Me: I'm pregnant!
Them: "Who, what, when, how?" Or "Who's the dad?"
Me: "There's no dad, it's just me." Or "A doctor helped me get pregnant."
Them: "Oh, you did artificial insemination?" Or "Oh, you did IVF?"
Me: Yes
Then: "Oh ok."
And... that's it really!
I only had a few questions on choosing a sperm donor, but not as much as I thought I would. I also got a few concerns about me being "alone." One of my cousins just had a baby and he said he wouldn't leave his girlfriend alone while she was pregnant. So he kept asking me if I changed my oil, got my tires checked, before I drove to Cali. He even checked my tires, just in case. He was also concerned about when I go into labor, who would help me.
Which is completely funny to me because I feel like I have all those little details covered already. Also, it was weird to have someone worry about stuff I take care of regularly on my own. But it was really sweet to have some worry, I'm just totally not used to it.
Now, what's interesting is -- my dad and my brother reacted just how I thought they would. Their only response was, "Oh" and nothing else. Not surprised at all... but afterward when I was thinking about it, I thought to myself "Geez, they didn't even say congratulations." I could be butt hurt about it, but I feel like they've disappointed me so much in the past -- that this didn't even cause a dent. Just made me start thinking about my kids and how much their lack of participation/interest in my family was going to have me start changing how I interact with them in the near future. But I can save that for a longer diatribe in a future post.
Something Unexpected
What's also interesting... I haven't been in contact with my mother or little brother (half brother from my mom) for 8 years. There was a big family fall out that basically split our already dysfunctional family up. Long dramatic story... Anyways. Ever since I thought I was pregnant, I've been thinking about trying to get in contact with my mother. I think I even posted about some of the dreams I've been having with her in them. She had always wanted to be a grandma... and ever since I adopted my son, I felt bad that she was missing out (her choice in way).
Well, it turns out that my mother and little brother "resurfaced" out of nowhere right before Thanksgiving. (The reason she showed up was part of the family drama storyline that happened 8 years ago, that I won't post here.) But all of a sudden, I had my little brother and my mom's contact information. Since I was in California, I had to decide - do I contact them while I'm here?
I was back and forth on whether to contact my mom. Partly because we never had a good relationship and the way she had been the last time I saw her, I just didn't want my kids around someone like that. So, I decided to contact my little brother. He agreed to meet me for brunch. Also, my dad and brother had told me that she was just as bitter and angry as before. My dad even warned me, "Don't let that woman around your kids!" I guess I should've figured that they may have some (big) biases where it came to her... but it still had me hesitate as it wasn't out of context for my mom to be the way they were describing her.
What's crazy is -- my mom and little brother had NO CLUE I was a foster parent or that I adopted my son. They didn't know until they got in contact with my father (for the post-family drama stuff). So, they had just heard the news. See how much you can miss out on when you hold grudges...? Just saying.
When I met with my little brother, we talked about my mom. Knowing I wouldn't be visiting California again until maybe end of 2017, I decided to go ahead and see if my mom wanted to have a quick meeting with me and meet my son. I figured, if she acted crazy/drama - we could just leave.
Well, we met and it was a bit emotional for me - although I surprisingly was able to control it at the time. She was great with my son. We talked a little about the past, but I refused to talk about the drama she has with my dad and brother. I was able to get some important family medical information that I never thought to ask about before I was pregnant. I did tell her I was pregnant and the conversation went EXACTLY like I described above, which is so funny to me.
This entry is getting kind of long... but, my mom told me that she's happy to be a grandma. She was excited about meeting my son and about the new baby that's coming. She even said she wants to be there for the birth of the baby and that she would be able to stay for the month of June to help out... which totally surprised me. Her and my little brother are also coming out to visit next week to do an early Christmas celebration and so she can go to my next ultrasound.
My mom also told me that I've changed... Maybe I have since I've become a parent? But I don't really think I've changed much, I think that maybe she's barely seeing me for the first time outside of her misconceptions about me as a child.
All so unexpected... and crazy... and emotional. I figure, some people may not be great parents -- but they can be great grandparents. I hope that's the case with my mom. I have some concerns about her, but I figure I can always cut off contact if she steps out of line with my kids. Because for me, it's not really about MY relationship with my mom... it's about her relationship with my kids. I don't want my mom to miss out on being a grandma and I don't want my kids to miss out on having a grandma. More to come on this, I'm sure.
All in all, I'm happy that I've reconnected with my mom and little brother. It's also nice to let go of the past and move forward.
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