It feels like forever since I've had a doctor's appointment. This has by far been the longest I didn't have to go into the office for some type of monitoring. I started injections of Lupron last month and started the Estrogen Patches on 4/1. This morning I had my uterine lining check and some bloodwork. The results:
Lining: 6.92 mm. They want the lining to be above 7 mm. Luckily it has the triple layer they are looking for. I'm really close and there's time for my lining to thicken up. Hopefully at my next monitoring appointment it'll be where they want it. My RE said that my ovaries are officially "suppressed" - so the Lupron must be doing its job.
E2: 99.2
Portal Message:
E2: 99.2
Portal Message:
We are going to add vaginal estrace 2mg tablets, starting tonight.
You will insert one tablet, vaginally, every evening from here on out. You will want to wear a pantyliner as you will have a blueish-green discharge from this medication that can stain your underwear.
Please continue all of the rest of your medications at their current dosing.
See you at your next appointment on.
This is how "fun" IVF can be, blueish-green discharge. Yuck. The pharmacist was a little concerned when she gave me the estrace tablets and thought it was odd they were going to be inserted vaginally when I already was on estrogen patches. I didn't bother telling her I was going through a FET since Munchkin had started fussing in the backseat of the car. The joys of infertility treatments! They must have not been too happy with my E2 results since they added the estrace (which I haven't taken before). Hopefully everything will read better for them on Thursday and I'll get the "green light" for my transfer.
What's on my mind?
I haven't really been as focused on this cycle as I have for previous ones. There's a lot more going on with being laid off, having sick kids, and potty training my son... it has felt extremely busy. Now that it's getting closer to the transfer, I have been focusing more on the FET. I really wish that I could know ahead of time whether or not it'll work... to trust my gut feeling and "just know" it'll work. I'm trying to stay positive and hope for the best. I wish I could say for certainly that: "THIS TIME WILL WORK!" My past cycles I let myself believe it and feel it. Each time I was disappointed and crushed with a negative outcome.
However, that hasn't stopped me from hoping for the best or wanting this to work so darn bad. I even did something I haven't done in past cycles... I bought some baby clothes with the gender that I anticipate (and dreamed) Baby C would be. I've read about people going on "Baby Hauls" and buying a bunch of baby stuff (after being a foster parent and having so many babies, I don't really need much baby stuff). I didn't go crazy, just bought two little outfits to "outwardly" show my hope. It was maybe more of a "convincing" myself to be hopeful since being hopeful has been extremely difficult recently... I figure that I'll probably have the OTHER gender, if I do get pregnant - since I've probably totally jinxed myself! :) I can always gift the clothes to another if it turns out that way.
Nevertheless, I've worked out a million scenarios in my head and have even entertained the thought of a "Christmas Card" announcement of expecting Baby C to arrive. You know the really cute ones with the sibling in it in some creatively adorable way announcing that they will be promoted to "Big Brother" (in my son's case)... This will be my second Christmas where I've hoped that I would be pregnant or expecting a child by that time and sending out one of those adorable cards with my son on it with a picture of an ultrasound for Baby C. Each cycle I've entertained the idea and looked at Pinterest at all the adorable cute baby announcements. This will be my NINTH go-around at envisioning a future with Baby C arriving in 9 months. It's so hard not to imagine that potential future and be so hopeful that this, will indeed, be the try that works. It is almost baffling how quickly life would change if a cycle works and I get pregnant. 9 months isn't really that long. It's just the matter of actually getting there that's the problem....
I won't lie, if I have my FET's and end up transferring my 3 frozen embryos, and am still not able to get pregnant... it will be devastating. Not only will I not have my old insurance coverage (that ends in August), I will have a new job (hopefully!) and will probably not have the time to do another IVF cycle (who can expect to ask for time off when starting a new position?). This may truly be the end of my TTC journey (for now)... which makes me so angry that I would be forced to stop trying. I'm not ready to stop trying... not even close.
<sigh> Like I said, many different scenarios playing out in my mind...! Argh. Guess I had it all jumbled up in my mind and thoughts, which is why this blog entry has turned into an essay (sorry!). I haven't really been able to talk about this FET and its possibilities since most of my conversations are on Potty Training and searching for jobs... I've received mixed advice on moving forward with the FET. Some friends think "NO" and other friends think "YES". I get both sides as I've often wondered to myself if I made the right choice by moving forward... But I am moving forward.
In the mean time, I've been praying to accept whatever is going to happen and to stay strong through all theses hardships. I know that life will happen just as it should. I'm trying my hardest to hold onto that and to trust in God's plan for my family. I've also been continuing to count my blessings... and am grateful I have blessing to count! :)
But man... if I can get a BFP with this FET... It would be such a blessing and just so incredibly unbelievably fantastic. Here's to continuing to hope and pray for my 9th cycle and for my little Baby C to become a reality.
Next Steps:
- 4/14/16: Monitoring Appointment #2
- 4/20:16: Frozen Embryo Transfer - transferring 1 5-day blastocyst
For more details on my IVF process, see my IVF Calendar/Timeline.
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