7w+5d: RE Visit + MFM 1st Visit

Not really sure where to begin... feels like a lot has happened since I last wrote. Guess I'll write where I left off from Sunday.

RE Appointment 10/24/16 (7w+2d) 

I had my appointment with my RE on Monday. After the subchorionic hemorrhage on Sunday, I just couldn't shake the "fear" that came when I saw all that blood and the blood clots. I had continued to spot afterwards. Luckily it wasn't a lot and most of it was brown spotting. I did have one incident of red spotting again, but not much of it. But every time I saw the blood... It just was so upsetting and I just couldn't shake it.

I found this good explanation of a subchorionic hemorrhage on this blog: http://mommyknowswhatsbest.com/2015/07/what-causes-subchorionic-hemorrhage-in-pregnancy/

Here's a useful picture of what it means: 

I called my RE's office first thing on Monday morning to tell them about the incident, so that I wouldn't have to explain it all when I got in there and my doctor would be prepared to discuss it. Guess what, he wasn't concerned. He said it happens in about 40% of IVF pregnancies... crazy. He did have me stop the Baby Aspirin. Then I had the reassuring ultrasound where I got to see my little one on the screen. I have to say... seeing the baby is so amazing each and every time I see him/her. I even got to HEAR the heartbeat this time! It sounded like a galloping horse. Supposedly an old wives tale says that girl heartbeats sound like a galloping horse and boys sound like a train. Heartbeat came in at 153 bpm. There's also an old wives tale that faster heartbeats are girls and that slower heartbeats are boys. Maybe little one is a girl? :) 

Everything looked good. Baby looked good. Strong heartbeat. He did find the hemorrhage and he said it was really small. He also mentioned that my LAST appointment would be next week...! I'll wrote more on my feelings on that later. 

Maternal–Fetal Medicine (MFM) (also known as perinatology)

I saw the high risk doctor today. They're known as "perinatologist" or "MFM," I may use it interchangeably. It was a LONG appointment. I came with all my paperwork filled out already and arrived at about 2pm. I was there until 5pm! Crazy!

First, they took my vitals. Blood pressure = normal, blood sugar = 127. I had to provide a urine sample. Peeing in a cup is now a regular thing for me. Then I had an ultrasound. I wasn't expecting to have an ultrasound! What's really cool is they have the BEST equipment so their ultrasound machine is super detailed. I got to hear the baby's heartbeat again and it came in at 179 bpm! Then she even did a 3D image of the baby... which is so crazy!! The baby is forming the arm buds and leg buds, you can totally see them on the picture (if you know where to look). It's so amazing to get a 3D image of the baby already.

Then I waited until I was to see the MFM. When I finally got in there, I liked her right away. She calls all her patients, "love." She has a bit of an accent that I'm not familiar with, so I really had to pay attention and make sure I was understanding her directions. I'm sure I'll get used to it after awhile. I like her a lot! She's funny, she takes her time with her patients, and she's really thorough. I could do without the crazy wait, but they had an emergency with another patient... so it's understandable.

The MFM was also not worried about the hemorrhage at all...

We talked a lot about my diabetes and what we... aka "I"... needed to do. Here's my list:

1. Start Logging my Food and check glucose level 6x's a day (fasting and before/after meals). 
2. Increase my Metformin from 2 pills a day to 3 pills a day... then if that sits well, increase to 4 pills a day. 
3. Schedule time for an echocardiogram with the cardiologist. I guess diabetes impacts the heart and since I've never had my heart checked before, she's making sure that everything is ok. My son had an echocardiogram before, so I know what to expect from it. And strangely, I'm kind of excited about seeing my heart on ultrasound! I hope they let me watch the screen. I also hope that everything's ok with my heart. 
4. Schedule my annual eye exam. I had this on my list already, but she said I should go in NOW. I'm going to have to call in and set my appointment. Luckily I do go annually to my eye doctor. Diabetes impacts eyes as well. 
5. Schedule a check-up with my dentist. I already have one scheduled. Diabetes also impacts your teeth/gums, lucky me? So I go regularly as is for regular cleanups and I just happen to have my appointment next week. 
6. 24 hour urine test and blood work to check kidneys/A1C level. This part is gross. I have to collect my urine for 24 hours straight. Then after the last "specimen" is taken, I have to bring it to the lab within 3 hours! Which also means I have to keep my pee in the refrigerator... yucky. No fun. I've never had to do this test before EVER. I get why I have to do it, but it just grosses me out thinking my pee will be sitting next to my eggs and milk. Ugh. I also have a logistical problem since I commute to work on some days. I can't collect urine at work! And I can't do it on the weekend due to them wanting me to return it within 3 hours! I also have to make sure I'm home for that time so I can actually collect the urine. So, logistical nightmare for me. The nurse was like, "What's so complicated?" She just doesn't get it... Finding the time is going to be the hardest part of for me, so I need to get that part figured out ASAP. 

I already knew going into TTC that the diabetes was going to be a big deal once I was able to get pregnant. There are so many repercussions for my baby if I don't get my numbers under control. I feel a little stressed about my capabilities of controlling my eating habits... I'm such a picky eater as is and I have to make so many changes. I want to do this for the baby, I just hope I can get it done so the baby will be ok. I'm a bit emotional about it right now... but it's a very serious thing that I have to take action on. 

I also have to decide on what type of NIPT (non-invasive pregnancy test) I'm going to do. There are 4 different companies... and I have to decide on one. Sometimes having choices isn't always good. It'd be nice if there was only 1 or 2 choices. I'll go over that later, since I'm still looking into it. But basically they check for chromosomal abnormalities and also will let you know the gender. 

I have my nuchal translucency (NT) scan scheduled for 11/21! This feels almost like a "turning point" for me. I feel like if I make it that far, I'll be so close to being in the second trimester and I can start feeling safer with my pregnancy. I purposely scheduled the NT scan prior to Thanksgiving break. It'll be so very nice to have some reassurance before I go on vacation. 

I need to get a log together to better track all this pregnancy stuff. All of this stuff is so new to me that I have to research almost every single portion. Hopefully it'll stop feeling as overwhelming soon. 

All in all, none of my doctors are worried about the subchorionic hemorrhage. So I've decided I'm not going to worry about it anymore. From the ultrasounds, the hemorrhage is so very small and there weren't any more in there, that they could see. I've also stopped spotting the brown blood. I'm hoping these are all good signs. Little One is measuring right on track and everything looks good there. 

Things are moving along, albeit it feels "slow" to me - but really, it's speeding by. My son is cute and will talk about the "itty bitty baby in Ma's tummy." :) We pray for the baby every night that he/she keeps growing, stays healthy, and that we get to meet him/her in June 2017. I never expected to tell my son so early, but he doesn't really "get it" and the extra prayers help. I'll talk to him more about it and what it means after I finish the first trimester.... which feels so close, but so far away!  

I feel like I'm in good hands with my new MFM doctor and I feel very secure that she's going to do all she can to help me control my diabetes and have a healthy baby. I'm glad I have all my resources on hand early and that I'll be monitored closely. 

Now... to figure out this darn 24 hour urine collection :( 

Next Steps: 

• 10/31/16: Last Appointment with my RE 
• 11/4/16: Follow-up with OB 
• 11/4/16: Follow-up with MFM on my food log 
• 11/21/16: NT Scan...!!!

7w+1d: A big scare, Subchorionic Hemorrhage

I started feeling some pressure in my cervix area at about 11am today. It was uncomfortable, but didn't hurt. I dropped my son off at the babysitter and was headed to a brunch to meet some other SMC's. While I was driving, I started to feel wet and I felt like I passed something. At first I was thinking it was the vaginal suppository just making me extra "moist" as it can do. I was wearing a pad because the suppository has a tendency to leak out throughout the day. 

When I got to the restaurant, I felt wet along my thighs. At first I thought I was just sweating or getting a hot flash. I went to the restroom and I had bled through my pad, blood was down my legs, it even went above the pad and was on my tummy, and there was a massive blood clot on the pad. 

I left the restaurant without meeting with the SMC's and texted one to let her know I thought I was miscarrying. 

I wasn't sure what to do... I was in a bit of a panic from all the blood. I ended up calling my OB and got patched to the emergency line. They took my info and then told me that the doctor on call would call me back. I ended up driving to the hospital thinking I might need to go to the ER. Then I noticed I bled some more and it got all over my car seat... I ended up going home to "cleanup" and to clean my car and wait for the on-call doctor. I cried the entire drive home... I could feel myself getting almost hysterical that the baby may be gone. 

The doctor finally did call and told me it doesn't look good. She told me to go to the ER. Bleeding through a pad in less than an hour and passing tissue = really not good. 

After I cleaned myself up and cleaned my car seat, I pulled myself together and drove myself to the ER. Once there they they took my blood pressure, heart rate, had me pee in a cup, and took 5 vials of blood. I waited for about 2 hours before I got put in a room (really a bed). I was kind of in this daze and trying to prepare myself for what was to come. 

Then, I waited 30 minutes until they moved me to the room that had the ultrasound machine. Which was weird because I didn't really notice the machine, didn't look like it does at the OB or the RE. Turns out that it wasn't the u/s room and they were just checking my cervix. That was the most painful speculum that I've EVER had put in!! She's like "oops". Ugh. They said my cervix was closed and blood was not coming out of the cervix, that the blood was in the vaginal canal now - which she said was good... 

After that, they brought me to get an ultrasound. Where there was a prisoner! There were some armed correctional officers escorting him. Lucky me, I was in the room next to him. Can the day get any better? 

It was so weird because they won't let me view the ultrasound while they're doing it. The ultrasound person does it, it goes to a radiologist who reviews it, then sends the results to the ER doctor, who then is supposed to relay the results. I wish I could've seen the ultrasound to know what was going on in there -- good or bad. 

Then I waited for the results for 1 hour and 15 minutes. In the mean time, they took me to discuss billing and insurance. 

Overall, 4 hours in the ER. I don't even want to know what the charge is going to be. They couldn't quote me a price and gave me a guesstimate. He asked me, "you want to put a payment down?" Umm no thank you, I'll wait to see the entire bill first, thank you. Such a strange experience... 

The Results 

Turns out that I have a subchorionic hemorrhage. They said the baby was measuring at 7 weeks, 1 day and that the baby's heartbeat was at 160 bpm. When the doctor finally got to the part about the baby being in there, I just started crying. I was expecting the complete opposite to happen. I was for sure thinking I had lost the baby... 

I know I'm not out of the woods yet. There's scary stuff on this subchorionic hemorrhage stuff... I have an appointment with my RE tomorrow and hoping he can give me more details and how scared I should be about it and if it's going to cause any additional problems. 

I'm emotionally exhausted. I wrote most of this while I was in the ER to keep my mind preoccupied and so I could remember what was happening. As I mentioned, I was in a compete daze. I'll write again after I meet with my RE and maybe have the energy to go into things a little more in detail. 

6w+3d: 1st OB Appointment

Every since I saw my baby's heartbeat, I started to let myself relax a little bit. This was really happening, positive HPT + good doubling betas + baby's heartbeat at first ultrasound  = pregnant!

I've started getting comfortable and allowing myself to let some happiness into the thought of "pregnant." I even started making tentative plans... how/when to announce my pregnancy to family, how/when to announce to friends, mentally thinking about the nursery, etc.

Then, right when I start feeling really good about being pregnant -- the fears drop in. Like today, I don't feel pregnant today and I started to worry that maybe something was wrong... It's like the days that pass that I don't have physical or visual confirmation that the baby is ok, make it hard to believe that everything is ok. Seeing the heartbeat really carried me for a few days... but now I'm counting down until the day I get to see it again and confirm it's still there.

I read another blog about Pregnancy after Infertility and it really resonated with me. She said she didn't trust her body. And I thought, "that's it!!!" I don't trust my body to carry this pregnancy to term, I'm scared it's going to fail me again. It's a scary thought, but a real one after all I've been through trying to just get pregnant. I wish I trusted my body to do its thing and do it right.

Some days are easier than others... some days I'm perfectly happy and content. Other days I don't feel pregnant and worry that I'm going to lose the baby. It's a crazy rollercoaster, which I'm sure has to do with all the medication I'm on - and the pregnancy hormones on top of that. I'm starting to come to the conclusion that I may never feel 100% secure with this pregnancy until the baby is in my arms.

1st OB Appointment

When I found out that my last RE appointment might be after my next ultrasound, I had a mini-freak out because I didn't have an OB lined up and I haven't interviewed anyone. I also knew I had to get set-up with a high risk OB due to my diabetes and my advanced maternal age (AMA). In order to get seen by a high risk OB, I needed a referral from my OB. Last week I called an OB practice that my friend used, to setup a first appointment. I thought the appointment would be scheduled 2-3 weeks out, but turns out they had an appointment open for this week - so I took it!

It felt weird going to an OB already... like I was "faking" being pregnant or something! Silly, I know - but that's how I felt.

I arrived at the office and it's a nice office! Bonus is it's really close to my house. They have multiple offices around the area, so I can probably rotate around if I want. They're a large practice with all female OB's and midwives. They have these big cushiony leather chairs that are super comfortable. But they make a lot of noise when you sit down, shift, or get up! It was so strange to be in the waiting room with some ladies that are in their third trimester already. Oh man... I hope to be one of them in a few months.

I had pre-filled my paperwork, like a good new patient. I had to fill out more health history stuff on a scan-tron! Felt like I was back in school. I had to provide a urine sample. Then I waited... and waited. They finally took me back to the room where the nurse asked me more questions. Then I waited... and waited. The doctor came in, it was pretty short - like an "introductory" thing or something. She answered some of my questions, gave me some paperwork to look at, and we talked about my diabetes.

My diabetes has been giving me a lot of concern. My blood sugars have been wonderful while I was TTC. They've been pretty controlled and I take Metformin 2x's a day. After I got my positive test, I've been testing my blood sugars more frequently. For some reason my blood sugars have sky rocketed! Which is totally not my normal level. I've been eating better, eating smaller meals more frequently - yet, my blood sugars are just really high. High blood sugars can have a horrible impact on the baby... it's a really scary thing. I won't list them here because I'm trying not to google it because it's some scary stuff.

Luckily, the OB put a referral in right away to the high risk OB - which is exactly what I wanted/needed. I just need to arrange the visit for later this week or early next week... which is going to be so hard with my work schedule, I'm just slammed right now. The OB thinks they'll put me on insulin right away. Which I'm not opposed to, as I'll do anything for this baby and to have a healthy pregnancy. I'm also really used to giving myself shots at this point, so I'm hoping insulin shots won't be a problem. I'm also hoping they'll have me work with a dietitian. Obviously the changes to my meals that I've made aren't working like they should.

After the diabetes conversation, I waited and waited some more to get my blood drawn. Then I had like 4 vials of blood drawn! Eek.

I also asked her about how many ultrasounds I would get... and she said since I'm still with my RE that they won't give me any additional ones. She said most likely I won't even get one at the 8 week appointment because the "viability ultrasound" will be done by my RE. WTH! I asked if I can have extras to ease my anxiety around it, and she said I might get extras with the high risk OB. So, will see how it goes. I might have to beg... I'm not sure seeing the OB once a month and not having an ultrasound each time is going to be ok with me and my anxiety levels.

Overall, I was in that office for almost 2 hours! Yikes. Very unexpected.

Another thing I need to do is call my insurance and see what's covered under prenatal care. I'm going to ask them how many ultrasounds are covered! LOL. I'm not giving up just yet!

Next Steps:

• 10/24/16: Ultrasound #2 with RE 
• Schedule the High Risk OB Appointment 
• 11/4/16: OB Appointment 

5w+6d = 1st Ultrasound

I was a little freaked out about my ultrasound. Like having crazy dreams and stuff about what was going to happen! So anxious...

Now, to level set on the ultrasound. It's EARLY. They told me not to expect to see much. What they should see is: the gestational sac (if there's more than one), the yolk sac, and where baby has implanted. They can maybe see: the fetal pole and heartbeat. 

Of course I googled and googled, watched videos of ultrasounds at 5 weeks. 

I would say I went into my ultrasound being 100% prepared of what I should see and what I might see. It's kind of like my IVF stims. Once I saw the follicle development on the monitor (or lack there of), I knew when something was wrong and when stims were going right. 

This was the first time I saw my RE since my egg transfer on 9/22. I was super nervous/anxious to have the ultrasound done. When we started, I thought I saw the gestational sac right away, but didn't want to get too excited, so waited until he walked me through what he was seeing.

There was only 1 sac, so only 1 embryo implanted. We saw the gestational sac, the yolk sac. Then I thought I saw the fetal pole! Then he said, "here's the fetal pole." I was so excited once he said he saw it, because I knew there was a chance we wouldn't see it. One of my fears is that there wouldn't be a baby at all and just an empty sac or something. Then, I saw a little flicker on the fetal pole and I was sure it was the heartbeat and it was! The little heartbeat was flickering away. We tried to listen, but couldn't really hear it. But it measured between 100-103 bpm, which is what it should be at this point.  Everything measured on target.

I think I only have 1 more appointment with my RE before he releases me to the OB... next appointment is on 10/26. I also stop all meds on November 11th.

I am super relieved that we saw so much. Today is probably the first day we could've seen the heartbeat, so I'm really happy that we were able to see it. I cried... and my RE gave me a hug :)

I am still in shock about all this. I know I'm not out of the woods yet, still taking one small step at a time that the pregnancy progresses well. But right now, I am pregnant and my little one has a heartbeat!! Wow, how amazing is that.

Feeling blessed and grateful.

Next Steps:

• 10/26/16: Ultrasound #2 (7w4d) 

FET #2 (Cycle 11): Beta #6 = 2122.3

It's interesting, my entire TTC journey has not gone AT ALL how I pictured it. I thought that once I received a beautiful two line POSITIVE pregnancy test that I would just be over the moon and excited. And yes, I was and am, excited... at the possibilities of IF everything goes well. Instead of a "YES, I'm finally pregnant!! WOOHOO!" reaction, I've had a very cautious - stressful - and uncertain few weeks.

I received my first positive pregnancy test that was "clear" on 9/29/16, not a squinter. My reaction? I couldn't believe it... is this really happening? Then, I had beta #1 on 9/30/16 and got a 30 HCG level.

Since I've been "around" for a while with TTC and have read many blogs and read through many forums, I knew that 30 was extremely low. Instead of the excitement I had hoped for, I've been living in a sort of trepidation that this hope of IF was going to turn out badly.

I know what everyone says... "Just enjoy it for now," "Worry when you have to worry," "Think positive." Yeah yeah, nothing I haven't told myself already!

Here's the thing, I've suffered from infertility and it's been a struggle, a complete and utter struggle, just to keep trying to have a baby. Every time I've been excited or happy at the IF possibilities, nothing came from it. I can't even explain the depth of my fear of being happy about this pregnancy that once I think "this is it" that it'll be taken away.

I feel like things are still so uncertain...

I will say that I'm extremely happy that my beta's have been doubling pretty steadily. I have "beta envy" for those that have strong betas early on. Suffering through blood draw to blood draw has been excruciating. I just feel like I can't relax. Every time I go to the bathroom, I'm scared I'll see blood. Every time I get a cramp, I worry that the pregnancy is over. Every time my boobs hurt a little less, I worry that it's a bad sign.

Yet through all the worry, the anxiety, the fear... I am pregnant! It feels so weird saying that out loud and typing it here.

Beta #6 came back today = 2122.3! This is really good and shows consistent doubling time. Numbers all together from Beta Base:

I am so happy that my number finally got about 1500, which means I could schedule an ultrasound. Originally the nurse wanted to schedule for Monday, which would be 6 weeks (w) and 2 days (d). There is more of a chance to see the baby and the heartbeat at 6 weeks. The issue is, my work schedule is chaotic next week with a deadline and other work commitments that I wouldn't be able to manage getting in until maybe Wednesday - an entire week from today!! Ugh. So I asked if she could get me in this Friday instead. She was hesitant because I'll be on the "cusp" of being able to see something or nothing. On Friday, I would be considered 5w + 6d. The only thing they should "for sure" see is the gestational sac and maybe the yolk sac. If I'm lucky, we would be able to see the baby and a heartbeat. But it's early, so she told me not to be disappointed if we don't see anything more than the gestational sac. 

They'll also be able to confirm that everything is where it should be, as far as where the baby implanted - making sure the baby is in my uterus. Also, to check how many implanted. I'm guessing with my low numbers that only one embryo implanted. But you never know. It'll be nice to confirm if there's one or two. 

I'm feeling excited... anxious... nervous... worried... STILL! Ugh. But with each step going in the right direction, I'm starting to slowly feel better about things. The ultrasound will be a big step and hopefully give me some comfort that there is indeed a baby in there! 

Next Steps: 

• 10/14/16: Early Ultrasound at 5w+6d. 

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

FET #2 (Cycle 11): Beta #4 & #5

I've been meaning to post! But I normally do my updates on my phone app & since I did my phone upgrade, the app has been crashing! Writing posts in my phone browser is not very productive. I just haven't had time to get on my home computer to type. 

Well, I had beta #4 last Friday & here were the results: 

Yes... I POAS on beta day! At least the line finally got darker.

Then I had beta #5 today, here were the results:

All together from the beta base: 

Today was my last FRER and I won't be buying more!!! I posted my betas with my HPT because I did so many internet searches trying to find a correlation! I'm sure there's not one, but here they are progressively getting darker.

I have to admit that I was a little worried that my doubling time seems to have slowed down... it's still doubling within the "normal" range of 48-72 hours. But I can't help but worry. It's hard when I see other people's betas being so high and tripling and all that. Makes me feel like maybe something is wrong. I know everyone is different, blah blah... but it doesn't ease my worry much.

I will have a more in-depth entry when I have time to sit at my computer and type, just wanted to get this update out as I was so far behind!

I have beta #6 on Wednesday. If my levels get to over 1500, I can have a viability ultrasound. So really hoping I get to do that this week...!

Next Steps: 

• 10/12/16: Beta #6

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

FET #2 (Cycle 11): Beta #3 = 203.3

I had my beta #3 yesterday and I got good news! Doubling time is 37.2 hours! 

8dpt5dt [13 dpo], 9/30/16 = 30
11dp5dt [16 dpo], 10/3/16 = 83.1

13dp5dt [18 dpo], 10/5/15 = 203.3

I took another digital in the morning of my beta and it came out to 2-3 weeks. It only shows that if HCG is over 200, so I was really hopeful going into my test that my levels would be over 200. 

I know I should stop POAS and today, I didn't! So yay :) I might reserve them for beta days. But I'm not planning on buying any more. I can't really tell if they're darker and the test line is always lighter than the control line. It's not a real science anyways! Only blood work can really tell you how things are going. 

Here is an HCG level chart. I'm considered 4 weeks right now, so my levels are just about in the middle of this. 

I'm not really sure how I should feel at this point... I'm thrilled and in almost disbelief that my numbers keep doubling. There's so much possibility in that. I'm just so scared to look too far forward at this point. So for now, it's bloodwork to bloodwork... then hopefully make it to the viability ultrasound at 6-7 weeks. That will be truly telling on where things are and if everything is truly ok. But it's still a long - long road to that point. I have at least another week of bloodwork to get through to make sure the doubling continues. My RE wants my levels to be at 1500 prior to scheduling an ultrasound and that feels like a long way away!

Still cautiously optimistic... and very hopeful. Praying that all goes well with beta #4 tomorrow and doubling continues.

Next Steps: 

• 10/7/16: Beta #4

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

FET #2 (Cycle 11): Beta #2 = 83.1

Since I found out my beta results were so low, I've been Googling so much! I knew I wouldn't really know until after the 2nd beta came back on where things will stand... but it's hard sitting around and not being able to do anything. So, I POAS some more! The day after my beta (9dpt), I was convinced that this was a chemical pregnancy. The line looked slightly darker, but not by much. Then I took a test the next day at 10dpt and the line was obviously darker. I don't know if that really told me anything on how much my beta was going up or even *if* it was going up... But it was really nice to compare the lines and see a noticeable change, which made me feel more hopeful about things.

I had to wait from 8am until about NOON to get my results of my second beta. Here they are:

8dpt5dt [13 dpo], 9/30/16 = 30
11dp5dt [16 dpo], 10/3/16 = 83.1

This is really good because I have a double time of about 49 hours. I thought doubling time was 36-72 hours, but some websites say 48-72 hours. Here's a chart from an online HCG calculator from wantbaby.com: 

After I received the call, I felt so relieved...! I can't even explain how happy I was that the numbers doubled. But I can't stop the feeling that I'm not out of the woods yet... I want to be happy and excited, but there's still so much that needs to go right. I'm on the lower "normal" side of beta levels, but the doubling is so important and that seems to be happening at a good amount of time. 

After about 5 minutes of being overjoyed with the news of beta #2 doubles, I quickly started worrying about beta #3. Will my little one keep going? 

It's a little strange thinking about my little one. These were my day 6-ers that barely made it to expanded blasts prior to being freezed, were frozen for 7 months, and one embryo took longer to expand after being thawed. I think of these embryos as my little fighters. With my low levels, I'm pretty sure only 1 has implanted. But maybe the low numbers are a result of just being a little slower to catch up? I can think and think about it. I think of my little one as my little fighter. 

I don't know when/if I'll ever feel comfortable with things. That can be another entry though... I think after TTC for so long, I'm just weary that bad news is waiting for me. 

I always imagined that when I got my BFP that that would be IT. There would be no more doubt because I'd get a strong line on a HPT and my betas would be through the roof. It's so funny how things never play out as we hoped/imagined! Honestly though, if this pregnancy will stick and I will have a baby in June of next year... this would all be worth it. My expected due date would be June 10, 2017. 

Still hoping and praying to God, that my little fighter will keep fighting and making those HCG numbers double, so this Mama can relax a little bit.

Next Steps: 

• 10/5/16: Beta #3

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.