Originally when the cycle got cancelled, there was so much disappointment around it. I've been focused on this IVF cycle since IUI #6 failed in October. That's 1 1/2 months worth of anticipating all that is involved in IVF-land. Since I responded so well to my IUI injectables, the thought of being a non-responder to the medication didn't even occur to me to be within the realm of possibility. Now, I know better. IVF is such an intricate process. Every-single-step in the IVF process is critical and the cycle can be cancelled at any step along the way.
What's interesting, is I knew this with my IUI cycles. I was always anticipating my IUI cycles being cancelled at each monitoring appointment. Why that anticipation didn't carry-over to this IVF cycle, I'm not really sure. I suppose since I've been at trying to conceive for so long, without any major delays (cysts, non-response, etc), the possibility of the IVF cycle being cancelled just didn't register.
How I imagined this IVF cycle to go: stim and have 10-15 follicles at egg retrieval, have at least 5 make it to a blastocyst, with a fresh cycle transfer on day 5, and with some to freeze. Then the real hope of all hopes: that I would get a Christmas BFP with Baby C arriving in September 2016.
So much dreaming, imagining, and hoping for a cycle to finally work and to realize a beautiful dream of having a birth child.
All of it got smashed when the cycle finally cancelled.
Looking back at it now, I'm actually glad the cycle got cancelled when it did. If I went through Egg Retrieval and had no eggs make it to day 3 or day 5... that would have been even more devastating. Not to mention the Egg Retrieval being a serious thing (the one part I was scared most about). I would've hated going through all that and then not have any viable eggs. So, I'm grateful the cycle got cancelled early enough to avoid that. In all honesty, I think that possible scenario would have been 10x's more devastating.
Everything happens for a reason, that I know for sure. I have no clue how this is all going to end. One year into TTC and there's not much to show for it besides a big hole in my pocket book. Hoping 2016 will be the year TTC will lead to a BFP... fingers crossed.
I haven't decided what I'm going to do next yet. I'm actually predicting that the way the cycles work with my RE's office, I'm probably looking at a February or March IVF cycle. Which seems so very far away. I do know that I want to move forward, I just don't know when that's going to be or what it looks like right now. I'm not giving up yet. I have at least one more IVF cycle in me. Hoping the protocol is good and I actually respond to it this time.
Next Steps:
- 12/16/15 @ 9:15 am: IVF #1 Post Mortem Discussion and Next Steps
For more details on my IVF #1 process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.
No comments:
Post a Comment