Good Bye Visit for Little Guy

The trial to terminate parental rights (TPR) was at the end of May. The judge issued her ruling last week and Little Guy's birth parents'  parental rights are officially severed. When TPR happens, they schedule one last "goodbye" visit with the birth parents. Today was supposed to be the "goodbye" visit for Little Guy.

Guess what? His Birth Father (BF) forgot. He forgot. 

I received a call from the Parent Aide that BF forgot it was scheduled for today and wants to reschedule it. I've never heard of a goodbye visit being rescheduled... Technically, they have no rights anymore. 

I have to say, when I received the call I was extremely disappointed. I couldn't believe it. How can you just forget that you had your last visit with your son scheduled? I was angry. I was upset. I was sad. 

Very upsetting. I guess this just goes to show that the right course for my Little Guy was made and TPR was the right direction. 

I know Little Guy doesn't comprehend everything that's going on right now... But I still hurt for him. Because although he doesn't understand now, I'm going to have to explain all of this to him one day. When I finally share his story with him, he will be able to understand all of this. This will always be part of his story. But it doesn't have to be a negative thing or impact Little Guy in a negative way. It is part of his story, but it does not define him or his future. 

Soon, we will be able to move forward... 

Next Steps Towards Adoption 

• Waiting for CPS to hand the case over to the Adoptions Unit. The transfer paperwork was being completed last Friday. Then, we will have an Adoptions Case Manager assigned. 
• Waiting for my Foster Care agency to complete the paperwork to get me Certified to Adopt. I completed some paperwork last week, just waiting for them to submit and get it approved. 
• Find an Adoption Lawyer. I made a call last week, waiting for a call back.  

Court: Termination of Parental Rights. The Trial.

The trial for Little Guy's birth parents was on Wednesday (5/27). I've been waiting for this date since they scheduled it in October 2014. The date where they were going to decide if the Judge would be terminating parental rights (TPR) and if I would be able to move forward with adopting Little Guy. The actual case plan changed from reunification to severance/adoption in May 2014 - a year ago. So, to me if feels like a year of waiting.

About two weeks ago, Birth Father stopped making visits and said he "gave up" on trying to get Little Guy back. Then, the very next week - Birth Father (BF) decided he would start visits up (after missing/canceling 2 visits). So, I had no clue what to expect at the trial.

FCRB Findings 

I checked my mail the morning of the trial and I had received a copy of the Foster Care Review Board #3 report. To my surprise, it looks like BF arrived late and made a report to the FCRB. Here's what it said:

• He believes that Little Guy is well cared for by the foster mother. 
• He is aware that the foster mother is better able to care for and provide for Little Guy than he would be able to. 
• He believes that it is in Little Guy's best interest to be adopted by the foster mother. 
• He does not want to remove Little Guy from the only home he has ever known. 

When I read that I was surprised and hopeful. It sounded like BF was going to do what was in the best interest of Little Guy and putting him first... which is wonderful. It also looked like he might not fight the TPR.

Driving to the Court House  

When I was driving to the court house, I received a call from the Parent Aide (PA). She told me that she couldn't tell me what the BF told her - but that I should be pleased with the trial. This also made me start thinking that BF would not fight TPR...

I started crying after I hung up the phone with the PA. Just the thought that this "wait" could be over soon was overwhelming. Could it possibly be?

The Trial 

It was a weird day at the court house. The GAL (Guardian ad Litem) told me that there was a possibility that the trial would take too long (we only had scheduled a half day) and that if it didn't get settled today, that they would need to schedule a second day - which wouldn't be until October!! I was so nervous about that... that would mean TPR wouldn't happen for a few more MONTHS!

Then, the BF's lawyer wanted to talk to BF, so they delayed the hearing. Then they called the Assistant Attorney General (AAG) out and the GAL out to "talk". Then they called me out to "talk". BF said he wouldn't fight TPR. He just wanted to maintain contact somehow. I agreed to email and a PO Box.

Then Birth Mother's (BM) lawyer spoke to BM. BM said if BF wasn't fighting the TPR, that she wouldn't either. I agreed to the same: email and PO Box. She wanted me to guarantee "in person" meetings... I couldn't agree to that (for various reasons). Also, none of this was put in an official "post adoption agreement". It was just all oral. A post-adopt agreement would be discussed when I have an adoption lawyer and start completing paperwork and such.

Finally the trial started. Since the birth parent's weren't contesting the severance, they "denied and submitted" to the charges. The judge confirmed with them that they weren't coerced and were of right frame of mind, etc in making their decision. Then, the AAG interviewed the Case Manager. Then, BM's lawyer cross-examined the CM. BF's lawyer did not.

The Judge didn't "rule" that day because she wanted to review the exhibits to the case. It is expected that the ruling should happen within a week. What does that mean?

I get to move forward with adopting Little Guy!!!!!! 

When BF was leaving, I didn't really know what to say to him... I just told him I knew this was hard on him and said "thank you"... so lame! I couldn't find the right words! I hurt for Little Guy's birth parents... I know they love him. I am grateful that they finally did what was right Little Guy.

When I was leaving the court house, I cried so hard. I just couldn't believe it... this was really going to happen. I will get to adopt Little Guy. Not *if* but WILL. I WILL BE ADOPTING LITTLE GUY!!! I can't believe he's going to be legally my son. He feels like he's mine already, but to be legally mine... and not fear that he will be taken from me. I can't even express in words how that feels. I feel so blessed... so grateful... How can I get so lucky to be chosen to be Little Guy's mommy? Such an overwhelming feeling of gratitude.

What Happens Next 

• The judge needs to officially submit her ruling. 
• Once this happens, my agency can complete my certification of adoption (takes about 30 days) 
• I will also move into adoptions at DCS and get a new case manager. 
• Then, after I'm certified - I can get an adoption lawyer. 
• Then, I can request an expedited adoption date - within 60 days.
• Complete lots and lots of paperwork. 
• Adopt Little Guy! 

I'm hoping to adopt at the end of August or the beginning of September. 

I'm still in shock and still can't believe it... I've had Little Guy since he was 4 days old and the thought that I get to see him grow up fills me with so much happiness, it brings me to tears every time I look at him. 

Something Unexpected - Getting Closer to Permanency

I received a call from the Parent Aide for Little Guy today. The Parent Aide (PA) is the one that supervises visitations between foster children and their birth parents. Right now, Little Guy has visits 2x's a week with his birth father (BF).

The PA told me that at Monday's visit the BF said that he thinks he's going to give up on trying to get Little Guy back, that he doesn't think he's going to get him back anyways. He also said that he thinks he'll have a "good life" with me... 

Today, the PA picked up Little Guy and brought him to the visit --- but the BF did not show up. He also missed another meeting with the PA earlier today. The PA is thinking that visitations are going to stop now, as the BF has given up any hope of getting Little Guy back and isn't working the case plan. I should get confirmation tomorrow if visits are going to continue or not. 

The trial to Terminate Parental Rights (TPR) is in 2 weeks. It's interesting that BF has changed his tune since the last court hearing, which was only 2 weeks ago. So, I'm not 100% sure that BF is serious about this or not. He has a history of flip-flopping (i.e. doing really well, then doing nothing). If the BF does not show up for the trial in 2 weeks, they will sever his parental rights that day... 

Mixed Feelings 

I am elated and I'm also sad... 

I am happy because this can possibly mean a smoother ride to adopt Little Guy. He's already 17 months old and has been in the system for his entire life. Giving him permanency would be wonderful. Also, it's been a roller coaster ride for me wondering, hoping, praying that I can adopt him and not knowing if/when he will be leaving. If they sever rights at the trial, I am looking at possibly adopting him in August -- which would be wonderful. 

I'm sad because I know Little Guy's birth parents love him. They really do adore him. A lot of people can pass judgement on birth parents, it's easy to do... But that doesn't mean that there wasn't any love there. Adoption is not only a wonderful beginning for the "new family" -- it's also a loss for the child and their connection to their past. As happy as I want to feel about this unexpected decision by the BF... I still feel such remorse for Little Guy's birth parents. 

It reminds me of the time his Birth Mother (BM) cried after a hearing last year and hugged me for comfort. It reminds me of the time the BF cried after mediation because they were talking about adoption and not reunification. They love him and although they are not going to get him back... they did stick around this entire time (although inconsistently). Some foster children, their parents bolt and never look back. I have to say, that when I tell Little Guy about his birth parents, I'll be able to say that they tried and that they loved him dearly. 

What Happens Next

1. The TPR trial will happen. 
2. Judge needs to rule to "Terminate Parental Rights" for both the BF and BM. 
3. Once TPR happens, they will schedule a "goodbye visit" with the birth parents. 
4. Little Guy's case will get moved into Adoptions at CPS and he will get assigned an adoption Case Manager. 
5. I will need to get an adoption lawyer. 
6. My foster care agency will do my Home Study and do my certification to adopt (takes about 30 days). I can't start this process until TPR happens. 
7. Once my certification to adopt is complete, I can schedule an adoption date (after completing the loads of paperwork from the adoption lawyer and from CPS Adoptions Case Manager). The adoption date can be expedited to within 60 days. 

So, it's not over yet! As you can see, there's still a long process to adopt and the timeline is all contingent on BF not contesting the TPR. 

I cried pretty hard when I heard the news about BF... Tears because I can see the end to Little Guy's foster care life and see the "permanency" at the end of all this. I still can't let myself believe he'll be my Forever Son and that I will be able to adopt him. It's been such a long road of ups and downs -- to potentially have the end by SOON is surreal to me.

What's interesting is that I was having an emotional morning (I blame it on the progesterone!). I was crying and praying to God about my Little Guy - how blessed I feel to have Little Guy in my life, how I love him so dearly, and how I hope for him to have permanency sooner rather than later. Also, about how hard this journey has been so far for me. I also prayed for his birth parents. To get this news today... it couldn't have come at a better time. 

I pray the next steps go smoothly. I will continue to pray for his birth parents. I pray for my Little Guy. I pray that we can start our Family C together.