PS-MAPP: My 2 Hour Interview

I had my 2 hour interview last week with my licensing specialist. I promised myself I wouldn't get emotional! The interview is a tool for them to use to write your home study and you have to reveal all these personal details about your life. It's a bit intimidating since it's all going to be put out there, on paper, in a report!

It was a bit odd talking about my past. I didn't have the best childhood or upbringing. My relationships are very strained with my parents and with my brothers. I felt like I was talking about someone else when I was telling my story and all that I went through. Why the relationships are the way they are today. How the relationships were when I was growing up. How I've dealt with it.

I was completely honest about my life, how I was, how we lived. It felt so surreal. I'm so over all the issues of the past, I didn't even cry or get emotional talking about it. That's really different than where I was even a year ago. I teared up when I was talking about my older brother and how we built our sibling relationship from what it was growing up. I love my big brother and we worked really hard to become friends. It's something I am proud of and something I cherish. I also teared up when I spoke about my Uncle Ben and Auntie Bessie - how they are my adopted family and if it weren't for them, I'm not so sure my older brother and I would've turned out as well as we did.

From my interview, I realized a few things.

1. I grew up in a similar situation as some of the foster kids. 
2. I experienced a lot of the loss that foster kids go through. 
3. I can relate to the foster kids because I acted out exactly like they do. 

I know I was never taken away from my dad growing up. I'm actually surprised that I wasn't! We had the cops over on so many instances because of all the fighting and screaming. I didn't really have anyone to help me through life or support me. Much of my childhood tantrums and acting out was related to my lack of routine, lack of attachment to adults, lack of supervision, etc.

One thing my specialist asked me was: what motivated me to push to graduate High School, what support I have. Quick background: I almost didn't graduate HS with my class. I got involved with the wrong crowd, dropped out of school, failed classes. It was bad. My counselor had told me I had no hope to graduate on time. I didn't listen, ended up going to night school on top of regular school, also went to adult school. Long story short, with a lot of late nights and hard work I did end up graduating with my class - on time.

My answer to her question was I didn't have anyone supporting me or pushing me to graduate. No one cared. I was determined to do it, so I did it. Mostly to "prove them wrong" and because  I didn't want to be a statistic or have people gloat that I couldn't make it.

Anyways, the interview was very deep - opened up my memory to my childhood. Not that I've forgotten. I can never forget. But what I notice is how everyone tries to sugar coat the past. They try to make it seem better than it was. I turned out OK, which means my childhood wasn't that bad, right?  That's not true, that's not how my life was. I won't fall into that. The past can't be re-written. It was what it was. I have come to peace with it and have gained a lot from my trials. However, I won't act like it was something it wasn't.

In the end, I truly do believe that I was meant to travel that path so that I can be who I am today. So that I can be on this journey to become a foster mom and help children through a hard stretch in their lives. I'm really excited about it and am a little scared... I'm graduating next week from class! I still have my home inspection to go through and CPR class. If I push through, I can have a placement as soon as April.

I decided on ages 5-14. I can take up to 2 kids right now. I'm hoping to get a sibling group. Almost there...