I'm nervous... I'm going "home" for Thanksgiving and I'm tasked with telling my immediate family and close family friends about my pregnancy. To kind of level-set on things, none of them knew I was trying to have a baby. Which means they have no clue that I've been trying for almost two years and have had to go through all these cycles to finally get pregnant.
I had to really think this through on *if* I should tell them and *how much* to tell them.
Infertility. There's the word. The word that followed me through much of my TTC time. I'm not that close with my family, which is why I haven't shared my TTC journey with them. I even wrote a post about it, which you can read here. They also didn't "show up" for the adoption of my son... which was really hard on me at the time. Didn't really write about it back then, maybe if I have time I'll write a post and "lessons" learned from my disappointment.
My experience going through infertility was such a personal, vulnerable thing. I can't even begin to explain just how much it impacted me and how trying to have this baby became a crazy struggle and test to my Faith that it will all work out as it should. Not to mention that I feel like the pregnancy is still "rocky." The SCH... then my lessening pregnancy symptoms. It all feels so precarious and that it can all end with a blink of an eye. I almost feel like telling people about it now would jinx it and cause something bad to happen.
I'm 11 weeks now and extremely close to the 2nd trimester. I'm not planning on going "home" again any time soon. This would be my only opportunity to tell my family in-person that I'm expecting.
After much contemplation, I decided on the first part: I will tell them. I even came up with a semi-creative way to do it.
For my dad and brother, I'm getting them picture frames. One says "Uncle" or "Grandpa." I'm leaving it blank, so I can take a picture of them with my son -- then I'll print the pictures while I'm in town and I'll have them put it in the frame before we leave. The second frame will have a picture of a onesie that says "Worth the Wait, Baby C, June 2017" and a picture of a stocking that says "Baby C June 2017." Along with this, I'll have a picture of my ultrasound (hoping to get a really good one at my NT scan).
I felt I needed to tell my family before I told our family friends... So, I'm meeting with my dad and brother for dinner on Wednesday evening where I'll have them open their "gifts." My dad and brother aren't men of many words, so I'm not expecting them to say much or ask much.
Then, on Thanksgiving I'm going to have my son wear a "Big Brother" shirt and see if anyone notices :) This is when I might get more in-depth questions from the family-at-large. Not everyone is going to be there, but once I let the news out -- everyone in our close friends/family circle will know. Meaning, almost everyone that I grew up with.
I'm not doing the "real" announcement until after Christmas, where I'll send out an official announcement with cute pictures of my son. We just took the pictures this past weekend and I think they're going to turn out REALLY good!! I can't wait to see them. I feel more comfortable announcing at that time because I'll be 16/17 weeks by then.
Again, the only reason I'm telling family/close friends at Thanksgiving is because they will be very upset if I don't tell them in-person when I had a chance. Plus, it'll be nice to "celebrate" the pregnancy with them.
Then, there's the question of "how much do I tell them?" I've already mentioned that none of them know I've been trying... which means none of them know I went through IUI's and IVF's -- and that I used donor sperm. It's so funny because I don't think much of it anymore, even though it's not "main stream." I'm 100% secure with my decision to pursue having my baby.
I have to say that my brother and dad might not be men of much words, but our extended close family friends are men/women of many words, many questions, and extremely nosey. Like, all up in your business. Which is partly why NONE of them knew I was trying!
I'm anticipating a lot of questions. I'm also anticipating a lot of questions/phone calls/emails/texts from everyone else that isn't there in-person on Thanksgiving. Maybe they'll surprise me and not really ask much... LOL. I highly doubt that though.
After much deliberation and thinking, I am going to choose to be really open about it. For the most part, my local friends have been so supportive and I've been 100% honest about trying (and failing). I think I'm not going to "offer" information, but will let the conversation go naturally and share the truth as I feel comfortable. Which includes discussing donor sperm, IUI, IVF, and Infertility...
I am not sure how things will be received from everyone. I'm sure I'll be the topic of gossip in our little circle of friends. But I don't really care all that much at this point -- which took me a LONG time to get to this "point."
I had to think to myself why I didn't want to share 100% of the truth with them. I guess it's because I didn't really think it was any of their business how I conceived my child. I also didn't feel comfortable discussing my Infertility... it's still such a sore and sad topic for me, like open wounds or something. I guess I was also a little worried on judgment from using donor sperm (most of our circle is Catholic). I've also had a specific friend who acted extremely negative to the discussion of using donor sperm (which surprised me-so I don't talk to her about it anymore).
Anyways. It's not an easy thing to share my infertility struggles or to share intimate details about conceiving. However, I think I've come to terms with it all and realize my hesitation was more towards exposing my vulnerability in these topics vs. actually sharing it with them. So, share away I will... Wish me luck!
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