I had my intake with the therapist this morning regarding the antenatal depression. I'm not sure if I'm going to like the therapist or not, hard to tell with just the intake.
First impressions of the therapy practice: they're really busy! Had a bunch of people in there first thing this morning. I had to wait a little past my appointment time before I got to go in. Therapist kept an eye on the clock the entire time. The office location is also pretty far from my house, I'd prefer something closer.
The intake questions were weird to answer because it's hard to say what is pregnancy-related vs. life-related.
Will see how this goes. I scheduled my first therapy appointment. I'm willing to give this a try at least through postpartum.
The issue I have is the time commitment. I already have so many appointments, which are just going to start increasing the further along I get.
The other issue I have is, I don't know if therapy is really going to help me. I guess I haven't had good experiences in the past, so I'm skeptical. Some people interview therapists to find a good one, but I just don't have the time/energy to do that right now.
As I said though, I'll give it a try and see what happens.
Next Steps: 4/7/17 1st appointment
Tuesday, March 14, 2017
Saturday, March 11, 2017
27 Weeks Pregnant - Entering my 7th Month and Last/3rd Trimester
It feels kind of surreal that I'm entering the "final" trimester of pregnancy. I'm entering my 7th month and the 3rd trimester. Many times I wondered if I would ever get past the 1st trimester... then I worried if I'd ever make it out of the 2nd trimester... now, here I am -- almost in the final stretch of things. It still doesn't feel real in a way, like this is really not happening.
How far along: 27 Weeks. 11 weeks (77 days) to possible induction at 38 weeks. It's funny, I've been getting a lot of questions on why my MFM wants to induce me at 38 weeks. I'll save this for another entry, but there are many complications with a diabetic pregnancy -- and it's better to not go past 38/39 weeks. Although I'd love to have a "normal" L&D experience, my entire journey to get here hasn't been normal! So... if my MFM says we need to induce -- I'm not going to fight it at all. She knows best.
How big is baby: Lettuce. Ovia app:
Weight Gain: +2 lbs? No official weigh-in this week.
Stretch Marks: Nothing new.
Symptoms: I've been getting some extreme breast pain, especially in my right breast. My breasts have been sensitive this entire pregnancy, but this week the sensitivity level went up quite a bit. I've also been getting "itchy" on certain places on my face. It's so weird...! I try not to itch, but end up itching before I even realize it. Ugh. Another thing is something called the "snissles" AKA sneezing and peeing a little. Yeah, it's a thing and not a fun thing. When I'm awake, I normally have to pee every hour or I get highly uncomfortable and risk some embarrassing things if I do have to sneeze!
Sleeping: I've tried adding more pillows. I sleep with my maternity pillow -- then a normal pillow on top of that to lift my head up (congestion issues) -- then I added my regular body pillow to help prop my legs. You'd think I'd feel claustrophobic with all those pillows, but it's actually pretty comfortable. I noticed that I can't move a certain way or I get those pains in my groin/stomach. I've been very careful when switching positions/sides. Still peeing 1-2x's a night. I try not to get up to pee, but then I end up tossing and turning more, so what's the use? Better to go than to just be up trying not to get up to go. You know.
Food cravings: Salsa and Ice Cream. Will this torture ever end???!! I've been pretty bad and letting myself enjoy these cravings. My glucose levels look horrible because of it... But I can't be perfect all the time... ugh.
Food aversions: I had a weird reaction to eggs one day... I think it was the way it was cooked or something, it just didn't sit right. I hadn't felt that way since 1st trimester food aversion hell. Which is so weird because I eat eggs almost every single day right now and don't normally get that reaction. I try not to cook my eggs like that anymore.
Maternity Clothes: Well, it's a funny thing. The weather is already HOT. Good, but not good. I don't want to invest in maternity-specific clothing at this point, since I only have about 11 weeks left. I went through my clothes and some of my dresses/tops/skirts will definitely work for the remainder of the pregnancy. However, not enough to make it through a full week of clothing wear. So... I decided to buy some new clothes -- which can be stupid at this point. But I ordered clothes at my normal clothing stores. I bought clothes that I would normally wear. The thing I kept in mind is: will it work for the rest of the pregnancy? and -- will it work for nursing? The answer is yes and yes. So, I only bought new clothes that 1) I would wear normally and can wear post-pregnancy, 2) will work for the remainder of the pregnancy, and 3) I can use while nursing. Will see how this goes. I hate wasting money, but I truly need more clothing options.
I did buy one specific "maternity" clothes item: a pair of underwear that also can be a tummy support. I tried using my tummy support under my dress/skirt and it made me so hot! The damn hot flashes and the extra material, I was sweating so bad -- it was gross. So, not sure if that's going to work for me with the weather already getting so warm. I'll see if this underwear/maternity belly support works better. The material is lighter. Sometimes I don't think I really need the tummy support, but other times it feels better to have it on.
Movement: I'm feeling baby boy move much more now. It's funny because sometimes he's doing all these weird things and I feel him all over the place. There are times when he's completely sideways and I feel him moving on both sides. Then, the next minute I'll feel him pushing on my bottom and feel him under my ribs. Other times he's diagonal. It's pretty crazy. There are times when his kicks are so hard that my entire tummy moves. It's pretty amazing and strange at the same time.
What I did / Got for Baby: I think I'm on my way to truly "nesting." I scheduled a bunch of home maintenance things that I've been putting off: annual AC checkup/cleaning, plumbing, getting a quote on house painting, thinking about getting the carpets cleaned. I've also started making my way through the house to declutter and get more organized. I'm focused on the kitchen right now and going through a drawer at a time. I was going to start with the garage... but the heat and heavy lifting has dissuaded me. It's also the area that needs the most help! I'll get to that eventually.
I've also been freaking out a little bit about the birth... just worried that something will happen to me and what that would mean. So, I decided to make major changes to my Will, Living Trust, and my Healthcare Power of Attorneys. It's in the works -- just waiting for them to complete it and for me to go in and sign.
I bought a bunch of storage containers and I'm going to go through my son's old clothes (again) and sort them a little better. Also, going to add labels with the sizes. Baby boy is going to inherit a lot of these clothes, so I also need to get rid of the ones that are a little too worn. Need to also categorize the seasons. I'm hoping that perhaps baby boy will still be able to use most of the clothes. My son is tall, but really thin. So he has been so weird on his sizes. The boys will also be born in different seasons. Will see how it all works out.
I rescheduled my maternity shoot to May, when I'll be 36 weeks. My mom will be in town, so I'm looking forward to getting pictures with her in them. I'm thinking we can get pampered and get our hair/makeup done beforehand! I'm going to budget for it. It'll be relaxing and fun.
I talked to HR about the maternity leave policy in more detail. I think I understand things a lot better now and am not so worried if I end up delivering a little early. I also understand how the short term disability works better.
I've asked my son's God Father if he would be the God Father for the new baby. He said YES! I'm so excited! I still need to ask my son's God Mother, but waiting until I see her in-person. I was going to go with different God Parents for both of the kids, but it feels right for them to have the same God Parents to me.
I forgot to mention that I went to the dentist the other week. Yeah, pregnancy puts a toll on your gums! That's for sure. The dentist said your saliva is thicker when pregnant or something. I had a lot of build up that I normally don't have, she said that's why. So weird. I am having a bit of pregnancy gingivitis and bleeding gums. Fun stuff...
The new stroller arrived! Not sure if I mentioned it, but there was a recall on my previous stroller and they sent me a brand new one - the 2017 B-Ready Britax Stroller. Originally, I wasn't thrilled about getting a new stroller -- I was happy with my other one. But when I put it together... I'm so in love with it! Also, my son loves it and helped put it together and tested out all the seat options :)
What I miss: Being able to move without aches/pains.
Workouts: I've been doing more home chores and getting out more-- that makes me walk more. Does that count?
What I'm looking forward to: My next ultrasound.
Best moment of the week: Putting the stroller together with my son.
Rants/Raves:
Rant -- some people are a*holes. One of my co-workers actually YELLED at me during one of our conference calls because she was having a bad day and didn't want to wait for me to finish what I was saying (she was assuming I was attacking her maybe?). It took SO MUCH control out of me to keep my voice calm, correct her with what she was saying, then finish my suggestion for a fix. Did she apologize? Nope. So lame. What's funny is, my suggestion has now been implemented. Yup, I'm a problem solver and I solved one of her problems -- so don't yell at me! Who yells at people in a professional environment? And on top of that -- someone that's pregnant? WTH. I can never understand this company. Some of the people are straight up jerks. Me being pregnant and going through all this antenatal depression crap, once I hung up -- I started crying these big alligator tears I was so upset and angry. Man... if this company didn't have good benefits, good work-life flexibility, and didn't pay me well -- I'd leave. BUT, making big choices when emotionally imbalanced while pregnant is not something I'm going to do right now! But it is something I'm thinking about for "later" to consider. I wish I could just yell back and say "f* you!" and hang up! Ugh. Being as emotional as I've been, I'm surprised I was able to stay calm and stay professional without giving into the temptation to show my bitchy side.
Rave -- I received a gift card from an old college friend that received my announcement card (that I sent over New Years). It was so unexpected and sweet, that I cried! Yeah, crying is like a normal daily thing these days. I think that was "officially" my first baby gift I received. I've gotten books and stuff as gifts, but not something "for" the baby. It was really nice and thoughtful. Especially since I'm not that close to her and we only see each other every so often at Homecoming.
Appointments Next Week: Tuesday, 3/14 -- MFM appointment with a growth ultrasound and my first therapist appointment regarding the antenatal depression. I'm hoping to be able to talk sh*t about my co-worker that yelled at me. J/K sorta. It really does bother me that she thought it was OK to yell at me.
Tuesday, March 7, 2017
New Family Dynamics
One wonderful thing that has happened since I have gotten pregnant is that I have reconnected with my mom and my little brother. I posted about it in December (click here). I haven't had much time to write about it because of all the other "life" stuff going on.
But long story short, I hadn't been in contact with my mom and my little brother for nearly 8 years. Very long and complicated family drama story. I didn't grow up with my mom, my dad raised my older brother and me and my parents divorced when I was 5 years old. My little brother is my half-brother (we have different dads), so we didn't really grow up together.
I always had a rocky relationship with my mom. We were just so different. I think we both tried in our own ways, but cultural differences and just not really knowing one another -- we were never able to get a long for long periods of time and were never able to bridge the gaps between us.
My mom has always wanted to be a grandma and had been mentioning it to my older brother for years (assuming he would be the first to have kids -- which he hasn't yet). Well, since she was out of contact with me for the last 8 years -- she had no clue that I adopted my son until she learned about it over Thanksgiving. Her fault really... since she was completely out of contact for the 8 years and we had no way to get ahold of her.
When we met up for the first time, I was a little overwhelmed because my mom all of a sudden was inviting herself to visit for Christmas and to the birth of my baby. I wasn't sure how committed she was going to be to actually following through with any of this, but so far she has.
My mom and little brother came out for a few days around Christmas. It was really nice having them here. It's been so long since I've felt like I had "family" that it was a little shock to my system. It was so very nice having them here and spending time with them, that when they left I was pretty sad. I didn't realize how different it was to have "family" around, since I can't remember the last time I felt like I had a family. It was also so fun having them get to know my son and my son getting to know them.
Now, the plan is for my mom to come out for the baby's birth. At first, I wasn't sure I really wanted her to be there... honestly though, the thought didn't "bother" me really. The fact that my mom WANTS to be there and WANTS to be a grandma and WANTS to be around my kids -- makes me happy. So far, she's been really great and supportive.
I do have a few issues with my mom and all of these sudden changes. 1) All the sudden "mom advice" I'm receiving and 2) Her making plans without checking with me first.
#1: Mom Advice.
As I mentioned, I haven't had the best relationship with my mom. Most of my life she wasn't there to give me any sage motherly advice. Now, all of a sudden I'm in my late 30's and pregnant for the first time, my mom is back in my life and she wants to give me all this "advice." Which is nice and all, if we had that sort of relationship, but we don't... I'm not used to being mothered. As I mentioned, my mom wasn't there when I was growing up. So, it's a little hard for me to take her advice in stride.
Some of her stuff are silly things -- very superstitious things -- due to her cultural background. I find most of it funny. But with being pregnant, the constant advice and non-medically-based advice at that --- gets extremely annoying. Especially since I've had a hard pregnancy and I understand my high risk factors. I get irritated pretty easily with it. I'm trying not to, but I'm just not as patient as I used to be. For example, she writes off almost everything my MFM says and has her own interpretation of things. She also has these far off theories on why I had my bleeding episodes and how the Insulin impacts the baby. She also has a very strong opinion on if the baby gets circumcised. All great I guess, but I've already made my decisions on things and I don't like that she tries to change my mind. Which I suppose most mothers try to do? I wouldn't know since I've never really had a mother around...
#2: Making Plans
I'm a big planner and like to be as prepared as I can be in any given circumstance. It's how I've always been since I was a kid. I plan and plan and plan. I love check-lists, I love to calendarize, I love to be prepared. As a parent, I've learned to roll with the punches as much as I can. So, when I got pregnant -- I already had made plans for the birth. Who would be there, who would take me to the hospital, who would take care of my son, who would take care of my dog, etc. Basic things were taken care of. Of course this was before I reconnected with my mom.
Now, my mom keeps making these plans -- without talking to me first. I know she means well and all. I don't think she means to stress me out about it. But she invited my little brother to come visit when the baby is born so he could help with my son. Ok... I can deal with one other guest and it would be more convenient to have my son be home vs going to stay with someone. Plus, I get along really well with my little brother -- not to mention my son just adores him to pieces.
Then, my mom mentioned that my big brother and his girlfriend were going to also come. Like what? I've mentioned my older brother a few times in my blog, but he's not the most reliable. He's also let me down a bunch of times over the years. The times I've talked about him coming to visit, he actually had excuses why he wouldn't or couldn't come. So, I was surprised to hear this from my mom. In hindsight, I wonder if my mom is just being hopeful that my big brother will "come around" or something?
I only have a 3 bedroom house, so fitting in 4 extra people plus a new baby -- is a bit of tight fit. They'd all be on air mattresses and sleeping in my loft or living room, since the bedrooms are taken. Do-able, yes... But stressful for me, yes...
My mom has also invited herself to stay at my house over the holidays for 2 months to spend the baby's first holidays with us. Great in theory... and great she wants to come visit... but again, didn't ask - just assumed it would be ok. So now I have to reconsider our annual visit to California -- which we normally take during November or December. Little things it seems, but major changes for me.
I will say that --> I'm not making a big deal about any of this to my mom. She wants to be there and I'm grateful for that. She's missed a lot out of my life and I'm extremely happy that she's committed to being a grandma to my children. It's just a huge adjustment for me since I'm so used to doing things on my own and I'm used to people arranging visits with me first before making plans.
So it's an interesting time for me. I'm learning to have a mom in my life and having more of a "family" feel with my mom and little brother. But it also just puts me in a weird mental place because I've come to terms with our family drama and have moved on without them. Now, they're back all of a sudden. Not to mention that the "family drama" that's happened over the years was mainly my mom's doing. She hasn't been the most stable person. So far she hasn't brought any "drama" into our lives, she just wants to be there and I completely understand that. I just don't know how long the no-drama thing will last. Maybe it will? Maybe it won't? I guess I'm a little worried that it'll all go to crap again and my kids will be impacted... I'm also not used to relying on anyone and it's hard for me to let that go.
A lot of adjustments for me to make... not to mention all the other stuff with the high risk pregnancy, the anxiety, the antenatal depression. I won't even go into normal "life" things on top of all that. It sometimes just feels like a lot is riding on my shoulders.
Overall, I'm grateful for this change in my family and hopeful that it's leading us to build a good strong family structure for my boys.
I thought this was funny and it kinda sorta fits my family right now! :)
But long story short, I hadn't been in contact with my mom and my little brother for nearly 8 years. Very long and complicated family drama story. I didn't grow up with my mom, my dad raised my older brother and me and my parents divorced when I was 5 years old. My little brother is my half-brother (we have different dads), so we didn't really grow up together.
I always had a rocky relationship with my mom. We were just so different. I think we both tried in our own ways, but cultural differences and just not really knowing one another -- we were never able to get a long for long periods of time and were never able to bridge the gaps between us.
My mom has always wanted to be a grandma and had been mentioning it to my older brother for years (assuming he would be the first to have kids -- which he hasn't yet). Well, since she was out of contact with me for the last 8 years -- she had no clue that I adopted my son until she learned about it over Thanksgiving. Her fault really... since she was completely out of contact for the 8 years and we had no way to get ahold of her.
When we met up for the first time, I was a little overwhelmed because my mom all of a sudden was inviting herself to visit for Christmas and to the birth of my baby. I wasn't sure how committed she was going to be to actually following through with any of this, but so far she has.
My mom and little brother came out for a few days around Christmas. It was really nice having them here. It's been so long since I've felt like I had "family" that it was a little shock to my system. It was so very nice having them here and spending time with them, that when they left I was pretty sad. I didn't realize how different it was to have "family" around, since I can't remember the last time I felt like I had a family. It was also so fun having them get to know my son and my son getting to know them.
Now, the plan is for my mom to come out for the baby's birth. At first, I wasn't sure I really wanted her to be there... honestly though, the thought didn't "bother" me really. The fact that my mom WANTS to be there and WANTS to be a grandma and WANTS to be around my kids -- makes me happy. So far, she's been really great and supportive.
I do have a few issues with my mom and all of these sudden changes. 1) All the sudden "mom advice" I'm receiving and 2) Her making plans without checking with me first.
#1: Mom Advice.
As I mentioned, I haven't had the best relationship with my mom. Most of my life she wasn't there to give me any sage motherly advice. Now, all of a sudden I'm in my late 30's and pregnant for the first time, my mom is back in my life and she wants to give me all this "advice." Which is nice and all, if we had that sort of relationship, but we don't... I'm not used to being mothered. As I mentioned, my mom wasn't there when I was growing up. So, it's a little hard for me to take her advice in stride.
Some of her stuff are silly things -- very superstitious things -- due to her cultural background. I find most of it funny. But with being pregnant, the constant advice and non-medically-based advice at that --- gets extremely annoying. Especially since I've had a hard pregnancy and I understand my high risk factors. I get irritated pretty easily with it. I'm trying not to, but I'm just not as patient as I used to be. For example, she writes off almost everything my MFM says and has her own interpretation of things. She also has these far off theories on why I had my bleeding episodes and how the Insulin impacts the baby. She also has a very strong opinion on if the baby gets circumcised. All great I guess, but I've already made my decisions on things and I don't like that she tries to change my mind. Which I suppose most mothers try to do? I wouldn't know since I've never really had a mother around...
#2: Making Plans
I'm a big planner and like to be as prepared as I can be in any given circumstance. It's how I've always been since I was a kid. I plan and plan and plan. I love check-lists, I love to calendarize, I love to be prepared. As a parent, I've learned to roll with the punches as much as I can. So, when I got pregnant -- I already had made plans for the birth. Who would be there, who would take me to the hospital, who would take care of my son, who would take care of my dog, etc. Basic things were taken care of. Of course this was before I reconnected with my mom.
Now, my mom keeps making these plans -- without talking to me first. I know she means well and all. I don't think she means to stress me out about it. But she invited my little brother to come visit when the baby is born so he could help with my son. Ok... I can deal with one other guest and it would be more convenient to have my son be home vs going to stay with someone. Plus, I get along really well with my little brother -- not to mention my son just adores him to pieces.
Then, my mom mentioned that my big brother and his girlfriend were going to also come. Like what? I've mentioned my older brother a few times in my blog, but he's not the most reliable. He's also let me down a bunch of times over the years. The times I've talked about him coming to visit, he actually had excuses why he wouldn't or couldn't come. So, I was surprised to hear this from my mom. In hindsight, I wonder if my mom is just being hopeful that my big brother will "come around" or something?
I only have a 3 bedroom house, so fitting in 4 extra people plus a new baby -- is a bit of tight fit. They'd all be on air mattresses and sleeping in my loft or living room, since the bedrooms are taken. Do-able, yes... But stressful for me, yes...
My mom has also invited herself to stay at my house over the holidays for 2 months to spend the baby's first holidays with us. Great in theory... and great she wants to come visit... but again, didn't ask - just assumed it would be ok. So now I have to reconsider our annual visit to California -- which we normally take during November or December. Little things it seems, but major changes for me.
I will say that --> I'm not making a big deal about any of this to my mom. She wants to be there and I'm grateful for that. She's missed a lot out of my life and I'm extremely happy that she's committed to being a grandma to my children. It's just a huge adjustment for me since I'm so used to doing things on my own and I'm used to people arranging visits with me first before making plans.
So it's an interesting time for me. I'm learning to have a mom in my life and having more of a "family" feel with my mom and little brother. But it also just puts me in a weird mental place because I've come to terms with our family drama and have moved on without them. Now, they're back all of a sudden. Not to mention that the "family drama" that's happened over the years was mainly my mom's doing. She hasn't been the most stable person. So far she hasn't brought any "drama" into our lives, she just wants to be there and I completely understand that. I just don't know how long the no-drama thing will last. Maybe it will? Maybe it won't? I guess I'm a little worried that it'll all go to crap again and my kids will be impacted... I'm also not used to relying on anyone and it's hard for me to let that go.
A lot of adjustments for me to make... not to mention all the other stuff with the high risk pregnancy, the anxiety, the antenatal depression. I won't even go into normal "life" things on top of all that. It sometimes just feels like a lot is riding on my shoulders.
Overall, I'm grateful for this change in my family and hopeful that it's leading us to build a good strong family structure for my boys.
I thought this was funny and it kinda sorta fits my family right now! :)
Saturday, March 4, 2017
26 Weeks Pregnant
How far along: 26 Weeks. One more week until the 3rd Trimester!
How big is baby: Kale. Ovia app:
Weight Gain: +2 lb (with sneakers and clothes on).
Stretch Marks: Nothing new.
Symptoms: Having pretty bad hot flashes. Also, still feeling completely drained. I think I also might have experienced some Braxton Hicks (BH) contractions, but nothing for sure. A few lightning crotch episodes as well.
Sleeping: Nothing "new," meaning I'm still not sleeping the best.
Food cravings: Ice cream and chicken wings!
Food aversions: None.
Maternity Clothes: Nothing new.
Movement: Feeling movement pretty consistently. Sometimes I can feel it on the outside, but not all the time. There was one day that I freaked a bit because I couldn't really feel baby boy moving as much as normal. I think he was higher up than he normally is and was maybe hiding under my anterior placenta.
What I did / Got for Baby: The baby's co-sleeper arrived! But it came with the wrong leg extenders, so I had to return the leg extenders. I set up the co-sleeper already, so I could make sure everything was OK with it. I plan to connect it to my bed in April after I get the new/correct leg extenders. I'll finish my registry in April when I get the completion coupon on Amazon.
I also ended up deciding to do the elective ultrasound. A friend said, "This is a once in a lifetime thing" and that got me thinking -- what the heck, I'll move forward and do it. Now I'm really excited about it! I have it scheduled for 3/25.
What I miss: Having energy.
Workouts: No, but I got out and walked a bit to attend an event.
What I'm looking forward to: My next ultrasound.
Best moment of the week: My son had his head on my tummy and he was talking to baby brother. Then baby boy must've kicked or something because my son jumped up and looked at my tummy suspiciously. LOL. I asked him if he felt baby brother and he said, "yeah." But he refused to put his head down on my tummy again. He did sing Twinkle Twinkle to the baby, which was really adorable.
Rants/Raves: None this week.
Appointments Next Week: None!
Thursday, March 2, 2017
100 More Days!
100 more days until "40 weeks." I've been watching the days tick by on the BabyBump app since I first got my positive pregnancy test. I'll be "officially" hitting double digits tomorrow on the countdown.
I know technically I am already at less than 100 days, but it's kind of exciting to finally see the tracker's numbers get lower.
If you've been reading along my blog, you know that I've been struggling throughout my pregnancy with so many things that were out of my control. Due to this, I've been struggling with anxiety and antenatal depression. It's not really how I imagined pregnancy to be like and not how people expect you to feel like when pregnant. But I've struggled nonetheless.
With so many struggles throughout the pregnancy, it was so hard to let myself imagine this beautiful "beginning" to the end of my pregnancy because I was just focused on staying pregnant and ensuring my baby boy was healthy.
The last few days I've started to allow myself a "glimpse" of that wished for happiness... it's starting to look like things may end up OK at the end of all this. Which also is a little bit scary to think about because I feel like I'm letting my guard down in a way - this protective barrier that I've encased myself in "just in case" the worse were to happen.
In any case, I've started to let myself think of these wonderful firsts:
Hearing my baby boy cry for the first time.
Seeing him for the first time.
Holding him for the first time.
When my boys meet for the first time.
Bringing my baby boy home for the first time.
Learning to breastfeed for the first time.
Having both of my boys home for the first time.
The whole reason I started my TTC journey was to get to that point - to add to my family, celebrate and welcome this wonderful new life.
It's starting to feel so very close to becoming a reality that sometimes the joy feels so overwhelming and I ask myself, "Is this really happening?"
My pregnancy has not been what I hoped or imagined it would be like. But all of that doesn't matter as long as at the end of all this -- my baby boy is healthy - safe - loved - cared for - and happy.
Less than 100 days to go.......!
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
25w+2d: MFM Diabetes Appointment
I had my MFM Appointment yesterday to go over my food log. It wasn't very good... I've had a pretty hectic schedule the last few weeks and I haven't been able to log as good as I have been. They weren't bad... just some really bad food choices and then not consistently checking my after-meal glucose levels. My blood pressure was good at 110/68.
We are only making one change this week on my Humulin N morning value. Going up from 20 to 22 iu. The goals for the next two weeks: 1) consistently log after-meal glucose levels and 2) make better food choices.
Antenatal Depression
I actually wonder how much of the antenatal depression has to do with me not being disciplined enough to check my glucose levels?
I asked my MFM that and she said that she doesn't think it's the antenatal depression, it's probably more the stress from my schedule impacting everything and making the depression worse.
We discussed how I've been feeling lately and I was honest and told her that things haven't gotten much better... so it's a good thing I have a therapist appointment on 3/14 scheduled. We did talk about medication again... The main reason I'm hesitant to take medications is because the drug will go through the placenta and the baby will experience the effects of the drugs. I don't feel good about that... In certain cases, it's better that this happens because the alternative can be really bad... But I just don't know if that's what's best for me. Also, I feel "so close" to the big due date... about 13 weeks left. Can I hold off till then?
The other good thing about seeing a therapist is that after the baby is born, they can put me on meds right away since it won't impact the baby at that point. I did ask about breastfeeding, but she said it doesn't have the same impact as in-utero. The odds of me having postpartum depression are really high for me at this point. I won't be hesitant to take meds after the baby is born. I'd prefer NOT to... but I'll do what I have to do and what my therapist will recommend.
Lots to think about really where all of this antenatal depression is concerned. One problem I'm having is I feel sooooo busy that I don't have any time to just "be" and think about things. Because of this, I think I'm not processing things very well or have time to come to terms with things. There's just so much to do all of the time. I feel so behind.
Post-Pregnancy
Sometimes my brain lives far in the future thinking about things. I had some questions about post-pregnancy. Mainly, what do I do with my diabetes and insulin after baby is born? I guess it depends, I can go back on Metformin or I can take half the dosage of the insulin. Will see how that goes. My MFM is going to refer me to a diabetes specialists. Previously, I was just seeing a regular doctor to manage my diabetes. I think going forward, I'd prefer to see someone that specializes in it to get better care.
Next Steps: MFM Visit on 3/14 for U/S to check growth and Diabetes follow-up
We are only making one change this week on my Humulin N morning value. Going up from 20 to 22 iu. The goals for the next two weeks: 1) consistently log after-meal glucose levels and 2) make better food choices.
Antenatal Depression
I actually wonder how much of the antenatal depression has to do with me not being disciplined enough to check my glucose levels?
I asked my MFM that and she said that she doesn't think it's the antenatal depression, it's probably more the stress from my schedule impacting everything and making the depression worse.
We discussed how I've been feeling lately and I was honest and told her that things haven't gotten much better... so it's a good thing I have a therapist appointment on 3/14 scheduled. We did talk about medication again... The main reason I'm hesitant to take medications is because the drug will go through the placenta and the baby will experience the effects of the drugs. I don't feel good about that... In certain cases, it's better that this happens because the alternative can be really bad... But I just don't know if that's what's best for me. Also, I feel "so close" to the big due date... about 13 weeks left. Can I hold off till then?
The other good thing about seeing a therapist is that after the baby is born, they can put me on meds right away since it won't impact the baby at that point. I did ask about breastfeeding, but she said it doesn't have the same impact as in-utero. The odds of me having postpartum depression are really high for me at this point. I won't be hesitant to take meds after the baby is born. I'd prefer NOT to... but I'll do what I have to do and what my therapist will recommend.
Lots to think about really where all of this antenatal depression is concerned. One problem I'm having is I feel sooooo busy that I don't have any time to just "be" and think about things. Because of this, I think I'm not processing things very well or have time to come to terms with things. There's just so much to do all of the time. I feel so behind.
Post-Pregnancy
Sometimes my brain lives far in the future thinking about things. I had some questions about post-pregnancy. Mainly, what do I do with my diabetes and insulin after baby is born? I guess it depends, I can go back on Metformin or I can take half the dosage of the insulin. Will see how that goes. My MFM is going to refer me to a diabetes specialists. Previously, I was just seeing a regular doctor to manage my diabetes. I think going forward, I'd prefer to see someone that specializes in it to get better care.
Next Steps: MFM Visit on 3/14 for U/S to check growth and Diabetes follow-up
Saturday, February 25, 2017
25 Weeks Pregnant
It's been a weird week for me. I don't know why it's been weird really... it's like I feel *more* pregnant than I did last week. But I'm happy to report that I'm 25 weeks pregnant...!!! 15 weeks to go or 105 Days to go - almost to double digits. That's to full term, 40 weeks. If I get induced at 38 weeks, I'm really looking at 13 weeks to go or 91 days...
Things are finally starting to really feel like things are going to happen and that maybe... just maybe everything will turn out OK at the end of the pregnancy.
How far along: 25 Weeks
How big is baby: a cauliflower. Ovia app:
Weight Gain: +4 lb (with boots and clothes on).
Stretch Marks: No new ones.
Symptoms: I mentioned "Lightning Crotch" in my previous entry. Also, I'm getting way gassy -- to the point of embarrassment! Argh. My stomach also has started making some really loud noises after I eat, which I can't control. So weird.
Sleeping: Sleeping hasn't been going well for me. I am very restless and my mind can't seem to shut off. Tossing and turning doesn't help -- darn side sores. I tried to semi-sleep on my back, but I woke myself up snoring! LOL. So, that's not the best position either. Hopefully something will work, I can really use some rest.
Food cravings: Rice and Chocolate! Not together... :)
Food aversions: None.
Maternity Clothes: Nothing new. I'm starting to think I might get by on my old wardrobe. It'll be nice when it warms up a bit and I can start wearing flip flops, dresses, and skirts again.
Movement: I feel baby boy move a lot now. Some times I can feel it on the outside. It's so weird because I think I feel him when he's stretching -- I feel movement all the way across my abdomen. I also think I feel when he's "rolling" around. It's an incredible feeling and it always makes me pause and feel grateful.
What I did / Got for Baby: I registered for birthing class at the hospital after all (explained in previous entry). I'm getting a new stroller for free, since there was a recall on my last stroller. I'm also reconsidering the elective ultrasound... Going to try to decide in the next few days.
What I miss: Not being so irritable.
Workouts: With only 13-15 potential weeks left in my pregnancy... think there's still time to make this work? I wish there was! Between my son's appointments and my appointments -- it just seems like a fleeting "wish" at this point.
What I'm looking forward to: meeting my baby boy.
Best moment of the week: hearing his strong heartbeat on the doppler at my OB visit.
Rants/Raves: Rant, which I've complained about before... but I hate taking my insulin shots. Sometimes they burn so much going in and there's no way for me to predict when it's going to painful and when it's going to be painless. So every time I inject, I have to take a few deep breaths and I flinch almost every single time. It's so weird... you'd think after all my injections through fertility treatments and having done the insulin injections since November -- that it would get easier -- but it feels like it's getting harder instead. It's just frustrating because when it hurts -- it really hurts. Ugh.
Appointments Next Week: 2/28/17 appointment with MFM for diabetes follow-up
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