IUI Cycle #1: 14dpIUI --> Beta Test Results & Donor Sperm Analysis

It was strange waking up today. I think I've let it settle in that this cycle did not work and I am not pregnant. Although I'm 99.99% sure that I'm not pregnant, I still had to go in for my Beta test (blood work to confirm if I'm pregnant). The cost I paid for the IUI with my RE's office included the first Beta test.

I stopped the progesterone yesterday. I did not POAS (pee on a stick) this morning and it was fairly liberating. I don't know why it felt that way, but it did! I really am "moving on" already and thinking about IUI Cycle #2 and adjusting my mind-frame.

• Should I ask my RE to change my med protocol? 
• Should I do anything different from IUI Cycle #1 to help with fertility? 
• What type of adjustments can I make to "up the odds"? 

It was fairly strange getting my blood drawn. Almost bitter sweet. They said I would be contacted within a few hours with the results. Although I'm totally prepared for the call and for them to say "The test came back negative" -- I swear I was still on pins and needles while I was waiting. The final portion of the Two Week Wait will come to an end shortly. <sigh> 

So, I didn't cry last night or today. Just felt like I have "accepted" that it'll be a negative today. Then I receive a text from my friend and I started crying like a baby!!

"Good luck today on your Beta. Just remember, if it didn't happen this month. It means it wasn't your baby's time. And if it did happen this month, hang on, your world is about to be rocked! Hang in there, love you and thinking of you." 

It was exactly what I needed to hear and it just opened up the flood gates. I guess trying to be "strong" and "move on" is sometimes not what we need at times. It's ok to grieve over the loss of this cycle. It was emotionally draining. This whole process of TTC through IUI is an odds game. I hate gambling or playing odds since there's little control over it. They explain it like a "bell curve" within 6 IUI tries, best odds are in 3-4 tries. Thinking about it in a positive note, I am moving up the bell curve and increasing my odds.

Donor Sperm Analysis

I also received the sperm analysis that I requested when I had my IUI on 4/13: 

• Sperm Count: 18.4 million. >=16 million is good. 
• Motility (ability of the sperm to swim) was at 46%, it should be over 50% - hmmm. 

I sent an email to the sperm bank to ask them if they guarantee motility rates in the normal range (>=50%). Let's see what they say. If the donor has poor swimmers, that can't be good! 

BETA Results

I finally received the call at 12:45pm and the results are confirmed: negative. I swear, even though I knew that was what I was going to hear -- my heart still started fluttering with anticipation and hope that I would get the opposite result. Now, to wait for AF to arrive.

I still need to process my feelings, but perhaps I will save that for another entry when it really starts to sink in.

Baby C, still praying for you!