Here's how Stims days 6-8 went down... not good news for this IVF Cycle. For the other stim days see:
Stims Days 1-4
Stims Day 5
Stims Days 1-4
Stims Day 5
Stims Day 6 (12/4)
Brought my son to a kid museum. There were so many pregnant ladies with either 3 kids including a newborn or 2 kids and pregnant. It was definitely a little overload for me! My Little Guy seemed to enjoy it for the most part. It's funny, he's so independent. Some other kids his age were very dependent on their moms. But seeing so many pregnant women and so many newborns in one place... And being on all these medications! Ugh. Was a bit much.
Not having coffee is really getting to me! It's not like I used to drink a lot. Just 1-2 cups a day. But going without it in the morning feels like something is missing. Oh how I long for my cup of coffee... Coffee... Coffee... <sigh>
Stims Day 7 (12/5)
A very emotional day. Darn meds. I'm also really-really tired. Normal activities tire me out quickly. Still getting the perpetual headaches and feel like I need to nap, but then can't! Ugh. A few hot flashes as well. Joy-joy. Also, the injection sites keep bleeding. Thinking I'm just hitting bad spots maybe? More annoying than anything.
Stims Day 8 (12/6)
Much anticipated monitoring appointment today, ultrasound and bloodwork. I have to admit... I was worried! These were the questions I was considering:
Would my egg retrieval get finalized?
Would I get my trigger day/time?
Would I need more monitoring appointments?
So many questions that I hoped would be answered by this day. Instead, we discussed the possibility of canceling the IVF cycle... My follicles are not developing as quickly as they'd like. It's weird too because through all my IUI's, I stimulated really well to a low dose of injectables. Now, I'm on such a high dosage of meds and I'm stimulating about the same as I did for my IUI's.
I wasn't prepared for the discussion of canceling the IVF cycle. I knew in my head that it could happen. I knew that if I didn't stimulate well, that there's no point in going through with the egg retrieval. I just wasn't ready to hear it. Wasn't prepared to hear it. I was ready to discuss trigger times and finalizing the egg retrieval day/time. Not ready to hear that all of this could be for nothing.
I go into my appointment and the vaginal ultrasound is the most painful/uncomfortable than it's ever been. The RE was trying so hard to find the follicles... I knew it was bad before he even said anything. I know what a developing follicle looks like and they weren't showing on the ultrasound. Basically, I have 1 lead follicle in my right ovary and 4 small ones. The left has 2 large ones and maybe a few small ones. So, a total of 3. Three. That's it. Just like my IUI's.
After the ultrasound was completed, he told me that there was a possibility of canceling the cycle. They want 4 or more follicles to do IVF. He talked about the possibility of converting it to an IUI instead. I couldn't help myself, I cried. I'm so overly emotional on these meds. I knew it was coming and couldn't stop it, the tears came and came. Ugh. First time I cried in the RE's office in front of the RE and the nurse. I'm sure I'm not the first one to cry... But it was still embarrassing to be so vulnerable in front of them. I even warned them before it came because I couldn't stop it from happening.
I'm pretty upset about the entire thing. After all this IVF stuff-- this is what happens. It's just heartbreaking. To think, I didn't even really want to do IVF. It took a lot of thinking and considering before I decided to move forward. Now I'm here and it's not going well.
I have one more monitoring appointment on Tuesday where the decision will be made on what happens next. What I need to decide is:
If there are <4 follicles - do I have an IUI done instead?
If there are >5 follicles - do I still go through with the IVF cycle?
Do I do nothing and cancel the cycle and not do an IUI?
I hate these choices. My head is spinning. I know statistically that IUI success rate is so low after 6 IUI's. However, here I am with follicles -- do I try this month or let the follicles go to waste? It all just sucks. I'm so upset about this. This process is so crazy and so emotional and so heartbreaking. It would be great for it just to work.
Not to mention that it feels like I'm never going to be able to have a baby. It just seems like the odds are stacked against me and nothing is working. It makes me so sad. I've tried to remain positive through all of this, all the IUI's, all the appointments, all the medication, all the BFN's. It's just so hard sometimes. Right now it feels like it's just too much.
Not to mention, if this cycle doesn't work (whether I convert it to IUI or do an egg retrieval) -- the thought of doing another IVF cycle is hard to think about. I don't know if I can make all the monitoring appointments when I'm working... not to mention having to meet my insurance deductible and out of pocket expenses again. Ugh. This process is a time suck and a money suck. It's like an endless pit of suckage.
I used to tell myself that it would be all worth it in the end when I had my Baby C in my arms. But now, who knows if there will be a Baby C at all... :(
Hoping for better news on Tuesday. Let's see...
Would my egg retrieval get finalized?
Would I get my trigger day/time?
Would I need more monitoring appointments?
So many questions that I hoped would be answered by this day. Instead, we discussed the possibility of canceling the IVF cycle... My follicles are not developing as quickly as they'd like. It's weird too because through all my IUI's, I stimulated really well to a low dose of injectables. Now, I'm on such a high dosage of meds and I'm stimulating about the same as I did for my IUI's.
I wasn't prepared for the discussion of canceling the IVF cycle. I knew in my head that it could happen. I knew that if I didn't stimulate well, that there's no point in going through with the egg retrieval. I just wasn't ready to hear it. Wasn't prepared to hear it. I was ready to discuss trigger times and finalizing the egg retrieval day/time. Not ready to hear that all of this could be for nothing.
I go into my appointment and the vaginal ultrasound is the most painful/uncomfortable than it's ever been. The RE was trying so hard to find the follicles... I knew it was bad before he even said anything. I know what a developing follicle looks like and they weren't showing on the ultrasound. Basically, I have 1 lead follicle in my right ovary and 4 small ones. The left has 2 large ones and maybe a few small ones. So, a total of 3. Three. That's it. Just like my IUI's.
After the ultrasound was completed, he told me that there was a possibility of canceling the cycle. They want 4 or more follicles to do IVF. He talked about the possibility of converting it to an IUI instead. I couldn't help myself, I cried. I'm so overly emotional on these meds. I knew it was coming and couldn't stop it, the tears came and came. Ugh. First time I cried in the RE's office in front of the RE and the nurse. I'm sure I'm not the first one to cry... But it was still embarrassing to be so vulnerable in front of them. I even warned them before it came because I couldn't stop it from happening.
I'm pretty upset about the entire thing. After all this IVF stuff-- this is what happens. It's just heartbreaking. To think, I didn't even really want to do IVF. It took a lot of thinking and considering before I decided to move forward. Now I'm here and it's not going well.
I have one more monitoring appointment on Tuesday where the decision will be made on what happens next. What I need to decide is:
If there are <4 follicles - do I have an IUI done instead?
If there are >5 follicles - do I still go through with the IVF cycle?
Do I do nothing and cancel the cycle and not do an IUI?
I hate these choices. My head is spinning. I know statistically that IUI success rate is so low after 6 IUI's. However, here I am with follicles -- do I try this month or let the follicles go to waste? It all just sucks. I'm so upset about this. This process is so crazy and so emotional and so heartbreaking. It would be great for it just to work.
Not to mention that it feels like I'm never going to be able to have a baby. It just seems like the odds are stacked against me and nothing is working. It makes me so sad. I've tried to remain positive through all of this, all the IUI's, all the appointments, all the medication, all the BFN's. It's just so hard sometimes. Right now it feels like it's just too much.
Not to mention, if this cycle doesn't work (whether I convert it to IUI or do an egg retrieval) -- the thought of doing another IVF cycle is hard to think about. I don't know if I can make all the monitoring appointments when I'm working... not to mention having to meet my insurance deductible and out of pocket expenses again. Ugh. This process is a time suck and a money suck. It's like an endless pit of suckage.
I used to tell myself that it would be all worth it in the end when I had my Baby C in my arms. But now, who knows if there will be a Baby C at all... :(
Hoping for better news on Tuesday. Let's see...
Next Steps:
- 12/8/15 @ 8:45 a.m. - Ultrasound and Blood Work. 10:00 a.m. Acupuncture.
For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.
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