FET #1 Post Mortem Consult + IVF #3 Plan

I had my WTF post-cycle consult with my RE today.

Here's the plan: Fresh IVF+ICSI Cycle, Freeze All, PGS Test + 2 frozen from IVF #2.

1. May: Month Off - no fertility meds. I've been on fertility meds almost every month for over a year! Time to give my body a break, even if it's a short one. 
2. June: Prep for IVF #3. Call on CD #1. Need to get period by June 19th to make the July retrieval. 
3. July: retrieval the week of July 18-22. 
4. August: If everything goes well with testing and we have normal PGS tested embryos, prep for FET #2, call on CD #1. Possible endometrial scratch.  
5. September: FET #2 with Transfer ~ 9/22 

We went over my cycle stats and everything looked great, no way to know why the cycle didn't work. There are 3 reasons it wouldn't work: 1) Embryo Quality, 2) Endometrial not receptive, or 3) Error on the actual Transfer. My RE says it's most likely due to embryo quality.

So many possibilities. The statistics show that most likely its #1: Embryo Quality. Which is why we need to do the testing to determine how many of the embryos are genetically normal. For my age, I should have a 60-40 % change of having normal eggs. Out of my 4 eggs, 2 didn't take. So who knows if the 2 left over are genetically normal or not, without testing them first. 

We discussed ERA testing, but my RE doesn't think that's necessary at this time. Will see if we have to come back to this at a later date. 

I'm having an issue with my donor. They need a sperm sample to send with the embryo biopsies for the PGS testing. Well, my sperm donor is sold out... Trying to find out if they can do the testing without the sperm sample and I'm also reaching out to the sperm bank to see if they have any extras... If not, I don't know if we'll be able to test the 2 frozen embryos. It also means I'd have to choose a new sperm donor for IVF #3. 

I had my financial consult and the costs are pretty high. I'm looking at a little over 10K for just the fresh IVF cycle with ICSI and PGS testing. There's a cost to freeze/refreeze my existing embryos. That price tag though... that doesn't even cover the FET #2 that'll happen in September, which would be another 3K or so. 

The infertility money pit that keeps taking and taking and taking. 

I feel that this plan is pretty sound and it makes sense. I still have dreams of trying for another baby in a few years. Better to get embryos now at 36 vs trying at 38/39 where egg quality goes down further. It makes sense to test the eggs to prevent any transfers of genetically abnormal embryos. 

So although I know this all logically makes sense... It still sucks to have to go through all of this again. It's a HUGE price tag, a HUGE time suck, a HUGE emotional rollercoaster. 

I'm starting to consider if this will be "it" for me. I don't think I will have another round of IVF in me after this. I'll have to re-evaluate things depending on how many embryos come back genetically normal. I secretly fear that I'll have zero embryos that are normal... I pray that's not the case and that I'll have a good % of normals.

But after all this... I'm getting close to stopping. Or at least stopping for a little bit. It's just getting to be too much and a little too emotionally hard. Have to see how things play out. Right now, I'm committed to the plan... I'm taking the month of May off and will be focusing on one step at a time to get through IVF #3.

FET #1 (Cycle 9): Still not Pregnant

I'm 9dp5dFET on my NINTH cycle and still NOT pregnant.

To date, this was probably the most bitter I've been during the TWW. So-so-so bitter. A little bit angry as well. I just can't believe I'm still here, still trying, and nothing has worked. IUI's didn't work and now IVF isn't working. Will I ever have a baby? Very frustrated. Very sad. Thoughts swirling in my mind on: when do I call it quits?

Early Testing:

I decided to test early and often this cycle. It fulfills the POAS-a-holic in me. No HCG trigger with a FET means no false positive, which is nice. I used two different tests:

1) Clincial Guard (CG). This is an Internet cheapie, similar to Wondfo. I wasn't happy with Wondfo when I used them for my IUI's. So decided to try a new brand. Clinical Gaurd has a sensitivity of 25 miu. They worked pretty good. 

2) First Response Early Results (FRER). These are supposedly more sensitive. I haven't used a FRER for awhile since I kept getting negatives. Supposedly these are the most sensitive tests on the market reading as low as 6.5 miu. 

How my testing went:

4dpt - HPT CG: Negative. I knew it was early to test, but couldn't help myself. I was so good about waiting to test on IVF #2, that I just needed to test more this FET. This is when I decided to order FRER tests, since it detects lower HCG levels. 

5dpt - HPT CG: Negative. Might still be early to test... But starting to really have doubts it worked. 

6dpt - HPT CG: Negative. Real doubts of another negative cycle are becoming a reality. Starting to consider next steps if this FET doesn't work. 

7dpt - HPT FRER: Negative.  In my mind, the cycle is over & it didn't work. It was the whitest test EVER. Suckiest part - I still have to take ALL my meds including the *f-ing PIO. Boo! 

8dpt - Decided not to test. What's the point? 

9dpt - Woke up at 2am and decided to test on the FRER as a long shot. What did I see? The faintest of faintest lines. I almost didn't see it and was about to go back to sleep with my sleepy eyes. You can barely see it in the picture, but IRL it's a little more visible.

I haven't had a positive on a test since IUI #1 where I had a false positive (probably from my trigger shot). So, I decided to test on the CG and get a Negative. This had me wondering: 

• The FRER was defective. 
• Maybe my HCG is really low, must be under 25 miu if the CG couldn't pick up a positive. FRERs are more sensitive. 
• It also gave me a little bit of HOPE that maybe - just maybe - this cycle worked. Which is horrible, because it didn't... and I had to wait all day for the Beta test to confirm. 

This is probably the only time where I've tested and I wish I hadn't... The wait between my 2am POAS escapades and my Beta Test results which came back at 3pm felt like a life time. 

Beta Results: Big Fat Negative.

Yet another BFN........ 

I'm thinking I am totally adverse to early testing now. A line on a FRER is normally golden, no matter how faint it is. I was already accepting this cycle didn't work and that damn FRER had me thinking maybe it worked. Ugh. 

I don't have many words right now. I have to say, I wasn't shocked it didn't work. I didn't cry (yet). I am just angry. I'm so upset that I keep putting my body through all of this & the result is always the same. It's almost like it's pointless to keep going... But it can't be right? There still has to be hope somewhere? Ugh. I'll post a more thorough depressing entry later after I'm able to process through my feelings better. Right now, I'm just mad and upset and frustrated. 

The good about the cycle not working: 

1. I get to stop those horrible PIO shots. 
2. I get to stop the yucky Vaginal Estrace (blue-green discharge is gross!). 
3. I get to drink coffee again. Haven't had coffee in forever...!!! First cup will be in the morning and I can't wait! 

Got to look on the bright side of things, right? 

My WTF Consult for FET #1 is next Wednesday, May 4th. It sounds like my RE wants me to wait a little bit to try again, let my body get back to normal and sort out my emotions. Need to think about next steps. Just not right this second. Instead, I'm thinking about that cup of coffee I'll have in the morning that I'll savor with homemade pancakes, sausage, and eggs. 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

FET #1 (Cycle 9): TWW + B/W 5dp5dFET

Fatigue - check 

Moody - check 

Cramping - check 

Sore injection sites - check 

Bloating - check 

Emotional - check

I must be in another TWW... Oh joy. Here's how it's gone so far. 

PIO shots have become a pain, literally. I don't know what's different this cycle, but I am so easy to bruise and the injection sites are so sore. Not to mention the actual injections have not been easy at all. I was so spoiled during IVF #2, they came so much easier. This is no fun... There were 2x's where blood was in the syringe after I injected. I didn't see any blood when I checked (pulled out after inserting & before injecting m). Nurse says it's nothing to worry about. So odd that this didn't happen at all during IVF #2. PIO = not my friend. It is also painful to wear my jeans, as they sit right on the injection site. Ugh. 

I have extremely sensitive BB's... Sorry if it's TMI, but they really hurt! I blame it on the progrsterone as this started happening 2dpt and no way I would have symptoms that early. Not that it stopped me from googling about it! 

Uterine cramping began 3dpt, having me fear the worse -- that this cycle didn't work (again). Trying to store those fears away - but it's so darn hard. 

I'm so overly emotional. I even fight tears when I look at my embie's picture. Just wanting so bad for my embie to implant and grow into a little person. Then I worry that my embie didn't fully expand into the uterine cavity prior to the transfer. Supposedly that leads to lower success rates. Google during the TWW is not your friend. There should be a warning or something.

4 more days until Beta Test. I have moments where I'm completely convinced this cycle didn't work. Then moments where I think, "What if it does?" Right now the "I don't think it worked" thoughts are winning. 

Had my blood work done today: 

E2: 481.4

Progesterone: >40

Portal Mesage: no medication changes 

Guess it's good that there are no med changes and that my levels are where they want it to be. This FET cycle overall has been much easier on me (besides the pesky PIO shots). 

Now the countdown 4-3-2-1... Until I know definitively if my embie implanted. 

Last Step this Cycle: 

• 4/29/16: Beta Test

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

FET #1 (Cycle 9): Transfer Day!

Today I had my FET. One 5-day frozen blastocyst was transferred back home. Here's a picture of my embryo. They did assisted hatching and you can see where it's coming out already. 

The transfer experience was similar to my IVF #2 experience, so I won't get into too much details. The only difference this time is one of my friends came into the transfer room with me. It was nice to share that experience with someone and maybe get some positive juju for my embie to stick.

It's weird how "normal" doing all this IVF stuff is. Even the transfer, it was like business-as-usual. I was pretty emotional today when the embryo was placed in, I almost cried. But other than knowing my embie is home right now, I don't feel any different.

I'm actually hoping I can keep my mind off of it and not stress out too much during the TWW. All I can do right now is pray and hope and pray some more. There's nothing else that can be done. Now, I wait and see...

Next Steps:

• 4/25/16: Blood work to check Progesterone and E2 levels. 
• 4/29/16: Beta Test 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

FET #1 (Cycle 9): Day before the transfer

I have my Frozen Embryo Transfer tomorrow. I'm planning on transferring one 5-day blastocyst with assisted hatching. I am a little concerned about what's going to happen with thawing it. There's a 95% survival rate at my clinic, so I shouldn't worry too much. When I had to complete the paperwork, I gave them permission to keep thawing if one doesn't survive. Fingers crossed the one they thaw survives for transfer. I don't want to risk my other 2. 

Since my transfer has been confirmed, I've been really focused on this FET cycle. I think it also has to do with the hormones... I'm so out of whack. Hot flashes from PIO, short-tempered, tired. I keep thinking that I wish trying to have a baby wasn't so hard on my mood or my body. All these medications, it can be a bit much at times. Not only is TTC with infertility stressful without the meds, adding the meds into the mixture just puts everything askew. 

I woke up this morning in a panic on the thought of, "What do I do if this FET doesn't work?" Yeah, I know I shouldn't be thinking about it NOT working... but remember this is my NINTH cycle and NONE of them have worked. So yes, I have to think of the possibility (as much as I really HOPE it will work). 

I think I've decided that if this FET doesn't work, that I'm going to do a fresh cycle in June. My insurance coverage will still be covering me with my severance package. I'll probably do a freeze-all and test the embryos (if I have more than 5). I hope I don't actually have to move forward with yet another IVF fresh cycle and my little baby embryo will stick. But... I think it'll be my best option in that scenario. 

<sigh> I wish I could be super excited about this transfer. I am and I'm not. 

Before the transfer there's all this hope and excitement for it to work. After the transfer, there's a "glowing" feeling from having an actual embryo back home. Then, I feel like it's a countdown to another BFN... The dreaded TWW is no joke. Not having any luck in my last 8 cycles... I just wish I had more positive thoughts that "This will work!" 

The embryologist called this morning to confirm my transfer times for tomorrow. She actually said she was surprised the first embryo didn't take. She also said that I have good embryos and she hopes that this next one will work. She's so sweet and nice. She also let me know that she'll call me if my embryo doesn't survive the thaw, so I'm not worried all day. If I don't hear back from her = good news, it survived the thaw. If I hear back from her = bad news, embryo didn't survive the thaw. 

I'm thinking if this cycle doesn't work and with my embryos being good quality. That maybe I should have testing done to see if maybe my uterus prevents implantation for some reason. Another bridge to cross if I get there... So much to think about and consider... 

I'm really hoping #9 is the one and that my little 5-day blast will attach and grow. It would be so absolutely wonderful to have my world changed in 9 months. 

Praying, hoping, and wishing for my embryo to thaw successfully, for a smooth transfer, and to get good news after the TWW. 

FET #1 (Cycle 9): Monitoring Appt #2

There was a little bit of a strange interaction with the RE's office yesterday. The front office lady that's in charge of the billing, her husband happens to work for the same company that I worked for (prior to being laid off). I haven't mentioned ANYTHING to the office about being laid off. It just never really came up and it's not really something I wanted to share with them.

Well, she was asking me about a company-wide meeting her husband had to attend and asked if I had to attend it as well. Instead of beating around the bush (after she innocently asked a few more questions), I just told her I was no longer with the company. Then she asked where I was working now, which then led me into saying that I was laid off and am searching for work. Since she does the billing, I felt inclined to say that I was receiving severance pay and that my medical benefits were covered during my severance period. I just didn't want her questioning my insurance coverage.

Anyways... it just felt so ODD to have to explain it to my RE's office. Ugh. I know there's no shame in being laid off due to workforce reductions... but it doesn't help me not feel the shame. You know?

Monitoring Appointment #2

I had my second (and last) monitoring appointment yesterday for my FET. Great news, my lining looks amazing! It really thickened up since my first monitoring appointment (where it was 6.92mm).

Lining: 10.76 mm

E2: 1110.5. This went up quick! I read it should be between 500-1000, so this is good. 

Portal Message: As scheduled on your calendar you will begin Progesterone in Oil (100 mg) intramuscular injections on Friday as well as the Medrol tablet which you will take orally once a day until gone. 

You will not do any more injections of Lupron from this point forward. Continue all other medications as it states on your calendar.

Please do not hesitate to call the office if you have any questions. We will see you at your transfer appointment!

What's on my mind?

I can't believe how easy this FET cycle has been. Only 3 appointments all together (baseline + 2 monitoring appts) & not many drug cocktails. The Lupron sucks (needle not as sharp), dries out my skin & gives me acne. The estrogen patches make me a little more susceptible to emotions. I start PIO tonight, which makes me tired & drained. 

Other than the medication side effects (which are minor compared to a full-blown IVF stim cycle or a Clomid-IUI cycle), it has been easy going. 

I don't really know if my embryo will take. I still worry that I didn't do genetic testing on them... But I only have 3 frozen, so the cost isn't really worth it to test them. I just have to trust that my Baby C is one of my little frosties. 

Only a few more days until I have my transfer... Then the wait to see if it works. 

Next Steps:

• 4/20/16: Frozen Embryo Transfer - transferring 1 5-day blastocyst 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

FET #1 (Cycle 9): Monitoring Appt #1

It feels like forever since I've had a doctor's appointment. This has by far been the longest I didn't  have to go into the office for some type of monitoring. I started injections of Lupron last month and started the Estrogen Patches on 4/1. This morning I had my uterine lining check and some bloodwork. The results: 

Lining: 6.92 mm. They want the lining to be above 7 mm. Luckily it has the triple layer they are looking for. I'm really close and there's time for my lining to thicken up. Hopefully at my next monitoring appointment it'll be where they want it. My RE said that my ovaries are officially "suppressed" - so the Lupron must be doing its job.

E2: 99.2

Portal Message: 

We are going to add vaginal estrace 2mg tablets, starting tonight. 
You will insert one tablet, vaginally, every evening from here on out. You will want to wear a pantyliner as you will have a blueish-green discharge from this medication that can stain your underwear. 
Please continue all of the rest of your medications at their current dosing. 
See you at your next appointment on. 

This is how "fun" IVF can be, blueish-green discharge. Yuck. The pharmacist was a little concerned when she gave me the estrace tablets and thought it was odd they were going to be inserted vaginally when I already was on estrogen patches. I didn't bother telling her I was going through a FET since Munchkin had started fussing in the backseat of the car. The joys of infertility treatments! They must have not been too happy with my E2 results since they added the estrace (which I haven't taken before). Hopefully everything will read better for them on Thursday and I'll get the "green light" for my transfer.

What's on my mind? 

I haven't really been as focused on this cycle as I have for previous ones. There's a lot more going on with being laid off, having sick kids, and potty training my son... it has felt extremely busy. Now that it's getting closer to the transfer, I have been focusing more on the FET. I really wish that I could know ahead of time whether or not it'll work...  to trust my gut feeling and "just know" it'll work. I'm trying to stay positive and hope for the best. I wish I could say for certainly that: "THIS TIME WILL WORK!" My past cycles I let myself believe it and feel it. Each time I was disappointed and crushed with a negative outcome.

However, that hasn't stopped me from hoping for the best or wanting this to work so darn bad. I even did something I haven't done in past cycles... I bought some baby clothes with the gender that I anticipate (and dreamed) Baby C would be. I've read about people going on "Baby Hauls" and buying a bunch of baby stuff (after being a foster parent and having so many babies, I don't really need much baby stuff). I didn't go crazy, just bought two little outfits to "outwardly" show my hope. It was maybe more of a "convincing" myself to be hopeful since being hopeful has been extremely difficult recently... I figure that I'll probably have the OTHER gender, if I do get pregnant - since I've probably totally jinxed myself! :) I can always gift the clothes to another if it turns out that way.

Nevertheless, I've worked out a million scenarios in my head and have even entertained the thought of  a "Christmas Card" announcement of expecting Baby C to arrive. You know the really cute ones with the sibling in it in some creatively adorable way announcing that they will be promoted to "Big Brother" (in my son's case)... This will be my second Christmas where I've hoped that I would be pregnant or expecting a child by that time and sending out one of those adorable cards with my son on it with a picture of an ultrasound for Baby C. Each cycle I've entertained the idea and looked at Pinterest at all the adorable cute baby announcements. This will be my NINTH go-around at envisioning a future with Baby C arriving in 9 months. It's so hard not to imagine that potential future and be so hopeful that this, will indeed, be the try that works. It is almost baffling how quickly life would change if a cycle works and I get pregnant. 9 months isn't really that long. It's just the matter of actually getting there that's the problem....

I won't lie, if I have my FET's and end up transferring my 3 frozen embryos, and am still not able to get pregnant... it will be devastating. Not only will I not have my old insurance coverage (that ends in August), I will have a new job (hopefully!) and will probably not have the time to do another IVF cycle (who can expect to ask for time off when starting a new position?). This may truly be the end of my TTC journey (for now)... which makes me so angry that I would be forced to stop trying. I'm not ready to stop trying... not even close.

<sigh> Like I said, many different scenarios playing out in my mind...! Argh. Guess I had it all jumbled up in my mind and thoughts, which is why this blog entry has turned into an essay (sorry!). I haven't really been able to talk about this FET and its possibilities since most of my conversations are on Potty Training and searching for jobs... I've received mixed advice on moving forward with the FET. Some friends think "NO" and other friends think "YES". I get both sides as I've often wondered to myself if I made the right choice by moving forward... But I am moving forward.

In the mean time, I've been praying to accept whatever is going to happen and to stay strong through all theses hardships. I know that life will happen just as it should. I'm trying my hardest to hold onto that and to trust in God's plan for my family. I've also been continuing to count my blessings... and am grateful I have blessing to count! :)

But man... if I can get a BFP with this FET... It would be such a blessing and just so incredibly unbelievably fantastic. Here's to continuing to hope and pray for my 9th cycle and for my little Baby C to become a reality.

Next Steps:

• 4/14/16: Monitoring Appointment #2 
• 4/20:16: Frozen Embryo Transfer - transferring 1 5-day blastocyst 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

FET #1 (Cycle 9): Time to Start Injections

Had my injections training (which we skipped - since I've been through it 2x's already), signed all the FET documents, wrote a large check for the cycle, and had blood work done. 

My medications are so much less for the FET cycle: Lupron, Medrol, Estrogen Patches. Ordering PIO later. 

Started my Lurpon injection tonight. So funny how "easy" the subcutaneous injection is after having to do the intramuscular injections. 

Not much to say about the cycle yet. It feels like a long road until my FET on 4/20. Not much monitoring until mid-April. This will be the longest time that I haven't had an appointment with the RE since I've started TTC. Will be kind of nice! I'm really hoping this cycle works...! I keep looking at the picture of my frozen blasts and wondering if one of them will become a little person from this. 

Next Steps: 

• Lupron: Continue Daily 
• Birth Control: Stop on 3/28 
• Estrogen Patches: Start on 4/1 
• 4/11 - Monitoring Appointment 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

IVF #2 Post-Cycle Consult + FET #1 Plan

I had my "WTF" consult for my failed IVF #2 fresh transfer. It was interesting. We went over my stim sheet, where they had all my levels and ultrasound information from the entire cycle. My RE basically said that the cycle went well, my levels were where they wanted them to be, and they were able to get all the eggs that they could.

We also went through my Egg Report. This was my first time seeing this, which was pretty cool. Even though I already had the data, it was nice to see it all in one place.

FET #1 Plan 

This is where I had to make some choices on next steps:

1. Frozen Cycle (FET): Transfer 1 embryo
2. Frozen Cycle (FET): Transfer 2 embryos 
3. Fresh Cycle: Transfer 1 or 2 embryos 
4. Fresh Cycle: No Transfer --> PGS any fresh + 3 frozen 
5. Thaw all 3 frozen now --> Test, then FET if normal. 

With everything else in play (being unemployed at the moment), I decided that I'm going to go with option #1 for now. If it doesn't work, I'm thinking that I will just transfer the remaining two in June. If that doesn't work... I'll have to wait and see what happens with getting new employment and having infertility coverage. I may have to stop this path all together for a few years. I just don't know about doing an entire new fresh cycle with the costs and the uncertainty of a new job. 

The other option I was entertaining was: 1) Do the FET with 1 embryo. If that doesn't work 2) Fresh Cycle in June (while my insurance is still covering) + PGS testing (transfer 1 fresh, test any remaining embryos + the 2 frozen). 

It's hard to really plan, as there are so many moving pieces now with all the uncertainty hanging in the air. For now though, the plan is - Transfer 1 embryo on April 20th. 

I already ordered all my meds (accept for PIO because of the short shelf life). 

I wish I could be excited about this cycle... and maybe I will be later on. But with all the craziness that is my life right now, I just can't see the cycle working. I want it to work, I've wanted every single cycle to work. It's just hard to believe that I'm here still. Still wanting a baby after trying so very long... and now I've lost my job. Am I making the right choice in moving forward with the FET under these circumstances? It's just a lot to think about and process. 

But I got to keep on keeping on and solider through this. I'm just hoping the extra stress doesn't impact my FET chances. 

Next Steps: 

1. 3/23/16: Injections Training, Sign Consent Forms, Payment Due, Blood Draw, and maybe Ultrasound. 
2. 3/23/16: Start Lupron Injections 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.

FET #1 (Cycle 9): Starting Again - Frozen-Style, Baseline U/S

Yesterday I posted about getting laid off of work. Besides the panic and worry about making ends meet and finding a new job, I also had to consider what do I do now with trying to have this baby? Last week, when I was given the news that my fresh IVF #2 cycle didn't work - my thoughts were more on:

Do I wait a few cycles before trying a FET? 
Should I do a medicated vs unmedicated FET? 
Should I do a new Fresh Cycle and PGD test my eggs? 

Now, things have changed dramatically. There are more things to consider. The new questions were:

Should I move forward with a FET right now? 
Should I wait until I find a new job? 
Should I stop for a while and focus on job hunting? 

Some things that played into my decision making:

• I am going to be receiving a severance package for a few months. 
• My medical benefits will last through the end of my severance package. 
• There's no guarantee that even if I get a new job, that they'll have infertility benefits or that I'll have the flexibility to make medical appointments. 

With the thoughts that my medical coverage will only last a few more months, I decided to move forward with FET #1. There's a lot of worry about with this decision:

What if FET #1 is successful and I'm pregnant, will that hinder my job hunt? 

If I get a new job, will I even be able to take maternity leave? 

A friend told me that I shouldn't give up on my dream of having a baby, that I just need to move forward with it. That I'll regret it if I stop now. That everything will work out as it should and that I'll find the perfect job. 

I really thought about it and figured that people have baby's with much less and in more dire situations. Plus, who knows if FET #1 will actually work. I hope it does... but again, there's no guarantee in all of this. 

Ideally, I would love to give my kids everything and anything... but the truth behind it all is, all that stuff isn't important. It's more about the love of our family and being together. We will be OK. Even though it hurts my heart thinking that I won't be able to provide the life that I wanted for my kids... I just have to roll with it and change my frame of mind on what that really means and focus on what really matters - and that's love and quality time. 

Right now, the decision is: CONTINUE WITH FET# 1. 

After my failed IVF cycle, my RE had told me that when AF arrived - she would be heavier than normal. NO JOKE. AF arrived after days of spotting. I started spotting almost immediately after stopping the progesterone, but no real "flow" until Sunday (3/6). And it hit pretty hard, being extremely heavy. Since AF came on her own and it started before the clinic's deadline, it's looking like my FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) will be in April.

Once CD #1 hit with some fierceness, I scheduled my baseline ultrasound. My actual FET #1 discussion won't be until next Monday (3/14), that's where I'll find out more about what everything is going to look like and I have some major questions to ask the RE. Which, since I'm a planner -- I can't wait for this meeting! I want my little FET calendar! I also want to know what the price-tag is going to look like... considering everything else going on. The good thing about a FET is that there are less monitoring appointments vs. a full IVF cycle.

At my baseline appointment yesterday, the staff said how great it was to see me happy... It was the day after I got laid off, so I wasn't really happy - I was more "soldiering on." I just put on a smiley face and said, "thanks."

My RE said that everything looked good to start the FET cycle. He said everything looked "recovered" and there were no cysts (yay and yay). Since I had 4 embryos make it to blast and have 3 left, I asked him what he thought the odds were of one of the embryos being genetically normal. He said that he thinks that there is at least ONE baby in the 3 embryos. This is the suggestion:

• April: Transfer One Embryo. 
• If April FET #1 Fails, move forward with FET #2 in June (which will be good since my medical coverage will still be active) 
• FET #2, transfer both remaining embryos 

If FET #1 and FET #2 do not work... then I'm going to have to stop trying OR try to squeeze in a fresh IVF cycle in August (which will be tight since my severance ends at the end of August). Another fresh cycle would be unlikely... as I'm hopeful to have a new job by then and taking time off for monitoring appointments would be almost impossible at a new position.

So here begins my first Frozen Embryo Transfer cycle, which is looking a lot different than I thought it would with everything else going on, but we are here none-the-less. Let's see how this cycle turns out, my time is limited on trying for Baby C. Really hoping for a successful transfer. 

Next Steps:

• Start Birth Control 3/9 
• 3/14/16: IVF #2 WTF Consult and FET #1 Discussion 

For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.