First Foster Kids
I still remember receiving the call for a 2 day old baby girl and her 4 year old sister. I had absolutely NO baby items! My age range was from 0-10 at the time and had no clue what age I would be receiving, so didn't accumulate many items. I was mostly prepared for a school-aged kid, as they told me the odds of getting a Newborn were slim.
I said "yes" to the placement inquiry. That decision, that "YES", changed my life. I received a call back right away from CPS and they said that they would be at my house in an hour. I called a friend to ask what I needed for a newborn and ran to Target to buy baby items! Bought a Pack-N-Play and a travel system with car seat. That's all I had for this new baby girl. Then drove home to wait for them to arrive.
I still remember the moment they placed the 2 day old in my arms. I still remember how the 4 year old was extremely talkative and all over the place! I still remember how the CPS worker looked at me with sympathy and said, "Good luck." I didn't know what she meant at the time... but now I know! She knew I was a first time foster parent and she knew my 4 year old would be handful. You see, I was originally worried about the newborn -- not the 4 year old! I was WRONG! I really should've worried about the 4 year old.
I will never forget the day the girls arrived because it's the first day I became an "instant mother!" And what a rollercoaster that first year was... I thought MAPP class would prepare me, but it didn't. Parenting traumatized children is completely different than parenting birth children. My 4 year old was extremely difficult. She would later be diagnosed with ADHD prior to her leaving my home. I had fought to try to get a diagnosis or at least get evaluated, since the first month she was with me. But it took them 10 months to finally get it done. If I knew her ADHD diagnosis in the beginning, I could have customized my parenting better.
I lost friends over fostering. A lot of people have their "opinions" over how to parent children and think that foster kids just need "love" and "affection" to make everything OK. But the thing is, they don't really understand the challenges, the behaviors, the reality, etc. No explaining, no explanations, can really make another person "get it" if they're opinions are set in stone.
It took me a long time to finally understand and come to peace that some people will just not understand and will never "get it". I'm grateful that I have a wonderful support system in other foster parents, other single foster parents (especially), and friends (that have never fostered) who are 100% supportive.
The Girls Leaving
I still remember when my first foster girls left... I dropped them off at daycare, CPS Case Manager emailed and told me she was picking them up for an overnight visit that day, then the next day she told me that they were reunified and would not be coming back. I never got to say Goodbye... I was devastated. They didn't even get to bring their stuff with them.
There's a lot of other craziness that went on with their case. We had a horrible Case Manager who made horrible choices and was just plain mean.
I remember crying for a week straight from missing the girls. From not being able to say goodbye. From not being able to send their belongings with them. For not being able to complete their Life Books. From having no closure. It still hurts thinking about it today... I couldn't even go into their rooms, it was just too hard. At the time, I had just finished a load of their laundry. Taking the load out of the dryer was heartbreaking. I had them for a year... and I couldn't even give them a kiss and hug goodbye.
It took me a year to fully grieve the loss of the girls.
The hardest part besides not saying goodbye is never getting updates or knowing if they're OK.
After this experience, I almost stopped fostering. I didn't know if I could do it. I didn't know it would hurt that much. I didn't know that CPS can walk all over foster parents and treat them so badly. All things I didn't know because I was new. I was hopeful. I was optimistic.
Even with this horrible experience, I trudged on and refused to let this one experience stop me from my dream of helping other children.
My Other Foster Kids
I continued to foster and I had more difficult placements. But at least I knew the ropes at this point. I knew how to navigate CPS, how to advocate for services, how to fight for my kid's more effectively, how to use different parenting techniques and customize to each child. I had more difficult placements. I had more heartbreak. I had my "burn out" times. Maybe one day I'll have the time to write about all of them. Like, my "Little Hero" - my 4 month old that was medically fragile - who just won me over so completely and who I miss dearly.
It hasn't been an easy journey, but it's all led me to this point -- adopting my Little Guy! If just one thing was changed, I probably wouldn't have even met him, let alone be his soon-to-be Forever Mommy. For that, I wouldn't change a thing because it's gotten me here. I feel like I was meant to be his Mommy. The thought of being able to watch him grow up fills me with so much joy and love, I can't even express how wonderful it feels in my heart. It's still hard for me to believe that it's real. Maybe once the adoption decree is signed by the Judge, that it'll feel real.
Closing My License
Little Miss should be leaving soon...Little Guy should be adopted by year end... and *hopefully* I'll be successful at TTC.
So, after Little Miss leaves -- I will be on another "Break" from fostering more children. Let's see if I can hold out for long... it's hard knowing there are kids out there that need foster homes and knowing I have room in my home. But I have to do what is best for my family.
I've decided that I'm going to either close my license for good or put it on permanent hold. I will not be taking a new foster placement until my TTC journey has some resolution to it. I want to focus on building my Forever Family C with Little Guy.
What a crazy 4 years it has been being a single foster mom! I'm looking forward to being a Forever Mom and maybe even a birth mother :) Doing it Single Style.
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