And just like that - My life has changed!

It's been almost a month since the last time I blogged. I have to admit - I've missed it so much!!!! I miss "me" time! Here's what's happened since last month.

First, I really hurt my knee on my last 4 mile run. It hurt for 2 weeks pretty bad. No joke. Just extending my leg hurt. Then it started hurting only when I did something physical. Yes, I know - I should get it looked at! But... I was going to go on vacation.

Vacation was good! Very good. I got to see a lot of family and friends I haven't seen in years. Vacation was - going home :) That's how most of my vacations are spent. I miss my friends and family so much. This time around, it was a mini-reunion - as those that live far came into town. It was not a relaxing vacation at all! It was a go-go-go vacation. I got 2, maybe 3 hours of sleep each night. Good times, but tired times! I figured that I would get sleep when I got back to my normal routine.

Then - just like that, I received my foster care license. For those of you that don't know, I've been taking classes to become a foster parent. I'm single, I have the room, I've always wanted to do it, and now I'm in a position to. The week I got back from vacation - you know, the week I was supposed to catch up on my sleep... I got a call for my first placement. A 2 day old. YES, 2 days! And her 4 year old sister.

That's when my life totally changed. I have to admit, I never thought parenthood would be "easy" or anything. But jumping right in was tough. Really tough. Plus, a newborn - sleep? What sleep?! And no, you don't get maternity leave as a foster parent. So, I still had to work - take care of the baby - and get into a routine with the 4 year old. 

Well, long story short - I had to put the kids first, of course. Which means "me" was put on the back burner. It's truly amazing how hard it is to remember to do something for yourself when you're worried about the kids...

It's been a little over two weeks now and after all the appointments, meetings, paperwork, transportation, etc, etc... I've finally gotten into a good system. Two weeks isn't bad in my book - considering all the modifications that I've had to go through.

Today is the very FIRST day that I worked out since last month!!!!!! Zumba of course :) I feel so good right now - I just had to blog it! I miss working out. I've gained weight this past month since I haven't moved, lack of sleep, and lack of good food decisions. But I'm not letting that get me down! I'm readjusting, I'm modifying, I'm getting on track. The only thing is, it's a different track - it's unfamiliar. So, I'm just trying to figure it out as best as I can!

First, I'm going to get my workouts on this week and start tracking my water intake again.

Second, I have a business trip next week out of state... BUT that's not going to stop me. I'm going to RUN!!!! Yes - RUN!! I miss running... Oh I miss it. It's hot in Arizona... REALLY hot. I'm going to Cali for my business trip. I can't wait!!! I'm going to run in the morning before I go to work. It's going to be awesome!! I really can't put into words just how much I'm looking forward to going out for a nice run... just me and my music. I'm smiling just thinking about it! 

Third, the week after my business trip - I'm going to weigh back in (I know I've gained) and measure myself. And get back into a new normal routine. I'm thinking about doing P90X - so I can do it at home. But really miss running, yoga, and Zumba... I don't want to jump in with too much. So, I'm still thinkig about exactly I'm going to do. With this weather, I'd have to take running on the treadmill at the gym (boring! - but necessary). 

That's the roughdraft plan for now. Slow... but steady. At least it's something. I have to make this a priority or I'll lose my sanity.


I have to give props to all the parents out there that are able to find a good balance. And extra props out to single parents! It's pretty amazing the work that all of you parents do. If I can find a balance where my foster kid's needs are met and where I can keep my health a priority - life will be good :) 

My First Foster Support Group Meeting

My licensing agency has a monthly foster care support group. I'm not officially licensed yet, my Home Study is still being written and needs to get approved. Oh, and I just found out they need to meet my dogs since they may have some pit in their blood. No way to know really if they do, since they are both rescues and their parents are unknown... So, should be another few weeks before I receive the actual license.

The first support group meeting was interesting. It was kind of funny because I'm all "bright eyed" about it and everyone else is a little tainted from the process... I can see me getting to that point very quickly. I couldn't believe the stories they all had. Some heartbreaking, some straight out scary, some funny. What I noticed is that the more kids they had in the house the more complicated it got. I think for sanity purposes, i would not take more than 3-4 kids (in the future of course). There's just too much going on with one child, think about 4! Oh my.

I wasn't deterred from wanting to pursue this. I was very interested to find out that out of the 4 groups of people at the support group: Two had adopted and still foster, one was looking to adopt but is currently fostering, and one is looking to adopt her current placements. They also provided some great book references! I've already requested one from my library. Also, it was great to hear some of the ways they've had to get creative with rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior! I'm not even going to try to make a list now, I know that it's all going to be thrown out the door once the kids come in!

What was sad, one of the foster moms was talking about a recent incident with her foster daughter who is 11 years old. It was crazy, but the way she was describing the situation - it sounded exactly like me at that age! I was kind of shocked at that. Made me start thinking how I would deal with such scary and tragic events if I had a child with a similar situation.

My heart just goes out to all the children in foster care. I just can't believe the things that happened to them. What's the oddest thing is, it's not un-normal. Statistically, the types of abuse that they have experienced is more wide spread than what we think. It's heartbreaking.

Onto the next phase of waiting! But it's not that much longer. I need to get my house in order. Meaning "clean" and everything put away. I have a lot of junk, want to get rid of it before I get my first placement. I'm anxious and excited and nervous!

Officially Completed all Requirements to Foster

Officially, officially! All the paper work is in. All the pre-foster care home visits are done. The interviews are complete. The papers are signed. My licensing specialist is completing my home study this weekend. Not sure how long it will take to get a placement. My age group was changed to accept 1 or 2 children from ages 4 through 14. Which means I can either receive a sibling group or two children from different families in that age range.

I am very excited to be done with the entire process! It really wasn't too bad, when you think about the immense responsibility that being a foster parent involves. I'm anxious to just get started. I want to plan things for April - May, but want to wait to see how things look and who is placed in my home. There will be challenges, yes. There will be things I'm not prepared for, yes. But the overall thing I'm focused on is helping these children and assisting in finding permanency for them. It will be an interesting journey. I'm just ready to get the ball rolling!

CPR Certified

Last official class to get licensed for Foster care is complete! I now am CPR certified. I've taken a CPR class before, when I was 19. I don't remember it being as hard. But giving compressions is hard work! Now, the countdown begins on when I will complete everything. All pending stuff:

1. Last reference form (mailed this week back to the agency). 
2. California background check. Who knows how long that will take! 
3. Last home visit from my licensing specialist and double checking my water heater temperature. 
4. Agency to write home study. 

Then, done!

I still haven't decided when I will be available to take children... I've been going back and forth on it. I think all the paper work will be completed by the end of this month. If that happens, I will be able to take children at the beginning of April. I had the thought to wait till June, just because of some prior commitments. But that seems so far away and there are children that need foster homes... I'm going to sit on it for a little while longer. I'm leaning towards being available right away.

Home Inspection Complete

Had my home inspection this morning. The inspector from OCLR came an hour early! I was surprised at that. Since when are State employees early. Plus, I had a conference call for work. It wasn't really convenient. But what can you do.

It was really quick, he was in and out in about 30 minutes. The only thing that I was in violation of was the water temperature. It was at 130 degrees. My licensing specialist will do her last home visit and see it corrected, then it'll be OK.

All that's remaining is CPR, which is tomorrow. My last reference form, which was mailed back this week. And my background check from California. Then I'll be officially licensed for foster care. Seems like it was a long time, but really - from November 2010 to March 2011, 5 months and I'm almost done!

Adoption Class

Last night was my official last class in PS-MAPP, it was on Adoption. We had a guest speaker come and talk to us. She was adopted when she was 3 months. She explained her experience, she has 4 other adopted brothers/sisters. She went over why and how she searched for her birth family and her experience with that.

It was a good class, really went over the reality of those wanting to adopt from the State and how the process works, the financial aspect, and the legal component. It was eye opening.

I'm not looking to go straight into adoption. I am going to be licensed for Foster care for two children from 5-14 years of age. However, I took the adoption class just in case I have children in my care and they become eligible for adoption - I will have the option to pursue adoption and not have to take the class later.

There is some stuff going on with the State of Arizona where they are trying to make it where preference is giving to married couples for adoption and trying to eliminate/make it hard for single persons to adopt. I think that's a horrible mistake for the State and that it will cost them more money in the long run. I'm going to look into it more and see if I can write my State representatives.

Next week I have my home inspection from OCLR. I also have CPR class. After that, one more home visit from my agency. Then - I'm completely done with the licensing process. There is still some outstanding paper work that is out of my control, that we have to wait for. Only two items - so should come in during March sometime. After I'm licensed I'm going to take some additional classes that they offer at my agency. There is a requirement to take a certain number of classes to get your license renewed from year to year.

PS-MAPP: Last Official Class

Officially finished the PS-MAPP series :) It was a good last class. I feel really good about the training and feel as prepared as I can be without having direct experience. With the three day weekend coming up, I'm looking forward to getting the house in tip-top shape to meet all inspection requirements. My inspection will be sometime next week. I'm also going to go shopping for misc stuff that I need for the kid's room, blankets, waste basket, laundry basket, etc. Which also means clearing out those closets! I don't have much in there, but there's a significant amount of stuff I've been hoarding. I'm going to take the time to go through everything and hopefully "cleanse" myself of all the junk that's not really necessary. Or at least put them in categories, so I can work on projects later on.

I'm very excited about this journey. I'm thinking I'll be open to take kids in April. Might as well go for it! Everyone is telling me I should go on vacation first. Maybe they're right. I still have time to decide. Next week is adoption class, then the week after that is CPR class. I'm looking forward to my Wednesday nights being free again! Wed is a tiring day on its own, it's when my energy starts to plummet from the week.

Last PS-MAPP Documents

I feel like I'm behind on all the paperwork for PS-MAPP! I'm not really, there's just a lot of end of class stuff to get done. I have 2 final documents to complete, but I might have to wait till tomorrow to get to them.

Tomorrow is officially the last class for foster care. I am going to be attending next week's class that's on adoption - which is optional. I'd rather get it done now, just in case I do end up adopting through the foster care system - which would be required at that time.


Here's what's left:

• OLCR Home Inspection - which should be scheduled for next week sometime. I'm getting the house in tip-top shape and to code by the end of the 3-day weekend. 
• Vehicle and Licensing Specialist home inspection (after OLCR home inspection). 
• CPR Class - scheduled for 3/2/11 

Some paperwork:

• Waiting for my last reference to return the documents. 
• Waiting for California to return my background check. 

If everything goes well, I should be all good to go by the end of March officially. As long as all the paperwork (not in my control) goes smoothly. I am still contemplating if I should hold off on being available to take children until June... But I'm opting to just be ready once everything is done and just go with it. I still have a few more weeks to decide.

Tomorrow is officially our "graduation" day! We're having a potluck. Going to bring a chicken platter. Should be fun. Weird to have spent so much time with my classmates and see them every week to go to not seeing them! j

PS-MAPP: My 2 Hour Interview

I had my 2 hour interview last week with my licensing specialist. I promised myself I wouldn't get emotional! The interview is a tool for them to use to write your home study and you have to reveal all these personal details about your life. It's a bit intimidating since it's all going to be put out there, on paper, in a report!

It was a bit odd talking about my past. I didn't have the best childhood or upbringing. My relationships are very strained with my parents and with my brothers. I felt like I was talking about someone else when I was telling my story and all that I went through. Why the relationships are the way they are today. How the relationships were when I was growing up. How I've dealt with it.

I was completely honest about my life, how I was, how we lived. It felt so surreal. I'm so over all the issues of the past, I didn't even cry or get emotional talking about it. That's really different than where I was even a year ago. I teared up when I was talking about my older brother and how we built our sibling relationship from what it was growing up. I love my big brother and we worked really hard to become friends. It's something I am proud of and something I cherish. I also teared up when I spoke about my Uncle Ben and Auntie Bessie - how they are my adopted family and if it weren't for them, I'm not so sure my older brother and I would've turned out as well as we did.

From my interview, I realized a few things.

1. I grew up in a similar situation as some of the foster kids. 
2. I experienced a lot of the loss that foster kids go through. 
3. I can relate to the foster kids because I acted out exactly like they do. 

I know I was never taken away from my dad growing up. I'm actually surprised that I wasn't! We had the cops over on so many instances because of all the fighting and screaming. I didn't really have anyone to help me through life or support me. Much of my childhood tantrums and acting out was related to my lack of routine, lack of attachment to adults, lack of supervision, etc.

One thing my specialist asked me was: what motivated me to push to graduate High School, what support I have. Quick background: I almost didn't graduate HS with my class. I got involved with the wrong crowd, dropped out of school, failed classes. It was bad. My counselor had told me I had no hope to graduate on time. I didn't listen, ended up going to night school on top of regular school, also went to adult school. Long story short, with a lot of late nights and hard work I did end up graduating with my class - on time.

My answer to her question was I didn't have anyone supporting me or pushing me to graduate. No one cared. I was determined to do it, so I did it. Mostly to "prove them wrong" and because  I didn't want to be a statistic or have people gloat that I couldn't make it.

Anyways, the interview was very deep - opened up my memory to my childhood. Not that I've forgotten. I can never forget. But what I notice is how everyone tries to sugar coat the past. They try to make it seem better than it was. I turned out OK, which means my childhood wasn't that bad, right?  That's not true, that's not how my life was. I won't fall into that. The past can't be re-written. It was what it was. I have come to peace with it and have gained a lot from my trials. However, I won't act like it was something it wasn't.

In the end, I truly do believe that I was meant to travel that path so that I can be who I am today. So that I can be on this journey to become a foster mom and help children through a hard stretch in their lives. I'm really excited about it and am a little scared... I'm graduating next week from class! I still have my home inspection to go through and CPR class. If I push through, I can have a placement as soon as April.

I decided on ages 5-14. I can take up to 2 kids right now. I'm hoping to get a sibling group. Almost there...

Catching Up

OK... So, I've lost track of blogging! I mentioned I wasn't a blogger, right?! LOL. I'm graduating next week from MS-MAPP class! Yes, it went by so very fast. I've decided I'm going to close up this blog and start a new blog that encompasses all my life stuff and possibly make it private on an invite only status... Just thinking about it, not sure yet. Wish I can catch up on everything. In one sentence: The MS-MAPP class has been a wonderful asset for me. I really am looking forward to becoming a foster parent.