months. In TTC-land, that's a long-long-long time. Not to mention the last time I was able to actually try and get pregnant was IUI Cycle #6 in October, 4 months ago! An eternity ago in TTC-land. 

I don't know what triggered the switch into "I'm going through IVF... Again." I think it's when I finally got a Green Light where it was determined the cyst was non-functioning. I knew since December that the cyst may cause a delay. I'm so grateful that it hasn't! 

With the emotional roller coaster of being on fertility medications just a few short days away, I got really organized. It's what I do when there's nothing else that I can do :) 

1. I printed my IVF calendar and posted it on 3 places: my office, my bedroom, and the kitchen. That way I can visually see it in the places I inhabit the most and where I'm going to be taking my meds/shots. 
2. I organized my meds into 4 categories: supplies, stim-cycle, post-retrieval, and transfer. That way they don't get mixed up & it just was visually better for me. I have my trigger shot in its own Baggie, so it won't get mixed up with anything else. 
3. I added appointments on my calendar for my stim shots. I didn't do that last time, as I was only doing 1 injection/day and just used my Reminders app on my iPhone. This cycle, I'm doing 2 injections/day. They have to be 12 hours apart, so I can't screw it up. I'm going to do 9am/pm. I also wanted to make sure I didn't have any meeting conflicts, especially on weekends. This made it visually easier to see potential conflicts. And guess what: there ARE conflicts. The joy in it all. If I have to bring my shots with me on the road and inject in my car, then that's the way it's going to have to be. 

That's all I could really do to prep... Luckily only 2 more days until I start Lupron. 

Medication Order #2 

• 1/29 - ordered Lupron with the pharmacy
• 2/1 - Pharmacy was SUPPOSED to call to confirm order, co-payment, and delivery. No call received. I did receive the confirmation email and text that it was getting shipped, so I didn't worry too much about it. I'll worry about any additional costs later. Not like I'm in a hurry to pay them more money. 
• 2/2 - received my Lupron shipment. It is different then what it was for IVF Cycle #1, but probably because I'm on a different protocol. 

Follow up Ultrasound 

To drain or not to drain the cyst, that is the question. I received some GOOD news today. The cyst is gone. GONE. Not there anymore. I really didn't expect that. I was expecting the discussion on what the heck "draining the cyst" meant and what I would need to do. So, I was shocked - relieved - happy - when the RE said it wasn't there! Woohoo!

Feelings

Today, I started to think about my feelings. Where am I in all this? Since trying to have this baby for over a year, it's almost felt like a train ride that never ends - it just keeps going and going and going. Last week I was feeling numb and frustrated with the pricing and insurance coverage (or lack thereof).

There's just so much going on when your TTC. But there's so much MORE going on when you're doing IVF (vs IUI). It's so easy to focus on the process, on each step. My blog entries mostly focus on these steps. Partly because it helps me process what happened and partly so I don't miss a step - which could possibly screw up an entire cycle. It happened to me, when I missed my trigger shot for IUI #5.

I have a busy life and plenty to keep me occupied. From working full-time, to having my toddler son, to having my baby foster son (Munchkin), to having to take care of my house, to taking care of my dog, etc etc etc. We all have lists like this, right? Things that keep us busy. It's just so easy to ignore your feelings and be numb to my infertility. It's almost easier to get through things and roll with the inevitable punches when you're numb to it.

Back to the question: Where am I in all this emotionally? 

Today I realized that I'm not numb to the process. I opened myself up to my inner thoughts. When I go to sleep at night, I imagine what it would feel like to actually have a positive pregnancy test. What it would feel like to be pregnant. How I would prepare my son to expect a new baby brother/sister. I imagine how life can totally change for all of us in the Family C household. I try to imagine that feeling of it finally happening. It's on my mind almost all the time. When I see a newborn baby, when I see siblings playing, when I see a pregnant woman. Not that it hinders my day-to-day, it's more like it lingers in the background following me around.

After my appointment today when I was getting dressed, I said a quick prayer to God and get teary eyed. Things are finally moving along...

I don't have much control over this process or how my body will respond to the new stimulation protocol. But I'm 100% in it. I can't say I'm "excited"... I'm actually kind of scared. Scared that it's going to fail again. That the things that I imagine, a future with Baby C, will never happen. I'm scared that I won't be able to try again because of the financial burden. I worry that I'll have to give up on my TTC journey.

At the same time... wouldn't it be such a wonderful blessing if it actually worked this time...! I feel like my heart could explode just thinking about it!

The feelings thinking both ways can be so overwhelming. So, if I focus a lot on the "process" and less on my "emotions" - it's because of the weight of either scenario playing out. The only thing I can really control in all of this is nothing. Absolutely nothing. All I can do is make sure I follow my protocol and that I'm doing everything correctly. Then, Fingers Crossed. 

Still hoping and praying I'll get to meet my Baby C at the end of all this.

Next Steps: 

1. Thursday, February 4: Start Lupron 20u 2x's a day 
2. Saturday, February 6: Start Stims  

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.