12 Weeks Pregnant!

Back posting this entry since I was on vacation.

How far along: 12 weeks

How big is baby: A plum. Via app: 

Weight Gain:  -5 lbs

Stretch Marks: Nope. 

Symptoms: Symptoms have started to lighten up! Still get tired quickly though. 

Sleeping: Not sleeping very well. Tossing and turning. 

Food cravings: Ice cream...! 

Food aversions: These have started to lighten up. 

Maternity Clothes: I have maternity pants and I really like them! 

Movement: Nope, too early still. 

What I did / Got for Baby: Nothing this week. 

What I miss: care-free eating. 

Workouts: Eventually...! 

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling the baby move. 

Best moment of the week: Seeing the baby on the NT scan moving around. 

11w+3d: NT Scan and NIPT Done

FINALLY, after 2 1/2 weeks of not knowing what was going on in my womb and trying so hard to not get paranoid and worried about my baby -- I had my scan today. I was so worried we wouldn't see a heartbeat... I woke up in the middle of the night to pee & I couldn't go back to sleep, worries haunting me :(  Luckily, I had absolutely nothing to worry about! Baby is doing really good!!

NT Scan

What is the nuchal translucency scan? From Baby Center:

The nuchal translucency scan (also called the NT scan) uses ultrasound to assess your developing baby's risk of having Down syndrome (DS) and some other chromosomal abnormalities, as well as major congenital heart problems. 

The NT scan measures the clear (translucent) space in the tissue at the back of your baby's neck. Babies with abnormalities tend to accumulate more fluid at the back of their neck during the first trimester, causing this clear space to be larger than average. The NT scan is not invasive.

The NT scan took a long time, maybe 30 minutes or so. She first tried to do an abdominal ultrasound, but with my tilted uterus, she couldn't see anything. So we had to do the transvaginal ultrasound. I was anxiously awaiting to see the baby's heart beating. The first thing I saw was the baby's legs moving all around! Then the arms fluttering around! It was pretty amazing seeing the little baby wiggling around and I couldn't feel a thing. Baby's measuring really good at 11 weeks, 6 days. Heartbeat was strong at 176 bpm.

The NT took a long time since baby was moving so much that we had to wait until he/she was in the right profile position to get the readings. Good news: the measurements look good! You could see the little nose bridge and the back of the neck measured well. Now, I wait for the blood work to come back to confirm all is well. Which should come back early next week.

What was crazy about seeing the baby is, you could see so much detail! I have a cool picture of the hand, the legs, the brain, I got to see the heart and you could see the chambers. She said it was too early to tell gender, but it's either a boy or a girl. LOL. Seeing the baby, it was just... wow. There's a baby growing inside of me! And the baby's looking really really good right now! It just feels so surreal.

When I met with MFM about my diabetes log, we are upping my insulin a little bit. She wants me to make adjustments as I go so I can get my blood sugars under 95 for fasting. When I asked her about some worry for my holiday travels, she told me to stop worrying! LOL. I'm trying to lessen the worry... I really am! Today it finally felt REAL. Baby's on track, I'm almost out of the first trimester, and everything else is looking pretty good. I feel like I'm in an alternate universe, I am just so happy and relieved and feel so utterly blessed to have this life growing inside of me.

I'm a bit emotional about it all... It's like I'm finally able to believe in this wonderful thing. It's really here. I'm really pregnant.

Another nice thing happened today. I finally broke the news to one of my close friends about the pregnancy. She had gone through IVF and has twins. I haven't shared the news with her because I wanted to get a little further along before revealing it. Well, she's so sweet and offered to come out after the baby is born and stay for a little bit to help out! I don't have any family that is going to help me after the baby is born, so it was very touching to have someone offer. It means so much to me and I'm just so humbled to have such wonderful friends.

NIPT (Non-Invasive Prenatal Test) 

I finally had my blood work taken for the Panorama testing. When the results come back, I'll know the baby's gender...!!! I'll also know some risks related to some chromosomal abnormalities, including Down Syndrome. I'm still guessing my baby's a girl! Let's see if I'm right. 50/50 chance either way. I should get the results by the end of next week or so. Might be some delay because of the holiday, but I'm really hoping to get it in. I can't wait to know if I'm having a boy or a girl.

My next scan won't be until 18 weeks... which seems like an eternity away!!!!! That's when I'll have the anatomy scan. Hopefully I'll "pop" in the next few weeks and maybe start feeling the baby move when I get closer to 18 weeks.

Now... travel for Thanksgiving. Hoping I can handle all the travel and activity. I'm still suffering from fatigue if I do too much, so hoping I can hang. It's hard without coffee!

Next Steps: 

• 12/1/16: Annual Eye Exam
• 12/2/16: OB, Monthly Appointment 
• 12/2/16: MFM, Diabetes Follow-up

11w+2d: The "Big Reveal" Coming Soon

I'm nervous... I'm going "home" for Thanksgiving and I'm tasked with telling my immediate family and close family friends about my pregnancy. To kind of level-set on things, none of them knew I was trying to have a baby. Which means they have no clue that I've been trying for almost two years and have had to go through all these cycles to finally get pregnant.

I had to really think this through on *if* I should tell them and *how much* to tell them. 

Infertility. There's the word. The word that followed me through much of my TTC time. I'm not that close with my family, which is why I haven't shared my TTC journey with them. I even wrote a post about it, which you can read here. They also didn't "show up" for the adoption of my son... which was really hard on me at the time. Didn't really write about it back then, maybe if I have time I'll write a post and "lessons" learned from my disappointment.

My experience going through infertility was such a personal, vulnerable thing. I can't even begin to explain just how much it impacted me and how trying to have this baby became a crazy struggle and test to my Faith that it will all work out as it should. Not to mention that I feel like the pregnancy is still "rocky." The SCH... then my lessening pregnancy symptoms. It all feels so precarious and that it can all end with a blink of an eye. I almost feel like telling people about it now would jinx it and cause something bad to happen.

I'm 11 weeks now and extremely close to the 2nd trimester. I'm not planning on going "home" again any time soon. This would be my only opportunity to tell my family in-person that I'm expecting.

After much contemplation, I decided on the first part: I will tell them. I even came up with a semi-creative way to do it.

For my dad and brother, I'm getting them picture frames. One says "Uncle" or "Grandpa." I'm leaving it blank, so I can take a picture of them with my son -- then I'll print the pictures while I'm in town and I'll have them put it in the frame before we leave. The second frame will have a picture of a onesie that says "Worth the Wait, Baby C, June 2017" and a picture of a stocking that says "Baby C June 2017." Along with this, I'll have a picture of my ultrasound (hoping to get a really good one at my NT scan).

I felt I needed to tell my family before I told our family friends... So, I'm meeting with my dad and brother for dinner on Wednesday evening where I'll have them open their "gifts." My dad and brother aren't men of many words, so I'm not expecting them to say much or ask much.

Then, on Thanksgiving I'm going to have my son wear a "Big Brother" shirt and see if anyone notices :) This is when I might get more in-depth questions from the family-at-large. Not everyone is going to be there, but once I let the news out -- everyone in our close friends/family circle will know. Meaning, almost everyone that I grew up with.

I'm not doing the "real" announcement until after Christmas, where I'll send out an official announcement with cute pictures of my son. We just took the pictures this past weekend and I think they're going to turn out REALLY good!! I can't wait to see them. I feel more comfortable announcing at that time because I'll be 16/17 weeks by then.

Again, the only reason I'm telling family/close friends at Thanksgiving is because they will be very upset if I don't tell them in-person when I had a chance. Plus, it'll be nice to "celebrate" the pregnancy with them.

Then, there's the question of "how much do I tell them?" I've already mentioned that none of them know I've been trying... which means none of them know I went through IUI's and IVF's -- and that I used donor sperm. It's so funny because I don't think much of it anymore, even though it's not "main stream." I'm 100% secure with my decision to pursue having my baby.

I have to say that my brother and dad might not be men of much words, but our extended close family friends are men/women of many words, many questions, and extremely nosey. Like, all up in your business. Which is partly why NONE of them knew I was trying!

I'm anticipating a lot of questions. I'm also anticipating a lot of questions/phone calls/emails/texts from everyone else that isn't there in-person on Thanksgiving. Maybe they'll surprise me and not really ask much... LOL. I highly doubt that though.

After much deliberation and thinking, I am going to choose to be really open about it. For the most part, my local friends have been so supportive and I've been 100% honest about trying (and failing). I think I'm not going to "offer" information, but will let the conversation go naturally and share the truth as I feel comfortable. Which includes discussing donor sperm, IUI, IVF, and Infertility...

I am not sure how things will be received from everyone. I'm sure I'll be the topic of gossip in our little circle of friends. But I don't really care all that much at this point -- which took me a LONG time to get to this "point."

I had to think to myself why I didn't want to share 100% of the truth with them. I guess it's because I didn't really think it was any of their business how I conceived my child. I also didn't feel comfortable discussing my Infertility... it's still such a sore and sad topic for me, like open wounds or something. I guess I was also a little worried on judgment from using donor sperm (most of our circle is Catholic). I've also had a specific friend who acted extremely negative to the discussion of using donor sperm (which surprised me-so I don't talk to her about it anymore).

Anyways. It's not an easy thing to share my infertility struggles or to share intimate details about conceiving. However, I think I've come to terms with it all and realize my hesitation was more towards exposing my vulnerability in these topics vs. actually sharing it with them. So, share away I will... Wish me luck!

11w+0d: General Update + Cardiologist Visit

Have I mentioned I'm tired? The fatigue has lifted a lot, but I'm still not able to keep up to my normal pace pre-pregnancy. When I do a lot of things at one time, I'm just exhausted. Because of this, I've had to make a few changes to things.

House Cleaner 

At the beginning of the year I had started the Dave Ramsey plan. Part of my cutting costs plan was to cut out my house cleaner, who came every 2 weeks. I have to say, I did REALLY good with keeping the house clean for a little while. But once I started back on fertility medications in June/July, things started to go down-hill. Then when I started my FET cycle in August/September -- it got worse. Then the fatigue once I was pregnant... can I say - things got worse!!

I was keeping up with doing laundry, but not folding. I was good at putting things away, but not doing any deep cleaning. The house just got out of control and it was very stressful for me. A dirty house just makes me all out of sorts, like I can't relax. I just didn't have the energy to do anything about it. I finally bit the bullet and hired my cleaning lady back. She came last week and my house is CLEAN and lovely and smells so good! I am so happy that I decided to hire her back and she'll be coming every 2 weeks from now on. I'll just have to find another part of my budget to shave off of to make up the difference.

Diabetes Log

Part of my diabetes management is that I have to maintain a food log and glucose levels. I check my blood sugars 6x's a day: fasting/before breakfast, after breakfast, before lunch, after lunch, before dinner, after dinner. I have to admit... it is so hard to keep a log and to remember to check my glucose levels. I haven't been the best at it. Like when I'm busy at work and have a lot of meetings or if I'm out running errands, I don't "forget" - I just don't have the time to always check. It's frustrating I'm trying to get better at it and be more consistent. I'm finding the weekends are harder vs. the work week, since my schedule is more sporadic. I'm trying not to think about logging my foods through the whole pregnancy because it feels overwhelming. I don't make good food choices a lot of times, because of my busy schedule -- and I don't really know what the solution to that is. I have created a Google Sheets doc to track my food/glucose intake, which is a lot easier than keeping it on paper -- that's helped.

Cardiologist Visit 

As part of my MFM "to-do's" I scheduled an appointment with the Cardiologist to have an EKG and an echo cardiogram done. This was in part due to my diabetes, which can impact the heart. In pregnancy, your heart works harder because you're pumping more blood. So, my MFM wanted me to get this looked at, just to make sure everything was OK.

I'll start off by saying... that I didn't like the Cardiologist. It was hard getting scheduled. The office seems run-down a bit. His staff came across unprofessional and lazy. And I didn't like the way he communicated with me.

First, I had the EKG done -- everything looked good on it. Then, I was supposed to have the echo cardiogram. They had to get approval through my insurance, which took 2 people to call to finally get it authorized. Why? Who knows. But I was sitting there waiting while the first person said it wasn't approved, then the second person called and got it approved. Humph. Time suck.

When I finally met with the doctor, the first thing he talks about is my weight. He didn't read my chart or the notes from the referral - he just talked about my weight. "I think your diabetes is due to you being overweight and if you lost weight, you wouldn't have diabetes." Well, that's nice and kinda a "duh" thing to say. But he didn't read my chart and didn't realize I was pregnant. Do you tell a pregnant woman to lose weight? Then, he went into the whole, "Do you have high blood pressure issues? High cholesterol?" No and no. Then he goes into the whole - let me try to scare the sh!t out of you approach. He says, "Well, you might not have it now - but you will get it as you get older." Like it's inevitable. Nice. He then asked, "have you ever tired to lose weight?" Umm, yes doctor I have. Then I was on fertility treatments for two years and gained it all back. Which, you would know if you read my chart.

Anyways, the Cardiologist was fascinated that I was single and got pregnant through a donor. He said, "Wow, I've heard of women doing this I just never met anyone that's done it." Then he went on to quote a study about it and actually seemed to like me better once he heard this. Well, OK then.

He finally decided to read my chart after that. He then told me that I shouldn't be on Metormin because it causes birth defects... I'm like WTF. My MFM, my RE, and my OB all know I'm on Metformin and no one has ever said that to me or told me stop. Not ONE. He went on and on and on about how I shouldn't be on it for the first trimester and he's shocked my MFM actually increased my dose.

At this point... I could've freaked out. Hello, paranoid pregnant lady worried over this pregnancy. But after the conversation we had on the other stuff, I just figure he has no clue what he's talking about - where Maternal Fetal Medicine is concerned. He might be a genius with hearts, but he obviously is behind things where pregnancy is concerned. He also answered his phone 2x's during his consult with me... Odd.

Then, he checked my heart rate and he said everything looks good. But then countered with some scary a$$ sh!t that "could" possibly happen to me during the pregnancy because of the diabetes and being overweight. Like, really scary stuff. Like WTH.

Then I had the echo cardiogram done, which I don't know the results since the Cardiologist had an emergency and needed to go to the hospital. Seeing my heart on the ultrasound was kind of cool!

Anyways. It was a bad experience. I hate the scare tactics from doctors and worse case scenarios. Scare tactics with a pregnant woman is even worse because my hormones are all crazy and I'm paranoid as heck. Most of the stuff he was talking about wouldn't just pop up out of nowhere anyways. That stuff would be gradual and I'm being so closely monitored, I'm sure my MFM would catch anything and make the appropriate adjustments to my care. What an a$$

Ok, this entry is a bit longer than I thought it would be! Didn't realize how annoyed I was at the cardiologist visit until I wrote it all down. So, I'll end this entry here. Some exciting stuff coming up next week -- the NT scan and the NIPT!! Can't wait.

Next Steps:

• 11/22/16: NT Scan and NIPT 
• 12/1/16: Annual eye exam 
• 12/2/16: OB Visit

11 Weeks Pregnant!!!

I can't believe it, I'm 11 weeks pregnant. I have to admit my paranoia hasn't "lightened" at all! But it's nice to know that the 2nd trimester is just around the corner. Baby C is becoming more real and I'm starting to really believe that he/she will be joining us in June. So close, but so far away. Here's what 11 weeks looks like: 

How far along: 11 weeks

How big is baby: A lime! From the Ovia App: 

Weight Gain: -3 lbs

Stretch Marks: No new ones

Symptoms: After my energy surge at 10 weeks, I'm still feeling some fatigue - just get really tired fast. Still some food aversions. I won't be hungry and then all of a sudden I'm hit with hunger pains, "EAT NOW!" Also started getting lower back pain. 

Sleeping: Tossing and turning. Waking up in the middle of the night to pee more frequently now. 

Food cravings: Vanilla Ice Cream...! Eek. 

Food aversions: same as last week - raw chicken, raw meat smells, Eggs. Something new, not really liking peanut butter right now. 

Maternity Clothes: I bought some last week. Oddly enough, the pants are extremely comfortable! 

Movement: Nope, too early still. 

What I did / Got for Baby: I bought a "sneak peak" frame to put an ultrasound picture in. I also bought my son a "first year" frame and bought a matching one for the baby. I bought a crib and crib mattress! I know it's early, but they were having an awesome sale on Amazon that I couldn't pass up. I am getting rid of my hand-me-down cribs that I have used, since they have drop-sides. I also bought the cutest onesies that say "Worth the Wait" :) 

What I miss: Having a normal appetite and being able to do things without getting so tired. 

Workouts: Still haven't started on this. Ugh. But I have gotten a lot of neglected housework done! That counts, right? 

What I'm looking forward to: Getting to the 2nd trimester... it's so very close...!!!! 

Best moment of the week: Getting holiday/adoption/announcement pictures taken with my son. I think the pictures are going to turn out so great and I can't wait to put together our "Baby C Announcement" to share with all our friends/family. I'm waiting to officially announce to everyone until after Christmas. Doing a "New Year's" style card. Although I am going to share the news with my immediate family/family friends over Thanksgiving - which is just NEXT week. 

10 weeks pregnant!

Reaching 10 weeks feels pretty monumental to me! But it also comes with doubts and fears, especially since I didn't have an ultrasound this week. I keep wondering, "is everything ok in there??!!" I hope I could hold my paranoia back until my NT scan. 

I did a fun little "predictor" thing on the Internet: 

Let's see how accurate this will be. It has a 50/50 chance to get the gender correct. Lol. I doubt my MFM or OB will let me go over my due date for delivery. Guess we shall see! 

Here's what 10 weeks looks like: 

How far along: 10 weeks

How big is baby: Strawberry, from the Ovia App: 

Weight Gain: -3 lbs

Stretch Marks: No new ones

Symptoms: Sore breasts, nausea, , food aversions, frequent peeing, emotional, joints hurts, ligament pain. Fatigue is lifting a bit!!! I have a little more energy, but get tired easily and need to take constant breaks 

Sleeping: overall sleeping is better, but I'm a side sleeper and my sides seem to get sore quickly, making me toss and turn.

Food cravings: sardines! I haven't entertained this one, but my mouth gets watery just thinking about it.

Food aversions: same as last week - raw chicken, raw meat smells, Eggs

Maternity Clothes: I don't need them yet, but my jeans are extremely uncomfortable at the waist. In anticipation, have bought some work maternity pants and some maternity jeans, waiting for them to arrive. I think most of my shirts will work for pregnancy, unless I get really big. So holding off for now. 

Movement: too early!

What I did / Got for Baby: I haven't bought anything just yet, but I have started going through old baby items to sort through what I'm getting rid of and what's still good.

What I miss: Eating cereal, rice, bread... any carbs!

Workouts: None. But with my short energy boosts, I have gotten a lot done at my house!

What I'm looking forward to: Finding out the gender and getting my NT scan.

Best moment of the week: Getting bursts of energy! 

9w+6d: Last Day of Meds and MFM injections training

*** Back posting this since I wrote it last week, but didn't publish it. 

I have to admit that everyday I'm pregnant, I give a sigh of relief. I just can't shake the fear. It's so hard to believe that I am pregnant and that everything is going to be ok. Paranoia from my TTC Infertility journey? Just pregnancy anxiety? Or a little of both? 

There's "controversy" over when the 1st trimester really ends. My OB goes by 12 weeks, other places say it's 13 weeks. I'll feel great when I make it to 12 weeks... then 13... then 14 :)

I've told one co-worker about the pregnancy because it'll impact the deal allocation schedule. Felt weird saying it out loud to someone I'm not really close to. 

MFM Injection Training: Insulin 

I have to admit, when I picked up my insulin from the pharmacy, I felt a little defeated. I didn't feel like this originally, I always felt it was almost inevitable to get put on insulin for my pregnancy. I also know why it's necessary and needed. 

However, the reality of picking up the supplies... the reality of doing injections training... and the reality that I'll have to give myself 2-3 injections a day until I give birth... I felt like I failed in a way. When I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in 2008, it was one of my lowest moments. It almost felt like the end of things. So dramatic, but that's how it felt at the time. I had said I would never go on insulin. My diabetes has been in control by diet, then with Metformin. My levels have been really good and sometimes even in the "regular" range. 

So although I know it's necessary, it still is a moment where I'm faced with my diabetes diagnosis and that my body doesn't process things like normal people. 

Injections training was quick and easy, since I am pretty skilled at injections at this point. We discussed my food log and she said it's good that my levels stay good when I eat right, she says that's not the case for everyone. It's when I eat badly that my levels go bonkers. So I'm hoping after my food aversions lift and I have more energy, I'll be able to cook and eat better. 

I do love my MFM doctor! She wants me to call on her cell phone to let her know how my dosage is going. I'm not one to bug doctors unnecessarily... but she insisted. Feel very good having her as my doctor. 

First Insulin Shot 

After doing PIO, insulin needles are sooooo easy. I don't even feel it. 

Last Day of Meds 

I had my last day of my IVF Meds... no more Progesterone In Oil, no more progesterone suppositories, no more vaginal estrace, no more estrogen patches. Crazy... it's almost scary to stop the Meds. 

Overall 

Surprisingly enough, so far the pregnancy hasn't been so bad. There was the SCH scare... which still gives me some hesitation to get excited about the pregnancy. The nausea isn't "that" bad, the food aversions suck really bad, and the diabetes impact on the pregnancy sucks. But overall, things have been going well. I think a lot of the food aversions and stress was due to my high glucose levels and worrying about the impact on my baby. 

With all that, I have a good healthcare team in place to help with everything that needs to be helped with. I'm well taken care of and well monitored. 

I worry though because the last time I felt pretty good about the pregnancy was at 7 weeks and that's when the SCH hit... I just hope that nothing crazy or unexpected happens. I really would like a boring pregnancy! Some good news is, I seemed to have stopped bleeding - for now anyways. I've been spotting almost non-stop with stringy blood clots. Yesterday it seems to have stopped. It stopped once before, so will see if it starts up again. 

There's also the anxiety that I haven't seen the baby for a week. I don't have another ultrasound until 11/22, which feels like light years away! The lack of pregnancy symptoms always has me worried that something is wrong. I hope I don't feel like this for the entire pregnancy, but I'm sure I'll feel like this for the remainder of the first trimester. I just hope my baby is ok, it's hard to just "trust" my body after all the Infertility issues and my diabetes. 

Next Steps: 

11/17/16: Cardiologist Echocardiogram 

11/22/16: NT scan and NIPT 

12/2/16: OB followup 

9 Weeks Pregnant!

I found this list on a blog way back when I first started TTC. I can't remember which blog I saw it on now. But it was a cute pregnancy tracker. I saved the format and thought I'd start tracking my pregnancy a little more closely. There's been so many "scares" and worries so far that I've been worried to track things or just preoccupied with worries. Now, I'm feeling it's time and I'm ready.

How far along: 9 weeks

How big is baby: Cherry, from the Ovia App: 

Weight Gain: -5 lbs

Stretch Marks: No new ones

Symptoms: Sore breasts, nausea, fatigue, food aversions, frequent peeing, emotional, joints hurts, ligament pain.

Sleeping: I've actually been sleeping a lot better!

Food cravings: Fried chicken and hamburgers

Food aversions: raw chicken, raw meat smells, Eggs

Maternity Clothes: Not yet

Movement: I haven't felt anything, but I've seen the baby move at my 8 week ultrasounds.

What I did / Got for Baby: Nothing yet!

What I miss: Eating cereal and carbs

Workouts: None. Fatigue is kicking my butt. I have prenatal yoga DVDs I intend to use "soon."

What I'm looking forward to: Finding out the gender!

Best moment of the week: Seeing the baby move on the ultrasound and hearing the baby's heartbeat strong and steady.

8w+6d: MFM and OB Appointments

I know I'm behind on all other aspects of my blog, but as I mentioned in my last post - the fatigue is killing me. So I'm barely keeping up with the blog as is. I also mentioned that my app on my phone isn't working (keeps crashing), so makes it harder to do updates since I'm hardly on my home computer. 

MFM Follow-Up - Diabetes 

I had a follow-up appointment with my MFM this morning to follow-up on my diabetes. The good news is: All my labs look really good! Liver, kidney, and urine analysis all came back within range. Also, my blood pressure is perfect. My A1C was at a 6.0, which is really good for a type 2 diabetic and I'm mostly in the pre-diabetic range. Here is a chart for comparison: 

Although all my labs look good, my food log looked HORRIBLE! Well, to begin with - I'm a picky eater normally. I just am and have been since I was a kid. I've ventured off onto new food adventures, but I am extremely picky. Then, hit the nausea and food aversions.... Limited food options to begin with, now half the foods I would normally have eaten are just not happening. I've actually lost about 5 lbs since I got pregnant, which they say is completely normal. But sometimes I'm just afraid to eat because I'm afraid of what my blood sugars are going to do.

The main issues: my fasting blood sugar was high and my blood sugar spikes really high after meals.

This isn't "normal" for me and they said the pregnancy will throw everything off. The real concern is that huge spikes in my sugar means the baby is experiencing these spikes as well, which is really bad for the baby. When we were going over my food log, I burst out crying. This hormonal/emotional thing is just crazy sometimes. I can't eat anything and my blood sugars are crazy.

With that in mind, my MFM is switching me from Metformin to insulin... I start next week after I have an injections training class. I'll be doing insulin injections 3x's a day. I'm not thrilled about the switch to insulin, but at the same time I relieved that the blood sugar spikes will be controlled.

I also have to decide on the NIPT. My MFM recommended I take the Panorama test, so I'm going to do that one. I just have to decide on timing. Technically, I can take it as early as 10 weeks. The issue: it can be inconclusive that early is there might not be enough baby DNA in my bloodstream. If I wait a little longer, the chances of the tests coming back OK are higher and then I won't have to repeat the test. So... I'm leaning towards waiting until my NT scan at 11 weeks to do the test. What's a week in waiting? In my head, the one week delay FEELS like a long time... I want to know if everything is OK and I also want to know the gender. Patience was never my thing, if you've noticed... but waiting until 11 weeks is probably what I'll end up doing.

OB Appointment 

I also had my OB appointment today. It was kind of a weird appointment since I was seeing a different doctor and I wasn't really sure what they were going for during this appointment. I had to give them an update on the SCH and let them know I was still bleeding. Then they gave me an ultrasound (I wasn't expecting one). Man... the lady doing the vaginal ultrasound -- she was really rough, it actually hurt! Never had it hurt like that before. Made me miss my RE who I never really felt any discomfort with for the most part. I got to see baby again and see his/her heartbeat, which was at a health 171 bpm. Baby was doing its little wiggles, which will never cease to amaze me. The SCH is still there and hasn't reabsorbed yet. They said it can last from 4-6 weeks and not to worry unless I have a period-like bleed or get major hurtful cramps.

I have to go back and get more blood work drawn. Otherwise, I found out I'm experiencing ligament pain in my abdomen. I have to admit that I was worried it was signs of a miscarriage... which is why I asked about it. But all is well, just normal pregnancy stuff.

Going forward, only going to see the OB every 4 weeks until the third trimester where I'll get more frequent monitoring for "stress tests" and stuff. The MFM I'll probably see more often due to the diabetes management and high risk factors.

The OB gave me a bag of free stuff:

It was kind of fun getting a bag of baby/pregnancy related stuff! Like, this is really happening! One of the guides they had in there says: 

I thought that was too funny, so had to post it - it made me laugh :) 

Looks like my appointments are starting to get more "regular" (hopefully). The constant appointments were hard to balance between work and single motherhood stuff! But the sad thing is, that means I won't be having an ultrasound until my NT scan! That's a 2 1/2 weeks from now. I've been a bit spoiled getting 2 a week the past two weeks. I think it's just going to slow down after that. 

I'm feeling a little more optimistic about this pregnancy. Baby is on track, blood work looks good, and I'm doing preventative measures with the diabetes. I have all the right providers, which makes me feel like I have a great medical team behind me. I'm doing all I can to have a healthy pregnancy. 

I still can't believe it... I'm really pregnant, I'm really going through this. Tomorrow I'll be 9 weeks pregnant. Every day, every new week -- is such a blessing. 

Next Steps: 

• 11/11/16: MFM Appointment, Insulin Injections Training 
• 11/22/16: MFM Appointment, NT Scan and NIPT(?) 
• 12/2/16: OB Appointment, monthly follow-up 
• Cardiologist?? Still waiting to schedule due to the issue with the referral. 

8w+5d: Update and Graduation from RE

Things have been going "OK." I had stopped bleeding last week from the subchorionic hemorrhage (SCH) and I thought I was in the clear. But this week, the spotting has started up again. The bleeding is kinda wine-colored and I am passing some stringy blood clots. Gross, I know... and sorry if TMI, but I'm trying to document all this stuff.

With the bleeding, it's very hard not to worry. I'm just trying to keep things in stride and trying not to obsess over it, although I continue to Google and read more on SCH.

Other than that, I've been having some other pregnancy-related issues:

• Major Fatigue. I'm just tired - ALL THE TIME. If I do something physical, it just exhausts me so quickly. For example, I was hanging up pictures. Not strenuous or anything, right? But then I broke out in a sweat all over my body and I was breathing loud. Sheesh. Trick or treating with my son was also an adventure. Luckily he walks slow! 
• Food Aversions/Nausea. I have to say that so far, I have been very lucky in the nausea area. I haven't thrown up or anything. However, I started having MAJOR food aversions this week. The big one is eggs. I can't stand eggs. Cooking them, eating them, smelling them, even looking at them... And I normally love eggs. I've been trying to eat them, but I end up spitting it out. So gross... It makes me sad :(  Chicken is yummy when it's already cooked, but raw chicken and cooking chicken makes me feel sick. Also, other things just don't taste right to me. 
• Sore Breasts. This has been going on for awhile now... Some days they hurt more than others and sometimes I get these twinges and sharp pains. Supposedly that's all normal. 
• Joints Hurting. I don't know if this is pregnancy related or not, but my joints just hurt. 
• Frequent Peeing. Normal pregnancy stuff. But man... sometimes I just really got to go! Holding it does not work. I had a "close call" at work where I had to go to the bathroom and all the stalls were full. I ended up hopping on the elevator, going down a floor, and barely making it the restroom there! Like when the urge to pee hits, it's like go RIGHT NOW! 
• Emotional/Hormonal. Dang... I can cry. I can really cry about anything and everything! I am a crying mess. I also am easy to get annoyed/angry at people! LOL. This will be interesting if my emotional levels keep teetering. 

8 weeks + 2 days: I graduated from my RE's Office! 

I had my very last appointment with my RE on Monday (10/31). I always imagined the moment that I wouldn't have to go back to my clinic. I guess I always knew what that moment would signify - that I was really pregnant. What I didn't anticipate was the sadness of leaving a great practice that has supported me for the last through 2 years, ups and downs and all that.

It was a happy, but emotional moment for me. I cried... They give such great personal attention and have helped me through so much with my battle with Infertility. I told them, "I'm going to miss you guys, but I hope I don't have a need to come back here anytime soon."

I had my last ultrasound there. Little baby was moving around and looking like a gummy bear :) His/her heartbeat was going strong at 176 bpm. This time the heartbeat sounded like a train, so wondering if little baby is going to be a boy or a girl. I'm still leaning towards GIRL. Let's see if my intuition is right. You can even see the umbilical cord on the ultrasound which is really cool. The SCH is still visible, but did not get any bigger.

My RE and the staff gave me hugs and congratulations. Asking me to bring the baby in after he/she is born. They even gave me a nice little gift, which was an engraved baby spoon :)

MFM Follow-Up Items

I've made progress on my MFM items:

1. Log Food. I've done that this week... man, she's going to be like WTF are you eating! Horrible eating habits this week due to the food aversions. Not to mention... my blood sugars really fluctuate with certain kinds of foods. I'm going to ask to be referred to a nutritionist because I seriously need some help in the eating area. Adding together the food aversions + nausea + fatigue = I just don't want to cook. I'm too tired! I don't know what the solution is, I'll see what she says about it. 
2. Increase Metformin. This hasn't gone so well. I had a bad reaction when I upped my Metformin, so I haven't gotten to the dose she recommends yet. I'll see what she says about this tomorrow. 
3. Schedule Cardiologist. This was a bit of a struggle. I called them to schedule an appointment and they said they never received the referral. I called the MFM office back and they resent the referral and I STILL haven't heard from the Cardiologist. I'm going to try calling again tomorrow and see what happens. 
4. Eye Exam. I have this scheduled for 11/18. 
5. Dentist. I had this appointment on 11/1. Next follow-up is in 4 months. 
6. 24 hour urine test & additional blood work. I got this done over the last two days. The urine collection wasn't too bad, it was just annoying and kinda gross. 

I'm going to schedule the NIPT (Non-invasive pregnancy test) at my appointment tomorrow. I can take it starting at 10 weeks and crazy to think that 10 weeks is very very close. 

Overall, I just feel tired. There's so much to do and so many appointments. This fatigue is kicking my butt and the SCH bleeds scare the crap out of me. But I'm getting by. Each day that goes by gives me some reassurance. I just want this little baby to be healthy and for us to meet him/her in June. I still carry a lot of fears that I try not to entertain. I hope I get to the point where I'm just enjoying my pregnancy and it'd be nice to have a boring next couple of months with nothing crazy to write about. 

Although I've heard my baby's heartbeat and seen him/her move around in my womb - it's still really hard to believe I'm pregnant, that this is happening right now. I tried not to get too attached to this pregnancy, especially after the SCH... But I am totally attached to this little life growing inside of me.  The one thing the SCH scare showed me was how deeply I love this baby. 

I am so grateful to finally be here and to be experiencing all of this. 

Next Steps: 

• 11/4/16: MFM Diabetes Follow-up 
• 11/4/16: OB Appointment 
• 11/11/16: Stop all medications 
• 11/22/16: NT Scan!