14 Weeks Pregnant - Entering the 2nd Trimester

I can't believe I'm in the 2nd trimester! It felt so very far away and now it's here. Here's what the last week looked like.

How far along: 14 weeks

How big is baby:  A peach. Ovia app: 

Weight Gain: -4 lbs

Stretch Marks: Nope. 

Symptoms: Food pains, some headaches, sensitive breasts, get tired really easy. 

Sleeping: Sleep? I wish! I'm not sleeping so well still. 

Food cravings: I haven't been craving anything in particular. But man, when the food pains hit -- I feel so sick. Then I eat and I'm full really quickly. We went to a restaurant for dinner and I was so hungry, my stomach was talking and cramping. So, I decided to order an appetizer. I ate it so quickly, but it made me completely full that I couldn't eat my regular meal. Such a strange thing my eating habits have come to. 

Food aversions: I *thought* I was over my egg aversion. Well, I'm able to eat eggs now -- but after I'm done it's a bit scary as my stomach feels very unsettled and the nausea kicks in. I haven't thrown up yet, but there were moments where it was sketchy. I think I may lay off the eggs again for a few weeks. What's also interesting is the same thing happens after I eat peanut butter. Eggs and peanut butter make my nausea kick in. Which sucks because those are my best sources of protein! Blah. 

Maternity Clothes: I'm going to buy more maternity pants. I'm exclusively wearing them now because they are just so darn comfortable! I haven't gained any weight, but when I wear my regular pants I just feel like I'm so confined and the pressure on my tummy makes me feel sick. 

Movement: Not yet, too early. 

What I did / Got for Baby: I almost feel like I'm "nesting" already. I have cleared out the baby's room for the most part - still need to work on the closet.  Once I know the gender I can start getting rid of some of the baby clothes I have, which will make it easier clearing things out. I'm planning on getting a new dresser/clothes chest. The one that's in the baby's room is very old, from when I moved into one of my apartments in 1999! It's basically falling apart. I got rid of my 2 previous cribs (with drop-sides) and I put together the baby's new crib! It took me about 1-2 hours to put it together by myself. There were a lot more extra pieces to put together than my other cribs which were much simpler. I have to admit I had moments of frustration with those darn bolts and whined a little (or a lot) when they wouldn't stay in place. It's not the easiest putting a crib together by yourself and would be a lot easier to have someone hold pieces up while you screw. But whatever, not my first time assembling a crib solo and I got it done :) I really like it and think it looks lovely, especially for the price I got it for on Amazon. I'm actually really impressed with the quality. 

I also bought a new diaper bag... which is crazy because I have so many diaper bags!!! But the one I wanted was on sale on Amazon and I couldn't resist getting it - like $100 off! How could I resist? It is a Ju-Ju-Be BFF Convertible Diaper bag. It can be a regular over the shoulder bag or a backpack! They're usually very expensive, but I got it for almost half off. I really do prefer the backpack-style diaper bags. So much easier when you're using a baby carrier and/or have a toddler you need hands for. I just never wanted to splurge that much for one before. Woohoo for getting deals! 

What I miss: Feeling rested. I have more energy, but I get tired so easy. Afternoons in the office are killing me, I just want a nap. I always find stuff I need to do in the evenings, so not going to sleep early enough. I'm just so tired most of the day. But even when I have opportunities to nap, I can't seem to. Argh. 

Workouts: I wish... 

What I'm looking forward to: Getting my Panorama NIPT results back. 

Best moment of the week: Not baby related, but the best moment of the week was celebrating my son's birthday. He kept singing to himself, "Happy Birthday to B." Brought tears of joy to my eyes. 

13w+5d: MFM Followup and NIPT re-drawn

I had my diabetes follow-up with my MFM.

MFM Followup 

My sugars looked really good this week. I'm going to stop taking Metformin, as of today. No changes to my insulin levels, keeping them at 12 iu in the morning and 16 iu at night. This may need to be adjusted if my sugars spike from not taking the Metformin. I'm also going to do a "trial" run on coffee... and see what it does to my sugar levels. I normally only had 1 cup a day, but I add creamer -- can't drink it black. So, going to see if the creamer I use will impact my sugar levels.

NIPT Re-Drawn

My MFM did not recommend that I re-take the NIPT now. She wanted me to wait until 15 weeks. She also mentioned that there are studies that show if you have multiple inconclusive tests, that it can mean there is an abnormality with the baby... Which I had already read, so wasn't surprised when she said it. There's also some research to show that women overweight are more likely to have inconclusive tests. So there's that as well. She did say that she thought we would have a good idea about baby at the detailed ultrasound, as the soft markers are usually very obvious at that stage in development. Either way, I'll know soon enough.

Well, I couldn't wait until 15 weeks and wanted to do it now. So, she let me... I'm keeping in mind that if it comes back inconclusive for a second time -- not to freak out... I also think that since I've had time to digest things, that I can deal with the results either way it goes. It's all God's will and out of my hands. Either way, I should know what's going on after the detailed ultrasound (hopefully). I am extremely hopeful that everything is ok with my baby and I pray that I can deal with whatever the outcome is.

Next Steps:

• 12/22/16: MFM, Detailed Ultrasound 
• 12/30/16: OB, Monthly Follow-up 

For a timeline and more details on my pregnancy journey, please click here.

Dealing...

Every since I had my 1st Trimester Screening come back as "high risk" for Trisomy 18/13, I've felt so defeated. Like nothing was ever going to come easy with this pregnancy. The thought of something being wrong with my baby is so overwhelming that I can't let myself focus on it for too long. This anxiety and worry... it's tiring. I'm emotionally drained.

Now, I realize that it's only a "screening" and not a diagnosis at this point. But that fear that my baby will be impacted by one of these fatal abnormalities just has me in a worry-storm. The uncertainty and the not knowing makes it even harder. Like I have no clue how to proceed. I was ready to share my pregnancy news and even have my pregnancy announcement card almost done. Do I wait? Do I continue to celebrate the pregnancy for now?

I started looking more into the First Trimester Screening vs the Panorama screening, this was on the Panorama website: https://www.natera.com/panorama-test/clinical-information.

I wasn't "scared" to redo the Panorama NIPT before... but I all of a sudden have this huge concern to do it, because look at the false positive rates, very low. If the Panorama comes back positive -- then it's really not good. With the 1st Trimester Screening, 80% for Trisomy 18 and 50% for Trisomy 13, there's room for error in there. 

After almost a week of letting the news of the high risk set in... I think I've calmed down "a little." It's been so busy with us traveling, then preparing for my son's birthday/birthday party -- that I didn't really have time to just let it sink in. I figure, there's absolutely nothing that can be done at this point. If my baby has a chromosomal abnormality, he/she has it. Me worrying over it can't change anything. My heart is pained though... just hoping to get good news this month. 

My MFM wanted me to wait until 15 weeks to retest with the Panorama. I'm going to ask if I can retest this week. It's been 2 weeks since my initial test, so hopefully there's enough baby DNA in my blood stream by now to get a result. Will see what she says. I figure, I'd rather know BEFORE my detailed ultrasound at 15 weeks the results of the Panorama. That way, I can have peace of mind - either way it goes. It'll also help me decide on doing an amnio. 

Some Good News 

There is some "good news." My company is changing their parental leave policy starting in 2017. Which is awesome! They're increasing paid leave to 8 weeks (originally at 3 weeks). What's also super great about that is, I had already budgeted for maternity leave. It was nicely funded by my refund from my fertility clinic, which is really the money I put in for IVF #3 that was cancelled. So now, I can reallocate that money somewhere else :) 

There's also a lot of other great things that have happened. I know I haven't written about other things non-pregnancy related, but everything else in life is going really nicely. I feel like my blog has been all "doom and gloom" lately. Hopefully after the NIPT results and after my detailed ultrasound, things will be clearer and I can try to be a happy go-lucky pregnant lady. 

13 Weeks Pregnant

This week was not what I expected. I thought that once I got to 13 weeks, that I would have less worries, but with the "high risk" screening for trisomies 18/13 - I just find myself in a whole entire world of worry and concerns. I really hope that it's all a "worry for nothing" thing and that my baby is OK. None-the-less, I'm going to continue to track the pregnancy and see how things go along the way. 

How far along: 13 weeks

How big is baby: A Lemon. Via app: 

Weight Gain:  -4 lbs

Stretch Marks: Nope. 

Symptoms: I feel almost "normal" right now. The only thing is I get really tired quickly when things get busy. The other thing is I get horrible hunger pains! I'll be fine and then I'll need to eat quickly. But then I end up not being able to eat that much. 

Sleeping: Still tossing and turning at night. Getting side-sores. Seriously considering getting a pregnancy pillow, maybe it'll help? 

Food cravings: Chocolate... 

Food aversions: No food aversions anymore! Going to see if I can actually cook raw meat though. Wish me luck. 

Maternity Clothes: Pants and loving them still. I want to buy more. My pre-pregnancy size in maternity clothes is one size too big, oddly. So, I think I want to go down a size and buy a few more pants. My regular pants still "fit" and everything, they just feel confining. 

Movement: Nope, too early still. 

What I did / Got for Baby: Nothing this week. 

What I miss: having less anxiety. 

Workouts: Will my schedule ever lighten up to fit workouts in??? 

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling the baby move. 

Best moment of the week: Finding the baby's heartbeat on my home doppler. It took awhile to find it, but once I saw the 161 bpm - I knew I finally found my little one! 

12w+6d: High Risk for Trisomy 18/13

After taking so long to get pregnant, I used to imagine what being pregnant would feel like. I imagined it would filled with so much happiness, giddiness, excitement and so much planning for this new little life.

Things haven't really gone that way for me... First, the low-starting betas. Second, the Subchorionic Hemorrhage. Now, I just found out I'm at a high risk for Trisomy 18/13. 

1st Trimester Screening & NIPT

Last week I had my NT scan and I had my blood taken for two tests: 1) NT Blood Work (AKA 1st Trimester Screening) and 2) NIPT (Non-invasive pre-natal testing) with Panorama. The NT Blood work relates to your hormone levels. The NIPT is a DNA test. 

I have to say, I was not worried about these blood tests AT ALL. I just wanted to know the gender! I didn't even really look into what they specifically tested for. Well, they test for Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome), Trisomy 18 (Edward's Syndrome), and Trisomy 13 (Patau syndrome). Feel free to look them up. But basically Trisomy 18 and Trisomy 13 are almost always a fatal prognosis where the babies either die in-utero or die shortly after birth. 

The NIPT test through Panorama company came back inconclusive. I was short like .1% of fetal DNA in my blood, so they weren't able to come back with results. I had like 3.4% of fetal DNA and they needed 3.5% in order to process results. 

The 1st Trimester screening came back with a low risk for Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome) with a 1:6500 chance. Results came back with a 1:94 chance for Trisomy 18/13. Which means I'm high risk for one of these. The 1st trimester screening doesn't break out between Trisomy 18 and 13 because they both have the same hormonal indicators. The NIPT test would be able to break them out better. 

Just to level-set, these tests are just "screenings" and aren't diagnostic. It doesn't mean my baby DOES have these chromosomal abnormalities, I'm just high risk for them. Which scares the crap out of me. 

What's Next? 

The only way to 100% know if my baby has Trisomy 18 or 13 is through an amniocentesis, which is a very invasive test that has a risk of miscarriage... I had no plans at all to do an amnio. But now, I'm not so sure because I really want to know what to expect. Before we get there though, my MFM said that there are normally 'soft markers' they can see on an ultrasound. They didn't see these on my NT scan, probably because it was so early or because they weren't really looking for it. My MFM wants to perform a detailed ultrasound first. The plan: 

1) Repeat the NIPT Panorama test at 15 weeks. 

2) Perform a detailed ultrasound at 15 weeks. 

3) Have me talk to a genetic councilor. 

The detailed ultrasound is similar to the one performed at 18 weeks (at what's normally called the anatomy scan). I'll be repeating the detailed ultrasound at 18 weeks. If any soft markers are found at one or both of the ultrasounds, my MFM will give me a recommendation on whether or not an amnio should be performed. 

OB/MFM Appointments

I had my OB appointment and it turns out I have a UTI (my second one while pregnant) and bacteria vaginosis. I asked my OB why I keep getting stuff, since I haven't had a UTI since I was a kid and never had other issues. She said it's just because I'm pregnant, that our bodies do weird things. So, this might keep happening. The OB wasn't able to find my baby's heartbeat on a doppler, so they told me to have my MFM perform an ultrasound (their ultrasound tech wasn't there). 

My MFM wasn't very happy with my food/glucose logs. I was on vacation and it was nearly impossible to eat regularly or check my glucose levels 6x's a day. We are upping my bedtime insulin, I'm up to 16iu/night and 12iu/morning. They performed an ultrasound to check for the heartbeat and they were actually able to see the baby through the tummy, although it was hard to see clearly. My uterus is still very tilted, but should start to come forward (hopefully). I'm getting some back pain, I think it's due to the tilt. We were able to see baby moving around and hear the heartbeat of 163 bpm. Such a relief.

Eye Appointment

Had my annual eye exam and all is well. 

How do I feel? 

I've been in sort of a daze since I've had the news. I was just letting myself get really excited about the pregnancy and I had just told my close friends and family about being pregnant over Thanksgiving... Now, I kind of regret telling anyone anything. I should've waited for these results. But after my NT ultrasound went so well, I just assumed everything was OK and I wanted to finally share the news. Stupid... stupid. I should have waited. I've only told a few close friends about this "possibility" and don't plan on telling anyone else for now. 

What is so frustrating is that the odds are so very low for the baby having either trisomy. But at the same time, that means that 1 in 94 babies gets the diagnosis. For that ONE baby, how devastating... I can't help but worry about if my baby ends up being that one baby out of 94. I want to think and believe that my baby is OK and believe in the odds. But, I just can't let myself relax or trust in it. I think it has to do with my experience so far being pregnant and just how much I struggled trying to get pregnant. 

I'm trying to "let go and let God" and all that, but my mind and heart just hurt. It's like I'm hitting the pause button. I was going to send out "I'm pregnant" announcements this month, but now I'm going to wait... I just need to get through all this testing. 

I'm a bit envious of other women that have such easy pregnancies and no worries about any of this type of stuff. To be so lucky... 

I wish I could be celebrating my baby instead of worrying. After my infertility struggles - this just all sucks. 

Next Steps:

• 12/22/16: MFM - Repeat NIPT test, detailed ultrasound, and genetic counseling 
• 12/30/16: OB - follow-up appointment 

12 Weeks Pregnant!

Back posting this entry since I was on vacation.

How far along: 12 weeks

How big is baby: A plum. Via app: 

Weight Gain:  -5 lbs

Stretch Marks: Nope. 

Symptoms: Symptoms have started to lighten up! Still get tired quickly though. 

Sleeping: Not sleeping very well. Tossing and turning. 

Food cravings: Ice cream...! 

Food aversions: These have started to lighten up. 

Maternity Clothes: I have maternity pants and I really like them! 

Movement: Nope, too early still. 

What I did / Got for Baby: Nothing this week. 

What I miss: care-free eating. 

Workouts: Eventually...! 

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling the baby move. 

Best moment of the week: Seeing the baby on the NT scan moving around. 

11w+3d: NT Scan and NIPT Done

FINALLY, after 2 1/2 weeks of not knowing what was going on in my womb and trying so hard to not get paranoid and worried about my baby -- I had my scan today. I was so worried we wouldn't see a heartbeat... I woke up in the middle of the night to pee & I couldn't go back to sleep, worries haunting me :(  Luckily, I had absolutely nothing to worry about! Baby is doing really good!!

NT Scan

What is the nuchal translucency scan? From Baby Center:

The nuchal translucency scan (also called the NT scan) uses ultrasound to assess your developing baby's risk of having Down syndrome (DS) and some other chromosomal abnormalities, as well as major congenital heart problems. 

The NT scan measures the clear (translucent) space in the tissue at the back of your baby's neck. Babies with abnormalities tend to accumulate more fluid at the back of their neck during the first trimester, causing this clear space to be larger than average. The NT scan is not invasive.

The NT scan took a long time, maybe 30 minutes or so. She first tried to do an abdominal ultrasound, but with my tilted uterus, she couldn't see anything. So we had to do the transvaginal ultrasound. I was anxiously awaiting to see the baby's heart beating. The first thing I saw was the baby's legs moving all around! Then the arms fluttering around! It was pretty amazing seeing the little baby wiggling around and I couldn't feel a thing. Baby's measuring really good at 11 weeks, 6 days. Heartbeat was strong at 176 bpm.

The NT took a long time since baby was moving so much that we had to wait until he/she was in the right profile position to get the readings. Good news: the measurements look good! You could see the little nose bridge and the back of the neck measured well. Now, I wait for the blood work to come back to confirm all is well. Which should come back early next week.

What was crazy about seeing the baby is, you could see so much detail! I have a cool picture of the hand, the legs, the brain, I got to see the heart and you could see the chambers. She said it was too early to tell gender, but it's either a boy or a girl. LOL. Seeing the baby, it was just... wow. There's a baby growing inside of me! And the baby's looking really really good right now! It just feels so surreal.

When I met with MFM about my diabetes log, we are upping my insulin a little bit. She wants me to make adjustments as I go so I can get my blood sugars under 95 for fasting. When I asked her about some worry for my holiday travels, she told me to stop worrying! LOL. I'm trying to lessen the worry... I really am! Today it finally felt REAL. Baby's on track, I'm almost out of the first trimester, and everything else is looking pretty good. I feel like I'm in an alternate universe, I am just so happy and relieved and feel so utterly blessed to have this life growing inside of me.

I'm a bit emotional about it all... It's like I'm finally able to believe in this wonderful thing. It's really here. I'm really pregnant.

Another nice thing happened today. I finally broke the news to one of my close friends about the pregnancy. She had gone through IVF and has twins. I haven't shared the news with her because I wanted to get a little further along before revealing it. Well, she's so sweet and offered to come out after the baby is born and stay for a little bit to help out! I don't have any family that is going to help me after the baby is born, so it was very touching to have someone offer. It means so much to me and I'm just so humbled to have such wonderful friends.

NIPT (Non-Invasive Prenatal Test) 

I finally had my blood work taken for the Panorama testing. When the results come back, I'll know the baby's gender...!!! I'll also know some risks related to some chromosomal abnormalities, including Down Syndrome. I'm still guessing my baby's a girl! Let's see if I'm right. 50/50 chance either way. I should get the results by the end of next week or so. Might be some delay because of the holiday, but I'm really hoping to get it in. I can't wait to know if I'm having a boy or a girl.

My next scan won't be until 18 weeks... which seems like an eternity away!!!!! That's when I'll have the anatomy scan. Hopefully I'll "pop" in the next few weeks and maybe start feeling the baby move when I get closer to 18 weeks.

Now... travel for Thanksgiving. Hoping I can handle all the travel and activity. I'm still suffering from fatigue if I do too much, so hoping I can hang. It's hard without coffee!

Next Steps: 

• 12/1/16: Annual Eye Exam
• 12/2/16: OB, Monthly Appointment 
• 12/2/16: MFM, Diabetes Follow-up