IUI Cycle #5: Test Results

I'm not pregnant... IUI #5 was a bust. No words really. I guess I was hoping that it would work, which I hope for every cycle. For this cycle, there were some changing variables and was hoping the changes would lead to a successful cycle. These negatives really get to me. I'm so disappointed. I think this was the hardest BFN to date and the most I've cried about it. Trying so hard to "will" that second line to appear on a HPT. Even though I was totally prepared to hear from the nurse about the BFN, it was still hard to hear: "Unfortunately I do not have good news, the results were negative." It's funny because she sounded so happy at the beginning of the conversation that I actually thought she might have good news to give me! But no such luck there. It's confirmed: not pregnant.... again, x5.

It just sucks. It sucks so bad. I'm honestly not sure how much longer I can keep trying... But I guess that all this "trying to conceive" will be coming to an end soon enough - either way. There's IUI #6... Then IVF... with a fresh transfer maybe? Then possibly a FET (if any are able to freeze).

Then... done?

Then... reevaluate?

What happens after these paths have been exhausted?

Ugh. I'm so emotional right now and upset about this entire thing. I don't want to do IVF, but I guess I have to get over my fears if IUI #6 is not successful. I also don't really want to do IUI #6... I'm sick of sticking myself with needles and not feeling like "myself" with all these crazy hormones. I also loathe the fact that I'll have to give myself more injections. 

It's so weird because I'm closer to the "end" of TTC vs when I first started, and I haven't had a successful cycle. Right when I think how hard this has been, it gets emotionally harder. It just feels like I'll never get pregnant... I hate to think that I might be finished with TTC and not have my precious Baby C in my arms at the end of all this. I so didn't imagine this TTC journey going this route.

Next Steps: 

• Wait for AF to arrive. 
• Schedule Baseline Ultrasound for Cycle #6. 
• I need to decide if I want to move forward with IVF now or wait, because I would need to do my Day 3 blood work at the Baseline U/S as well. 
• Order donor #2 Sperm vial after Baseline Ultrasound, make sure the cycle is a "go" before ordering (i.e. no cysts).