The Joy Maker

There is a lot of stress in trying to conceive (TTC) and I've been really focused on blogging about it lately. It's really thought-consuming. Although I've been thinking and contemplating a lot about making Baby C... I don't want to forget about the little "Joy Maker" in my life. 

My Little Guy. I feel so lucky to have been picked to be his foster mommy. Foster placements are so random, that I have to believe that God specifically picked me to be his foster mom. Every day I have him in my life brings so much joy. I just pray that things keep moving along steadily and adopting him will happen in the next few months. 

His little personality, he's ALWAYS happy! He wakes up happy, goes to sleep happy, is happy most of the day. He laughs and laughs, is a little goofy. He's so sweet and kind. He's adventurous and curious and always on the go. 

This morning, like every other morning, Little Guy woke up talking and singing to himself. When I went in his room to get him, he was cuddling his snoopy toy. He then held it out for me to kiss. Which in turns make him laugh like it's the funniest thing ever. He then kisses snoopy and hugs him close. 

Little Guy is still working on developing "speech" and gets new words every month. He recently started actively calling me "Mama". When I picked him up from daycare yesterday he said "Hi Mama".  I have to admit, hearing him call me Mama just warms my heart in so many ways & brings tears to my eyes every single time. I've had many of my foster children call me Mommy... but from My Little Guy, it has a big impact on me. I pray that I'll be his forever mama and that everything will work out in the end. 

So, although I'm blogging and focusing on trying to conceive... there's a lot more going on. With the TTC, at least I have some sense of control over it. I don't feel like I'm in control of how Little Guy's case will turn out... I think that blogging about Little Guy is scary too. He's not adopted yet and I hold this fear that something will happen and the adoption won't go through, that somehow I will lose him. It scares me to no end. I can't even let myself think of the possibility because I'm not sure how I would ever make it through that kind of loss. Instead of focusing on that fear, I just try to love him every day & enjoy every single moment I have with him. He is my Joy Maker after all, my happy little guy. I am so lucky to be his "Mama."