The Road to Baby #3: Choosing a new Clinic

I’m going to try and post some entries on my TTC journey to have my daughter. Since I left off mid-trying. When I was reading blogs, I always wondered what happened when the blogger didn’t blog through the entire process. 

Trying for my daughter was emotional. I was running into fertility issues and I was running into a financial barrier. So not only was time running out - but my money was running out as well. It was super hard for me to consider that I may not be able to add another baby to my family... and it really put me in a bad place mentally. 

I was with my original RE for 2 years to have my son. I loved the office and my RE. I didn’t want to consider leaving... but they were super expensive. They also didn’t really do IVF cycles outside of “typical” ones. Nothing creative. So I went in search and consulted with two more clinics. 

Consult #1

The first one is super popular in my area and super cheap... I was going to go with them, but... very unorganized. They screwed up simple blood work. They also wanted me to put a down payment down on my cycle... yet, they couldn’t get my insurance processing correctly. I had such a bad experience with them from the start, that I knew I couldn’t cycle with them. It would be too stressful that they’d screw something up. The other thing is, they would have done the exact same protocol as my current RE. But they were cheaper, most affordable in the area. 

Consult #2

Strangely enough, my RE recommended this fertility clinic!! I trust and love my RE, so I went into the appointment hopeful. This new RE is a bit of a scientist and he runs numerous clinical trials. He specializes in advanced maternal age (AMA) and diminished ovarian reserve (DOR) - both which matched my challenges. He also had a lot of extra tests that the other two REs never suggested and he had a few different protocols that were successful for AMA/DOR. The cost was in between my RE and consult #2 clinic. But... I felt my best chance to have a baby was with this RE. A funny comment from this new RE after he did an ultrasound: “your uterus is large enough for twins.” I had no comment to that. Lol. 

Financially, I only could afford one more IVF retrieval... at this point I was considering “what if it doesn’t work?” I had started seriously looking into donor embryo as my next steps if my last cycle didn’t work. I had some concerns about using donor embryo. The major one is that it was “closed” and absolutely no contact with the donors. Which I thought would be difficult considering our family dynamics and being open about birth stories - birth family (for B) and donor families (for L). 

At this point in the process, I had a plan and a little more money to keep trying IVF with my own eggs. 

The *Maybe* Move: Week 1 - figuring things out

With the decision that I definitely wanted to pursue moving to Missouri, I had my long list of things to do/research. Once Monday hit, I was on the phone - which felt like non-stop. I don’t think I’ve been on the phone for such a long time since I was a teen! I can’t believe all the things I got done in one week! 

1. Spoke to the SPED director at the local public school. Discussed my son’s IEP and his needs. 
2. Called Preschools/Pre-Ks. Most are currently full. Found out that the public school has free part-time Pre-K! So score on that. Just need to fill the gap. I put L on a few waiting lists. 
3. Called daycares and reviewed their inspection reports. They are also all full! It’s going to be a challenge to get E into a daycare. I did put her on a few waiting lists. The other option is to try and find a nanny to watch E and L (when he’s not in school). 
4. Called a local realtor that my friend suggested. She is SUPER nice and very responsive! I called her on a Monday and she found me a lender licensed in MO, talked to me about what I needed to do, we met at my house on that Thursday. So by Monday night I already reached out to the lender and got prequalified! By Thursday I had an idea of what I’d need to do to sell my house in AZ. 
5. I reached out to a realtor in MO and discussed what it would look like to purchase a house directly from the owner (vs. a listing). She is able to represent me and help me through this, which gives me huge peace of mind. I’ve only bought one house - my current house. I bought this house directly from the builder. So I never had to do anything like negotiate on the offer on a house or anything. 
6. Researched the local area. 
7. Looked into storm shelters and history of tornadoes in the area. 
8. Got some estimates on using movers. 
9. Told my manager about the potential move. 
10. Researched gardening in MO and about chicken coops!
11. I bought moving supplies! 
12. I created a project plan to consolidate all the things I need to do, want to do, need to research, etc. 

Phew. Week #1 was productive. By doing all of these things, it made me really want to move. It’s hard to be so hopeful that this will work out and trying to be cautious. So I figure, if it doesn’t work out - then at least I have decluttered my house, which I’ve been trying to do for YEARS! LOL. Also, I know for sure I want to move... I want a change. So, there’s that. Ideally, all will work out with this house and we’ll move in June/July. If not, there are other options to explore. 

The “Maybe” Big Decision

I’m a planner. I love routines. I love predictability in my day-to-day. It’s just part of who I am. At the beginning of 2021, I created a 10 year plan for the next decade. Seems extreme, if you’re not a planner :) But I’ve always had “something” I was reaching for or trying to get to. Those milestones were easier to wrap my arms around: go to college, graduate from college, get a job, buy a house, start fostering, try for a baby, etc. 

Now that I’m done building my family and my kids are starting to get older, life’s goals and things to reach for have been... different. I have to make a more concerted effort to make things happen. That’s where my 10 year plan came in, to help provide a guide for me - something to work towards and dream about. 

Well, my wonderful 10 year plan - got thrown out the window! Yes, I am a planner. But, I’m also adaptable! A once in a lifetime opportunity has suddenly come up. 

My friend moved away from here last year. Her and her husband bought some land out in the country and moved their family out there. I was in awe that they were able to make such a big change and questioned whether I would ever be able to take such a leap. Last year - while pregnant - the answer was heck no. The pandemic hit - and the answer was heck no. 

A house right next to their property is going up for sale. It’s a beautiful house that sits on 6 acres. Yes = SIX ACRES. When she originally brought it up to me - the answer was heck no. Then... I started to ask myself, “why?” Why no? So, I did what I normally do... I researched... 

• Single mom living in the country 
• Moving from the city to the country 
• What is a septic tank 
• How do you maintain well water 
• What to do when there’s a tornado (this was almost a deal breaker for me) 
• How to maintain wooded acres 

List goes on and on, but you get the gist. I was trying to see if this was a big scary thing that I should never do... or if it was something I could totally do, if I wanted to. 

Turns out my friend’s neighbor is willing to sell the house to me direct sale...! Then, I started getting really serious about looking into logistics: moving costs, timing conflicts, I made a pro/con list, I made a list of things I would need to figure out before making a decision. My initial list: 

1. School / SPED program
2. Preschools / Pre-K programs 
3. Daycares 
4. Moving costs 
5. Timing with end of school and L’s birthday 
6. What I need to do to buy
7. What I need to do to sell my current house 
8. Misc. questions on tornadoes, storm shelters, utilities, land zoning, weather, etc. 

After a few days of letting the idea marinate in my brain... it’s such a huge mind shift from what I originally had planned in life. I started getting excited... and I started making phone calls... and I started feeling like - I can do this! I want to do this! Let’s do this! 

So my *maybe* adventure to move my little family from AZ to MO has just begun!

Fast Forward to 2021

Gosh... it’s been a long time since I’ve sat down to update this blog. I admit, it’s hard for me to keep a blog because I’m so private & it feels counter intuitive to put all my life happenings out in the cyber world. 

Since the last time I wrote - so much has happened! 

But before diving into that, why I stopped writing. 

My one and only embryo from the cycle I last wrote about came back PGS normal and female. I thought it would work... I did another Hysteroscopy to prep for the cycle & the FET cycle failed. I was in a very dark place afterward. I think the mix of hormones from the fertility treatments, running out of time fertility-wise, and running out of money to keep trying... just really brought me down. I had the transfer and it didn’t work and I had no embryos left. I was completely devastated. I just couldn’t keep documenting all the heartbreak... so I stopped blogging. 

However, I did keep trying. I switched fertility clinics (hard for me to do!) and had 2 more IVF cycles... one failed cycle and one cycle that resulted in 3 embryos. First fresh transfer of 2 embryos = didn’t work. Transferred my very last embryo.... and IT WORKED!!!

I became pregnant with my daughter! Then... when I was in my third trimester = Coronavirus hit. My daughter was born during the stay at home order in my state. Such a crazy time. She’s now almost 11 months old & still hasn’t met most of my friends or family. 

My B is now in 1st grade and is 7. And my L will be turning 4 soon. They both love their Sissy. 

I am hoping to catch up on this blog and maybe document a new adventure... I am considering a cross country move to a rural area! I grew up in a big city and have lived close to a big city all my life. Now I’m considering moving my little family to the country and purchasing acreage. Like, what?! Lol. 

Hoping to get back into writing and sharing this journey. Because it’s going to be a crazy big change for me and my kids. There’s more I’d like to write about as well... like parenting a child with special needs, having L learn and own his birth story, being cut off from my support system during the pandemic... here’s to hoping I can find the time to blog and share some of our story.