IUI #7 (Cycle 10) - Beta Test Results

Cycle 10 and IUI #7 = BFN. I knew the odds were relatively low for this IUI to work... but I still hoped it would miraculously be the crazy cycle that worked. No such luck.

Not to mention that I got AF this morning prior to going for my Beta test. So, I knew this would be the outcome. Which is weird, I've never spotted or got my period while on progesterone before! Out of all my cycles, this has never happened. Just another oddity to add to Cycle 10.

I tried so hard not to do a home pregnancy test, I really did! But at 10dpIUI I was really itching to POAS. By 12dpIUI, I caved. I did end up testing early on 12dpIUI. Stark white negative result.

My RE is so nice. He called me personally, which I never can get used to! He's never called for my IUI results, only for the IVF results. But I guess there was an exception because of the IVF cancellation that converted to an IUI. He sounds almost just as frustrated as I do that I'm not pregnant!

I have to admit that I'm really disappointed it didn't work. But I think my disappointment stems from this ENTIRE cycle just being horrible. From AF not starting on time, to my medication issues, to not stimming well, to the IVF cycle being converted to an IUI, to the sperm almost not arriving on time for the IUI. It's just been one F'd up rollercoaster of a cycle.

I feel like I wasted 2 months of my life with this cycle and I could've just did a FET or something else. Instead of flushing money down the IVF drain to not even get to an egg retrieval. So lame.

I'm glad this cycle is over. Now, I get to move on and leave the bitterness in the past. I need to turn the POSITIVE back on. I'm not really sure how to do that... TTC has really been one disappointment after another. For the most part, I think I've dealt with the rollercoaster pretty well. But this cycle really got the best of me.

What's Next? 

I had a few choices on what to do next:

1. Do another full IVF retrieval 
2. Do a FET 
3. Do an IUI 
4. Do nothing 

Option #1: I was thinking and thinking and thinking about the possibility of doing another IVF retrieval. With IVF #3 being converted to an IUI, most of my payment didn't get applied - which means I have a credit at my RE's office. I can use those funds to pay for another full IVF retrieval. Which means I can afford to cash roll another IVF cycle. 

But the thought of going through all that again... Right now, it's just too much. I don't want to go through stims again. Not right now. Emotionally, I'm still too bitter from Cycle 10 to contemplate going through it again. Plus, I stopped my supplements the day of IUI #7 and if I do another retrieval I want to make sure I have a few months to take supplements prior to a retrieval. 

Option #1 has a lot against it, so I opted against it. 

Option #3: I thought about doing IUI's, but why do another IUI when I have 2 frozen embryos? 

Option #4: I'm not ready to give up yet! 

That leaves Option #2: A Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) 

Doing a FET feels right. FET's are less stressful. Plus, I have 2 frozen embryos. These embryos aren't PGS tested... which worries me so much. But the cost analysis doesn't make sense to test just 2 embryos. Plus, there's the potential to lose the embryos with the thaw/biopsy/re-freeze part. 

Then there's another choice: transfer 1 or transfer 2 embryos? 

My RE said that since I've had two failed transfers, he's recommending transferring both my embryos. He said the odds are the same at this point to transfer 1 or 2, that it'll most likely lead to a singleton pregnancy. Basically, he thinks the risk for twins is low. I have been very twin risk-adverse up to this point. 

So the plan is... FET #2 in September and transferring 2 embryos. Oh my....!!! 

I actually have my baseline ultrasound tomorrow and will be put on birth control pills. Basically, jumping right into FET #2. 

How Do I Feel? 

I had a very difficult and emotional July! I know most of it was because of the medications enhancing my emotions. But man... I cried a lot and got into sad/depressed states. It was pretty ugly. Not like I was crying everyday or non-functional. But it was pretty bad for me. At the same time, I'm glad that I cried it out and got my frustration out. I've been feeling like a "good little TTC soldier" and kept moving forward after each disappointment... that I didn't really let myself cry more than just a little bit. I think Cycle 10 just over filled my emotional bucket and I had to let it all out. 10 cycles of disappointments. Tens of thousands of dollars spent. Getting close to 2 years of trying to have a baby.  

So, I'm glad this chapter is over and I have a plan for the next steps. I was so bitter the entire month, I wasn't sure if the next steps would be "clear" or that I would even want to do anything. I was thinking, "Maybe I need a break from all this." 

When I got my negative pregnancy test, I started to think about what I should do next. When I thought about doing the FET and transferring 2 embryos... I felt at peace with that decision. I always felt bad that I was "giving up" on my last 2 embryos from IVF #2, since the other 2 didn't stick. I really wanted to PGS test them to get a clearer picture on egg quality. But nothing to be done on that at this juncture. 

I feel really good about moving forward with the FET and I feel so much less stress about it all. 

Here's the plan: 

• September: FET #2. 

If it doesn't work...

• Nov or Dec or Jan (Holiday travel schedule will impact when I'll move forward): Try another Egg Retrieval 
• I'll probably try an IUI or two during the IVF-wait period, if I have the time in between cycles to do them. 

But there's always the possibility that FET #2 works... it'll be a miracle! 

I always try to imagine what that "moment" would look like, to actually get 2 lines on one of those damn evil pregnancy tests and to get a happy phone call from my RE with positive beta results. I really hope that one day that moment will happen and all the wonderful moments that'll trickle after that. 

Here's to adding HOPE back into my bucket. 

Next Steps:

• Stop all IUI Medications 
• 8/5/16: FET #2 Baseline Ultrasound 
• 8/19/16: Scheduled WTF meeting with RE for Cycle #10. I want to discuss what he would change if I did another Fresh IVF cycle (in the event FET #2 doesn't work). Got to stay one step ahead of the game on this... 

IUI #7 (Cycle 10): Two Week Wait IUI-Style

It feels weird being in the Two Week Wait (TWW) after an IUI. I have to wait a FULL 14 days to find out if it worked. With IVF, I only had to wait 9 days after a transfer for the blood test. And yes, those 5 days matter! Not to mention, there's more certainty with IVF. You know the egg was fertilized. You know you have an embryo. With IUI, you just don't know if the sperm and egg ever met. Will see how this TWW goes for me. I'm hoping to just "forget" about it for 14 days. LOL, yeah right.

To start off: I'm not planning on testing at home. I've never not tested for a cycle. But with my cycles with a false positive on a HPT... I don't want to go through that ever again. Plus, I figure the 6-10% chances of this IUI working are so slim statistically... why add the extra stress of POAS? Let's see if I can even manage this "not testing" thing!

Here's a picture of the "process" and what I hope will be happening during the TWW. Again, with IUI - you don't know if the sperm and egg met.

Random Thoughts: 

• Started the progesterone suppositories and multiple night peeing seems to be in my future. I hate that side effect. 
• My BB's were really sore the day after the IUI, before I started the progesterone. Must be a reaction from the Stim meds. Then after I started the progesterone --- OUCH! So very sore. Another hated side effect. 
• I had some pain in my left ovary the day of and after the IUI. Thinking its related to the cyst maybe? 
• Tried to drink a little bit of caffeine (haven't had any caffeine in July) & got a headache. Ugh.
• Tried my best NOT to count the days post IUI. Every time I started a mental calculation, I needed to distract myself. Looking at a calendar was not good! And I look at a calendar all the time for work and for scheduling my personal appointments... I had to keep telling myself "Don't count!!" This worked until 1 week in, when it was obvious which days post IUI I was. <sigh>
• Started getting some cramping a few days after the IUI. Early for AF, but my cycles are all off right now. But having cramps less than a week after the IUI is not making me optimistic about this cycle. 
• IUI's are almost easier than IVF. With an IUI, you know the odds are so low - so your expectations are a bit low. Although you still hope to be in that lucky percentile. With IVF, you put your body through so much and the expectations are so much higher. You know you have an embryo. IUI, you don't know what the heck is going on inside your body. 
• I keep telling myself that this cycle didn't work, to prepare myself for the inevitable negative result of this unexpected IUI. I even asked one friend not to ask me about the results of this cycle and to just sum it up to it not working... But in my heart of hopes... I hope I'm surprised with a positive. I feel bad feeling like it didn't work before it's verified. But the cycle was just a disaster, I don't want to get all my hopes up - hoping for that BFP... Then have it all crumple. 
• Getting night sweats and vivid dreams. All progesterone-related I'm sure. But the dreams... I can do without the dreams. When I'm on progesterone the dreams seem so real. I ended up waking up one night so disturbed by my dream and couldn't go back to sleep because it was haunting me!
• Staying distracted by listening to audio books, keeps my mind occupied. 
• Starting to get a bit stuffy, coming down with a cold? Also some chills/dizzy spells. Ugh. Hope I'm not getting sick. Adding a sore throat to this. :( 
• I am SO anxious for this TWW to be over. I know it's a long shot for this IUI to work... But man, I'm hoping it did. Either way, can't wait for the TWW to be over so I can start thinking of next steps, either way. The anxiousness is starting to sway me into testing early... 
• This was probably my most emotional draining TWW. I think it's because of the way the cycle went. The last cycle I had such a hard time with was IVF #1 because it was cancelled :( 
• Have I mentioned hot flashes and hot sweats? In this heat--- horrid. 
• 10dpIUI (hard not to count at that point) I had some brown spotting. Very small amount. Implantation bleeding or precursor to AF or maybe the suppositories are irritating my cervix?? So much wondering from a little bit of spotting. LOL. Can it be this, or that, or this. Crazy TTC mind. 

The cycle is almost over... Let's see what there results are. 

Next Steps:

• 8/4/16: Beta Test

IUI #7 (Cycle 10): IUI Day

When I was little I was really into horoscopes. I thought I'd read mine for the month/week/day to see if I could get any insight into this IUI. Premonitions, insights, anything. No such luck unfortunately! lol. Guess I'll have to wait a full 14 days before I find out if it worked or not. Can't believe I used to totally be into that stuff.

I took a half-day off of work today for the IUI. I think I should've taken the entire day off of work today. I was pretty useless for the part of the day that I worked.

I ordered the progesterone suppositories through a local pharmacy I've used for my previous IUI's. They'll hand-deliver them tomorrow. 

Today was my IUI #7 day. It went as my other IUI's have gone, done in under 5 minutes. The speculum going in is still the most uncomfortable part. This time, I actually felt when the catheter hit the top of my uterus! My RE said, "I'm sure you felt that, that's the top of your uterus." Then he said, "All the Sperm is in the uterus." And we're done! 

Sperm Analysis 

Donor #2 had good numbers: 

• Motile Sperm: 28.4 million
• Motility: 58%

Here's the swimmers in the catheter: 

I didn't do much after the IUI. I was still dragging from lack of sleep this week and being a hormonal mess. So, I napped most of the afternoon away. I feel really bloated and uncomfortable. 

Otherwise, I'm hoping to be able to get through the TWW in one piece and not stress too much. I haven't been successful in the past in not doing early testing... but I think I'm going to hold off this time. The way this cycle has gone, I don't need the extra stress. 

Now, it's time to wait! 

Next Steps: 

• The Two Week Wait 
• 8/4/16: Beta Test 

IUI #7 (Cycle 10): Trigger + Sperm Arrived

It's funny, I was looking at my last IUI (Cycle #6) from October. There's some small things I've "forgotten" about doing an IUI, so was reading up on my old entries instead of going to Google-verse. I had said, "last IUI ever." Well, guess not!! I've even been thinking that IUI's might be a better option (cost-wise) if none of these other options work (IUI #7 and/or FET in September) vs. doing another IVF retrieval.

Last Injections

Since my IVF cycle was converted to an IUI, I still had to continue my IVF injections until the day of trigger. It was a bit bitter knowing I'm injecting my body with all these meds and not getting the wished for results of an IVF retrieval. But if I were honest, it was nice to do that LAST injection.

Trigger Shot 

Every time I have a trigger shot at odd hours I get paranoid I'm going to miss it. Which totally happened for IUI #5! So it's not like it's never happened to me before. I set my alarm before going to bed and I still woke up 10 minutes before my alarm thinking, "I missed it!" 

I haven't done a trigger shot for awhile (since IVF #2 in February), so I did follow the instructions carefully. I was happy to be done with it, last shot (for now anyways). After I was done with my shot, it took me awhile to get back to sleep again, was dragging a bit today. 

Donor Sperm Arrived 

Mini panic attack. I checked the shipping status this morning and it said "rescheduled delivery to 7/21." Eek! Freaked me out that the Sperm wouldn't get there on time... Then what? Can this cycle get any worse? But what was strange about it is, it showed it arrived in the City today and "destination scanned." So, why would it take an extra day to get there if it's already in the city? That doesn't make sense... 

I had to call UPS. Apparently the package didn't make it onto the truck for delivery, for whatever reason. So I asked if I could pick it up instead and they said no. WTF. I swear it took everything in me not to yell at the customer service person, "I need my Sperm delivered today!" Not to mention I was at work... at my desk... making this call, trying to sound calm and professional. Oh Lord, how people would've reacted to me saying that at work. 

It did get escalated to a supervisor. After 20 minutes in the phone... Turns out that the package WAS on a vehicle for delivery TODAY. But the online system didn't catch it and changed the delivery day automatically. Stress over nothing apparently. 

Is the universe telling me something about this cycle? Not one thing has gone as planned this cycle. Will I get a break? Sheesh. 

After all that, the package was delivered on time.

So, what sucks big time is my clinic called me and was confused on why a second vial of sperm arrived today. If you recall, I ordered an IUI A.R.T vial for the IVF cycle, Donor #5. Well, A.R.T vials are cheaper and supposedly have less sperm than a regular IUI vial. My RE told me to order a regular IUI vial when the cycle got converted on Sunday. When they called to verify the shipment, turns out that Donor #5 IUI A.R.T vial had just about as much sperm as Donor #2 IUI vial... UGH. Seriously? So I didn't have to buy another vial after all! Damn. $815 down the drain. They asked me which vial to use for tomorrow, I told them to use the new one (Donor #2) that they just got. <sigh>

Then there's the medication screw up. I did a refill order for Progesterone at my pharmacy. Thinking I was ordering the progesterone suppositories. Turns out I ordered the PIO shots. WTH. More $$ down the drain, sadly. That was totally my fault though, I tried to do an online re-order. Need to get this fixed tomorrow as my pharmacy apparently does not have the progesterone suppository RX on file for refill. I guess I'll donate the PIO to my clinic, I have no use for it right now and it expires in 30 days. 

At this point, if this cycle works - it'd be like a miracle. Seriously. All the things that could've went wrong - went wrong. Not to mention my hormones are in a muck with all these injections, combined with all these things going the wrong-way -- it's not a pretty picture! I'm a bundle of hormonal madness at the moment. $ down the drain, things not going according to plan, unneeded extra stress, worrying about sperm arriving.

A miracle... a miracle would be really nice just about now. Let's see how all this turns out. 

Next Steps: 

• 7/21/16 @ 11:45am: IUI #7 

Thoughts on IUI #7 (Cycle 10)

This cycle has been all over the place. Every since the decision was made yesterday to convert IVF #3 to IUI #7, I've been feeling like all this TTC is leading no where. I've been so bitter and angry.

To begin with, I wasn't even sure if I should do a new fresh cycle. It took me awhile to talk myself into it. Not to mention subtle suggestions from close friends suggesting maybe I should stop TTC altogether.

Originally I was just going to transfer my 2 frozen and go from there. Maybe I should've went that way to begin with? Hindsight can be a B.

It's so annoying that I had to convince myself to do this whole new egg retrieval process and I spent hours... maybe days... just thinking about it and weighing my options. Then I finally decide to move forward -- and this happens. Another cancelled IVF cycle. WTH. 

I've been on supplements for 3 months: CoQ10 and DHEA. Doesn't seem like they helped. Or maybe they did and for some reason the protocol that worked for IVF #2 decided not to work for IVF #3. Reason? Who knows! I don't have DOR (Diminished Ovarian Reserve), my baseline follicle count was the highest its been since I started this process (~15). Yet, it's all gone downhill. None of this makes any sense to me. Not to mention that physically, nothing is wrong with me. My blood work and numbers look really good. My uterine lining is always excellent. Yet, I haven't gotten pregnant with 6 IUI cycles and 2 embryo transfers. They call it, "Unexplained Infertility." No reason why. It's just what it is. God's plan? Perhaps.

Makes me wonder: Would another IVF protocol work? Should I try switching clinics? Would it be worth it to switch clinics after I've been with mine for 1.5 years and they know my history? Should I even try for another egg retrieval? Would any change really matter?

I'm starting to think that this cycle was doomed for failure. From my indecision on moving forward. From my horrible time ordering my medications. Almost like the Universe was telling me that maybe I shouldn't move forward with this egg retrieval cycle.

Not to mention how disconnected I've been feeling from TTC since FET #1 failed.

It just doesn't seem like any of the "cards" are aligning for me to have a baby. Each corner there's a new challenge. Each time, things don't go right. It's just so damn infuriating.

Yet, I'm moving forward with IUI #7. After all my complaining, the question might be the "WHY" in that. Why move forward? Why not just stop?

I don't know if I have a good answer to that. All I can think of is, "What if this time it works?" I have thought that EVERY single time... and it hasn't. But there's that damn thing called HOPE. That the next time will be the time. I just can't let myself believe that after this long journey that I won't have a baby at the end of it all. Even though reality has been hitting my head in with a hammer over and over telling me that not having a baby is a real possibility...

But damn hope. Hope tells a different story. Keeps the dream alive for me. That it's still possible. It can still happen. I can have a lucky IUI Cycle #7 or maybe a lucky Hail Mary FET #2 in September.

Even with all my bitterness and anger and frustration, I'm still not ready to call it quits yet because it's not over yet. There's still a small thread of hope weaving its way around my heart of the possibility that this can still happen.

Misplaced hoping? Maybe. Either way, it's time to turn around my attitude and get back on the positive train. I actually blame the fertility meds for my strong anger feelings. They're easy to blame, because they mess with my emotional balance. Dang meds.

I know the statistics on this IUI being successful. It's like only 6-10%. <sigh> But here I go anyways. As I said at my first IUI, "May the Odds be Ever in Your Favor."

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): IVF converted to IUI #7

My ramblings on Stim Days 6-8 and the important Monitoring Appointment #2 results, & the decision to convert to an IUI. For my other stims days see:

Stim Day 1
Stim Days 2-5

Stim Day 6 (7/15)

I was a bit bitter doing my injections today. Not sure what was going to happen this cycle makes it frustrating to be injecting all these meds into my system. Feels like I'm almost throwing money away. I know it'll all be worth it if the cycle ends up continuing. But if it doesn't, it's such a waste.

Stim Day 7 (7/16) 

Starting to feel really "hot," which sucks in this heat! I'm also highly impatient, which maybe means my estrogen levels are going up? But I'm hoping these are good signs and that it means my ovaries are working and the follicles are growing. Maybe some more will show up??? Feeling a little less fatalistic about the cycle today. Hoping it's not mis-placed optimism/hope. Right now I'm leaning towards moving forward with the cycle with PGS testing anything that makes it to Day 5 (plus my 2 frozen). I'm hoping that's still an option tomorrow...

Stim Day 8 (7/17) + Monitoring Appointment #2

I had a horrible Charlie horse this morning and hoped it wasn't indicative of how my monitoring appointment was going to go. Going into the appointment: I haven't been feeling noticeable ovary pain, so worried my follicles weren't  growing. I am moody, have CM, & running "hot" - so was hoping those were good signs.

Well, bad news first. At the monitoring appointment I only had maybe 2-3 follicles (most likely only 2). Therefore, IVF was not an option (needed >4 to do IVF). My options at that point: 1) convert to IUI or 2) cancel the cycle and do nothing.

The good news: I could convert to an IUI. I'm not sure if you remember, but when IVF #1 was cancelled, an IUI conversion wasn't possible and it was pretty devastating for me to do nothing. Have to find little strings of good news in all this...

Ordering more donor sperm 

Luckily, my RE was OK with converting to an IUI. Which I honestly don't have much hope of it working... and I wish I can have more "hope" that it'll work. The IUI led to another issue: I needed to order more sperm. Turns out the sperm I ordered for IVF #3, Donor #5 , did not have any IUI vials. I had purchased an A.R.T sperm vial for IVF #3, which has less sperm/vial than an IUI vial. Which meant I had to make another decision on a sperm donor. Frustrating? Yup. I decided to check out my previous donors. Both Donor #2 (from IUI #5) and Donor #3 (from IUI #6) were available. I decided to just go with Donor #2. No rhyme or reason really... I had vetted him thoroughly and would have used him for IUI #6, but he had no vials available. He also had a good sperm count, so that's where I decided to go.

I have a lot of emotions running through my body right now and thoughts swimming around. I'll try to post a more thorough post on my feelings later... I'm just exhausted from all this right now. Here's the plan:

1) Have IUI #7 this month.
2) If it doesn't work... do a FET in September and transfer both my frozen embryos. No testing them.
3) If that doesn't work... save money to do another IVF egg retrieval. Possibly do IUI's in between.

Not the best situation, but it's the situation I'm faced with.

Next Steps:

• 7/19/16 @ 11:45pm: Trigger Shot
• 7/20/16: Donor #2 IUI vial should arrive at my clinic 
• 7/21/16 @ 11:45am: IUI #7

For more info on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline.

The Woes of IVF #3

Warning: this will be ranting post.

The news I received yesterday at my first monitoring appointment sucked.  I'm not responding to the meds. How can I be responding so poorly to the medication? It just doesn't make sense to me. I guess it goes to show that every single IVF cycle is completely different than the last. Even though I had an "OK" response on this same protocol last time, it's not working this time.

All I can think is: F#@K!

THIS cycle was supposed to be my LAST IVF cycle. I was so sure about that when I decided to move forward that I would let myself stop after this. But now? I don't know... I wanted this to be equal to or better than IVF #2. Now it's looking disastrously like IVF #1.

I just feel so defeated... like this entire journey to have a baby, to build my family -- is going to end with no baby. I just hate this.

With all the ups and downs that I've gone through since starting this process, I've never felt so dejected. Things just keep stacking against me and I can't understand the "why" of it all.

Why it has to be so hard.
Why I have to have fertility issues.
Why I can't get pregnant.
Why I am not responding to the stims.
Why this journey has to be so long.
Why I can't just "stop" trying.

I want to be positive and optimistic and hopeful... I really do. But right now...

I just need to feel the anger that Infertility has brought into my life.
I need to feel the frustration.
I need to feel the sadness.
I need to feel the aches.
I need to feel the losses.
I need to feel just how hard this path has been.

With trying to conceive, it's like you keep going and going and going. You jump over the hurdles. You pass the sadness. You keep looking forward to that DREAM. The dream that helps you stay positive and optimistic and hopeful. But sometimes... You need to just STOP and let yourself feel all the anguish.

This is that time for me.

There are thoughts that I've been fighting with... the thoughts of my body failing me... or the lifelong dream of having a birth child melting away... So much going on in my mind of getting so close to being forced to let go of my dream of having Baby C. It's all just so heartbreaking and I can't let myself linger too long on this or I might not have the power to keep moving forward.

My thoughts are swirling on possible next steps, which won't be clear until my next monitoring appointment on Sunday. But here are some options I'm going to discuss with my RE:

1) Continue with the Cycle. I need 4-5 follicles for this to happen.

Option: freeze the embryos after fertilization. Then do a 3-day FET in September. No PGS. The risk here is not knowing if they are PGS normal.

Option: let the embryos grow to day 5 and PGS test, as planned. Risk here is that maybe none will make it this far.

2) Convert to an IUI. I would need less than 4 follicles for this option.

3) Cancel the cycle and do nothing.

I have no clue what the right thing to do is. I hate that I have to make all these hard decisions and not knowing if I'm making the right/wrong choice. I just pray the answer is clear when I need to make the decision on Sunday... unless the decision is forced upon me and there is no progress with my 5 follicles.

I wish I had a crystal ball just about now...

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): Stim Days 2-5, Monitoring Appt #1 - Possibility of canceling cycle

Here's a few ramblings for Stim Days 2-5 and my first monitoring appointment on Day 5.

See my post on Stim Day 1.

Stim Day 2 (7/11)

Started spotting today. My last BCP was last Tues 7/5. I normally get a light AF after I stop the BCP, but this time it took it awhile to start. Maybe because I was on BCP for a short period of time? Who knows... 

Stim Day 3 (7/12)

Already have a bruise on my tummy from the injections :(  Also, already feeling emotional. Need to stay away from sob-worthy TV episodes. Ugh. 

Stim Day 4 (7/13) 

Received an email from the genetic testing lab. I have to fill out some more waiver forms and put my credit card on file. The cost is going to be $1950 for up to 8 embryos. 

I now have a lot of bruising on my tummy. Which surprises me, as I normally don't bruise this easily during stims. Oh well, almost half way done. Not really feeling any discomfort yet in my ovaries, so hoping this is all working! 

Stim Day 5 (7/14) + Monitoring Appointment #1 

I have to admit, I was worried about the monitoring appointment. IVF #1 I had a low response. IVF #2 my right ovary didn't respond well. I was hoping to get a good response from both my ovaries this round. Day 5 is kinda early to really "know" if it's working, it's easier to see the follicles the longer you Stim for. However, at IVF #2 I had 8 follicles at the Day 5 monitoring. They retrieved 9 eggs, 8 were mature. So maybe it was the same 8 they saw on Day 5? 

The monitoring appointment didn't go well -- at all. I'm not sure if I was even prepared for the discussion on possibly canceling this cycle. Yup, CANCELING! I'm going to do a separate entry on my feelings and frustration with everything.... For now though, I'm responding very similarly as I did to IVF #1. They only saw 5 follicles and I have another cyst on my left ovary.

Here's a comparison of Day 5 monitoring results from all 3 IVF Cycles:

Monitoring Appt #1 (Stim Day 5)	IVF #1	IVF #2	IVF #3
Uterine Lining	11.56 mm	5 mm	4.5 mm
E2	280.5	252	254.5
Right Ovary Follicle Count	4-5	3	3
Left Ovary Follicle Count	2 + Cyst	5	2 + Cyst
Total Potential Follicles	6-7	8	5

At this juncture, I was actually doing better on Stim Day 5 with IVF #1 vs IVF #3. Ugh.

This is not what I expected, at all. I have my next monitoring appointment on Sunday (Stim Day #8) where I'm really going to have to decide what to do next... I'll save that for my venting entry.

I'm feeling so defeated at this point... I'm just not understanding why this just keeps getting harder and harder and harder. Where's the light at the end of the tunnel?

Portal Message: No medication changes. 

Next Steps: 

• 7/17/16: Monitoring Appointment #2 - ultrasound and blood work. 

For more info on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline. 

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): Stim Day #1

The day has quickly arrived for me to start stims! Since I'm doing my injections so early 5:30 am/pm, I still had to do them early today -- Sunday, even though it was the weekend.

I ended up laying out all my supplies the night before, so I wouldn't be scrambling in the morning. This seemed to work well for me, especially since I was a bit groggy this morning! 

The injection wasn't too bad, it actually is less painful than the Lupron needle. 

I had a bit of a lingering migraine after my morning injection. Not really sure if it's related to the stims or not? I'd have to read my previous blog entries to recall if I had migraines on stims previously. You'd think I would remember! But the truth is, all my cycles are a bit of a blur at this point. Looking at  my entry from IVF #1, looks like I had a headache on day 1 of stims as well. 

The evening injection was a little stressful because it was during the time that I was making dinner and prepping my meals for the week. But I got it done! Day #1 of stims completed. 

How am I feeling? 

I've been on this journey to have this baby for such a long time now... All I could really think is, I never thought it'd be so hard to build my family. It seems like such a far away dream to have this baby. I have doubts that it'll ever work. I have big hopes that it will. I'm trying my best not to have any expectations. Right now, I don't have any expectations of this cycle. There are so many steps to go before things will become clearer... 

Throughout my entire TTC journey, I've held onto my hope and love for my future child. I still have that today, maybe more so... Because of all the trials I've had to go through up to now. There's also something hanging in the air this cycle -- the end of TTC. Which brings so many conflicting feelings. 

Anyways... Here we go! Let's see how this cycle goes. 

Next Steps: 

• 7/14/16: Monitoring Appointment #1 - Ultrasound and Blood work.

For more info on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline. 

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): Lupron Injections Begin + Sperm Arrived

Things are about to get busy with IVF, just started injections! 

7/5/16: Stopped Birth Control

I just have to note that I spotted a lot while on birth control. This happened to me in Novemeber 2015 when I was starting IVF #1 as well, but I don't think I wrote about it. I totally forgot that happened until it happened again this time. I don't like being on birth control, thankful to be done with it. 

I was a bit moody BEFORE I started the Lupron. Hoping that isn't a precursor for when I start stims! 

7/8/16 Start Lupron Injections 2x's a day

I started my Lupron Injections today. 2x's a day at 5:30 am/pm. As much as I have done injections, the first few I'm always a bit hesitant. First 2 shots are in the bag. 

Donor #5 Arrived

Received confirmation that Donor #5 arrived at my clinic. So, that's all ready to go... I had a bit of a minor "fear" that I only ordered 1 vial and kept thinking if I should've bought a 2nd vial "just in case" something goes wrong with the first one. I shouldn't be too nervous, I only had 1 vial last time and there weren't any issues. 

I can't believe I start stims in 2 DAYS! I'm not anxious yet... but I'm sure that'll change when stims start up. Things seem to be going so quickly now. 

Next Steps: 

• 7/10/16: Start Stims 
• 7/14/16: Monitoring Appointment #1 and Bloodwork 

For more on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline. 

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): Donor #5

I had a bit of dilemma when entering into IVF #3, Donor #4 I used for IVF #2 does not currently have any vials available. This was hard for me when deciding to move forward with IVF #3 because that means I'd have to use a new donor. Meaning, my 2 embryos from IVF #2 will have a different donor than any embryos from IVF #3.

Normally, I'm not that attached to my donors (after donor #1 that is). However, since I already have 2 embryos... I would have really liked to have all my embryos have the same donor. I guess I won't really know how it'll all play out until after we see what happens with IVF #3 and then receive the PGS results. I'll be honest though, that depending on how the PGS results turn out - the donor with the most normal PGS embryos will be the batch of embryos I choose to transfer. Not to jump too far ahead... fingers crossed I have a good egg retrieval - then that they make it to blast - then that they come back PGS normal - and survive freeze and all that. So many steps. Nonetheless, it's hard not to think about it.

Ideally, having one donor would have been better. Now, I'll have embryos from 2 different donors...

Choosing Donor #5 wasn't very difficult. I narrowed it down a month ago when I was considering moving forward with the cycle. I have to admit, I did less screening as I've done in the past. Not sure it really matters all that much anymore? I remember feeling so conflicted when I ordered Donor #1 and it took me a long time to pick a donor. I guess since none of those donors have "worked" and nothing has worked in this TTC process, the stress of picking a new donor is way down on my list of worries.

This time, I did have a small conflict between two donors that I liked. But I stuck with the one I already vetted.

Donor #5 will be arriving on 7/8!

For more on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline. 

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): Big Box of Meds Arrived

My big box of IVF #3 meds arrived today! I remember when my first box of meds arrived for IVF #1 and how overwhelmed I felt. What is also funny is that I DID have drama ordering my IVF meds this first time, I just didn't remember that until I re-read that entry. Funny how memory works sometimes.

This time when I received my IVF meds, it was like nothing. Interesting how easy you can adapt to IVF. It's all "crazy big IVF" to begin with. Now, it's just another cycle.

My meds: 

I was actually missing 1 med, the Zithromax Tri-Pak. When I called they said they don't carry it... Which is funny because I've ordered it from them directly 3x's prior. Tsk tsk. When I submitted my order the other day they included it. They really should call and say, "We weren't able to order XX." Alas, customer service is dead at some companies. They're lucky I wasn't PO'd this time, since I don't need that med till later. I put in a message to my RE to see if they can send a new script to my local pharmacy. It was so quick, that my order was ready within 30 minutes of sending the email request to my RE's office. Now, THAT is customer service. 

Other than that, everything was there. I ordered my Microdose Lupron. It'll arrive on Wednesday.

I'm not feeling much emotion over the cycle yet. But it seems to always start out that way. Once the medications start, things change. I have to say, I do think it's the hormones that make things so wacky with IVF. I mean, there is also the emotional side of TTC of course... but the meds just escalate those feelings a million-fold. Logistically, it'll be different doing stims this cycle because I commute to work. I have to decide on a time I can consistently do my injections. I have a morning shot and then 12 hours later I have my evening shot. Right now, I'm thinking 5:30am and 5:30pm. Have to see if that works as mornings are hectic. I figure if I'm +/- 15 minutes from those times, I should be fine.

I still need to order donor sperm... which is on my agenda this weekend. I already chose the donor, it's just a matter of doing the order.

Right now, still excited about this cycle. I actually can't believe I'm doing this again... I was thinking the other day that I've been on this journey since November 2014! I can't believe it's been that long and I can't believe I have not gotten pregnant through 6 IUI's, 1 fresh transfer, and 1 FET. I thought I'd have my baby by now... I really did. I had no clue this journey would be so long and so difficult.

Well, here's to hoping I'm closer to the dream of Baby C.

Next Steps:

• 7/5/16: Stop Birth Control Pills
• 7/8/16: Start Lupron 
• 7/10/16: Day #1 of Stims 

For more on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline. 

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): Cycle Pay Day

Had another appointment at my clinic for IVF #3. My clinic has three offices around the area. This was my first time going to the office that's close to my new work location. It's a lot more smaller than the other offices, probably due to the location.

The Agenda: 

• Sign Consent Forms - the PGS testing consent form was a little confusing 
• Injections Training - didn't really go through it, since this is my 3rd go-around 
• Pay for Cycle - pricing listed below
• Provide Urine Sample - making sure I'm not pregnant. Had to laugh at that. 
• Bloodwork - HIV testing, standard before starting the cycle 

I had to choose which insurance to use for this cycle: 1) Old insurance through old employer (that ends in August) and 2) New Insurance with new employer.

The new insurance has a life time limit of $15,000 for infertility treatments. I could have used the new insurance to pay this cycle and would have been about $2K less... but then I would've cut into that life time limit... So, I decided to use my old insurance for this cycle and pay the extra $2K. I didn't want to risk the life time limit... just in case.

Here's the breakdown of pricing - just for the costs associated with the clinic: 

IVF #3	Pricing	NOTE
Proefessional Fees	$0.00	Billed to Insurance
Lab Fees	$3,215.00
Surgery Center Fees	$0.00	Billed to Insurance
Estimated Co-Pays, Co-Insurance, Deductible (estimated 5 stim visits)	$800.00
Anesthesia Fees	$0.00	Billed to Insurance
Embryo Cryopreservation	$500.00	Should be covered, but billed anyways.
Thaw of existing embryos	$350.00	$175 each
ICSI	$1,525.00
Assisted Hatching	$515.00
PGS/PGD Biopsy Fee	$2,250.00	Up to 8 Embryos
PGS/PGD Biopsy Fee >8	TBD	$150.00/Each
Paid to Fertility Clinic	$9,155.00
Credit at Clinic	$1,387.14
Total Due	$7,767.86	Due on injection training day

Here's the breakdown of other costs, some are estimates:

Genetic Testing Lab - TBD
PGS Multi-cycle Plan	$2,200.00	Up to 8 embryos over 3 IVF cycles.
Shipment	$375.00	Per Shipment
	$2,575.00
Medications/Pharmacy
Order #1: Provera	$0.79
Order #2	$215.00	All meds, minus Lupron
Order #3	TBD	Lupron Only
	$215.79
Other
Baseline U/S	TBD	$25
Donor Sperm	TBD	1 or 2 vials?
Egg Retrieval Anesthesia	TBD	Usually receive bill after insurance reviews.
	$0.00
Total Cost for IVF #3	$11,945.79
Total Out of Pocket Costs	$10,558.65

What's nice so far is that I've been able to cash-roll this IVF cycle. Nothing on credit and no loans.

Here's my IVF calendar:

I'm excited to get this cycle started and to see what's going to happen with the PGS testing. That will really be the tell-tell on what is going to happen next for me with TTC. Hopefully all will go well and I'll have my FET in September.

Really hoping this cycle has good results...!

Next Steps:

• 7/5/16: Stop Birth Control Pills
• 7/8/16: Start Lupron 
• 7/10/16: Day #1 of Stims 

For more on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline.