IUI Cycle #4: The Infamous Two Week Wait version 4.0

Here we go again, the l-o-n-g-e-s-t 14 days ever. I don't know what happens to time, but once the TWW begins - time just seems to slow down to a snail pace.

Things to Keep Me Busy: 

• Back to my declutter project with a vengeance... or so I thought. The progesterone made me so tired, I was highly unproductive. I did get a few things done though! 
• Read a few books - would have read more if I wasn't on hold for some book series at the library. Have I mentioned how much I love the library! Borrowing audio books and e-books has saved me so much, especially considering how many books I read in a year. 
• Started planning my adoption finalization party for Little Guy! Long overdue and excited about finally celebrating. 
• Caught up on tv shows and movies. 

Symptoms and Feelings: 

• After the first progesterone suppository, already started feeling tired. Blah. Hard to wake up. 
• Only a few days after the IUI, been going to sleep early - like 8:30pm. Just so exhausted. Darn progesterone!
• I'm overly emotional, getting teary eyed over everything - birth stories, happy stories, sad stories, adoption stories, my adoption planning, etc. The tears come! I'm blaming it on the progesterone. 
• Started peeing in the middle of the night again. Grrr. It's as bad as cycle #1. Cycle 2-3 weren't as bad. Wonder if there's anything I can do to avoid this side-effect?
• I'm tired, but can't sleep! Insomnia? I'm a side sleeper and I'm starting to get "side-sores" while sleeping (when I'm able to sleep) - which leads to tossing and turning. I'm just so tired! Ugh. Again, blaming it on the progesterone! Lol. Progesterone gets a bad wrap. 
• Some pain in my left ovary at about 5dpIUI. Really uncomfortable.  Hoping it's not a cyst! Ugh. 
• Sore BB's also started at about 5dpIUI. 
• Vivid dreams - some of which I can do without! 
• I'm irritable - probably because I haven't been sleeping well 😕
• Feeling really hot, sweating easily. Some hot flashes. I hate those things. Hate feeling hot in this horrid heat.

Random TWW Rumination's: 

• The first 24 hours after the IUI is when the "magic" is supposed to happen. The day after the IUI, I just kept thinking "Magic is happening!" And repeating positive affirmations. Figured, it can't hurt! 
• It's hard to hope so hard for a BFP and imagine seeing a positive pregnancy test vs preparing for a 5th cycle... Since there's so much to prepare for if this cycle doesn't work, it's hard to not focus on it. Two different directions this can go. I don't want to be pessimistic and plan for Cycle #5, but I also don't want to be caught unprepared and have delays. <sigh> Sometimes this process sucks. 
• Attended a friend's baby shower for her "surprise" baby. She missed a Birth Control Pill and got pregnant. It was kind of weird being at a baby shower... Not horrible, but almost like an outer body experience! LOL. I brought Little Guy with me (with permission), but didn't realize that others wouldn't bring their small kids. This is the first shower I went to where people didn't bring their kids... But everyone else was married - I don't really have the luxury of just leaving Little Guy for a few hours on the weekend without planning for it and paying $$ for a sitter. 
• It's so crazy how disconnected I feel from myself when I'm on fertility meds! I think that makes the TWW harder because I'm not totally myself, and don't feel like myself - which makes me think of the TWW, which makes me think of getting pregnant, which makes me think about if I'm not pregnant, which means my mind is constantly thinking about this. Silly circular patterns. Staying distracted is so hard! Darn these fertility drugs! Will be grateful if they help me get pregnant, but will be happy when I don't have to take them anymore. Necessary evil. 
• Just to be totally transparent... And I hate to type this as I fear it'll jinx me this cycle. But, I've been sharing all the bad stuff - the fears and worries and everything, that I also want to share good things. I had a few dreams that this cycle was a success! That it actually worked. Time will tell if my dream/thoughts were for "this cycle", but I'm hoping these dreams and feelings comes true! Fingers crossed!  
• I had my 6-month Diabetic Checkup with my PCP. He wants me to exercise more! Since I haven't been exercising since TTC. We are doing some blood work to see where my A1C levels are at. I asked if the diabetes can be impacting my egg quality. This has been a big fear of mine! He said no, since it's controlled. We'll know more when my blood work comes back. He did say that the Metformin should help me with TTC. I hope so! 

I had a lot of complaining and overall grumpiness during this TWW! Sheesh. Sorry for the bitter read. 😁 But honestly, if this cycle leads to a BFP -- I will go through all of this again! 

I think most of the underlying bitter thoughts (besides the progesterone side-effects suck!) is that I'm not so sure if this will lead to a BFP and a Cycle #5 just pisses me off. Searching for a new donor and spending the $ for it just stresses me out. <sigh> 

I've been looking into: domestic infant adoption, adopting embryos, and using donor eggs. Just looking at all the options available. I never really understood embryo adoption or donor eggs, but I've now learned a lot. It's very interesting. Still hoping I'll be successful with TTC with my own eggs... 

I just hope at the end of this journey, that I will indeed have my little Baby C in my arms and I can say, "This was all worth it." 

Next Step: Beta Test 8/31 @ 8:00 am