12 Weeks Pregnant!

Back posting this entry since I was on vacation.

How far along: 12 weeks

How big is baby: A plum. Via app: 

Weight Gain:  -5 lbs

Stretch Marks: Nope. 

Symptoms: Symptoms have started to lighten up! Still get tired quickly though. 

Sleeping: Not sleeping very well. Tossing and turning. 

Food cravings: Ice cream...! 

Food aversions: These have started to lighten up. 

Maternity Clothes: I have maternity pants and I really like them! 

Movement: Nope, too early still. 

What I did / Got for Baby: Nothing this week. 

What I miss: care-free eating. 

Workouts: Eventually...! 

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling the baby move. 

Best moment of the week: Seeing the baby on the NT scan moving around. 

11w+3d: NT Scan and NIPT Done

FINALLY, after 2 1/2 weeks of not knowing what was going on in my womb and trying so hard to not get paranoid and worried about my baby -- I had my scan today. I was so worried we wouldn't see a heartbeat... I woke up in the middle of the night to pee & I couldn't go back to sleep, worries haunting me :(  Luckily, I had absolutely nothing to worry about! Baby is doing really good!!

NT Scan

What is the nuchal translucency scan? From Baby Center:

The nuchal translucency scan (also called the NT scan) uses ultrasound to assess your developing baby's risk of having Down syndrome (DS) and some other chromosomal abnormalities, as well as major congenital heart problems. 

The NT scan measures the clear (translucent) space in the tissue at the back of your baby's neck. Babies with abnormalities tend to accumulate more fluid at the back of their neck during the first trimester, causing this clear space to be larger than average. The NT scan is not invasive.

The NT scan took a long time, maybe 30 minutes or so. She first tried to do an abdominal ultrasound, but with my tilted uterus, she couldn't see anything. So we had to do the transvaginal ultrasound. I was anxiously awaiting to see the baby's heart beating. The first thing I saw was the baby's legs moving all around! Then the arms fluttering around! It was pretty amazing seeing the little baby wiggling around and I couldn't feel a thing. Baby's measuring really good at 11 weeks, 6 days. Heartbeat was strong at 176 bpm.

The NT took a long time since baby was moving so much that we had to wait until he/she was in the right profile position to get the readings. Good news: the measurements look good! You could see the little nose bridge and the back of the neck measured well. Now, I wait for the blood work to come back to confirm all is well. Which should come back early next week.

What was crazy about seeing the baby is, you could see so much detail! I have a cool picture of the hand, the legs, the brain, I got to see the heart and you could see the chambers. She said it was too early to tell gender, but it's either a boy or a girl. LOL. Seeing the baby, it was just... wow. There's a baby growing inside of me! And the baby's looking really really good right now! It just feels so surreal.

When I met with MFM about my diabetes log, we are upping my insulin a little bit. She wants me to make adjustments as I go so I can get my blood sugars under 95 for fasting. When I asked her about some worry for my holiday travels, she told me to stop worrying! LOL. I'm trying to lessen the worry... I really am! Today it finally felt REAL. Baby's on track, I'm almost out of the first trimester, and everything else is looking pretty good. I feel like I'm in an alternate universe, I am just so happy and relieved and feel so utterly blessed to have this life growing inside of me.

I'm a bit emotional about it all... It's like I'm finally able to believe in this wonderful thing. It's really here. I'm really pregnant.

Another nice thing happened today. I finally broke the news to one of my close friends about the pregnancy. She had gone through IVF and has twins. I haven't shared the news with her because I wanted to get a little further along before revealing it. Well, she's so sweet and offered to come out after the baby is born and stay for a little bit to help out! I don't have any family that is going to help me after the baby is born, so it was very touching to have someone offer. It means so much to me and I'm just so humbled to have such wonderful friends.

NIPT (Non-Invasive Prenatal Test) 

I finally had my blood work taken for the Panorama testing. When the results come back, I'll know the baby's gender...!!! I'll also know some risks related to some chromosomal abnormalities, including Down Syndrome. I'm still guessing my baby's a girl! Let's see if I'm right. 50/50 chance either way. I should get the results by the end of next week or so. Might be some delay because of the holiday, but I'm really hoping to get it in. I can't wait to know if I'm having a boy or a girl.

My next scan won't be until 18 weeks... which seems like an eternity away!!!!! That's when I'll have the anatomy scan. Hopefully I'll "pop" in the next few weeks and maybe start feeling the baby move when I get closer to 18 weeks.

Now... travel for Thanksgiving. Hoping I can handle all the travel and activity. I'm still suffering from fatigue if I do too much, so hoping I can hang. It's hard without coffee!

Next Steps: 

• 12/1/16: Annual Eye Exam
• 12/2/16: OB, Monthly Appointment 
• 12/2/16: MFM, Diabetes Follow-up

11w+2d: The "Big Reveal" Coming Soon

I'm nervous... I'm going "home" for Thanksgiving and I'm tasked with telling my immediate family and close family friends about my pregnancy. To kind of level-set on things, none of them knew I was trying to have a baby. Which means they have no clue that I've been trying for almost two years and have had to go through all these cycles to finally get pregnant.

I had to really think this through on *if* I should tell them and *how much* to tell them. 

Infertility. There's the word. The word that followed me through much of my TTC time. I'm not that close with my family, which is why I haven't shared my TTC journey with them. I even wrote a post about it, which you can read here. They also didn't "show up" for the adoption of my son... which was really hard on me at the time. Didn't really write about it back then, maybe if I have time I'll write a post and "lessons" learned from my disappointment.

My experience going through infertility was such a personal, vulnerable thing. I can't even begin to explain just how much it impacted me and how trying to have this baby became a crazy struggle and test to my Faith that it will all work out as it should. Not to mention that I feel like the pregnancy is still "rocky." The SCH... then my lessening pregnancy symptoms. It all feels so precarious and that it can all end with a blink of an eye. I almost feel like telling people about it now would jinx it and cause something bad to happen.

I'm 11 weeks now and extremely close to the 2nd trimester. I'm not planning on going "home" again any time soon. This would be my only opportunity to tell my family in-person that I'm expecting.

After much contemplation, I decided on the first part: I will tell them. I even came up with a semi-creative way to do it.

For my dad and brother, I'm getting them picture frames. One says "Uncle" or "Grandpa." I'm leaving it blank, so I can take a picture of them with my son -- then I'll print the pictures while I'm in town and I'll have them put it in the frame before we leave. The second frame will have a picture of a onesie that says "Worth the Wait, Baby C, June 2017" and a picture of a stocking that says "Baby C June 2017." Along with this, I'll have a picture of my ultrasound (hoping to get a really good one at my NT scan).

I felt I needed to tell my family before I told our family friends... So, I'm meeting with my dad and brother for dinner on Wednesday evening where I'll have them open their "gifts." My dad and brother aren't men of many words, so I'm not expecting them to say much or ask much.

Then, on Thanksgiving I'm going to have my son wear a "Big Brother" shirt and see if anyone notices :) This is when I might get more in-depth questions from the family-at-large. Not everyone is going to be there, but once I let the news out -- everyone in our close friends/family circle will know. Meaning, almost everyone that I grew up with.

I'm not doing the "real" announcement until after Christmas, where I'll send out an official announcement with cute pictures of my son. We just took the pictures this past weekend and I think they're going to turn out REALLY good!! I can't wait to see them. I feel more comfortable announcing at that time because I'll be 16/17 weeks by then.

Again, the only reason I'm telling family/close friends at Thanksgiving is because they will be very upset if I don't tell them in-person when I had a chance. Plus, it'll be nice to "celebrate" the pregnancy with them.

Then, there's the question of "how much do I tell them?" I've already mentioned that none of them know I've been trying... which means none of them know I went through IUI's and IVF's -- and that I used donor sperm. It's so funny because I don't think much of it anymore, even though it's not "main stream." I'm 100% secure with my decision to pursue having my baby.

I have to say that my brother and dad might not be men of much words, but our extended close family friends are men/women of many words, many questions, and extremely nosey. Like, all up in your business. Which is partly why NONE of them knew I was trying!

I'm anticipating a lot of questions. I'm also anticipating a lot of questions/phone calls/emails/texts from everyone else that isn't there in-person on Thanksgiving. Maybe they'll surprise me and not really ask much... LOL. I highly doubt that though.

After much deliberation and thinking, I am going to choose to be really open about it. For the most part, my local friends have been so supportive and I've been 100% honest about trying (and failing). I think I'm not going to "offer" information, but will let the conversation go naturally and share the truth as I feel comfortable. Which includes discussing donor sperm, IUI, IVF, and Infertility...

I am not sure how things will be received from everyone. I'm sure I'll be the topic of gossip in our little circle of friends. But I don't really care all that much at this point -- which took me a LONG time to get to this "point."

I had to think to myself why I didn't want to share 100% of the truth with them. I guess it's because I didn't really think it was any of their business how I conceived my child. I also didn't feel comfortable discussing my Infertility... it's still such a sore and sad topic for me, like open wounds or something. I guess I was also a little worried on judgment from using donor sperm (most of our circle is Catholic). I've also had a specific friend who acted extremely negative to the discussion of using donor sperm (which surprised me-so I don't talk to her about it anymore).

Anyways. It's not an easy thing to share my infertility struggles or to share intimate details about conceiving. However, I think I've come to terms with it all and realize my hesitation was more towards exposing my vulnerability in these topics vs. actually sharing it with them. So, share away I will... Wish me luck!

11w+0d: General Update + Cardiologist Visit

Have I mentioned I'm tired? The fatigue has lifted a lot, but I'm still not able to keep up to my normal pace pre-pregnancy. When I do a lot of things at one time, I'm just exhausted. Because of this, I've had to make a few changes to things.

House Cleaner 

At the beginning of the year I had started the Dave Ramsey plan. Part of my cutting costs plan was to cut out my house cleaner, who came every 2 weeks. I have to say, I did REALLY good with keeping the house clean for a little while. But once I started back on fertility medications in June/July, things started to go down-hill. Then when I started my FET cycle in August/September -- it got worse. Then the fatigue once I was pregnant... can I say - things got worse!!

I was keeping up with doing laundry, but not folding. I was good at putting things away, but not doing any deep cleaning. The house just got out of control and it was very stressful for me. A dirty house just makes me all out of sorts, like I can't relax. I just didn't have the energy to do anything about it. I finally bit the bullet and hired my cleaning lady back. She came last week and my house is CLEAN and lovely and smells so good! I am so happy that I decided to hire her back and she'll be coming every 2 weeks from now on. I'll just have to find another part of my budget to shave off of to make up the difference.

Diabetes Log

Part of my diabetes management is that I have to maintain a food log and glucose levels. I check my blood sugars 6x's a day: fasting/before breakfast, after breakfast, before lunch, after lunch, before dinner, after dinner. I have to admit... it is so hard to keep a log and to remember to check my glucose levels. I haven't been the best at it. Like when I'm busy at work and have a lot of meetings or if I'm out running errands, I don't "forget" - I just don't have the time to always check. It's frustrating I'm trying to get better at it and be more consistent. I'm finding the weekends are harder vs. the work week, since my schedule is more sporadic. I'm trying not to think about logging my foods through the whole pregnancy because it feels overwhelming. I don't make good food choices a lot of times, because of my busy schedule -- and I don't really know what the solution to that is. I have created a Google Sheets doc to track my food/glucose intake, which is a lot easier than keeping it on paper -- that's helped.

Cardiologist Visit 

As part of my MFM "to-do's" I scheduled an appointment with the Cardiologist to have an EKG and an echo cardiogram done. This was in part due to my diabetes, which can impact the heart. In pregnancy, your heart works harder because you're pumping more blood. So, my MFM wanted me to get this looked at, just to make sure everything was OK.

I'll start off by saying... that I didn't like the Cardiologist. It was hard getting scheduled. The office seems run-down a bit. His staff came across unprofessional and lazy. And I didn't like the way he communicated with me.

First, I had the EKG done -- everything looked good on it. Then, I was supposed to have the echo cardiogram. They had to get approval through my insurance, which took 2 people to call to finally get it authorized. Why? Who knows. But I was sitting there waiting while the first person said it wasn't approved, then the second person called and got it approved. Humph. Time suck.

When I finally met with the doctor, the first thing he talks about is my weight. He didn't read my chart or the notes from the referral - he just talked about my weight. "I think your diabetes is due to you being overweight and if you lost weight, you wouldn't have diabetes." Well, that's nice and kinda a "duh" thing to say. But he didn't read my chart and didn't realize I was pregnant. Do you tell a pregnant woman to lose weight? Then, he went into the whole, "Do you have high blood pressure issues? High cholesterol?" No and no. Then he goes into the whole - let me try to scare the sh!t out of you approach. He says, "Well, you might not have it now - but you will get it as you get older." Like it's inevitable. Nice. He then asked, "have you ever tired to lose weight?" Umm, yes doctor I have. Then I was on fertility treatments for two years and gained it all back. Which, you would know if you read my chart.

Anyways, the Cardiologist was fascinated that I was single and got pregnant through a donor. He said, "Wow, I've heard of women doing this I just never met anyone that's done it." Then he went on to quote a study about it and actually seemed to like me better once he heard this. Well, OK then.

He finally decided to read my chart after that. He then told me that I shouldn't be on Metormin because it causes birth defects... I'm like WTF. My MFM, my RE, and my OB all know I'm on Metformin and no one has ever said that to me or told me stop. Not ONE. He went on and on and on about how I shouldn't be on it for the first trimester and he's shocked my MFM actually increased my dose.

At this point... I could've freaked out. Hello, paranoid pregnant lady worried over this pregnancy. But after the conversation we had on the other stuff, I just figure he has no clue what he's talking about - where Maternal Fetal Medicine is concerned. He might be a genius with hearts, but he obviously is behind things where pregnancy is concerned. He also answered his phone 2x's during his consult with me... Odd.

Then, he checked my heart rate and he said everything looks good. But then countered with some scary a$$ sh!t that "could" possibly happen to me during the pregnancy because of the diabetes and being overweight. Like, really scary stuff. Like WTH.

Then I had the echo cardiogram done, which I don't know the results since the Cardiologist had an emergency and needed to go to the hospital. Seeing my heart on the ultrasound was kind of cool!

Anyways. It was a bad experience. I hate the scare tactics from doctors and worse case scenarios. Scare tactics with a pregnant woman is even worse because my hormones are all crazy and I'm paranoid as heck. Most of the stuff he was talking about wouldn't just pop up out of nowhere anyways. That stuff would be gradual and I'm being so closely monitored, I'm sure my MFM would catch anything and make the appropriate adjustments to my care. What an a$$

Ok, this entry is a bit longer than I thought it would be! Didn't realize how annoyed I was at the cardiologist visit until I wrote it all down. So, I'll end this entry here. Some exciting stuff coming up next week -- the NT scan and the NIPT!! Can't wait.

Next Steps:

• 11/22/16: NT Scan and NIPT 
• 12/1/16: Annual eye exam 
• 12/2/16: OB Visit

11 Weeks Pregnant!!!

I can't believe it, I'm 11 weeks pregnant. I have to admit my paranoia hasn't "lightened" at all! But it's nice to know that the 2nd trimester is just around the corner. Baby C is becoming more real and I'm starting to really believe that he/she will be joining us in June. So close, but so far away. Here's what 11 weeks looks like: 

How far along: 11 weeks

How big is baby: A lime! From the Ovia App: 

Weight Gain: -3 lbs

Stretch Marks: No new ones

Symptoms: After my energy surge at 10 weeks, I'm still feeling some fatigue - just get really tired fast. Still some food aversions. I won't be hungry and then all of a sudden I'm hit with hunger pains, "EAT NOW!" Also started getting lower back pain. 

Sleeping: Tossing and turning. Waking up in the middle of the night to pee more frequently now. 

Food cravings: Vanilla Ice Cream...! Eek. 

Food aversions: same as last week - raw chicken, raw meat smells, Eggs. Something new, not really liking peanut butter right now. 

Maternity Clothes: I bought some last week. Oddly enough, the pants are extremely comfortable! 

Movement: Nope, too early still. 

What I did / Got for Baby: I bought a "sneak peak" frame to put an ultrasound picture in. I also bought my son a "first year" frame and bought a matching one for the baby. I bought a crib and crib mattress! I know it's early, but they were having an awesome sale on Amazon that I couldn't pass up. I am getting rid of my hand-me-down cribs that I have used, since they have drop-sides. I also bought the cutest onesies that say "Worth the Wait" :) 

What I miss: Having a normal appetite and being able to do things without getting so tired. 

Workouts: Still haven't started on this. Ugh. But I have gotten a lot of neglected housework done! That counts, right? 

What I'm looking forward to: Getting to the 2nd trimester... it's so very close...!!!! 

Best moment of the week: Getting holiday/adoption/announcement pictures taken with my son. I think the pictures are going to turn out so great and I can't wait to put together our "Baby C Announcement" to share with all our friends/family. I'm waiting to officially announce to everyone until after Christmas. Doing a "New Year's" style card. Although I am going to share the news with my immediate family/family friends over Thanksgiving - which is just NEXT week. 

10 weeks pregnant!

Reaching 10 weeks feels pretty monumental to me! But it also comes with doubts and fears, especially since I didn't have an ultrasound this week. I keep wondering, "is everything ok in there??!!" I hope I could hold my paranoia back until my NT scan. 

I did a fun little "predictor" thing on the Internet: 

Let's see how accurate this will be. It has a 50/50 chance to get the gender correct. Lol. I doubt my MFM or OB will let me go over my due date for delivery. Guess we shall see! 

Here's what 10 weeks looks like: 

How far along: 10 weeks

How big is baby: Strawberry, from the Ovia App: 

Weight Gain: -3 lbs

Stretch Marks: No new ones

Symptoms: Sore breasts, nausea, , food aversions, frequent peeing, emotional, joints hurts, ligament pain. Fatigue is lifting a bit!!! I have a little more energy, but get tired easily and need to take constant breaks 

Sleeping: overall sleeping is better, but I'm a side sleeper and my sides seem to get sore quickly, making me toss and turn.

Food cravings: sardines! I haven't entertained this one, but my mouth gets watery just thinking about it.

Food aversions: same as last week - raw chicken, raw meat smells, Eggs

Maternity Clothes: I don't need them yet, but my jeans are extremely uncomfortable at the waist. In anticipation, have bought some work maternity pants and some maternity jeans, waiting for them to arrive. I think most of my shirts will work for pregnancy, unless I get really big. So holding off for now. 

Movement: too early!

What I did / Got for Baby: I haven't bought anything just yet, but I have started going through old baby items to sort through what I'm getting rid of and what's still good.

What I miss: Eating cereal, rice, bread... any carbs!

Workouts: None. But with my short energy boosts, I have gotten a lot done at my house!

What I'm looking forward to: Finding out the gender and getting my NT scan.

Best moment of the week: Getting bursts of energy! 

9w+6d: Last Day of Meds and MFM injections training

*** Back posting this since I wrote it last week, but didn't publish it. 

I have to admit that everyday I'm pregnant, I give a sigh of relief. I just can't shake the fear. It's so hard to believe that I am pregnant and that everything is going to be ok. Paranoia from my TTC Infertility journey? Just pregnancy anxiety? Or a little of both? 

There's "controversy" over when the 1st trimester really ends. My OB goes by 12 weeks, other places say it's 13 weeks. I'll feel great when I make it to 12 weeks... then 13... then 14 :)

I've told one co-worker about the pregnancy because it'll impact the deal allocation schedule. Felt weird saying it out loud to someone I'm not really close to. 

MFM Injection Training: Insulin 

I have to admit, when I picked up my insulin from the pharmacy, I felt a little defeated. I didn't feel like this originally, I always felt it was almost inevitable to get put on insulin for my pregnancy. I also know why it's necessary and needed. 

However, the reality of picking up the supplies... the reality of doing injections training... and the reality that I'll have to give myself 2-3 injections a day until I give birth... I felt like I failed in a way. When I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes in 2008, it was one of my lowest moments. It almost felt like the end of things. So dramatic, but that's how it felt at the time. I had said I would never go on insulin. My diabetes has been in control by diet, then with Metformin. My levels have been really good and sometimes even in the "regular" range. 

So although I know it's necessary, it still is a moment where I'm faced with my diabetes diagnosis and that my body doesn't process things like normal people. 

Injections training was quick and easy, since I am pretty skilled at injections at this point. We discussed my food log and she said it's good that my levels stay good when I eat right, she says that's not the case for everyone. It's when I eat badly that my levels go bonkers. So I'm hoping after my food aversions lift and I have more energy, I'll be able to cook and eat better. 

I do love my MFM doctor! She wants me to call on her cell phone to let her know how my dosage is going. I'm not one to bug doctors unnecessarily... but she insisted. Feel very good having her as my doctor. 

First Insulin Shot 

After doing PIO, insulin needles are sooooo easy. I don't even feel it. 

Last Day of Meds 

I had my last day of my IVF Meds... no more Progesterone In Oil, no more progesterone suppositories, no more vaginal estrace, no more estrogen patches. Crazy... it's almost scary to stop the Meds. 

Overall 

Surprisingly enough, so far the pregnancy hasn't been so bad. There was the SCH scare... which still gives me some hesitation to get excited about the pregnancy. The nausea isn't "that" bad, the food aversions suck really bad, and the diabetes impact on the pregnancy sucks. But overall, things have been going well. I think a lot of the food aversions and stress was due to my high glucose levels and worrying about the impact on my baby. 

With all that, I have a good healthcare team in place to help with everything that needs to be helped with. I'm well taken care of and well monitored. 

I worry though because the last time I felt pretty good about the pregnancy was at 7 weeks and that's when the SCH hit... I just hope that nothing crazy or unexpected happens. I really would like a boring pregnancy! Some good news is, I seemed to have stopped bleeding - for now anyways. I've been spotting almost non-stop with stringy blood clots. Yesterday it seems to have stopped. It stopped once before, so will see if it starts up again. 

There's also the anxiety that I haven't seen the baby for a week. I don't have another ultrasound until 11/22, which feels like light years away! The lack of pregnancy symptoms always has me worried that something is wrong. I hope I don't feel like this for the entire pregnancy, but I'm sure I'll feel like this for the remainder of the first trimester. I just hope my baby is ok, it's hard to just "trust" my body after all the Infertility issues and my diabetes. 

Next Steps: 

11/17/16: Cardiologist Echocardiogram 

11/22/16: NT scan and NIPT 

12/2/16: OB followup