Dealing...

Every since I had my 1st Trimester Screening come back as "high risk" for Trisomy 18/13, I've felt so defeated. Like nothing was ever going to come easy with this pregnancy. The thought of something being wrong with my baby is so overwhelming that I can't let myself focus on it for too long. This anxiety and worry... it's tiring. I'm emotionally drained.

Now, I realize that it's only a "screening" and not a diagnosis at this point. But that fear that my baby will be impacted by one of these fatal abnormalities just has me in a worry-storm. The uncertainty and the not knowing makes it even harder. Like I have no clue how to proceed. I was ready to share my pregnancy news and even have my pregnancy announcement card almost done. Do I wait? Do I continue to celebrate the pregnancy for now?

I started looking more into the First Trimester Screening vs the Panorama screening, this was on the Panorama website: https://www.natera.com/panorama-test/clinical-information.

I wasn't "scared" to redo the Panorama NIPT before... but I all of a sudden have this huge concern to do it, because look at the false positive rates, very low. If the Panorama comes back positive -- then it's really not good. With the 1st Trimester Screening, 80% for Trisomy 18 and 50% for Trisomy 13, there's room for error in there. 

After almost a week of letting the news of the high risk set in... I think I've calmed down "a little." It's been so busy with us traveling, then preparing for my son's birthday/birthday party -- that I didn't really have time to just let it sink in. I figure, there's absolutely nothing that can be done at this point. If my baby has a chromosomal abnormality, he/she has it. Me worrying over it can't change anything. My heart is pained though... just hoping to get good news this month. 

My MFM wanted me to wait until 15 weeks to retest with the Panorama. I'm going to ask if I can retest this week. It's been 2 weeks since my initial test, so hopefully there's enough baby DNA in my blood stream by now to get a result. Will see what she says. I figure, I'd rather know BEFORE my detailed ultrasound at 15 weeks the results of the Panorama. That way, I can have peace of mind - either way it goes. It'll also help me decide on doing an amnio. 

Some Good News 

There is some "good news." My company is changing their parental leave policy starting in 2017. Which is awesome! They're increasing paid leave to 8 weeks (originally at 3 weeks). What's also super great about that is, I had already budgeted for maternity leave. It was nicely funded by my refund from my fertility clinic, which is really the money I put in for IVF #3 that was cancelled. So now, I can reallocate that money somewhere else :) 

There's also a lot of other great things that have happened. I know I haven't written about other things non-pregnancy related, but everything else in life is going really nicely. I feel like my blog has been all "doom and gloom" lately. Hopefully after the NIPT results and after my detailed ultrasound, things will be clearer and I can try to be a happy go-lucky pregnant lady.