A little behind on posting... but to cut to the chase, I have an egg retrieval day! Retrieval will be on Tuesday, October 30, 2018 @ 11:30 a.m.
Now... the details.
Monitoring Appointment #3, Friday October 26, 2018, Stim Day # 9
I thought this appointment would be the day where this cycle would be clear. But it really wasn't... there were maybe 5 follicles to work with and my estradiol levels were 722.7.
At this point I knew we weren't going to have the egg retrieval on Monday (10/29). There was still a possibility of canceling the cycle.
Monitoring Appointment #4, Sunday October 28, 2018, Stim Day #11
So, it was weird to stim longer than 10 days because I only had supplies for 10 days. The nurse told me on Friday that I should just not do my morning injections until after my appointment. Well, I didn't have any Menopur left anyways. The RE told me to just use ALL the remaining Gonal-F and do the Lupron shot - then I'd be done with injections.
My estradiol level was 1141.7. If you estimate about a level of 150 per mature follicle, you're looking at maybe 7-8 follicles. But from my ultrasound, he was only really able to see 3-5... So, I don't know what that means for retrieval or if estradiol levels are really reflective of the # of mature follicles. For my IVF #2 they were pretty aligned (estradiol level as about 1400 and they retrieved 9 eggs / 8 mature) - but they were also able to see 8 eggs during the ultrasounds.
Trigger Shot
I received notice to trigger @ 11:30 p.m. tonight and that my egg retrieval will be 36 hours later on Tuesday, October 30, 2018 @ 11:30 a.m.
Thoughts
It's hard not to be disappointed. I can finish this cycle with absolutely no embryos... I'm trying not to think that way, but I'm also trying to be realistic here. If they are only able to get 3-5 eggs -- how many will be mature? How many will fertilize? How many will make it to blast? How many will be PGS normal? The percentage goes down with each "how many" and when you don't start off with "many" -- you can see my non-mathematical brain doing the numbers here.
As much as my brain is doing these calculations... I am really hopeful that the ONE future baby egg is in there...
I'd lie if I said I wasn't already thinking about next steps, because I totally am. I love my fertility clinic, but they are pricier than a lot of other places. I've mentioned that I've basically exhausted my lifetime max of fertility benefits with this cycle... so, if I move forward with another cycle it'll be 100% out of pocket. Meaning, I need to go to a different clinic. Also meaning I need to save money to fund another cycle. I'm not getting any younger here, so time is of the essence.
Trying to be optimistic about the odds... but also trying to be realistic on what the next steps may be.
For now, just hoping and praying that there is at least ONE good egg in there that will be future baby...
Sunday, October 28, 2018
Thursday, October 25, 2018
IVF #4: Monitoring Appointment #2 (Stim Day 7)
I had my monitoring appointment yesterday. I'm not really sure what to make of it!
The Right Ovary
There were 4 follicles:
- 1 is way to big, most likely a cyst
- 2 are also big, but not as big as the possible cyst
- 1 is the "right" size, about 10 mm
The Left Ovary
- There are about 5-6 follicles, but they're all small, about 7-8 mm
Apparently, the follicles on Day #7 of stims should be closer to 10mm. The follicles in the left ovary are more like Day #5 of stim size.
From my Piper Patch IVF Notebook ((https://www.piperpatch.com/):
When I received my E2 levels, I'm at a 494.9. My portal message:
The thought process is, if the follicles in the left ovary keep progressing, we would skip the follicles in the right and aim for the left. Which may lead to extra stim days with a possible retrieval day of Halloween. Not ideal, but it would be worth it to get 5-6 eggs. If the follicles in the left don't grow, try to get the ones in the right... but since they are growing so fast - will probably not result in anything. There was talk about just doing an IUI... but since I have polyps from my saline ultrasound, it's not really an option. Not to mention, I want a wider age gap from my youngest.
I'm not really sure what to think or expect from this cycle. It's kind of been all over the place really. I have another monitoring appointment tomorrow (Stim Day 9).
Random Stuff
I'm running out of real estate on my stomach. Starting to get bruised up and not many places to put my injections. My son has also gotten curious about me doing my injections. Can you imagine I went through fertility treatments for 2 years and he never once noticed me doing shots? I also went through the majority of my pregnancy doing insulin shots and he never noticed. But now, he totally notices.
What's also interesting is trying not to freak out while doing my injections (it's still hard for me to stick the needle in) - while having my toddler cry and my preschooler yelling. LOL. Talk about distractions! Can I get a minute of quiet to give myself a shot? Nope. LOL. I've had no choice but to just suck it up and inject, so I can take care of business. I guess it's good in a way or I might stand there forever hesitating!
Since yesterday I have started to get some aches in my ovaries. I don't remember if I ever had aches or pains when I was stimming before... not like this. I tried reading some of my old blog posts to see if I mention any aches or pains. It's VERY uncomfortable. Then... when you have two kids body slamming you during story time... Ouch!!
I also noticed an increase in my CM. I'm hoping that's a good sign for my E2 levels. From what I recall, I believe my E2 levels really need to double by tomorrow...
Thoughts
I had an interesting situation at my appointment yesterday. My son had an appointment in the morning and my monitoring appointment was right after his appointment. So, I had to bring him with me to my monitoring appointment. I think with all of my fertility treatments, I have only had to bring him maybe twice in all that time. He's older now... and curious. I thought it would be a bit awkward to have him in the exam room while having a transvaginal ultrasound!
One of my SMC friend's was so sweet and offered to come to my appointment and sit with my son in the waiting room. So very nice of her! I am so grateful to have a friend like her and willing to go out of her way for us.
What I've also found difficult about going through IVF this go-around is that I'm also very busy at work. Making these appointments has not been easy. Going through stims has not been easy. Having a potential moving egg retrieval day has not been easy. Trying to not tell my manager that I'm going through IVF has not been easy (I've chosen not to say anything). Work commitments are going to be hard to shuffle around next week. I'll make it work, of course, but it's just an extra stressor.
I'm not really sure how I'm feeling about this cycle... My RE said I do a good job of being optimistic, while also being realistic. LOL. I think I had prepared myself for the cycle to be cancelled yesterday. But when it didn't... and we are still going... I really want to get to an egg retrieval at this point. I'm now 8 days into stims and I can't do an IUI. I would just hate for all of this to have been for nothing.
A bit concerned about the appointment tomorrow, but holding my expectations in line.
With all things IVF, it's one step at a time. And of course, keeping my Fingers crossed.
My October calendar so far:
The Right Ovary
There were 4 follicles:
- 1 is way to big, most likely a cyst
- 2 are also big, but not as big as the possible cyst
- 1 is the "right" size, about 10 mm
The Left Ovary
- There are about 5-6 follicles, but they're all small, about 7-8 mm
Apparently, the follicles on Day #7 of stims should be closer to 10mm. The follicles in the left ovary are more like Day #5 of stim size.
From my Piper Patch IVF Notebook ((https://www.piperpatch.com/):
When I received my E2 levels, I'm at a 494.9. My portal message:
No changes to your medications! Please continue your most current dosing and continue to follow the calendar instructions at this time.The cycle was not cancelled.
See you at your next appointment on FRIDAY.
If you have any questions please feel free to call us.
The thought process is, if the follicles in the left ovary keep progressing, we would skip the follicles in the right and aim for the left. Which may lead to extra stim days with a possible retrieval day of Halloween. Not ideal, but it would be worth it to get 5-6 eggs. If the follicles in the left don't grow, try to get the ones in the right... but since they are growing so fast - will probably not result in anything. There was talk about just doing an IUI... but since I have polyps from my saline ultrasound, it's not really an option. Not to mention, I want a wider age gap from my youngest.
I'm not really sure what to think or expect from this cycle. It's kind of been all over the place really. I have another monitoring appointment tomorrow (Stim Day 9).
Random Stuff
I'm running out of real estate on my stomach. Starting to get bruised up and not many places to put my injections. My son has also gotten curious about me doing my injections. Can you imagine I went through fertility treatments for 2 years and he never once noticed me doing shots? I also went through the majority of my pregnancy doing insulin shots and he never noticed. But now, he totally notices.
What's also interesting is trying not to freak out while doing my injections (it's still hard for me to stick the needle in) - while having my toddler cry and my preschooler yelling. LOL. Talk about distractions! Can I get a minute of quiet to give myself a shot? Nope. LOL. I've had no choice but to just suck it up and inject, so I can take care of business. I guess it's good in a way or I might stand there forever hesitating!
Since yesterday I have started to get some aches in my ovaries. I don't remember if I ever had aches or pains when I was stimming before... not like this. I tried reading some of my old blog posts to see if I mention any aches or pains. It's VERY uncomfortable. Then... when you have two kids body slamming you during story time... Ouch!!
I also noticed an increase in my CM. I'm hoping that's a good sign for my E2 levels. From what I recall, I believe my E2 levels really need to double by tomorrow...
Thoughts
I had an interesting situation at my appointment yesterday. My son had an appointment in the morning and my monitoring appointment was right after his appointment. So, I had to bring him with me to my monitoring appointment. I think with all of my fertility treatments, I have only had to bring him maybe twice in all that time. He's older now... and curious. I thought it would be a bit awkward to have him in the exam room while having a transvaginal ultrasound!
One of my SMC friend's was so sweet and offered to come to my appointment and sit with my son in the waiting room. So very nice of her! I am so grateful to have a friend like her and willing to go out of her way for us.
What I've also found difficult about going through IVF this go-around is that I'm also very busy at work. Making these appointments has not been easy. Going through stims has not been easy. Having a potential moving egg retrieval day has not been easy. Trying to not tell my manager that I'm going through IVF has not been easy (I've chosen not to say anything). Work commitments are going to be hard to shuffle around next week. I'll make it work, of course, but it's just an extra stressor.
I'm not really sure how I'm feeling about this cycle... My RE said I do a good job of being optimistic, while also being realistic. LOL. I think I had prepared myself for the cycle to be cancelled yesterday. But when it didn't... and we are still going... I really want to get to an egg retrieval at this point. I'm now 8 days into stims and I can't do an IUI. I would just hate for all of this to have been for nothing.
A bit concerned about the appointment tomorrow, but holding my expectations in line.
With all things IVF, it's one step at a time. And of course, keeping my Fingers crossed.
My October calendar so far:
Let's see what happens...
Tuesday, October 23, 2018
IVF#4: Monitoring Appointment #1
I had my monitoring appointment yesterday. In my early blog entries, I mentioned that my clinic has a "baby wall" that includes pictures of all the babies born with their help. When I went into the exam room, guess who is now on the wall -- my baby boy!!!!
It brought so many emotions seeing his newborn picture on the baby wall. I used to cry looking at the pictures and wondering if I would ever be able to have a baby and if he/she would ever be on the wall... and now he is :) It brought me back to the reality of life and out of the funk that TTC can put you in.
I always love seeing my RE. I showed him some pictures of my boys from the pumpkin patch and he gushed over how big my babies have gotten. He's such a nice guy.
Back to the monitoring appointment... it didn't go so well. From my Piper Patch IVF notebook (https://www.piperpatch.com/):
Looking VERY similar to my cancelled IVF #3 cycle...
So, I'm not really sure what to expect... I knew by my second monitoring appointment that the cycle would be cancelled. I guess we'll see what happens then. But when you think about it... at IVF #2, my stats were:
My embryos weren't tested... but they were all transferred and resulted in 1 baby.
When you start thinking of the odds. For my age, about 50% of embryos would be abnormal. I know it only takes 1 egg... but gosh, it worries me considering not all eggs will make it to blast.
Feelings
It's hard not to be disappointed... and to contemplate next steps if the cycle is cancelled. I know there's absolutely nothing I can do about being a low responder, unfortunately. I am healthier now than I was on my previous cycles. But I'm also older... so I expected to have a low response due to my AMH levels.
So - why do I feel so sad about it all?
I was playing with my kids last night and I was thinking "I am so lucky." I have two little miracles already... will I get a third? I almost feel greedy in a way wanting another miracle. But then I thought about what things would look like if I stopped trying for Baby #3 and I had an ache in my heart.
I don't know what that means or what choices I'll make. I'm still very hopeful this cycle will lead to an egg retrieval and that one of these follicles will lead to Baby #3.
Next Steps:
It brought so many emotions seeing his newborn picture on the baby wall. I used to cry looking at the pictures and wondering if I would ever be able to have a baby and if he/she would ever be on the wall... and now he is :) It brought me back to the reality of life and out of the funk that TTC can put you in.
I always love seeing my RE. I showed him some pictures of my boys from the pumpkin patch and he gushed over how big my babies have gotten. He's such a nice guy.
Back to the monitoring appointment... it didn't go so well. From my Piper Patch IVF notebook (https://www.piperpatch.com/):
There are 3 follicles in the right ovary, but they're growing too fast. One is so big, that they aren't counting it - it's most likely a cyst. The 3 on the left are growing at the right pace. So really, working with maybe 5 follicles. My estradiol level was 322.4.
Just for some comparison, here is what it looked like at my previous cycles:
So, I'm not really sure what to expect... I knew by my second monitoring appointment that the cycle would be cancelled. I guess we'll see what happens then. But when you think about it... at IVF #2, my stats were:
- Retrieved 9 eggs, 8 mature, 7 fertilized with ICSI, 4 made it to Blasts.
My embryos weren't tested... but they were all transferred and resulted in 1 baby.
When you start thinking of the odds. For my age, about 50% of embryos would be abnormal. I know it only takes 1 egg... but gosh, it worries me considering not all eggs will make it to blast.
Feelings
It's hard not to be disappointed... and to contemplate next steps if the cycle is cancelled. I know there's absolutely nothing I can do about being a low responder, unfortunately. I am healthier now than I was on my previous cycles. But I'm also older... so I expected to have a low response due to my AMH levels.
So - why do I feel so sad about it all?
I was playing with my kids last night and I was thinking "I am so lucky." I have two little miracles already... will I get a third? I almost feel greedy in a way wanting another miracle. But then I thought about what things would look like if I stopped trying for Baby #3 and I had an ache in my heart.
I don't know what that means or what choices I'll make. I'm still very hopeful this cycle will lead to an egg retrieval and that one of these follicles will lead to Baby #3.
Next Steps:
- Monitoring Appointment #2 - 10/24/18
- Monitoring Appointment #3 - 10/26/18
Stay tuned...!
Sunday, October 21, 2018
IVF #4: Started Stims - Stim Days 1-4
I started my Stims on Thursday, October 18th. It took me awhile to get into a rhythm with mixing the Lupron, Menopur, and Gonal-F. Four days in, I think I've finally got the hang of it and don't need to read any instructions anymore!
Now... giving shots. It's still hard. I still have to do some deep breathing. A few times I've bled from my injection site, which historically has been rare for me. Today, on day #4 of stims, the needle burned going in. I did hesitate both times, which may be why it burned. Ugh. It doesn't make it easier for me to do my injections.
Day #1 of Stims:
Now... giving shots. It's still hard. I still have to do some deep breathing. A few times I've bled from my injection site, which historically has been rare for me. Today, on day #4 of stims, the needle burned going in. I did hesitate both times, which may be why it burned. Ugh. It doesn't make it easier for me to do my injections.
Day #1 of Stims:
Other Things:
- I did start my period after I stopped birth control. I don't think I've started my period each time before cycling, but I did this time. It wasn't light either... which I think it's supposed to be. But when I'm on birth control and other meds, my cycles are never "normal" really.
- Headaches... not sure if it's due to my crappy week (more below) or if it has to do with the meds. But man... headaches galore!!! Like lingering, deep in your skull, throbbing, headaches.
- My patience is depleted. Stick me with hormones and I'm just a mess! Poor kids, don't mess with Mama right now. LOL.
- Hot flashes.... hot flashes... hot flashes... these started on Day #3 of stims.
- I received an email to register with the PGS testing company. I signed all their consents and I guess I'm in the clear to use them now.
IVF #4 Shot Count: 12
Crappy Week
I had an uncharacteristically crap-tastic week. First, I had a work deadline that just went wrong-wrong-wrong. Second, I had to put my dog down :( Third, I started stims and my hormones are a mess.
I'm a bit of a mess over putting my dog down... he was a great pup. Even though I knew it was coming, it was such a hard and difficult decision. Though, I know it was the right choice to make for him. The hardest part about it all... is having to explain to my kids that our dog has died. Having my oldest go downstairs and call/look for the dog because he forgot he died. Having my youngest throw his food on the floor and call for the dog to come get it. It just all around sucks. Not to mention, I miss my dog :( It's strange all the small things you do for your pets, you don't even realize how much it's a part of your routine until you don't need to do it anymore. I found myself opening the screen door multiple times to let him outside or looking for him in his normal spots or seeing him when we first get home. Ugh... hardest part of pet owning. I think it's going to be awhile before we get another pet.
Next Steps
Tomorrow is kind of a big deal for me, it's my first monitoring appointment. During my cancelled IVF cycles (IVF Cycle #1 and IVF Cycle #3), Day #5 monitoring is when I knew there was a possibility of the cycle being cancelled.
I almost feel "blind" in a way going into this monitoring appointment, as I have no clue how many follicles I'm working with, as I never had an Antral Follicle Count, which I've always had in my previous cycles. The only thing I can think is different this round is that a different doctor did my scans and she wasn't as thorough as my normal RE is.
My calendar from my Piper Patch IVF notebook (https://www.piperpatch.com/):
I've really been enjoying using my Piper Patch notebook. I keep it on my counter and look at it each day. I like physically checking off the calendar days and having a page designated for each day. I also really appreciate the daily affirmations. From my Day #1 cycle page it reads "I trust my body." I need to repeat that one right now!!
I'll update again after I have my monitoring appointment, to see where I stand on this cycle. I wish I had a gut instinct on what I *think* was going to happen. But really, at this point - I have absolutely no clue. I always find this monitoring appointment "funny" in a way... I will technically be half-way through stimming... so half-way to an egg retrieval. But it always ends up being a tipping point - retrieval or cycle cancelled. Two completely opposite directions. Crazy. I can't do an IUI this cycle, so if it's cancelled - all the time and money gets washed down the drain.
<sigh> I just can't help but try to mentally prepare for the possibility of a cancelled cycle.
Need to think positive though! Fingers crossed for a good monitoring appointment and for a continued cycle.
Stay tuned.
Tuesday, October 16, 2018
IVF #4: Started Lupron
It feels "official" now... I have started Lupron.
I have to admit to feeling a bit intimidated with giving myself shots again. Which I think is so odd because I gave myself shots all throughout TTC and also throughout my pregnancy. Maybe I'm a bit traumatized by it all?
It took me a few minutes to calm myself down. I did some deep breathing, but I finally was able to do my injection. The morning one was the hardest! The evening one went a little faster, though I still hesitated.
But it's done. Day #1 of shots. Not officially "stimming" yet, but almost there.
Thing I'm glad I remembered to do: pump the needle. The needles can be hard to inject - by moving it up/down a few times before collecting the medicine, it makes it easier to push the plunger.
Here's my calendar from my Piper Patch Notebook (https://www.piperpatch.com/) and a picture of my meds / lupron needle:
I really like the daily affirmation for today in the Piper Patch notebook :)
I'm going to keep a "shot count" this cycle. I wish I would've kept a record of it for my other cycles and throughout pregnancy, then I could say "I did XXX number of shots." I suppose I can go back and count them, but that's just too much work!
IVF #4 Shot Count: 2
My Thoughts
This cycle is so strange in a way... it almost feels like I'm not really going through IVF again. Starting this process brings back so many memories and so many years of having this "dream" of building my family. Yesterday I was watching my boys play together outside and it brought happy tears to my eyes. I feel so fortunate and so grateful to be their Mama.
I'm starting this cycle in a different place than I did back in 2014/2015. Back then, my oldest was still my foster child and I wasn't sure I would be able to adopt him - so much uncertainty around his case plan. My youngest was a dream I was chasing, which I would chase for almost 2 years and tens of thousands of dollars - all worth it.
As I sit here thinking about my family and this life we're building together... I can't help but feel like any potential future baby would be so lucky to have my boys as his/her brothers. And also how lucky my boys would be to have a new baby brother/sister. I am grateful that I'm able to try for another baby.
Next Steps: Continue Lupron for another day, then start Stims!
Friday, October 12, 2018
IVF #4: The Insurance Dance
I swear... the most stressful part of going through IVF isn't going through stims... or having endless monitoring appointments. It's trying to get the darn approvals through my insurance.
What an absolute headache.
Medical Insurance
I received my approval for infertility coverage, which was good. But then I found out that they would not cover ICSI. Why? Because they said they only cover it if there is a semen analysis (SA) issue. The reasoning is: I'm using donor sperm, therefore there is no SA issue. Doing traditional insemination with IVF isn't really that reasonable since ideally you would have more sperm. The donor I have is an ART vial, meaning there are less sperm in the vial. It's itty bitty. I'm contesting the decision, but I can't help but be annoyed / irritated that they would say any one using donor sperm doesn't qualify for ICSI coverage. There is a reason people use donor sperm.
Reminder of what ICSI does:
Pharmacy
I ordered my meds last week and I barely just received them today. Why? Apparently they needed all these approvals and they didn't let me know they needed them and they didn't try to get them on their own. When I finally figured it out, I had to wait for them to go through their process of approving the coverage. Then, they ended up shipping my meds at the wrong time. Just an absolute mess.
Cycle Pay Day and Injections Training - 10/11/18
Which led to my cycle "pay day" and injections training. I ended up having to pay for ICSI, which was unexpected and more than I budgeted for. Costs breakdown:
IVF Clinic:
Meds: $1,579.55
Total for this week: $5,864.55
Total Year to Date: $6,018.67
Costs TBD: PGS Testing - $150 per embryo + $150 Shipping
I've officially hit my max out of pocket for my insurance for the year. Even with insurance coverage, not a lot is covered.
I had my injections training... which you would think wouldn't have been a big deal - but you'd be amazed at how much I've forgotten. It was a nice refresher! Also, all the paperwork!!! Oh my... Signing my life away with waivers and deciding what would happen to my embryos "if" such and such happened.
They even talked to me about "family planning" and if I wanted to choose a boy/girl for transfer... I think most people expect me to say "I want a girl" considering I have two boys. But really, I just want another baby. Boy or girl. It doesn't really matter to me. I also don't know if I'm going to have options, so I don't want to get stuck on a boy/girl just this moment.
Before the injections training, they did do a quick ultrasound to check for cysts. No cysts, I'm in the clear. But they didn't count the follicles, so I feel kind of in the dark about how many follicles I'm working with this cycle... if we go off what they found last month - there were 9.
Next step is to stop birth control tomorrow, 10/13/18.
Feelings
My relaxation going into this cycle is completely gone and is non-existent after this week!! Dealing with the insurance, the extra costs, the pharmacy, the approvals, work deadlines, and work "issues" -- I've just about had it this week.
I'm also really feeling the "I want another baby" feelings... which worries me if the cycle doesn't turn out the way I hope it does. Would I even be able to afford another cycle at this point? I don't know if I will... But I also don't know if I won't try anyways... My heart is "all in" with adding to our family, I just have to make sure I keep my head in the game and make good decisions.
After a rough week, I'm going to try and get back into a more mellow frame of mind and relax. I'm going to try and enjoy spending time with my boys this weekend.
Here's to hoping and wishing and dreaming...
What an absolute headache.
Medical Insurance
I received my approval for infertility coverage, which was good. But then I found out that they would not cover ICSI. Why? Because they said they only cover it if there is a semen analysis (SA) issue. The reasoning is: I'm using donor sperm, therefore there is no SA issue. Doing traditional insemination with IVF isn't really that reasonable since ideally you would have more sperm. The donor I have is an ART vial, meaning there are less sperm in the vial. It's itty bitty. I'm contesting the decision, but I can't help but be annoyed / irritated that they would say any one using donor sperm doesn't qualify for ICSI coverage. There is a reason people use donor sperm.
Reminder of what ICSI does:
Pharmacy
I ordered my meds last week and I barely just received them today. Why? Apparently they needed all these approvals and they didn't let me know they needed them and they didn't try to get them on their own. When I finally figured it out, I had to wait for them to go through their process of approving the coverage. Then, they ended up shipping my meds at the wrong time. Just an absolute mess.
Cycle Pay Day and Injections Training - 10/11/18
Which led to my cycle "pay day" and injections training. I ended up having to pay for ICSI, which was unexpected and more than I budgeted for. Costs breakdown:
IVF Clinic:
- Co-Insurance: $330
- PGS Biopsy: $2,250
- ICSI: $1,525
Meds: $1,579.55
Total for this week: $5,864.55
Total Year to Date: $6,018.67
Costs TBD: PGS Testing - $150 per embryo + $150 Shipping
I've officially hit my max out of pocket for my insurance for the year. Even with insurance coverage, not a lot is covered.
I had my injections training... which you would think wouldn't have been a big deal - but you'd be amazed at how much I've forgotten. It was a nice refresher! Also, all the paperwork!!! Oh my... Signing my life away with waivers and deciding what would happen to my embryos "if" such and such happened.
Before the injections training, they did do a quick ultrasound to check for cysts. No cysts, I'm in the clear. But they didn't count the follicles, so I feel kind of in the dark about how many follicles I'm working with this cycle... if we go off what they found last month - there were 9.
BOB Arrived
Even though the week kind of sucked trying to deal with the insurance and pharmacy issues... hours and hours on the phone. (Just to note, I had a stressful week at work and worked over 50+ hours - so it sucked just that much more trying to find the time to call.) Receiving the Big ol' box of meds was... amazing!
There's something about receiving all my meds that made this feel so real. It also made me start feeling all the feels about, "I really want another baby." I may have shed some happy... anticipatory tears... at the possibility of this potential baby.
Piper Patch IVF Notebook
A local SMC friend, that went through IVF, developed this amazing IVF notebook!! I was so excited to receive one. I loved the package and the cover. I'm absolutely loving the notebook for tracking this IVF cycle, I feel so organized :) I really wish I would've had something like this when I was cycling the first time, it's super useful. I'll be sharing some pages from the book as I use them.
Link to the website: https://www.piperpatch.com/
My IVF Notebook:
My IVF Calendar
Here's my calendar spread from the Piper Patch IVF notebook:
Next step is to stop birth control tomorrow, 10/13/18.
Feelings
My relaxation going into this cycle is completely gone and is non-existent after this week!! Dealing with the insurance, the extra costs, the pharmacy, the approvals, work deadlines, and work "issues" -- I've just about had it this week.
I'm also really feeling the "I want another baby" feelings... which worries me if the cycle doesn't turn out the way I hope it does. Would I even be able to afford another cycle at this point? I don't know if I will... But I also don't know if I won't try anyways... My heart is "all in" with adding to our family, I just have to make sure I keep my head in the game and make good decisions.
After a rough week, I'm going to try and get back into a more mellow frame of mind and relax. I'm going to try and enjoy spending time with my boys this weekend.
Here's to hoping and wishing and dreaming...
Wednesday, October 3, 2018
IVF #4: IVF Calendar has officially arrived
It feels like such a long time to get this IVF cycle started... and here I am -- ALMOST there!
Since the last time I wrote:
Since the last time I wrote:
- I stopped birth control on 9/17/18, as directed from my RE.
- AF arrived on 9/20/18. I called my RE's office and my next directions were to start birth control again on 9/22.
- TODAY I received my IVF calendar.
Some random things I forgot:
- I tend to spot while I'm on birth control. So, it was kind of hard to determine if I was having the start of my period or just spotting from the birth control.
- The WAITING for everything feels so very long... like insanely long. I thought I'd get my IVF calendar right away. Nope, just got it.
- I have to give up caffeine during stims.... oh no... what ever will I do without my one cup of coffee in the morning... I feel total sadness over this, which is silly. LOL. But man, I love my morning coffee!
- My mood swings on birth control are so bad. I swear, I hate being on it. I know it's going to get worse when I start stims.
Things I didn't know:
Apparently I needed to register with my insurance for something called the "Women's Health Program." I don't recall having to do this before. Maybe I did? Maybe I didn't? Maybe it's new? Who knows... But, this has to be done in order to get my insurance fertility benefits to kick in. So they asked me all these questions like, "have you been trying long to have a baby," "Do you have irregular periods?" etc etc. It takes about 5 days before they approve it. I'm waiting for the call back from a nurse to see if they'll even approve my fertility coverage... which I think is odd since I don't believe my employer has any stipulations on the lifetime max fertility coverage.
My response: "I have not been trying long as I'm single and will be using donor sperm, so not like I could be trying." Then: "I've also been diagnosed with unexplained infertility, which should be in my records." Because umm, my insurance provider has not changed. Man... insurance companies annoy me. Jump through hoops, I swear. I'm concerned they're going to deny coverage or something, say I need to try 6 times before coverage kicks in or something like that. But I'm not going to stress about that at the moment and cross that bridge if it comes. I have low AMH, so I believe I can also use the "diminished ovarian reserve" argument as well. Will see.
Medication Order:
My medication order was submitted to a different pharmacy... which I thought was weird. I had to call them to request them to send it to my normal pharmacy. Which means I should be getting my BOB (aka Big Box of Meds) either late this week or early next week... When I receive that... it'll start feeling extremely real to me.
IVF Calendar:
- 10/10/18: Injections Training and Cycle Pay Day
- 10/13/18: Stop Birth Control
- 10/16/18: Start Microdose Lupron
- 10/18/18: Start Stims - Protocol: Microdose Lupron Flare Protocol
- 10/22/18: Stim Day #5 - First monitoring Appointment
- 10/29/18: Estimated Day of Egg Retrieval
Thoughts:
Everything with IVF is so completely unpredictable. I have no clue if I'll respond well to the protocol or not. If I'll even make it to egg retrieval. I want to say I'm optimistic... and I am, in a way. However, with everything that I went through before - I know I need to be real with myself. I'm trying not to have too many expectations and just go with the flow. So far, I've managed to do that and just roll with it. But at the end of all this... I really want another baby. I feel totally invested in adding to my family.
So... fingers crossed and baby dust sprinkling all around that there's at least one good egg in there.
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