IUI #7 (Cycle 10) - Beta Test Results

Cycle 10 and IUI #7 = BFN. I knew the odds were relatively low for this IUI to work... but I still hoped it would miraculously be the crazy cycle that worked. No such luck.

Not to mention that I got AF this morning prior to going for my Beta test. So, I knew this would be the outcome. Which is weird, I've never spotted or got my period while on progesterone before! Out of all my cycles, this has never happened. Just another oddity to add to Cycle 10.

I tried so hard not to do a home pregnancy test, I really did! But at 10dpIUI I was really itching to POAS. By 12dpIUI, I caved. I did end up testing early on 12dpIUI. Stark white negative result.

My RE is so nice. He called me personally, which I never can get used to! He's never called for my IUI results, only for the IVF results. But I guess there was an exception because of the IVF cancellation that converted to an IUI. He sounds almost just as frustrated as I do that I'm not pregnant!

I have to admit that I'm really disappointed it didn't work. But I think my disappointment stems from this ENTIRE cycle just being horrible. From AF not starting on time, to my medication issues, to not stimming well, to the IVF cycle being converted to an IUI, to the sperm almost not arriving on time for the IUI. It's just been one F'd up rollercoaster of a cycle.

I feel like I wasted 2 months of my life with this cycle and I could've just did a FET or something else. Instead of flushing money down the IVF drain to not even get to an egg retrieval. So lame.

I'm glad this cycle is over. Now, I get to move on and leave the bitterness in the past. I need to turn the POSITIVE back on. I'm not really sure how to do that... TTC has really been one disappointment after another. For the most part, I think I've dealt with the rollercoaster pretty well. But this cycle really got the best of me.

What's Next? 

I had a few choices on what to do next:

1. Do another full IVF retrieval 
2. Do a FET 
3. Do an IUI 
4. Do nothing 

Option #1: I was thinking and thinking and thinking about the possibility of doing another IVF retrieval. With IVF #3 being converted to an IUI, most of my payment didn't get applied - which means I have a credit at my RE's office. I can use those funds to pay for another full IVF retrieval. Which means I can afford to cash roll another IVF cycle. 

But the thought of going through all that again... Right now, it's just too much. I don't want to go through stims again. Not right now. Emotionally, I'm still too bitter from Cycle 10 to contemplate going through it again. Plus, I stopped my supplements the day of IUI #7 and if I do another retrieval I want to make sure I have a few months to take supplements prior to a retrieval. 

Option #1 has a lot against it, so I opted against it. 

Option #3: I thought about doing IUI's, but why do another IUI when I have 2 frozen embryos? 

Option #4: I'm not ready to give up yet! 

That leaves Option #2: A Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) 

Doing a FET feels right. FET's are less stressful. Plus, I have 2 frozen embryos. These embryos aren't PGS tested... which worries me so much. But the cost analysis doesn't make sense to test just 2 embryos. Plus, there's the potential to lose the embryos with the thaw/biopsy/re-freeze part. 

Then there's another choice: transfer 1 or transfer 2 embryos? 

My RE said that since I've had two failed transfers, he's recommending transferring both my embryos. He said the odds are the same at this point to transfer 1 or 2, that it'll most likely lead to a singleton pregnancy. Basically, he thinks the risk for twins is low. I have been very twin risk-adverse up to this point. 

So the plan is... FET #2 in September and transferring 2 embryos. Oh my....!!! 

I actually have my baseline ultrasound tomorrow and will be put on birth control pills. Basically, jumping right into FET #2. 

How Do I Feel? 

I had a very difficult and emotional July! I know most of it was because of the medications enhancing my emotions. But man... I cried a lot and got into sad/depressed states. It was pretty ugly. Not like I was crying everyday or non-functional. But it was pretty bad for me. At the same time, I'm glad that I cried it out and got my frustration out. I've been feeling like a "good little TTC soldier" and kept moving forward after each disappointment... that I didn't really let myself cry more than just a little bit. I think Cycle 10 just over filled my emotional bucket and I had to let it all out. 10 cycles of disappointments. Tens of thousands of dollars spent. Getting close to 2 years of trying to have a baby.  

So, I'm glad this chapter is over and I have a plan for the next steps. I was so bitter the entire month, I wasn't sure if the next steps would be "clear" or that I would even want to do anything. I was thinking, "Maybe I need a break from all this." 

When I got my negative pregnancy test, I started to think about what I should do next. When I thought about doing the FET and transferring 2 embryos... I felt at peace with that decision. I always felt bad that I was "giving up" on my last 2 embryos from IVF #2, since the other 2 didn't stick. I really wanted to PGS test them to get a clearer picture on egg quality. But nothing to be done on that at this juncture. 

I feel really good about moving forward with the FET and I feel so much less stress about it all. 

Here's the plan: 

• September: FET #2. 

If it doesn't work...

• Nov or Dec or Jan (Holiday travel schedule will impact when I'll move forward): Try another Egg Retrieval 
• I'll probably try an IUI or two during the IVF-wait period, if I have the time in between cycles to do them. 

But there's always the possibility that FET #2 works... it'll be a miracle! 

I always try to imagine what that "moment" would look like, to actually get 2 lines on one of those damn evil pregnancy tests and to get a happy phone call from my RE with positive beta results. I really hope that one day that moment will happen and all the wonderful moments that'll trickle after that. 

Here's to adding HOPE back into my bucket. 

Next Steps:

• Stop all IUI Medications 
• 8/5/16: FET #2 Baseline Ultrasound 
• 8/19/16: Scheduled WTF meeting with RE for Cycle #10. I want to discuss what he would change if I did another Fresh IVF cycle (in the event FET #2 doesn't work). Got to stay one step ahead of the game on this... 

IUI #7 (Cycle 10): Two Week Wait IUI-Style

It feels weird being in the Two Week Wait (TWW) after an IUI. I have to wait a FULL 14 days to find out if it worked. With IVF, I only had to wait 9 days after a transfer for the blood test. And yes, those 5 days matter! Not to mention, there's more certainty with IVF. You know the egg was fertilized. You know you have an embryo. With IUI, you just don't know if the sperm and egg ever met. Will see how this TWW goes for me. I'm hoping to just "forget" about it for 14 days. LOL, yeah right.

To start off: I'm not planning on testing at home. I've never not tested for a cycle. But with my cycles with a false positive on a HPT... I don't want to go through that ever again. Plus, I figure the 6-10% chances of this IUI working are so slim statistically... why add the extra stress of POAS? Let's see if I can even manage this "not testing" thing!

Here's a picture of the "process" and what I hope will be happening during the TWW. Again, with IUI - you don't know if the sperm and egg met.

Random Thoughts: 

• Started the progesterone suppositories and multiple night peeing seems to be in my future. I hate that side effect. 
• My BB's were really sore the day after the IUI, before I started the progesterone. Must be a reaction from the Stim meds. Then after I started the progesterone --- OUCH! So very sore. Another hated side effect. 
• I had some pain in my left ovary the day of and after the IUI. Thinking its related to the cyst maybe? 
• Tried to drink a little bit of caffeine (haven't had any caffeine in July) & got a headache. Ugh.
• Tried my best NOT to count the days post IUI. Every time I started a mental calculation, I needed to distract myself. Looking at a calendar was not good! And I look at a calendar all the time for work and for scheduling my personal appointments... I had to keep telling myself "Don't count!!" This worked until 1 week in, when it was obvious which days post IUI I was. <sigh>
• Started getting some cramping a few days after the IUI. Early for AF, but my cycles are all off right now. But having cramps less than a week after the IUI is not making me optimistic about this cycle. 
• IUI's are almost easier than IVF. With an IUI, you know the odds are so low - so your expectations are a bit low. Although you still hope to be in that lucky percentile. With IVF, you put your body through so much and the expectations are so much higher. You know you have an embryo. IUI, you don't know what the heck is going on inside your body. 
• I keep telling myself that this cycle didn't work, to prepare myself for the inevitable negative result of this unexpected IUI. I even asked one friend not to ask me about the results of this cycle and to just sum it up to it not working... But in my heart of hopes... I hope I'm surprised with a positive. I feel bad feeling like it didn't work before it's verified. But the cycle was just a disaster, I don't want to get all my hopes up - hoping for that BFP... Then have it all crumple. 
• Getting night sweats and vivid dreams. All progesterone-related I'm sure. But the dreams... I can do without the dreams. When I'm on progesterone the dreams seem so real. I ended up waking up one night so disturbed by my dream and couldn't go back to sleep because it was haunting me!
• Staying distracted by listening to audio books, keeps my mind occupied. 
• Starting to get a bit stuffy, coming down with a cold? Also some chills/dizzy spells. Ugh. Hope I'm not getting sick. Adding a sore throat to this. :( 
• I am SO anxious for this TWW to be over. I know it's a long shot for this IUI to work... But man, I'm hoping it did. Either way, can't wait for the TWW to be over so I can start thinking of next steps, either way. The anxiousness is starting to sway me into testing early... 
• This was probably my most emotional draining TWW. I think it's because of the way the cycle went. The last cycle I had such a hard time with was IVF #1 because it was cancelled :( 
• Have I mentioned hot flashes and hot sweats? In this heat--- horrid. 
• 10dpIUI (hard not to count at that point) I had some brown spotting. Very small amount. Implantation bleeding or precursor to AF or maybe the suppositories are irritating my cervix?? So much wondering from a little bit of spotting. LOL. Can it be this, or that, or this. Crazy TTC mind. 

The cycle is almost over... Let's see what there results are. 

Next Steps:

• 8/4/16: Beta Test

IUI #7 (Cycle 10): IUI Day

When I was little I was really into horoscopes. I thought I'd read mine for the month/week/day to see if I could get any insight into this IUI. Premonitions, insights, anything. No such luck unfortunately! lol. Guess I'll have to wait a full 14 days before I find out if it worked or not. Can't believe I used to totally be into that stuff.

I took a half-day off of work today for the IUI. I think I should've taken the entire day off of work today. I was pretty useless for the part of the day that I worked.

I ordered the progesterone suppositories through a local pharmacy I've used for my previous IUI's. They'll hand-deliver them tomorrow. 

Today was my IUI #7 day. It went as my other IUI's have gone, done in under 5 minutes. The speculum going in is still the most uncomfortable part. This time, I actually felt when the catheter hit the top of my uterus! My RE said, "I'm sure you felt that, that's the top of your uterus." Then he said, "All the Sperm is in the uterus." And we're done! 

Sperm Analysis 

Donor #2 had good numbers: 

• Motile Sperm: 28.4 million
• Motility: 58%

Here's the swimmers in the catheter: 

I didn't do much after the IUI. I was still dragging from lack of sleep this week and being a hormonal mess. So, I napped most of the afternoon away. I feel really bloated and uncomfortable. 

Otherwise, I'm hoping to be able to get through the TWW in one piece and not stress too much. I haven't been successful in the past in not doing early testing... but I think I'm going to hold off this time. The way this cycle has gone, I don't need the extra stress. 

Now, it's time to wait! 

Next Steps: 

• The Two Week Wait 
• 8/4/16: Beta Test 

IUI #7 (Cycle 10): Trigger + Sperm Arrived

It's funny, I was looking at my last IUI (Cycle #6) from October. There's some small things I've "forgotten" about doing an IUI, so was reading up on my old entries instead of going to Google-verse. I had said, "last IUI ever." Well, guess not!! I've even been thinking that IUI's might be a better option (cost-wise) if none of these other options work (IUI #7 and/or FET in September) vs. doing another IVF retrieval.

Last Injections

Since my IVF cycle was converted to an IUI, I still had to continue my IVF injections until the day of trigger. It was a bit bitter knowing I'm injecting my body with all these meds and not getting the wished for results of an IVF retrieval. But if I were honest, it was nice to do that LAST injection.

Trigger Shot 

Every time I have a trigger shot at odd hours I get paranoid I'm going to miss it. Which totally happened for IUI #5! So it's not like it's never happened to me before. I set my alarm before going to bed and I still woke up 10 minutes before my alarm thinking, "I missed it!" 

I haven't done a trigger shot for awhile (since IVF #2 in February), so I did follow the instructions carefully. I was happy to be done with it, last shot (for now anyways). After I was done with my shot, it took me awhile to get back to sleep again, was dragging a bit today. 

Donor Sperm Arrived 

Mini panic attack. I checked the shipping status this morning and it said "rescheduled delivery to 7/21." Eek! Freaked me out that the Sperm wouldn't get there on time... Then what? Can this cycle get any worse? But what was strange about it is, it showed it arrived in the City today and "destination scanned." So, why would it take an extra day to get there if it's already in the city? That doesn't make sense... 

I had to call UPS. Apparently the package didn't make it onto the truck for delivery, for whatever reason. So I asked if I could pick it up instead and they said no. WTF. I swear it took everything in me not to yell at the customer service person, "I need my Sperm delivered today!" Not to mention I was at work... at my desk... making this call, trying to sound calm and professional. Oh Lord, how people would've reacted to me saying that at work. 

It did get escalated to a supervisor. After 20 minutes in the phone... Turns out that the package WAS on a vehicle for delivery TODAY. But the online system didn't catch it and changed the delivery day automatically. Stress over nothing apparently. 

Is the universe telling me something about this cycle? Not one thing has gone as planned this cycle. Will I get a break? Sheesh. 

After all that, the package was delivered on time.

So, what sucks big time is my clinic called me and was confused on why a second vial of sperm arrived today. If you recall, I ordered an IUI A.R.T vial for the IVF cycle, Donor #5. Well, A.R.T vials are cheaper and supposedly have less sperm than a regular IUI vial. My RE told me to order a regular IUI vial when the cycle got converted on Sunday. When they called to verify the shipment, turns out that Donor #5 IUI A.R.T vial had just about as much sperm as Donor #2 IUI vial... UGH. Seriously? So I didn't have to buy another vial after all! Damn. $815 down the drain. They asked me which vial to use for tomorrow, I told them to use the new one (Donor #2) that they just got. <sigh>

Then there's the medication screw up. I did a refill order for Progesterone at my pharmacy. Thinking I was ordering the progesterone suppositories. Turns out I ordered the PIO shots. WTH. More $$ down the drain, sadly. That was totally my fault though, I tried to do an online re-order. Need to get this fixed tomorrow as my pharmacy apparently does not have the progesterone suppository RX on file for refill. I guess I'll donate the PIO to my clinic, I have no use for it right now and it expires in 30 days. 

At this point, if this cycle works - it'd be like a miracle. Seriously. All the things that could've went wrong - went wrong. Not to mention my hormones are in a muck with all these injections, combined with all these things going the wrong-way -- it's not a pretty picture! I'm a bundle of hormonal madness at the moment. $ down the drain, things not going according to plan, unneeded extra stress, worrying about sperm arriving.

A miracle... a miracle would be really nice just about now. Let's see how all this turns out. 

Next Steps: 

• 7/21/16 @ 11:45am: IUI #7 

Thoughts on IUI #7 (Cycle 10)

This cycle has been all over the place. Every since the decision was made yesterday to convert IVF #3 to IUI #7, I've been feeling like all this TTC is leading no where. I've been so bitter and angry.

To begin with, I wasn't even sure if I should do a new fresh cycle. It took me awhile to talk myself into it. Not to mention subtle suggestions from close friends suggesting maybe I should stop TTC altogether.

Originally I was just going to transfer my 2 frozen and go from there. Maybe I should've went that way to begin with? Hindsight can be a B.

It's so annoying that I had to convince myself to do this whole new egg retrieval process and I spent hours... maybe days... just thinking about it and weighing my options. Then I finally decide to move forward -- and this happens. Another cancelled IVF cycle. WTH. 

I've been on supplements for 3 months: CoQ10 and DHEA. Doesn't seem like they helped. Or maybe they did and for some reason the protocol that worked for IVF #2 decided not to work for IVF #3. Reason? Who knows! I don't have DOR (Diminished Ovarian Reserve), my baseline follicle count was the highest its been since I started this process (~15). Yet, it's all gone downhill. None of this makes any sense to me. Not to mention that physically, nothing is wrong with me. My blood work and numbers look really good. My uterine lining is always excellent. Yet, I haven't gotten pregnant with 6 IUI cycles and 2 embryo transfers. They call it, "Unexplained Infertility." No reason why. It's just what it is. God's plan? Perhaps.

Makes me wonder: Would another IVF protocol work? Should I try switching clinics? Would it be worth it to switch clinics after I've been with mine for 1.5 years and they know my history? Should I even try for another egg retrieval? Would any change really matter?

I'm starting to think that this cycle was doomed for failure. From my indecision on moving forward. From my horrible time ordering my medications. Almost like the Universe was telling me that maybe I shouldn't move forward with this egg retrieval cycle.

Not to mention how disconnected I've been feeling from TTC since FET #1 failed.

It just doesn't seem like any of the "cards" are aligning for me to have a baby. Each corner there's a new challenge. Each time, things don't go right. It's just so damn infuriating.

Yet, I'm moving forward with IUI #7. After all my complaining, the question might be the "WHY" in that. Why move forward? Why not just stop?

I don't know if I have a good answer to that. All I can think of is, "What if this time it works?" I have thought that EVERY single time... and it hasn't. But there's that damn thing called HOPE. That the next time will be the time. I just can't let myself believe that after this long journey that I won't have a baby at the end of it all. Even though reality has been hitting my head in with a hammer over and over telling me that not having a baby is a real possibility...

But damn hope. Hope tells a different story. Keeps the dream alive for me. That it's still possible. It can still happen. I can have a lucky IUI Cycle #7 or maybe a lucky Hail Mary FET #2 in September.

Even with all my bitterness and anger and frustration, I'm still not ready to call it quits yet because it's not over yet. There's still a small thread of hope weaving its way around my heart of the possibility that this can still happen.

Misplaced hoping? Maybe. Either way, it's time to turn around my attitude and get back on the positive train. I actually blame the fertility meds for my strong anger feelings. They're easy to blame, because they mess with my emotional balance. Dang meds.

I know the statistics on this IUI being successful. It's like only 6-10%. <sigh> But here I go anyways. As I said at my first IUI, "May the Odds be Ever in Your Favor."

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): IVF converted to IUI #7

My ramblings on Stim Days 6-8 and the important Monitoring Appointment #2 results, & the decision to convert to an IUI. For my other stims days see:

Stim Day 1
Stim Days 2-5

Stim Day 6 (7/15)

I was a bit bitter doing my injections today. Not sure what was going to happen this cycle makes it frustrating to be injecting all these meds into my system. Feels like I'm almost throwing money away. I know it'll all be worth it if the cycle ends up continuing. But if it doesn't, it's such a waste.

Stim Day 7 (7/16) 

Starting to feel really "hot," which sucks in this heat! I'm also highly impatient, which maybe means my estrogen levels are going up? But I'm hoping these are good signs and that it means my ovaries are working and the follicles are growing. Maybe some more will show up??? Feeling a little less fatalistic about the cycle today. Hoping it's not mis-placed optimism/hope. Right now I'm leaning towards moving forward with the cycle with PGS testing anything that makes it to Day 5 (plus my 2 frozen). I'm hoping that's still an option tomorrow...

Stim Day 8 (7/17) + Monitoring Appointment #2

I had a horrible Charlie horse this morning and hoped it wasn't indicative of how my monitoring appointment was going to go. Going into the appointment: I haven't been feeling noticeable ovary pain, so worried my follicles weren't  growing. I am moody, have CM, & running "hot" - so was hoping those were good signs.

Well, bad news first. At the monitoring appointment I only had maybe 2-3 follicles (most likely only 2). Therefore, IVF was not an option (needed >4 to do IVF). My options at that point: 1) convert to IUI or 2) cancel the cycle and do nothing.

The good news: I could convert to an IUI. I'm not sure if you remember, but when IVF #1 was cancelled, an IUI conversion wasn't possible and it was pretty devastating for me to do nothing. Have to find little strings of good news in all this...

Ordering more donor sperm 

Luckily, my RE was OK with converting to an IUI. Which I honestly don't have much hope of it working... and I wish I can have more "hope" that it'll work. The IUI led to another issue: I needed to order more sperm. Turns out the sperm I ordered for IVF #3, Donor #5 , did not have any IUI vials. I had purchased an A.R.T sperm vial for IVF #3, which has less sperm/vial than an IUI vial. Which meant I had to make another decision on a sperm donor. Frustrating? Yup. I decided to check out my previous donors. Both Donor #2 (from IUI #5) and Donor #3 (from IUI #6) were available. I decided to just go with Donor #2. No rhyme or reason really... I had vetted him thoroughly and would have used him for IUI #6, but he had no vials available. He also had a good sperm count, so that's where I decided to go.

I have a lot of emotions running through my body right now and thoughts swimming around. I'll try to post a more thorough post on my feelings later... I'm just exhausted from all this right now. Here's the plan:

1) Have IUI #7 this month.
2) If it doesn't work... do a FET in September and transfer both my frozen embryos. No testing them.
3) If that doesn't work... save money to do another IVF egg retrieval. Possibly do IUI's in between.

Not the best situation, but it's the situation I'm faced with.

Next Steps:

• 7/19/16 @ 11:45pm: Trigger Shot
• 7/20/16: Donor #2 IUI vial should arrive at my clinic 
• 7/21/16 @ 11:45am: IUI #7

For more info on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline.