FET #2 (Cycle 11): Beta #1, a "little" pregnant?

I don't know what I expected from my Beta Results. I wanted a good, strong, number. But I had to keep in mind that I was only 8dpt5dt, so more like 13 days vs the 14 days. The one day can make a difference on HCG levels or so I tell myself. I wanted to keep my emotions in check. I was hoping for a beta of over 50, but if I was lucky in the 100's. Anything over 50 is what my clinic likes to see. Anything between 5-25 is iffy and most likely not a viable pregnancy (although there are always exceptions to the rule).

Talk about the longest day EVER! Waiting from my 8am blood draw until 2:11pm to get the phone call was excruciating. I swear, I was so tempted to POAS all day just to relieve the pressure and anxiety from waiting.

I will say that I did POAS this morning and the FRER line was as light as it was yesterday. It had me fearing the worse - that this would end up being a chemical pregnancy.

The Beta Results Call

Can I be honest and say that I've waited so long and imagined the day that I would receive a phone call from my RE where he would tell me, "You're pregnant!" with excitement versus the dreaded and somber, "I'm sorry... Blah blah blah" speech. Which after this long I think is just as disappointing and frustrating for me as it is for my RE!

I've dreamt about that moment and how I would feel hearing those coveted words from my RE. How those words can completely change the course of my life and realize this beautiful dream of adding a child to our family.

The call came and guess what, it wasn't my normal RE that called! He was on vacation! LOL. The other RE called. He said, "Your negative streak is over, you had a positive pregnancy test!" I'm not sure if he expected me to be excited and not sure if he was going to give me my HCG number or not... but I asked right after he said that. Turns out my beta is a 30.

That's low... it's really low.

I was told to continue PIO shots, estrogen patches, the vaginal estrace. Then I was to add 1 progesterone suppositories in the morning. More progesterone... yay?

I then had my next beta scheduled for Monday, 10/3. This next beta is REALLY important. There are success stories out there for women that have had low betas and now have children. But there are also a lot of stories of women with low betas that end in chemical pregnancies. The interesting thing about IVF is that chemical pregnancies happen a lot more often than people know. They just don't know they're having them, because it's so early they didn't even think of taking a pregnancy test or weren't trying in the first place. With IVF, you know exactly where you are the process and what to look for and how a faint line means HCG hormone. But then you're also left with knowing when something happens really early, that maybe you would've never known about if you weren't doing IVF.

Anyways. Monday's beta will tell part of the story. The HCG hormone is supposed to double every 36-72 hours, that happens in 85% of normal pregnancies. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule - as always. But a good doubling is really what I'm hoping for... or a tripling!!! If it was 30 today, I would hope for something 60 or over. If it stays the same or goes lower, then that's not good.

Feelings? 

I'm preparing myself for the worse... but really hoping and praying for the best! I just need to keep things realistic and not put myself in a bubble. It's a fine line balancing: optimism with realism. The good news is: I'm a little pregnant... right now. This is the furthest I've ever gotten in 11 cycles. That's huge and means that I can indeed get pregnant, which was one of my biggest concerns in having zero pregnancies.

I really want this to be "it." I've been through so much with TTC, it'd be so very nice to have things go as planned for once... <sigh> It's hard going through all of this and each turn it's another dead end.

I'm just praying that God will bless us with this baby. It's all out of my hands right now and there's nothing I can do to influence what's going to happen.

Will see what Monday brings.

Next Steps: 

• 10/3/16: Beta #2 

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

FET #2 (Cycle 11): TWW POAS Madness and "maybe" it worked?

I made it to beta testing day without testing early. J/K! Not me. I have no restraint. I've been peeing on a stick (POAS) since 3dpt (three days post transfer). I know, I know. I have no patience! So, POAS I did.... many, many sticks. I also spent many hours googling this and that. 

"Faintest of faint lines on a FRER" 
"Negative on 3dpt, but positive later" 
"Evap lines on FRER" 
"Indent lines on FRER" 
"Positive on FRER after the recommended time" 

You get the picture. Over obsessing much? Well yeah. TTC for so long, it becomes part of the "routine" in a way. 

I was back and forth on whether I was going to post this blog entry... But I figure, I've been pretty up-to-date with things, so why stop now? Here is the madness from the last few days. 

Early Testing: 

As I mentioned, I tested early... and often. It wasn't intentional, but once I started to POAS - I just couldn't stop! Here's how it's all gone down. 

3dpt FMU (first morning urine) on Clinical Guard (CG - internet cheapie): Negative. I expected a negative, just wanted to get used to the POAS routine!

4dpt FMU on FRER (first response early results): Negative or slight shadow of a line? I saw *something* or could've been my line eyes. Not photographical. My thoughts: Inconclusive.

5dpt FMU on FRER and CG: Why not POAS with two different brands at the same time? I swear I saw another shadow of a line on the FRER, which was a little darker than yesterday's shadow. Now I'm thinking that maybe this box of FRER's was defective. The CG was negative (not unexpected as the CG is less sensitive). But I can clearly see a line within the "reading" window of 1-10 minutes on the FRER. Now, later in the day - 12 hours later - the line was clearer. Controversies galore on reading HPT's after the recommended time... Just google it, I did! My thoughts: Inconclusive

6dpt FMU on FRER and CG: a line came up right away on the FRER. But it was SOOOO faint!!!! But it wasn't a shadow of a line like the past few days. I did use a new box of FRER's, just in case the first box was defective. This one I could kinda sorta photograph where you can kinda sorta see the extremely faint line. IRL, it looks pink and I don't have to squint. But I may be seeing things. Something called, "line eyes." It's a real thing, I tell you! Why cameras can't pick up on it when it's so easy to see IRL, no clue. Now, the CG test there was also a very faint of the faintest lines you can ever get on these things. It was so light that I couldn't photograph it. The other days with CG, they were stark white. Can this be a BFP? The FRER got darker within an hour after taking the test and looked like a real positive after about 2 hours. My thoughts: Inconclusive.

For those looking at this picture that haven't been TTC, you're probably thinking, "I don't see anything!" Yeah, that's the POAS TTC-ers. A line, even if faint, is supposed to mean "pregnant." Also, I'm testing early... so it's almost expectant to get a squinter like this. Which can mean = line eyes!

At this point in my POAS marathon madness... I was going a bit crazy. Too scared to think "this is it" and more thinking that I should prepare myself for a negative. I have been scouring the Internet and no matter what search terms I put in, Google can't tell me if I'm pregnant. LOL. Duh. But hey, it'd be nice if there was something more definitive. My thoughts are: Can I get a really clear second line where there's no wondering?!!! Please and thank you! 

Then my thoughts also wondered: my transfer was at 2:15~2:30pm in the afternoon. does that mean when I do FMU that I'm actually only at 5 1/2 days instead of 6 days? Does that "half day" matter where HCG is concerned? I just want to know!!! The circle of thoughts and still no answers.

Then, just because I could, I POAS on the CG again, since I have so many. Did one in the afternoon = same faint positive line and one in the evening = same faint positive line.

That's when I decided I would finally pull out the ClearBlue Digital for the next day testing.

7dpt: The ClearBlue Digital (CB) had me a bit scared. I was worried to take it. Why? Normally they need a higher concentration of HCG and every other time I've taken it, I've gotten the horrid "Not Pregnant" result. It just makes it so real. So I had decided that IF the CB was negative, that I would stop squinting at lines and call the cycle a bust.

I reluctantly got up in the morning to "get it over with" as I was for sure expecting to see a negative from this digital test. At 5am I crawl out of bed, pee in the cup, then dip all three tests in. Why not? I have the tests, might as well use them! Then I waited. I didn't see the line on the FRER right away and was thinking, "Oh no, is the line going to be lighter than yesterday or is it going to be another squinter?" Then... the digital finished processing and this is what I got: 

I couldn't believe it! Then when my sleepy eyes looked at the FRER and the CG, the faint lines were a little darker than 6dpt!

Now... my initial reaction was that I was imagining the entire thing. So, I took a picture of it and looked at it, then looked back at the test and back at the picture. My first POSITIVE EVER!

I cried and prayed and cried and prayed and texted friends that knew I had my transfer and posted on the SMC board and cried and prayed some more. Then I just sat there starring at the "Pregnant 1-2 weeks" and wondering, "Can this really be real???!!" After all of this TTC, is it really happening this time?! I truly felt like I wanted to keep POAS all day, just to make sure I kept seeing a line. I did end up POAS one more time in the evening on the CG and it came back with a clear, yet light, line. So of course my concern is how light the lines are on the FRER and CG. Because there's not anything else to worry about, right? I wish I could relax for my beta test, but I'm anxious to hear the number before I get too crazy excited.

I'm cautiously optimistic... I know there's so much more that has to happen before I will ever feel comfortable. First, my beta tomorrow. What will my numbers be? Then the follow-up beta, will the numbers double? There's more after that... but I want to take one step at a time, as I've done this entire time. Focusing too far ahead is a little overwhelming. So... next step: Beta test to confirm pregnancy.

Right now, it "Maybe" worked and I may be a little pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to be happy with that right now and try to focus on positivity and the possibility of all of this. I have to admit to crying throughout the day every time I though that there may be a baby growing inside me... I just hope this is really it. Please be a sticky little one (or two). 

Next Steps: 

• 9/30: Beta test!!!!!!! Hoping to get good news! 

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

FET #2 (Cycle 11): The Two Week Wait, 4dp5dFET

I have to admit, I've been thinking a lot about whether or not I will test early. I'm tempted to test early so I'll "know" earlier. But at the same time, I'm worried about getting a false positive again. Luckily my Beta test is at 8dp5dFET, instead of 9dp. Trust me, one day earlier makes a huge difference. Originally I was thinking I was not going to test early. But after stressing about it even before my transfer, I decided that yes - yes I will POAS. And I'll do it many-many times. No restraint for me.

Technically, I transferred two Day 6 embryos.  But my clinic counts it like it's a Day 5 transfer. 

I had all this anxiety around my transfer and then when I had the transfer, it was like the anxiety disappeared... now, I am curious about how this cycle will end... but I don't have much anxiety over it, if that makes sense. 

PIO Fun 

As normal, PIO has become a pain. I had my first experience with finding blood in the needle when I pulled out. I also had my first crazy blood gusher this cycle. It got everywhere. Ugh. I'm very sore and am running out of room to inject as I'm getting bruises everywhere. <sigh> My least favorite part of it all.

Sickness

This entire cycle I've felt sick. Nauseous, migraines, tummy aches, food aversions. It's the strangest thing. Not sure what's different about this cycle that's caused this. But I haven't felt 100% since August. I don't think these are early pregnancy signs since I've been having them since August. It'd be nice to feel myself again...! But if this cycle works, I'll take feeling sick over anything else. 

At Least 1 Good Egg?

I remember when I had my failed fresh transfer in February and I had my WTF meeting with my RE, he had said, "I believe there's at least 1 baby out of the 4 embryos." Now we are at the end of these 4 embryos. Let's see if he's right... with my age, 60% of my eggs should have been "normal" statistically without having done genetic testing. Round up or round down? We know 2 transfers definitely didn't work, which leaves 50% of my eggs in this cycle. Both good? Only 1 good? Even if they're good, will they implant?

That is the million dollar question...

I can't believe that I only have one more appointment this cycle...

Blood work today:

Progesterone: ? Didn't post for some reason
E2: 775
Portal Message: No Changes

I've been scouring the Internet with FET stories and faint HPT stories. Also reading up on implantation signs. According to this nifty calendar, implantation should have happened by today.  So, we shall see.

I normally have a "gut" feeling on my cycles. Thinking they either worked or didn't. Obviously the gut feeling on them not working were accurate! There were a few cycles where I was convinced that they worked. 10000%. Obviously I was wrong!! Lol. This time... not sure. Of course I want it to work, but my gut is telling me nothing! Only a few days left until I know-know. 

Next Steps: 

• 9/30/16: Beta Test 

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

FET #2 (Cycle 11): Is today the day my life will change? Transfer Day!

As tired as I was, I couldn't sleep last night. So anxious for my transfer. I did what I normally do when I'm anxious before a procedure, I read other blogs!

It's a little strange going through IVF. Every step is so planned. There's also all this uncertainty during each step of the process. The one cool thing about IVF is the pictures of your embryo that you get. First baby pictures at the cell level. Craziness. But there's also the "knowing" that this one procedure can impact the rest of your life - if it works.

As I thought about my transfer today I kept wondering, "Will today be the day my life will change?" To get to this point, it's been months in the making. My frozen embryos were retrieved on February 17th, 7 months ago! Not to mention all the stuff that had to happen to get to retrieval and all that's happened since. The gift of technology. But even with technology, there's no guarantee that IVF will work. That's all in God's hands. There's only a 60% chance. Not to mention the mystery around my embryos since they're not PGS tested.

Here's a diagram of what it looks like when they put the embryos back in the uterus.

Pretty similar to an IUI really. They put the speculum in, clean the cervix, then insert the catheter through the cervix, insert the embryos, then you're done! 

My friend, that's kind of like my "adoptive mom," came with me to the procedure. She was also at my FET #2 transfer and she's the one that transported me to my Egg Retrieval for IVF #2. Things went as they have for my previous transfers. Arrive. Go back to the room. Take off my clothes. Put on a hospital gown. Sign away all my rights. Take pictures in the funny hospital attire. Have my blood pressure taken. Check my heart rate. The nurse read to me all the "post transfer" instructions. Including: no orgasms and no intercourse. I started laughing at that. She looked so serious when she said it and with my situation, it was just funny. Not to mention I was on valium, so everything was a little funny. Then my RE and the Embryologist come into the room. They show me the pictures of my embryos and I just kind of tune out the rest. Had to sign more paperwork. 

Both embryos thawed = Yay! One was a little behind on expanding into the cavity at the time they took the pictures, which was 2 hours earlier than my procedure. By the time of my procedure, both embryos were hatching! Which is really good. We did do assisted hatching on both of them. 

After signing all the waiver forms, I walked back to the transfer room. Tried to hold my hospital gown closed in the back, didn't want to flash anyone! In the transfer room, I got situated on the table and the big spot light was shining on my private lady bits. Always so awkward. For some reason the transfer seemed to take longer than last time. Although I'm pretty sure it lasted just about the same amount of time, not more than 15 minutes or so. I didn't fart = win. I didn't pee on my doctor = win! I can't get over how there were 4 people standing down watching my embryos be inserted into my uterus. At this point in TTC, there isn't much privacy. 

I STILL didn't see the embryos "zoom" across the catheter into my uterus on the monitor. I even wore my glasses so I could see better. My RE showed me where it was, I'll just take his word for it. My RE was so nice and sweet with wishing me luck. 

I laid down for 20 minutes elevated in the hospital bed (supposed to help relieve the bladder). Then I had my heart rate and blood pressure checked again. I got the all clear and I was wheeled out of there to the car. 

It's done! My embryos are home with me right now. 

It's a little strange because I had all this anxiety leading up to the transfer. The transfer was pretty consistent with my other transfers. But after my embryos were "in" I had this sense of relief. It finally happened. I finally got here. Now, the anxiety has slowly dripped away... for now. 

Now, the new countdown begins... the countdown to the beta test and surviving the two week wait, which is really 8 days for me (thank goodness!). 

Next Steps: 

• 9/26/16: Progesterone and E2 Blood Test 
• 9/30/16: Beta Test 

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

FET #2 (Cycle 11): T-2 Days till Transfer

I've been meaning to post for days now, but I've just been so very tired! The progesterone just gets me every time. I feel like I'm dragging and wish I could just snuggle into bed or take a long-long all-day nap. I think this time is harder because I'm also commuting to work vs when I cycled before I was working from home. The extra hours are getting the most of me! 

**Yawn**

I can't believe my FET is almost here. Two more days until I transfer my last 2 frosties. My mind is overly consumed with this cycle. I wish I could "turn it off," but it's just so difficult. I want it to work so bad. Then I think I shouldn't want it that bad because I can jinx it. So I try not to think about it, which makes me think about it. And so on. Lol. Not to mention I have my emotions all over the place due to the increase in estrogen from the patches to the vaginal estrace. I'm just on overload from emotions and sleepiness. Laying in bed watching a chick flick would be so very nice about now.

So something I think is "new" for me is that I've been getting the worst migraines and experiencing episodes of dizziness. Not fun at all. The dizziness has been particularly distributing to me because I hate the feeling like I'm spinning around and around. It happens at random times and normally takes 30-60 minutes to feel resolved. The migraines... Those are also not fun. The ones that just linger all day are the worst because I just don't feel right, but it's not bad enough to lay down or take meds. It just sits there behind my eyes. 

Anyways. This entry would've been 2-3 separate entries if I had it in me to post more often, so it might be long. 

Last Day of Lupron was on 9/16 

Hopefully my last shot of Lupron ever... One can hope!

9/17 I started: 

• Progesterone In Sesame Oil (PIO): 100mg
• Medrol: 16mg for 7 days 
• Continue: Baby Aspirin, Prenatal Vitamin, and vaginal estrace. 

So far, PIO shots have been relatively straight forward. No crazy blood gushers (yet). My PIO method: 

• I "pump" the needle a few times to loosen it up. Sometimes they're stif to begin with, but pumping it a few times makes it looser and easier to inject. 
• I prime the needle and get it ready. 
• I ice the area for 5-10 minutes prior to injecting. 
• While I'm icing, I "warm up" the PIO by holding it or putting it under my arm. 
• I then look in a full-length mirror, twist, and inject. 
• Then I rub the injection site with the gauze. 
• Next, I use a heating pad for 10-20 minutes after. 

Comparing the Lupron needle to the PIO needle: 

Meditation / Fertility Affirmations 

I've never done meditation during my TTC journey. I tried acupuncture for 2 IVF cycles, but it's just not do-able now (due to the location, time, & costs). I've been obsessively obsessing about not obsessing about this cycle, but I totally am. So I decided to try this meditation thing. Eh. Wasn't really for me! Didn't relax me at all really and my mind kept wondering. I also would rather sleep than meditate. Did I mention I'm tired? I might try it again after my transfer. 

Pharmacy Drama

I had some drama trying to re-order my vivelle patches. Long story short, they wouldn't send me 3 boxes and would only supply me 8 patches for 21 days. With my FET, I can go through 8 patches in a week! So they wanted me to pay out of pocket for the rest. After about 1.5 hours on the phone with different people, it finally got resolved with some help from my clinic. I'll be getting my vivelle patches. 

I'm not normally short or mean with people, but this darn pharmacy really pissed me off. He just kept saying there's nothing he can do. Then I would say, "this needs to be fixed. What needs to be done to fix it?" Then he'd repeat that there's nothing he can do. <Sigh> Customer service is dead at some companies. With all my hormones, I was very rude to him! But all I wanted him to do was tell me the steps I needed to take to get it done correctly. He refused (or maybe didn't know) and I had to do my own investigating/calling around. Such a time suck. But it's fixed now, that's what matters. 

Call from Embryologist 

I received the call from the embryologist TODAY! Normally she calls the day before, but she called me 2 days prior. They moved back my transfer time, were juggling a lot of patients I suppose. 

Transfer: 2:15pm

Arrive by: 1:45pm

Take Valium: 1:15pm

Start drinking 24oz Water: 1:15pm 

She said she'd call me if either embryo didn't survive the thaw. Said she thaws them between 8-10am the day of. My clinic has a 95% survival rate, but there's still the worry. 

Thoughts? 

I'm tired...! I've been thinking so much about this FET that it'll be a relief once my embies are home with me. I just hope that one or both stay and grow.

Next Steps: 

• 9/22/16: FET #2 
• 9/26/16: Progesterone Blood Test 
• 9/30/16: Beta Test 

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

FET #2 (Cycle 11): Monitoring Appointment #2 - Transfer is a GO!

I'm at the point in my cycle where I'm obsessively thinking about my FET. Doesn't matter how busy I am, it's on my mind - constantly. Non-stop. 24-7. I don't remember if I was this intense or not on my last cycles. I've been trying to keep busy, but it doesn't matter - my mind and heart are "all in" about this FET. All in with my last two embryos from IVF #2. I remember feeling so optimistic and happy with the results of that cycle and thinking I was just so much closer to having a baby. My very last 2 embryos, my day 6-ers that trudged to the blastocyst stage, is all that's left of that cycle and of all my IVF tries thus far. It feels like a huge deal to me. If this doesn't work, I have to start over. All over. Do it all again. My mind just can't wrap around that concept just yet... 

I'll know in 14 days if this cycle works or not. My beta is on 9/30. Crazy. Two more weeks until I can know what my next few months are going to look like. It's almost like holding my breath! The anticipation makes me so anxious, which I know have to do with the meds. I've been very emotional during this FET. I watched Disney's Brave and cried like a baby! Darn fertility meds and their emotionally induced side-effects. 

PIO Arrived 

My PIO order arrived. I'll have to inject 2ml starting tomorrow. 2ml= 100mg of progesterone. I always like ordering through the local pharmacy because they include the sterile pads and bandaids. Which is so very nice, especially for PIO when there is usually more blood that comes out of the injection site. 

Estrace Ordering Drama

I had a very difficult time ordering the Estrace! My pharmacy (which filled this prescription before) was confused on why it needed to be taken vaginally vs orally. Which I guess I get, because the normal use of the medication is orally. But it delayed  me getting the medication by 2 days. Luckily I had some Estrace from my prior FET #1 cycle. Otherwise, I would have been out of luck and it could've really impacted my cycle. 

Monitoring Appointment 

My monitoring appointment went well this morning! My lining is great and my E2 is great. I even was able to visually see the triple layer on my uterine lining on the ultrasound. I normally can't really see it, but it was very clear today. I had the nurse draw "X's" on my behind, so it'll be easier to aim for my PIO shots. I tried it once without having anything I think I aimed too high. Injecting PIO on my own isn't "easy" and the X's really help when I'm twisted around trying to find a spot for the needle. 

Monitoring Results: 

Uterine Lining: 11.92 mm

E2: 1087.5

Portal Message: No changes to your medications! Please continue your most current dosing and continue to follow the calendar instructions at this time. See you at your next appointment for transfer. If you have any questions please feel free to call us. 

My stats are very similar to my FET #1 cycle. 

Feelings

I feel like I've probably exhausted all of my "feelings" at this point during my TTC journey. There's nothing really "new" to add at this juncture. I'll just say that I hope the next two weeks go by really quickly. I want to know if this cycle is going to work. 

I'm excited and weary at the same time. I'm optimistic and pessimistic at the same time. There's so many emotions swirling around in my heart that sometimes I think I'll be completely devastated if this FET doesn't work. Other times my mind tells me that I'll manage either way and do what I have to do. 

Maybe it's a little bit of all of it. Underneath it all there's HOPE. Hope that it'll work. Hope that one of my little frostie embies will grow and develop into my baby. 

The countdown begins... 1 day before I start PIO, 6 days until my FET, 14 days until my Beta test. Here we go! 

Next Steps: 

• 9/22/16: FET #2 
• 9/26/16: Progesterone Blood Test 
• 9/30/16: Beta Test 

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

FET #2 (Cycle 11): Monitoring Appointment #1

Things are moving along with my FET cycle. I'm happy to report that I officially stopped bleeding after 2.5 weeks. Thank goodness. Sorry if it's TMI, but it's part of the "documentation" process for this FET cycle. I wasn't sure when my actual AF arrived since I was already bleeding from the endo scratch, I'm just glad it's over. 

I have to admit, this no caffeine thing is really hard right now. With all the extra emotions with the meds and all the hormones, this morning I was just dragging. Wish I can have some coffee :( 

PIO Drama 

Before I get into my monitoring appointment, I wanted to update on an issue that came up ordering the Progesterone In Oil (PIO). I ordered the PIO from my new pharmacy last month. When I ordered it, they didn't mention anything being wrong and said they would deliver it this week. Then last week I received a call from the pharmacy and it turns out that my insurance will not cover PIO. No forms of PIO - compounded or standard. The insurance will only cover crinone. The issue with that -- my clinic will only work with PIO and not crinone. My only choice really was to pay out of pocket for the PIO.

The other issue with the PIO is that I previously used ethyl oleate compounded version. Now, the only one that I can pay for out of pocket is the PIO in sesame oil. The issue? The sesame oil version is thicker and would require me to inject 2ml vs 1ml with the ethyl oleate. Meaning = harder and longer to inject the PIO. I'm not looking forward to it. Luckily the costs weren't that bad for the PIO and I'm going through a local pharmacy (was about $10 cheaper to go locally vs my insurance pharmacy). It'll arrive on Wednesday, just in time for me to start injections on Saturday.

Monitoring Appointment #1 

Nothing interesting to report from my monitoring appointment, which is GOOD. I was surprised my lining was above 7mm since I just stopped bleeding last Wednesday (which is one reason I was so concerned with bleeding so long was its impact on my lining). Luckily, everything looked amazing with my lining at 8.15mm and it had the triple layer that they're looking for.

E2: 116.5

Lining: 8.15mm

Portal Message: We are going to add vaginal estrace 2mg tablets, starting tonight. You will insert one tablet, vaginally, every evening from here on out. You will want to wear a pantyliner as you will have a blueish-green discharge from this medication that can stain your underwear. Please continue all of the rest of your medications at their current dosing. 

I kind of expected that I would have to go on estrace again, as I had to during FET #1. Not looking forward to it, but what can I do? It's part of the whole IVF/FET thing. Gotta do what you gotta do. 

My next and last monitoring appointment is on Friday. I'm hoping my E2 levels go up nicely and that I'll get the official "green light" for the transfer on the 22nd.

How do I feel? 

I've been really emotional lately due the meds. Easy to cry and all. I'm trying not to let any doubts slip into my mind and to think positive things. I'm scared to feel "positive." I know, that sounds weird... but I just don't want to jinx anything or have expectations. I still feel excited for the FET and all the possibilities that go with it. I just need to curb my expectations maybe? I just really want the transfer to be successful. The hope of all hopes... 

Next Steps: 

• 9/16/16: Monitoring Appointment #2 
• 9/22/16: FET #2 
• 9/26/16: Progesterone Blood Test 
• 9/30/16: Beta Test 

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

FET 2 (Cycle 11): Started Stims

I officially started the "countdown" to FET #2 when I started stims on Sat (9/3). I can't believe that my FET is coming up soon. Here are some random thoughts/things that have gone on since my last FET #2 update. 

The Worry

I've been pretty good about not worrying too much about the FET. I've been pretty busy, which helps. But it's sitting there in the back of my mind... the worry that it won't work. It's like a solid block just lingering there, making me wonder about the "what ifs" in the scenario that it doesn't work out again. I wish I could squash it, but it's hard for me. I feel like I need to be prepared either way.

Emotional

I'm thinking that Lupron may be a trigger for my emotional instability! Once I started Lupron my emotions were all over the place.

Migraines

Every since mid-August I've been getting the most horrible migraines. They're so bad, that one day on the weekend I had to send my son to the babysitter because I just couldn't move. I thought it was due to the birth control pills (BCP), but I kept getting the migraines after I was off of the BCPs. Not really sure what's causing it? I normally get migraines a few times a year, but nothing like this - where it's constant, almost every other day.

I try not to take any migraine medications, but it's been so hard. The only thing that works for me is Excedrin Migraine. So, I asked my clinic what I'm allowed to take. This is what they said:

"Once you start the stimulation medication, we generally suggest that you treat your body as if you are pregnant.
Therefore we want you to restrict caffeine, alcohol and tobacco usage.
As I mentioned before, nothing stronger than Tylenol or Extra Strength Tylenol and no additional aspirin products.
Finally, we suggest that you refrain from strenuous exercise...nothing that heats up your core or increases your heart rate. You can walk, exercise your arms and legs, but not your abdominal area.
While this will all be more relevant after the transfer, these are our guidelines.
Use your best judgement and if you feel uncomfortable or something hurts, please refrain."

The only thing I can take is Tylenol, which doesn't work well for me... So I haven't been taking it. Maybe I'll give it a try next time and see if it helps, even just a little. 

No Strenuous Exercise 

Did you notice the comment on "no strenuous exercise"? Well, I guess there goes my Zumba class (for now). I don't want to "give up" on exercising all together... so thinking I'll just go to the gym and walk on the treadmill or something lame like that. Better than nothing, right? 

Camping and IVF Meds 

I went cabin-camping over Labor Day weekend with my Foster Care agency. If I have time, I'll write a post about it. But the hardest part was being on fertility medication! I brought an electric cooler to keep my Lupron refrigerated. I also had to bring a locked medication box to hold my syringes, oral medications, and sharps container. The crazy thing was, I started the Vivelle patches and those things NEVER come off. Well, turns out one of them came off and was hardly sticky. Of course, I only brought enough for the trip... I was freaked out about it, that I didn't bring any extra "just in case" ones. I made it work and it ended up sticking (after falling off a few times). Not the funnest thing to camp and have to inject myself every night. Not to mention my emotions were all over the place and it was hard not to cry watching my son play or seeing the other foster/adopt children and hearing their stories.

Still Bleeding 

Not to mention that I've been bleeding since my endo scratch. I knew I would start bleeding after my last BCP on 8/30, but since I was already bleeding - I have no clue when AF actually started. I'm still bleeding lightly today, so I'm hoping it's coming to an end soon. Can you imagine, I've been bleeding for over 2 weeks now. The bleeding really needs to stop if my uterine lining is going to get thick enough for my transfer... So, let's see how things play out.

Next Steps: 

• 9/12/16: Monitoring Appointment #1 
• 9/16/16: Monitoring Appointment #2 
• 9/22/16: FET #2 

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

Gratitude: August 2016

Another month just flew by! A lot went on, but it doesn't feel like much happened. If that makes any sense. I'm busy now with my Toastmasters volunteer duties, always busy with my son, I started FET #2, I made a lot of progress on some of my goals, and I managed my first big project at work. Not to mention my son and I were sick for half the month. I've also been getting some frequent migraines (no fun). Nevertheless, the month was "successful" in terms of GETTING THINGS DONE. I also read 6 books this month, so yay!

There was a lot to be grateful for this month, to keep adding to my  Gratitude project list. I've been trying not to *repeat* anything on my lists and to come up with new things everyday. Some days are easier than others! I'm not sure how successful I've been in not repeating things, but I'm doing my best to find new things everyday. Since I started my gratitude list in October 2015, I now have 396 items on my list. When I'm feeling down, I just read through my list and it helps brighten the day :)

Here's my list for August:

• Monsoon rains - brings the temps down 
• Starting to use cash envelopes 
• Getting a month ahead on my bills 
• Managing my first project at work! 
• Starting FET #2 
• Movie night with my son 
• Air conditioning 
• Telecommuting 
• Vicks to help me breathe when I'm sick! 
• finding fun new books to read with my son 
• Seeing my son get more independent and learning how to get dressed by himself 
• Going through my son's old clothes 
• Cinnamon French toast
• Time to rest 
• Lunch with coworkers 
• My son reading me a book 
• Gentleman holding the elevator for me
• My son pretending he's asleep and then giggling fiercely to "surprise" me
• Working on making progress to my mid-year goals 
• Making progress on my son's adoption book
• Time to fold clothes 
• Watching the Olympics 
• Help with my son when I'm sick 
• Getting compliments at managing my work project 
• Taking the first step to go to the gym 
• Feeling like I have extra energy 
• Going to the gym even when I didn't want to
• Adult conversation and company 
• Making mistakes - because I learn from them! 
• Having a job 
• Toastmasters speech contests 
• Zumba Class