Saying Goodbye to Munchkin

I woke up this morning, like any other morning, & started my routine. For a few minutes I totally didn't register that Munchkin was leaving in a few short hours. I had packed him up last night and had a hard time sleeping. 

This morning, like any other morning, I got Munchkin and Little Guy up and ready. 

Munchkin did his normal "I'm awake!" squeals and giggles. 

He did his normal "I'm going to wrestle while you try to change my diaper." 

He did his normal, "I want to turn off the light and play with the switch" instead of getting dressed. 

He did his normal, "I'm going to eat my toothbrush instead of letting you brush my teeth" routine. 

After I put him in his high chair for breakfast, he did his normal "I'm going to scream and bang until I get my milk" routine.

When he was done eating, he did his normal drama of "I'm done! Get me out of my high hair NOW!" Whines and cries. 

Then Munchkin followed Little Guy around, like normal, annoying Little Guy. 

They fought over toys and chased each other around screaming for joy until it turned into screams of "mine!" 

Then his case manager came over, like normal, to pick him up to bring him to his birth parents. 

What was not normal was, the pile of his belongings waiting by the door. The fact that we were saying "goodbye" & "be safe" instead of "see you soon." The hugs were the last. The kisses were our last. 

When I placed him in the car seat, he cried and cried and cried - with real tears.  I wonder if he realized it was the last time we would see him? 

No, it wasn't a normal morning, although we did normal things... It was our last morning with Munchkin. 

I miss him already... And pray that he's safe and loved. 

This is the hardest part about being a foster parent -- saying that last goodbye and watching the car drive away knowing you'll never see your foster child again. 

Sad day today. 

Fostercare Update: Preparing for Munchkin to leave

My little Munchkin is leaving in a few weeks. This by far is the hardest part of being a foster parent: Saying goodbye. I'm trying to prepare myself, and my son, for his eventual departure - but it's not easy. I have so much anxiety over him leaving, it makes it so hard. I can't get into details on his case, but I just worry for him. You'd think after fostering for 5 years and saying goodbye to my other foster children, it would get easier to part ways. It doesn't. Some hurt more than others... and Munchkin's departure will be up there with my heartbreaks. 

I'm praying that he'll be ok and safe when he leaves. But right now I'm a bit of an emotional wreck when I think about never seeing him again. He's become a part of our family while he was here, it's going to be so hard to say that final goodbye.

I don't have any elegant words right now about how I'm feeling... My heart is just hurting with how much I love him and how much I'm going to miss him. I'll try to express my feelings in more words in a different entry. Right now... it just hurts.

Mother's Day 2016: First as a Forever Family

Today was my first "official" Mother's Day, the first after the adoption of Little Guy. I wish I could say that I felt different or it was an extra special day or something. But it wasn't! It was just a normal day for us.

Last night, my foster agency had a "foster parent appreciation night." I received a recognition award, which was nice of them. With the event being so late, we didn't get home until late and the boys went to sleep later than normal.

This morning, Little Guy was a little grump - not wanting to wake up! He's normally very happy, but he likes his 10-12 hours of sleep and he didn't get that. But he's so funny because he quickly snapped out of it and was in his happy-go-lucky mood before I knew it. I would have let him sleep in, but we had to leave for church.

We went to Mass with Little Guy's Ninong and her family, bright and early at 8am! Then we went to brunch with his Ninong and her daughters. It was a cute little breakfast place and the food was yummy. I love seeing Little Guy with his Ninong and her daughters. They love on him and he enjoys spending time with them. It makes my heart feel so wonderful seeing how many people love my son. By the time we got home, it was time for nap time. The boys were extra tired and went down for nap relatively quickly. They both slept for 3.5 hours!! Which meant I got to take a nap for 3.5 hours! Woohoo! LOL. Really... if I can't sleep in past 6am on Mother's Day, a 3.5 hour nap is the next best thing that I could ever ask for :)

The rest of the day was uneventful, did our normal stuff - play outside, dinner, bath time.

Today I decided to do their foot prints right before bath. I want to make Mother's Day cards for their birth mothers. Silly me, used archival ink ---!!! It's all I had. Eeek! With a toddler and an almost-toddler, the ink got everywhere in the bathroom. Little footprints all over the bathtub...!

How do you get archival ink out?

I tried alcohol pads. Those worked, but they were so small -- couldn't clean up the entire mess.
I tried nail polish remover = did not work.
I tried rubbing alcohol = did not work.
I tried dish soap = did not work.
I tried hair spray = did not work.

At this point I was convinced I would have little black ink footprints all over my bath tub forever. The clean freak in me was quietly freaking out.

Then I Googled some more and finally came across Toothpaste. Thought, what the heck - let me give it a try. Can you believe that the toothpaste worked???!!! I used an entire tube on the bathtub. It picked up most of it. There's still some ink marks that just wouldn't lift. I'll need to apply more toothpaste later and scrub some more.

I wish I would've figured out the toothpaste thing sooner, as the boys both have ink-marked feet!! LOL. Oh my. I guess I'll try putting toothpaste on their feet tomorrow and see if it comes off.

Well, good intentions and all - next time I'll be better about it and not use archival ink!

Not to mention, Little Guy went poopoo on the potty! This was officially his THIRD time. Yay!

Anways, that was my uneventful Mother's Day.

Truth be told, I'm grateful every day for my son and for Munchkin. Not to mention my other foster babies that have come and left throughout the years. Being a single mom, I don't get "breaks" unless I pay for a babysitter! It's not always "easy" and there are challenges, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I'm so used to it and it's all I know, I'm not sure if I even think about the "no break single mom" thing anymore.

I love being a mom. I love being a foster mom. Not just on Mother's Day, but every single day. So, I don't get to sleep in past 6am ---ever. LOL. I don't get to be pampered or get breakfast in bed. Whatever. Those things don't matter to me. I look at my boys and I feel grateful. I think of all of my foster children and I feel grateful. Not to mention that I get to look into my son's eyes every single day and feel like the luckiest mama ever.

Highlights of the day: Brunch, 3.5 hour nap, spending time with my boys, Little Guy going poopoo on the potty, and the power of toothpaste! Can life get any better ;)

Happy Mother's Day to all the lucky Mama's out there!

Halloween 2015 with the Caped Crusaders

This is a little late! Meant to post last month, but things got really busy and I never finished writing it. Better late than never, here's how our Halloween went :)

The boys were Batman and Robin for Halloween this year. I wanted to do something that was in theme with each other and this is the best I could think of. I'm thinking next year, I'll dress up as well... maybe!

Agency Halloween Event 

My Foster Care agency has an annual Halloween event. I really like it because it's small and just enough for little ones. They have a bounce house, gave us free pumpkins, gave cupcakes and cakes away, activities for the kids, face painting, family photos, and even a small Trunk or Treat for the kids.

Little Guy was scared in the bounce house! Not big enough for it I suppose. He won free cupcakes and got a lot of new car toys. He did cheat a little and was just grabbing them out of the basket instead of playing the game... LOL.

When we were doing the Trunk or Treat, there was one car that had a rat that jumped out at you. Little Guy was just going along, getting candy, when the rat jumped out at him and he starts screaming!!! It scared him so bad, poor guy. I'm standing there feeding munchkin a bottle and I can't pick him up. Not to mention I was laughing a bit... It was classic. Wish I have gotten it on video! Luckily there was a fellow single-foster mom there that took him and helped him get through the rest of the trunks. He was very cautious after that and kept an eye on the rat, kept looking over his shoulder at it. Got to love Halloween.

Carving a Pumpkin

This is the first year that we carved a pumpkin. Last year, he was just way too small. This year, I thought it might be fun for him to play with the pumpkin guts. He was actually so grossed out by the pumpkin guts that he just kept saying "Ew" and refused to touch it with his hands.

He did love the pumpkin once it was done and was fascinated with the light.

Our Pumpkin

Daycare Halloween Party

The boy's daycare also had a small Halloween Party where the boys got to wear their Halloween costumes. It's nice that we had all these events and the boys got good use out of their costumes!

Halloween Day 

Halloween Day was an interesting one. Both kids woke up grumpy from their afternoon nap! It's like they just knew we were going to do something that night, so they didn't nap very long and then woke up all cranky. I was worried they weren't even going to make it out the door to try Trick or Treating.



Luckily, both kids made and got dressed. Munchkin was very fussy once we left the house. Can't blame him, we left the house when he's normally going down to go to sleep!

Little Guy practiced all day saying "Trick or Treat!" He was saying it really well. But once we went out to Trick or Treat, he didn't say it at all. Just went up to the people and tried to figure out what he was supposed to do. He tried going into every single house! He was too short to ring the doorbell, but he tried. He did end up getting a whole bunch of candy. Candy that he couldn't eat (or that I won't let him eat). Munchkin was a grumpy mess the entire time. I had to put him in the Tula carrier, he cried if he wasn't in there. He fell asleep for a little bit, so he didn't enjoy his first Halloween very much! Didn't even get to go up to a door. I'm sure next year will be a different story for him. I'm also sure that Little Guy will have a funner time next year as well, as he starts to understand things better.

All in all, Halloween this season was nice! The boys got to wear their costumes multiple times, we had a bunch of events that we attended, and Trick or Treating was semi-successful. 

Parenting Two: Night Time Routine Adjustments

The transition to adding so many people to our home in a short period of time, took a little long to acclimate to. Luckily the "good morning routine" has and still continues to go smoothly. It was the "good night" routine that was difficult for all of us: Little Guy, Munchkin, and me.

Most of it was Munchkin adjusting to a new routine and Little Guy getting used to sharing my attention. For me, it was balancing all the night time activities between the two kids with maintaining the house somehow. It was pretty hectic for a few weeks in my house with both kids adjusting.

It took a lot of tweaking and adjustment to get back to a "peaceful" night time routine. But I think I finally have it down (after 3 weeks of making changes).

Normally, my kids would have separate rooms. However, a friend is living with us for a few months and is in the spare room. Therefore, the boys have to share a room - which can be difficult since Little Guy's never shared a room and Munchkin is still a baby. For the first few weeks, Munchkin slept in my room while I worked on getting him to sleep through the night.

This was Little Guys' night time routine before Munchkin. Originally, I tried to keep this same schedule and then just add Munchkin's items within there.

• 4:00 p.m. - Play Time / Floor Time
• 5:00 p.m. - I cook dinner / Little Guy watches a show or sits at table / Late Afternoon Nap
• 5:30 p.m. - Little Guy and I eat dinner / I clean up after I'm done / Baby Wear Munchkin 
• 6:00 p.m. - Bath Time / Bath Time
• 6:15 p.m. - PJ's / Brush Teeth / Story Time / Last Bottle for Munchkin 
• 6:30 p.m. - Cuddle Time, extra play time  / Munchkin bed time 
• 7:00 p.m. - Little Guy in bed 

On paper -- it would fit together just fine. However, Munchkin had different ideas. He would become extremely fussy at about 4:45/5pm every single evening. He was hard to settle and wouldn't take a nap (even though he was tired). He would be fussy all evening until he was in bed. So I knew I needed to make a change. His screaming and fussiness was impacting all of us and our once "peaceful" night routine became extremely stressful! 

I made change after change after change. Finally found a routine that has worked the best: 

• 4:00 p.m. - Bath Time for the boys 
• 4:45 p.m. - start Baby Wearing Munchkin/prep dinner for Little Guy. Note: he didn't like the Moby Wrap or the Onya. So I bought a new carrier, the Tula - which he seems to like. It's also really comfortable for me as well! Sometimes he'll nap in the carrier, sometimes he'll stay awake and fuss a bit. But he does better if I'm holding him. I need the hands-free, so the Tula has worked great. 
• 5:00 p.m. - Dinner for Little Guy. I try to eat at this time as well. If Munchkin is too fussy, I will eat after the kids are put to sleep. I have also changed cleanup time to after the kids are asleep. 
• 5:30 p.m. - Head Upstairs 
• 5:45 p.m. - Last bottle for Munchkin / Little Guy plays 
• 6:00 p.m. - Little Guy brushes teeth / Story time with the boys 
• 6:15 p.m. - Put Munchkin down to sleep / Extra cuddle time with Little Guy. Munchkin will sleep until 2:30 or 4:00, drink a bottle and go back to sleep until 6:15-ish. 
• 6:30/6:45 p.m. - Put Little Guy down to sleep. He's been doing better if he goes down earlier and he'll sleep until about 5:45/6am. 

So far, this has worked the best. It's not fail-safe, of course! But right now it's working well! It's now a "peaceful" time again :)

When Munchkin started sleeping for at least 8 hours at night, I moved him in Little Guy's room. I was surprised that it has gone so well!

First night sharing a room, Little Guy would reach through the crib and pat Munchkin saying, "it's ok". He also would sing to him. Very cute.

Now, since Munchkin is asleep by the time Little Guy goes in the room to sleep - Little Guy goes right to sleep and Munchkin doesn't wake up. I was also concerned that Munchkin would wake up Little Guy at the early AM feeding time. But nope, Little Guy stays asleep and doesn't wake up at all.

Things are finally running smoothly in the Family C household, thank goodness! Took a little longer than I expected, but with all the changes going on in our house - I guess it was not surprising it took us so long to adjust.

I'm really enjoying Munchkin. He's such a happy baby boy. He wakes up happy and is happy most of the day. He does need to be carried a lot, but I'm hoping that as he adjusts to living here that he'll be more comfortable not being held as much. For now, the Tula is my go-to carrier. 

Adjusting to New Foster Baby

Some transitions are easier than others! I would rate the transition of Mr. Munchkin to be a little more difficult than usual. A few factors played into that:

• We were also adjusting to having a friend move in with us. 
• Munchkin came on a Monday, during the work week - which made it harder to start bonding. It's easier to bond when they arrive on a Friday, since you have the entire weekend to get to know them. 
• It was just a hectic week already, schedule-wise. Adding a new baby in the mist of everything was a little stressful. 
• He's not sleeping through the night yet and he's still adjusting to his new environment. 

First night with the boys sharing a room, didn't go that well! The new baby didn't like the crib - at all and kept crying. What was cute, was Little Guy's reaction to it: 

• He tried talking to the new baby when he was crying. Telling him about the room and pointing things out. 
• He tried to show him his toy dog. Saying "puppy" and putting it against the crib so the baby can see it. 
• He tried to rub the new baby's tummy trying to settle him.

Needless to say, the new baby is currently sleeping in my room until I can get him on an 8-10 hour sleep at night schedule. I've tried twice to move him into Little Guy's room with no success. I'll keep trying. He sometimes sleeps really well, 7-8 hour stretches. Other times he's up every 3-4 hours. Not consistent at all. I'm still learning his quirks and his signals. Also trying to figure out why he does well on certain nights compared to others.

Some things Little Guy has done in reaction to the baby:

• When Munchkin is crying, Little Guy will tell him, "Stop it!" I had to coach him on this one! Now, he sometimes will pat the Baby's head and say, "It's OK". 
• Little Guy wants to do everything the baby is doing. If baby is sitting and playing in the Boppy Pillow, then Little Guy wants to sit in the Boppy Pillow. If baby is playing in the floor gym matt, Little Guy wants to play on the floor gym matt. If baby is in the swing, Little Guy wants to sit in the swing. If Baby has a chew toy or a pacifier, Little Guy has to take it and put it in his mouth! 
• Little Guy will dance to the baby music and Munchkin loves it and laughs. 

We are still adjusting, but it's getting better. I think I've tweaked our schedule enough so that I'm giving Little Guy attention and Munchkin is getting face time as well. I am feeling more comfortable having the two of them and balancing my time and adjusting the schedule. 

I'll be happy when the sleep schedule gets better for Munchkin and when the boys can share a room without waking each other up! I'll give it a month and hopefully the schedule will get smoother. In the mean time, I'm constantly adjusting things to try to meet Munchkin where he's at and trying my best to make the transition for him ok. 

New Foster Child

Originally, I was not planning on taking a new foster placement any time soon. A few reasons:

• My last placement (that left in July) was pretty difficult. 
• I thought I'd be pregnant by now and was leaning towards closing my foster license once my adoption was finalized. 
• I wasn't sure I wanted to continue to foster. 

Life doesn't always work out as "planned." I'm not pregnant (yet). The foster care system in my state is not very good. There are so many children coming into care that children are sleeping at the CPS offices or staying in a placement center. Older kids, young kids, newborns, infants - not enough foster homes, group homes, or shelters for all of them. It's really sad. 

I became a foster parent to help these kids and provide a home for them until they could be reunified with their birth family. With all the planning for my Forever Family C, I wasn't sure if I could change my mind-frame into thinking "temporary" with foster care. 

Last weekend changed all of my hesitations when I found out the need for foster homes is huge. There is a high need for foster homes, higher now more than ever. I just can't keep my foster beds closed when I know I have the time / space / energy to help. 

Technically, I'm licensed for 3 foster beds. Little Guy takes up 1 bed. I am open for 2 additional beds (on paper). I've decided to open up 1 of my beds. 

Placement Criteria

• 1 Child 
• Age Range: 6 weeks old Newborn - 5 months old
• Gender: Male or Female  
• Race: Any Race 

I decided to take a baby, instead of an older child this round. All my older placements have been pretty difficult and I can use a break from that right now. It's still fresh with my difficulties from my last placement. My easiest placements have been the babies.

When I finally decided to open up a bed, I started getting excited about taking in another foster child :)  

Placement Calls

My bed officially opened on 9/14 at 10:00 a.m. I was surprised to not get any calls on the first day.... and then no calls the second day. I was under the impression that there were so many kids coming into the system. My placement criteria was pretty narrow though. I heard there were newborns coming in, but no kids in my age criteria. By the third day of waiting for a placement call, I decided to open it back up to Newborn - 5 months old.

Here are the placement calls I received: 

1. 9/16 @ 9am: 3 day old baby boy. -- Said yes, but placed with other foster home. 
2. 9/16 @ 9:15am: 3 week old boy/girl twins. -- said no. This was a hard choice. I don't think I've ever said "no" to taking a child before... But with TTC and with Little Guy, I could have the potential to have 4 children under 3 years old. That's a lot. I know technically I could do it... but I wouldn't want to not do it well. Plus, don't want to take away from Little Guy at all. Ugh. Hard choices. Hoping these two little ones find a good foster home. 
3. 9/17 @ 2:45pm: 1 month old baby girl -- said yes, placed with another foster home. 
4. 9/18 @ 1:50pm: 3 month old baby boy -- said yes, was chosen for placement, then a relative was found and he was placed with them. 
5. 9/18 @ 3pm: asked if I would take a 3 year old girl, when the 3 month old got placed with a relative - said no. This was outside my age range. I felt bad though... They said she was waiting for a foster home for 6 days :(  I am just not ready to take a toddler right now. 
6. 9/21 @ 10am: 4 month old boy. -- said yes. Got chosen as foster placement and now he's here :) 

What's interesting is they are starting to provide the APGAR number for Newborn placements. They didn't do this previously. 

When I receive placement calls, I can't help but imagine my life with this new little person in it. How our family dynamics will change and how things will be for Little Guy and I. It's an "exciting time" in the sense that we're welcoming a new family member into our home. It's also a "sad time" because that means the child cannot be with their birth family.

Here's to welcoming my 9th foster child!