IUI Cycle #4: Back to the Starting Line

Here we go again: Cycle #4.

When I started this TTC journey, I never thought it would take this long to get pregnant. My tests came back great, I have nothing physical that should hinder me getting pregnant. I was sure it would happen within a few tries. In the beginning I was thinking "WHEN" I have a baby - that it was a for sure thing. Now, things are starting to look like "IF" I can have a baby... I didn't anticipate the possibility that I wouldn't be able to have a baby... 

But here we are - the 4th Cycle, when the odds of success start going down. With IVF becoming a possible option - which I said I would never do... And now I'm thinking I may not have a choice. My RE's office just told me that when/if I get to Cycle #7, that it would start being covered by insurance. Sheesh. Cycle #7... it's not that far away -- just a few more cycles to get there. I'm hoping I don't of course, but at this point - I have no clue how things are going to turn out. 

When I was younger, I used to fear that I would never be able to have babies. It was a fear I used to talk to my doctor's about in my 20's - asking them to check out my ovarian reserve. But none of my doctor's gave me good info and said I was young and shouldn't worry about it. 

I even wrote in my diaries how much I feared not being able to have babies, because the only thing I ever wanted to do was be a mother. I've always wanted to experience pregnancy. Be in a child's life from the beginning. I also want to give Little Guy a sibling (or two). 

Emotionally, I've been handling the cycles pretty well - even with the fertility meds that put me "off" center. But each negative outcome pulls on my heart. I have to wonder: will a cycle ever work? 

It's gnawing at my fears of being infertile and of never being able to have a baby. 

I'm becoming a little bitter about the process. Yes, I'm moving forward. Yes, I still want this. But - I'm a little disenchanted. If I end up getting to the 6th IUI cycle and if I ever end up doing IVF - I need to start seriously thinking: where and when do I stop trying? 

As of now, there's all this forward momentum to keep going, keep trying. Mentally, I need a stopping point - knowing I did all I could do and I can stop trying. Not only mentally, but also financially. The long period of TTC has racked up some significant debt. 

Right now, this is as far as I'm willing to go: 

• 6 IUI's
• 1 IVF fresh cycle 
• FET (frozen embryo transfer) if I have any frosties (until they're all gone). But I need to check my insurance on coverage of IVF and see if I have any limitations on how much they will cover.

If things progress in this direction and none of it works. Then, I'm going to stop there and focus on adopting Baby C instead. If I get to IVF-land, I'm going to actively pursue adoption concurrently,  most likely private adoption. This should not be a "huge" process (paper wise) as I will already be certified to adopt, but it will be a long wait period. 

That's where my thoughts are at with this process. Hopefully Baby C will join our family. Only time will tell if that will be through TTC or adoption. 

Now that I've mentally decided on an "end point", I feel so much better about the process. I can always reevaluate or stop/start again. Nothing is set in stone. But knowing and having a "let's stop here" point, gives me a little peace. 

Cycle #4 Baseline Ultrasound 

• Follicle Count 
• Right ovary: 6
• Left ovary: unknown, they couldn't find it! It's always hard to find, a little worrisome that they couldn't locate it this time. But my RE said he wasn't worried about it. 
• Cysts - no cysts. Good news. 
• Medication Protocol: Same as Cycle #3. RE said I responded well, so we're keeping it the same. 
• Clomid (100 mg x 5 days) CD 3-7
• FSH Injectable - Bravelle (75 iu x 3 days) CD 8-10 
• Baby Aspirin: Daily 
• Prenatal Vitamins: Daily 
• Metformin: Daily 2x's a day 
• Pregnyl (HCG) Trigger Shot (10,000 iu)
• Progesterone Vaginal Suppositories (100 mg 1x a day - day after IUI until pregnancy test). 

If this cycle doesn't work, I'm going to ask my RE about moving to straight injectables next cycle. Which, also increases the costs... <sigh>

Regardless of the costs, the uncertainty, all the unknowns on where this path is going to lead me - I do feel positive about this cycle and really do hope this will be "it". Fingers Crossed. 

When I was in the RE's office, a lady came in to give my RE a baby announcement :) She had just had her baby and wanted to share it with the RE. 

Some other good news, my RE's office had some samples of Bravelle - so they gave it to me this cycle, saving me $200! Woohoo! That was so nice of them. 

Next Steps: 

1. Order medications: trigger, clomid, progesterone. 
2. Mid-cycle Ultrasound scheduled for Friday 8/14 @ 2:45pm.