25w+2d: MFM Diabetes Appointment

I had my MFM Appointment yesterday to go over my food log. It wasn't very good... I've had a pretty hectic schedule the last few weeks and I haven't been able to log as good as I have been. They weren't bad... just some really bad food choices and then not consistently checking my after-meal glucose levels. My blood pressure was good at 110/68.

We are only making one change this week on my Humulin N morning value. Going up from 20 to 22 iu. The goals for the next two weeks: 1) consistently log after-meal glucose levels and 2) make better food choices.

Antenatal Depression 

I actually wonder how much of the antenatal depression has to do with me not being disciplined enough to check my glucose levels?

I asked my MFM that and she said that she doesn't think it's the antenatal depression, it's probably more the stress from my schedule impacting everything and making the depression worse.

We discussed how I've been feeling lately and I was honest and told her that things haven't gotten much better... so it's a good thing I have a therapist appointment on 3/14 scheduled. We did talk about medication again... The main reason I'm hesitant to take medications is because the drug will go through the placenta and the baby will experience the effects of the drugs. I don't feel good about that... In certain cases, it's better that this happens because the alternative can be really bad... But I just don't know if that's what's best for me. Also, I feel "so close" to the big due date... about 13 weeks left. Can I hold off till then?

The other good thing about seeing a therapist is that after the baby is born, they can put me on meds right away since it won't impact the baby at that point. I did ask about breastfeeding, but she said it doesn't have the same impact as in-utero. The odds of me having postpartum depression are really high for me at this point. I won't be hesitant to take meds after the baby is born. I'd prefer NOT to... but I'll do what I have to do and what my therapist will recommend.

Lots to think about really where all of this antenatal depression is concerned. One problem I'm having is I feel sooooo busy that I don't have any time to just "be" and think about things. Because of this, I think I'm not processing things very well or have time to come to terms with things. There's just so much to do all of the time. I feel so behind.

Post-Pregnancy

Sometimes my brain lives far in the future thinking about things. I had some questions about post-pregnancy. Mainly, what do I do with my diabetes and insulin after baby is born? I guess it depends, I can go back on Metformin or I can take half the dosage of the insulin. Will see how that goes. My MFM is going to refer me to a diabetes specialists. Previously, I was just seeing a regular doctor to manage my diabetes. I think going forward, I'd prefer to see someone that specializes in it to get better care.

Next Steps: MFM Visit on 3/14 for U/S to check growth and Diabetes follow-up

25 Weeks Pregnant

It's been a weird week for me. I don't know why it's been weird really... it's like I feel *more* pregnant than I did last week. But I'm happy to report that I'm 25 weeks pregnant...!!! 15 weeks to go or 105 Days to go - almost to double digits. That's to full term, 40 weeks. If I get induced at 38 weeks, I'm really looking at 13 weeks to go or 91 days... 

Things are finally starting to really feel like things are going to happen and that maybe... just maybe everything will turn out OK at the end of the pregnancy. 

How far along: 25 Weeks 

How big is baby: a cauliflower. Ovia app: 

Weight Gain: +4 lb (with boots and clothes on). 

Stretch Marks: No new ones. 

Symptoms: I mentioned "Lightning Crotch" in my previous entry. Also, I'm getting way gassy -- to the point of embarrassment! Argh. My stomach also has started making some really loud noises after I eat, which I can't control. So weird. 

Sleeping: Sleeping hasn't been going well for me. I am very restless and my mind can't seem to shut off. Tossing and turning doesn't help -- darn side sores. I tried to semi-sleep on my back, but I woke myself up snoring! LOL. So, that's not the best position either. Hopefully something will work, I can really use some rest. 

Food cravings: Rice and Chocolate! Not together...  :) 

Food aversions: None. 

Maternity Clothes: Nothing new. I'm starting to think I might get by on my old wardrobe. It'll be nice when it warms up a bit and I can start wearing flip flops, dresses, and skirts again. 

Movement: I feel baby boy move a lot now. Some times I can feel it on the outside. It's so weird because I think I feel him when he's stretching -- I feel movement all the way across my abdomen. I also think I feel when he's "rolling" around. It's an incredible feeling and it always makes me pause and feel grateful. 

What I did / Got for Baby: I registered for birthing class at the hospital after all (explained in previous entry). I'm getting a new stroller for free, since there was a recall on my last stroller. I'm also reconsidering the elective ultrasound... Going to try to decide in the next few days. 

What I miss: Not being so irritable. 

Workouts: With only 13-15 potential weeks left in my pregnancy... think there's still time to make this work? I wish there was! Between my son's appointments and my appointments -- it just seems like a fleeting "wish" at this point. 

What I'm looking forward to: meeting my baby boy. 

Best moment of the week: hearing his strong heartbeat on the doppler at my OB visit. 

Rants/Raves: Rant, which I've complained about before... but I hate taking my insulin shots. Sometimes they burn so much going in and there's no way for me to predict when it's going to painful and when it's going to be painless. So every time I inject, I have to take a few deep breaths and I flinch almost every single time. It's so weird... you'd think after all my injections through fertility treatments and having done the insulin injections since November -- that it would get easier -- but it feels like it's getting harder instead. It's just frustrating because when it hurts -- it really hurts. Ugh. 

Appointments Next Week: 2/28/17 appointment with MFM for diabetes follow-up 

24w+6d: OB Monthly Appointment

I had my monthly OB appointment today. My OB practice has multiple midwives and doctors. Today I saw a different one and I really like her over all the other doctors I've seen. She was very nice about listening to me and answering my questions.

Some Stats from my visit:

• Weight: +4 lbs now! Not sure how accurate this is because I had my boots on and I had just eaten. But that's a change, as I wasn't gaining weight before. 
• Blood Pressure: 132/70. I was a little concerned that this was a bit higher than my previous blood pressure readings. I'm concerned about preeclampsia. But they said not to worry about it unless it's closer to 140/90. 
• Fetal Heart Tones: 150 bpm 

Lightning Crotch

We talked about something called "Lightning Crotch." Which I think is a hilarious term! But totally fits. Earlier this week I was concerned because while I was sleeping and was changing positions, I felt a sharp pain in my groin area. It hurt really bad, but was gone "lightning" quick. Hence, the name of the term. LOL. I was also worried because I had this recurring, almost throbbing, pain on my left side. Because of course I worry about every single "new-ish" thing that happens! Earlier in the week, I almost called to go in early because it was making me paranoid. 

Alas, it's all normal stuff. Most likely round ligament pain. Also, it can be due to my bladder being full (which it was when I experienced the lightning crotch). Or it can be due to dehydration (which after I drank more water it went away). All normal - strange - pregnancy things that go on. 

Antenatal Depression 

We talked about this in detail. The doctor wants to followup with me after I have my first therapist meeting to see if it helps to talk about it any. At the next appointment we'll evaluate if medication might be a good idea. She didn't push medication, which I appreciated. 

Braxton Hicks 

Braxton Hicks contractions is something I'm not really sure I've been experiencing or not. The doctor explained it in more detail to me on what it would feel like vs. real contractions. After she explained it, I think I might have been experiencing it every now and then. But it's good to know what to worry about and what not to worry about. 

Birthing Classes 

I talked to the doctor about whether or not to take birthing classes. I was leaning towards NO because of my experience when calling to inquire about doing the classes alone. But the doctor thought I should take them because there's so much good information on birthing options and better to know what your options are ahead of time and not just find out while you're in labor (and freak out). So... I registered today. There were only two classes that I could take that fit within my timeline and both were almost full!! So, I registered for one and was the last person to register -- now the class is full. Thank goodness I was able to get in! I'll be taking a one day "express" class when I'm 30 weeks. 

All and all, the appointment went well and I felt like I got a lot of good information. 

Next OB Appointment: 3/24/17. After this one, we move to every 2 weeks. 

A Year Ago --> My Egg Retrieval

So much has been going on, that I totally missed posting that it's been ONE YEAR since my egg retrieval that resulted in my baby boy's embryo! Crazy to think about it. Here's my blog entry from that day: IVF Egg Retrieval.

My baby boy's embryo would be one of my "fighter" embies that took up until Day 6 to get to a full blastocyst (Freeze Report).

Baby Boy's Start at Life:

Egg Retrieval: 2/17/16
Day 6 Blast and Frozen: 2/23/16
Thawed and Transfered: 9/22/16

7 Months cryopreserved before he was transferred.

Now, he's currently wiggling around in utero and gestating at 24 weeks, 5 days. Getting closer to the possible 38 week delivery (per MFM I'll most likely be induced early because of my diabetes). Not that far at all really... Now, just to hang in there and get through the rest of the pregnancy -- getting this baby boy to full term!

Getting closer...

Pre-Natal Depression

I've been meaning to post on the fact that I may have pre-natal depression (AKA antenatal depression). It's not something easy to talk about or admit... It's not talked about very much and many people have never heard about it before -- including me.

I started to suspect that I may be exhibiting signs of depression a few weeks ago. I first mentioned it in my blog post at 23 weeks and would say I started noticing signs of it after my big bleed at 20 weeks.

I don't know what to say about it... accept to maybe just say how I've been feeling.

I've been feeling really angry.
I'm highly irritable.
I'm short-tempered.
I'm not parenting as I'd like.
I'm not motivated.
Things that should motivate me -- don't motivate me anymore.
Old "hurts" have resurfaced and feel fresh.
I have some self-loathing feelings.
I have been very anti-social, more than usual.
I feel like I've been "living in my head" if that makes sense.
I feel very sad the majority of the time.
It's hard for me to function normally.
I have little to no energy to give.

That's just scratching the surface really. I do realize that some of this can be due to my pregnancy hormones and some of it can be "normal" pregnancy-related stuff. But I know the depths of my feelings are beyond just the "normal."

So, what to do about it? 

The easy thing would be to ignore it! It crossed my mind many times. I can act normal and no one would know the difference. But then I had to think about my baby boy and how it would impact him -- there's some scary stuff out there on how antenatal depression impacts babies in utero... That's the big thing for me -- what can I do about this?

I've told my MFM about it, I'm planning to talk to my OB about it on Friday. My MFM did a referral to a therapist, which I have scheduled in a few weeks. I have a feeling medication might come into play here... but I don't want to take any meds. But I worry that my preconceived notions of antidepressants may get me into trouble and may impact my pregnancy negatively... so I'm trying to keep an open mind and not shut the door on possible remedies.

Those that suffer from antenatal depression often experience postpartum depression... Which sucks big time thinking that even if things get "resolved" for the remainder of my pregnancy that I may suffer doubly after my baby is born...

Admitting I'm going through this is hard.

Talking about it is hard.

I want to feel empowered to just "soldier on" through this and to "deal with it" and move on. But I can't. Every time I thought that maybe the depression cloud has lifted, I'm faced with more of it - more anger and more bad thoughts. It also sucks because now there's "this" on top of everything else that needs to be taken care of in life... It just feels like a lot to have to deal with and then that adds to my pile of crappy depressive thoughts. Sometimes I just feel like I'm in this big mighty storm that I can't escape.

I just wanted to provide an update and I was tempted to not post about it again...  as I mentioned, it's not easy to talk about or to even admit to myself -- yet alone others.

I'm hoping for good insight from my OB on Friday (very doubtful) and I'm also hoping I like the therapist. Will see how I manage to get through all this.

24 Weeks Pregnant - Viability!

Finally made it here... 24 weeks, viability! Prior to all my issues in pregnancy, I didn't really understand the significance of hitting viability. But since I've been having so many issues with my pregnancy, I totally get it now. Before 24 weeks, if something had happened -- the doctors wouldn't try to save the baby. At 24 weeks, that changes. The baby is concerned a "baby" and not a "fetus." So, if something were to happen, all medical interventions would be taken to save the baby. Also, the chances of survival go up from here. 

I am so grateful to reach this huge milestone...! There were moments where I wasn't sure I would. 

How far along: 24 Weeks -- VIABILITY! 

How big is baby: a cantaloupe. Ovia app: 

Weight Gain: -1 lb. 

Stretch Marks: No new ones. 

Symptoms: Starting to get a lot more discharge and have been wearing a panty liner for the last few weeks. It just seems to be getting worse, which I heard is all normal. I've also been getting some weird aches and pains in my tummy. I'm assuming they're from the baby being in a weird position or from some ligament stretching. Still very-very tired. Afternoons are killer for me. I have most of my energy in the morning and in the evenings. 

Sleeping: Sleeping a "little" better maybe? Still tossing and turning like crazy. I just get these horrible side sores and am forced to move. I can't sleep on my back - it's too uncomfortable. Not getting as much sleep as I'd like, that's for sure.  

Food cravings: Chocolate... STILL. Argh. 

Food aversions: Not really. 

Maternity Clothes: Nothing new. 

Movement: I'm feeling baby boy move around a lot now! At certain times he's busier than others. But it's kinda funny because I can push down on my tummy and can "feel" where he's hanging out. It's crazy to think he reaches from my cervix to about 1-2 inches above my belly button now. So he's taking up a lot of room. I even felt some movement on the outside a few times! That's hard to catch though, can't wait until that's more consistent. 

What I did / Got for Baby:  

• Increased my budget for all pre-baby things. I'm going to prioritize the things I think I "need" to get before the baby is born, which ended up being a little more than I budgeted for. Aiming to buy all these things by the end of April. I really want to set-up my bedroom, since we'll be co-sleeping for the first few months. In order to do that I need to buy a few new things. I did finally settle on a co-sleeper! This is the one I'm going with: Arms Reach Ideal Ezee Co-Sleeper 3 in 1. I like it best because I can use it as a stand-alone bassinet, co-sleeper bassinet, or a regular Pack-N-Play (and I desperately need a new pack-n-play). 
• I registered for lactation class! This won't be until April, but it's paid for and on the calendar. 
• I registered for a newborn care class. This is also in April. Paid for and on the calendar! 
• I am pre-purchasing some photo sessions by the lady that did our holiday pictures. They turned out so good, I knew I would want to use her again. She has a package that includes: Maternity photos, NB photos, 6 month photos, and 1 year old photos. She's also being nice where she's not making me pay 100% of the package up front and is splitting it out through all 4 of the sessions. Which is nice because I didn't budget for that yet! It's getting added to the budget now :) 
• I booked my mom's airfare today! The prices were pretty cheap. She's coming a little earlier than expected and staying a little longer than expected... 7 weeks total. But I wanted her here a little earlier just in case baby boy makes an early entrance. Also, it'll be nice to have her here to help with my son - since I'm assuming 9 months pregnant will be a little uncomfortable! It's nice that she's going to be here to help. I'll write more about some of my potential "concerns" on a different post. 

Still to do: 

• Birthing Classes. I'm not sure what I'm going to do about these. I called my hospital to ask if I can take the classes solo and they seemed to discourage it, since there's a lot of partner stuff. My mom, who will be my birthing partner, lives in a different State -- so not like she could go with me or anything. I didn't really want to ask any friends to go with me. So, I'm back and forth on whether or not I'll take a birthing class. I heard there are some you can do online, so might try that. There's also hypnobabies. But not sure about that either, because I'm not really sure I'll be able to have the natural birth (no meds) that I'm hoping for. Basically, all up in the air right now. Luckily I have some time to figure it out. 
• Sibling Class. I found a local hospital that offers a sibling class and is geared towards 3-6 year olds. I'm waiting for them to post future classes to their website so I can register my son. I want to wait for him to take it until April/May -- so it's not "too far off" from when baby brother arrives. 
• Elective Ultrasound. I've been going back and forth on if I want to do an elective ultrasound... I thought for sure I did! Then... I figured I'm getting so much monitoring, is the extra $$ really worth it? I wanted it because I wanted a DVD of baby boy while in utero. However, I can probably ask them to let me record it at my next ultrasound... Eh. I just want to be sure I'm spending my money wisely because I can definitely use those funds in the "baby fund account" for sure. 

I don't think there's anything else I really need to do, which is kinda crazy. Everything is coming along nicely in the "planning" part of getting ready for baby boy. I do want to get the house a little more "in control" and less cluttered. It's not "bad" really, but I definitely need new plastic pins and need to categorize things like toys --- clothes --- etc. It's a little sporadic the way things are stored right now. Maybe the "nesting" thing will kick in and I'll get a surge of energy to clean and organize? one can only hope! 

What I miss: Being able to move quickly without getting aches/pains in my back/hips/stomach. 

Workouts: ---->=-( 

What I'm looking forward to: Hitting the 3rd trimester! 3 more weeks for that. 

Best moment of the week: Seeing my baby boy move around during the echo cardiogram and then hearing that ALL LOOKS GOOD with his heart! I almost didn't believe it when they told me and it took a few hours after my appointment to feel the big relief from that. 

Rants/Raves: No rants this week...! I do have a rave. My son -- he just amazes me at times and he's growing up so fast. He is such a happy boy and he brings so much happiness into my life by just being him. I'm such a lucky Mama and I can't wait to see him become a big brother. 

Appointments Next Week: 2/24/17 monthly OB appointment 

23w+3d: Fetal Echo cardiogram -- All Looks Good!

I have to say... I was WAY anxious for this appointment. It felt like one of the last steps in all my monitoring appointments to make sure (best we can) that baby boy is doing ok.

Fetal Echo

I had my Fetal Echo cardiogram on Valentine's Day. Almost felt like a "date" with my baby boy :)

The point of the fetal echo was to take a close look at baby boy's heart -- blood flow, structure, etc. Baby boy was not having it at this appointment. Once he felt the pressure of the ultrasound probe thingie, he was moving and jiggling -- not being in the right position for them to look at his heart. He was laying with his head facing down and facing towards my back. The ultrasound tech had me lay on my right side -- then back to my back -- then left side -- then back to my back, trying to get him to move. I was getting anxious that we might not get the right look at the heart and have to reschedule. Alas, after chasing him around, he finally got into a good position and we were able to get all the needed measurements.

ALL LOOKED GOOD!!

This is HUGE for me... I am so relieved that his heart looks like it's functioning properly. What's also cool is we were able to get a few face pictures (3d and 4d) -- a little blurry, but you can definitely see his little face in there! He's starting to get some meat on him and his face-shape looks very similar to my face shape :) I've been thinking more and more about seeing his little face and what he's going to look like.

It was really weird doing the ultrasound because I could feel baby boy move and then I could see him move on the monitor. He was really kicking and pushing all over the place, twisting around, moving - he's a busy boy.

He was measuring 5 days ahead and weighing in at about 1 lb, 7 oz and heart rate was at 154 bpm.

Meeting with MFM

My MFM was very happy with my blood sugar levels and she was very happy with the results of the Fetal Echo! Good and good. We are still increasing my Insulin dosages because the baby is getting bigger, so need to make additional adjustments. Changes:

AM:
Humulin N 20iu
Humulin R 10iu

PM:
Humulin R 10iu -- 30-60 minutes prior to dinner
Humulin N 42iu -- at bedtime

We did discuss the potential pre-natal depression... She wanted to put me on meds right away, but I pushed back. I don't want to go on meds... but she said the benefits for the baby could be better in the long run. She was also wondering that after the good Echo, that maybe I'll start to feel better? I'm tasked with monitoring my moods for the next few weeks and I'm to talk to my OB about it next week, if I still feel the depression.

My MFM did get me a referral to a psychiatrist (at my request), so I can talk to someone about my depression. I'm waiting for the referral to go through so I can schedule something. So right now -- just monitoring to see how I feel and then will go from there.

Going forward, we are going to do growth scans every 4 weeks. Then when I hit 32 weeks, I'll have 2 appointments a week -- stress test and ultrasound. These may be able to be combined into one appointment, but have to see how that goes.

Issues with Pharmacy and Insulin Med

Last week I had a mini-issue with getting my Insulin Humulin N refilled at the pharmacy. I requested a refill on Monday, I would run out of Insulin by Wednesday, and the pharmacy said they wouldn't have it until Thursday. So, I ended up 1.5 days without my Insulin Humulin N (which is the long-lasting insulin). Not good.

But the issue got worse. When I finally went to pick-up my insulin, the price was over $100 more than it was at my last refill. Turns out, my stupid Rx coverage charges a "penalty" if you don't go to direct-mail for recurring maintenance medicine. Like WTF. I never received a letter that my insulin would fall into this category and I never really read the "fine print" on my insurance coverage to know that this might be an issue (my fault I guess). So lame. To make matters worse, my MFM that wrote my diabetes prescriptions, isn't in their database -- so they weren't able to transition my meds to the direct-mail. I had to ask my MFM to write new prescriptions and send them directly to my mail-order pharmacy. No way to get reimbursed for the extra $100 charge, unfortunately. Glad it all got straightened out... but still frustrating.

Overall

My 2nd Trimester of pregnancy has felt very stressful for me. All the high risk for Trisomy 13/18, the Low-PAPP-A first trimester screening results, all the genetic testing, and then the horrible bleed at 20 weeks... I feel like I've been on the "edge" of worry and fear since December.

But... baby boy has looked awesome on all the ultrasounds. We had the 15 week ultrasound, 19 week Anatomy scan, and now the 23 week echo cardiogram. There are NO soft markers that they could see, NO issues with his organs/development that they can see, and NO issues with his heart functions that they can see. This is all GREAT and GOOD and WONDERFUL.

Because everything has looked great with baby boy... you'd think I could relax now? It's hard to take months of worrying and concern -- to just stop that fear/anxiety. Every other time I "relaxed," something else came up.

First Ultrasound and Seeing the Heart Beat (5w6d) = Relax, then first big bleed (SCH)
Good NT Scan = Relax, then Low PAPP-A and High Risk for Trisomy 13/18
Good NIPT Results = Relax, then Genetic Counseling and potential concerns on chromosomal abnormalities
Good Anatomy Scan = Relax, then big bleed the next week

So........ as much as I want to relax now -- can you see why that would be hard for me? I'm trying though. I feel like I've gotten the "all clear" in a way from my MFM and that's pretty huge. I'm thinking the pre-natal depression might be playing a part in all this and that maybe the anxiety/stress/worry from this entire pregnancy has just hit a peak and it'll be hard to come down from that? More to explore on that.

For now though == my baby boy looks wonderful, he's active, he's healthy. I couldn't ask for more than that right now.

Next Steps: 2/28/17 Diabetes-only follow-up, 3/14/17 Growth Ultrasound

23 Weeks Pregnant!

This week was pretty boring, where pregnancy is concerned -- which is GREAT! I wish I had more boring weeks of being pregnant.

There is one thing I noticed this week though, I was a little depressed. I started looking into antenatal depression. I'll do a separate entry on it, but I did want to mention it here. It's strange because my pregnancy has been really stressful and my anxiety has been through the roof with all the uncertainty. Although I've been worried, stressed, and full of anxiety -- I haven't been depressed at any other point in my pregnancy. For some reason this week, that changed. I started feeling extremely down and cried a lot -- not necessarily related to the pregnancy, but just other life things that used to get me down in the past and that used to cause me depression. I wish I could say it's just hormones, but I've had emotional moments being pregnant and this was totally different and way more intense.

Anyways. It's something to think about and I'm definitely going to ask my MFM about this at my next appointment. Too many scary thoughts on what antenatal depression can do and how it can impact the baby. Will explore all of this later...

How far along: 23 Weeks, 1 more week to viability 

How big is baby: A Grapefruit. Ovia app: 

Weight Gain: -2 lbs (with clothes on) 

Stretch Marks:  Nope. 

Symptoms: 

• HOT FLASHES. I've had hot flashes before from my TTC medicine and from being pregnant... but they just stepped up a notch this week, like dripping -- so gross! 
• Another thing is, I've been having weird pains in my hips and if I move too fast, pains in my tummy like muscle cramps. 
• I'm also still very tired and get exhausted pretty quickly. 2nd trimester energy, yeah right! 
• What's also kinda weird is, if I look at my stomach, I can see my heart beat - my skin shakes from it. Not sure if that happened pre-pregnancy as I never sat there and starred at my stomach before. LOL. I've been looking at my stomach more trying to see if I can see the baby move, I haven't yet. 

Sleeping: Not sleeping so well. My son's had an ear infection and pink eye this week. When he's sick, he ends up waking in the middle of the night and sleeping in my bed. I'm usually a little more strict about him sleeping in his own bed, but I've just been too tired to fight it. Also, I've found he sleeps longer on the weekends if he's sleeping in my bed -- so small perk. Like instead of being wide-awake at 5am, he's been sleeping until 7:30am. It's been lovely. Too bad he snores a ton though. I've been considering the co-sleeping thing and needing to stop this before it becomes an issue before the baby comes. But... the combination of me being tired and my son being sick and the extra benefit of extra sleep -- I'm just highly unmotivated right now. I will look at this again after he's feeling better and if he ends up still sneaking into my room. 

Food cravings: Cookie dough ice cream....!!! 

Food aversions: Vegetables? Argh. I wish I could say that I've been eating really well. I have done really well on limiting my carb intake (for the most part) -- but I haven't been able to increase my vegetable intake. I wish I craved broccoli vs cookie dough. 

Maternity Clothes: Same ol, same ol - nothing new. 

Movement: Feeling the baby move a lot at certain parts of the day. Still waiting to feel it on the outside. He reacts most to my son's voice and when I'm humming. I also noticed him kinda "jump" when my son yells, like he got startled or something. 

I have to say that I've felt more bonded to baby boy this week. I'm starting to imagine what life will be like once he's here.

What I did / Got for Baby: A nice SMC sent me some pregnancy books! I wish I had the "Your Pregnancy and Childbirth" from the start, lots of good information in there. Very sweet and nice of her to send these over :) 

I'm also made progress in the baby's room. I have sorted through all my son's Newborn, 0-3 month clothes, baby shoes, and baby socks. I am donating a ton to Goodwill that either is a bit stained or totally out of season. To my surprise, I think I may be pretty good with clothes to start off with and don't anticipate really needing much more until we hit next winter (my son's clothes are all opposite seasons). I also "found" a bunch of NB clothes that were hidden in a bag that I forgot about -- and all of those are summer appropriate. So yay for that! I am going to need some summer swaddle blankets, but that's about it. I have to admit that I had some nostalgic moments while going through my son's baby clothes! I can't believe he was so very small where NB clothes were too big on him. My sweet boy, he's growing up too fast. 

I've been thinking about how I'm going to keep the baby in my room when he's born. I've tried a few different configurations with my foster babies from using the pack-n-play, to sleeping in the rock-n-play, to sleeping in the bouncer, to sleeping in a bassinet, etc. Different things worked for different babies, of course. What worked best was: the rock-n-play. The one issue I have with the rock-n-play is that my bed is so high, so it was hard to stay in bed and pick up the baby -- I'd have to get totally out to get the baby. Which you're probably wondering, so what, right? LOL. But I'm assuming it'll be harder to get in/out of bed after giving birth (with recovery) and I'll have to get up more often since I'm planning on breast feeding, so it'd be easier to have baby close enough to pull into bed with having to get out. 

Now, I'm leaning towards getting a co-sleeper... I want one of those that sits independent from my bed, but high enough to be level with my bed - so I can see baby boy and bring him into my bed for feedings. I *was* going to just go with a fancy pack-n-play... but with those - you still have to get out of bed. Also, looks like the co-sleeper I want to get can be used to up to 25 lbs or so, so maybe make it to 4-6 months (depending on how quickly baby grows). Which would be perfect, as I normally keep the babies in my room until 3-4 months before transitioning to the crib. 

What I miss: Being able to take deep breaths comfortably. It's so weird, when I take a deep breath, it's like I can feel the size of my uterus or something. Probably because my organs are all getting pushed aside to make room for the baby. 

Workouts: I went for a walk this week -- and it totally exhausted me! Sigh. I tried! Only if my schedule would clear up a bit so I could make more time for it or have more energy. 

What I'm looking forward to: Hitting viability next week...!!! 

Best moment of the week: I decided to listen to the baby on the doppler. I don't do it that often since I have so many appointments. But when I have a week of no-appointment, I like to listen to his heartbeat for some peace of mind. It was kinda cool because I felt him move and also heard it on the doppler! 

Rants/Raves: Rant -- I've been a little "out of it" after my bleed. It took me awhile to get passed the fear - worry - and anxiety of that horrible experience. I've also been busy... from being sick, to my son being sick, to my pregnancy fatigue, to fixing up the baby's room, to night potty training my son, to my busy work schedule (lots of big projects and deadlines), to the possibly antenatal depression -- I just haven't been very social. And to be honest, I just don't have any extra energy right now. 

I have one friend that I normally speak to very frequently, but lately I just haven't been wanting to speak on the phone. She started leaving me messages like "are you mad at me?" I texted back with "no, not mad -- just busy." Well, she KEPT calling at bad times - so I didn't answer my phone and she KEPT leaving messages that were in increased urgency of "I know you're mad at me!" Each time, I texted her back and said, "Not mad, just tired" or something - I never left her hanging and always responded. Like one time my son was watching Netflix on my phone, while I was working on the baby's room -- she called and my son freaked because his show wasn't on anymore, so I declined her call. Her message was like, "OMG, I can't believe you declined my call. I know you're mad" blah blah. 

Then she texted me again with "I know you're pissed at me." Well... at this point -- I was freaking annoyed with her. Like WTF. How many times do I need to reassure a friend that I'm not mad, that I'm just tired and busy?! So I completely snapped at her via text and now I'm totally contemplating my friendship with her. Like, why can't she just take my word that all is OK? Why does she have to create drama when no drama was to be had? Why is she trying to guilt trip me into feeling like I did something bad, when I'm just dealing with my own life? Why does she have to make things about her? Like her constant message was "I know you're mad at me. I don't know why you're mad or what I could've done to upset you." 

My other friend said she thinks she's a "high maintenance friend." I've started thinking about that and I think she's right. Right now, with so much going on in my own life -- I just don't have the energy to extend to her or to constantly reassure her. And honestly, why should I have to? We're friends. If I'm busy, what's a few days without constant contact? It's not like I was 100% out of contact anyways, I was texting her pretty consistently during the time she kept accusing me that "I'm mad at her." Well... now I am and she is probably mad at me now too! Argh. It's like, she's been a good friend to me -- but now I'm just not so sure about our friendship going forward. I've felt like I've had an emotional few weeks -- I need understanding and space, not accusations and drama. 

Appointments Next Week: Valentine's date with my MFM for a fetal echo. 

22 Weeks Pregnant - Entering my 6th Month

I never really thought of the "technicalities" of trimesters vs. weeks vs. months before I was pregnant. Non-pregnant people don't really understand the "week/day" count that much, they understand it better with months. Months can get confusing, depending on how you track the weeks :) It's all rocket science I tell you. Anyways. Here is the chart I've been referencing since I entered my 2nd trimester:

According to this, at 22 weeks, I'm entering my six month of pregnancy :) Which looks SO CLOSE to the third trimester. Exciting! 

This week was a little better for me after I had my ultrasound on Tuesday. It's always great seeing baby boy moving around and looking so healthy. 

How far along: 22 Weeks, 2 more weeks to viability 

How big is baby: A Coconut. Ovia app: 

Weight Gain: -2 lbs (with clothes on) 

Stretch Marks:  Nope. 

Symptoms: MAJOR lower back pain/spasms, it's ridiculous. Also, some odd hip, tummy pain - I'm thinking round ligament pain. Feels really uncomfortable, like a bad cramp. 

Sleeping: Sleep has not been easy... insomnia through the night, but extremely tired mid-day when I can't sleep. It all just sucks. 

Food cravings:  Chocolate - chocolate - chocolate! 

Food aversions: None. 

Maternity Clothes: Nothing new. 

Movement: I'm pretty sure I'm feeling movement now! It's really low in my tummy, so I think I'm feeling it under my placenta. Feels like twitches or a ripple, if that makes sense. He seems to respond to my son's voice. My son was reading to me and the baby was moving a ton. I can't wait until I can feel the movement outside, so I can share it with my son. 

What I did / Got for Baby: I think I'm "nesting"....! I received baby boy's new furniture today. I wasn't planning on doing anything with his room -- but I totally got distracted by the new furniture and had the urge to get started with organizing. What I did today:

• I ended up purging everything OUT of the room that was non-baby related. There was a ton of crap in there, like extra blankets, blow up mattresses, extra sheets, etc. My challenge is finding a new place for everything, so my room looks crazy messy right now! 
• I moved the furniture around and to it's semi-permanent place. 
• I have pulled out some of the baby things that I have and they are "out" to be sorted (soon). Like blankets, bibs, clothes, wraps, boppy pillow covers, etc. I've designated drawers the drawers for each type of item. 
• I set-up the changing table in the walk-in closet. I did this with my son as well, saves room in the bedroom. But the real reason is, so when the baby gets mobile, he can't get into all the stuff on the changing table! I learned that really quick with my son, so almost everything was "put away" in his room pretty early on because he went straight for everything that was a no-no. 

Here's the furniture before I moved everything around. The coloring was a little darker than I would have preferred, was hoping for Cherry Wood coloring. But I ended up liking this set better. 

What I miss: Not having to take so many breaks! Moving the room around and organizing felt nice for like a little bit. Then all of a sudden I was hit with this big mass of exhaustion and side-pains on my hips. I had to call it quits and take a short nap! I think I over did it a bit. But that means things are "half-done." Hoping I get some spurts of energy tomorrow, I hate leaving such a mess. 

Workouts:   :( 

What I'm looking forward to: Hitting viability and for baby's movements to be felt on the outside. 

Best moment of the week: Seeing baby boy on the ultrasound and seeing that everything was OK with him. Also, feeling more movement! 

Rants/Raves: I guess this is a rant. I'm starting to be extremely short tempered with people. I've been getting some road rage at crazy drivers, honking my horn at them and doing the dramatic lifting of my hands like "WTF" to them. I don't know if it's just because I'm pregnant or what... but I feel like I'm surrounded by horrid drivers. They're just horrible. From tailgating, to making turns when they don't have the right away and cutting you off, to distracted drivers on their cell phones, to drivers taking up the ENTIRE road instead of staying on their side, to drivers almost side-swapping my car, to drivers not waiting for pedestrians to walk -- when you have a child with you! But man, it pisses me off and causes me anxiety to be around these people. I'm not saying I'm the "best" driver there ever was, but at least when I'm driving I pay attention and don't do crazy things. I'm actually more of an overly cautious driver these days -- but don't drive like a grandma, just very aware of my surroundings due to the crazy drivers I seem to be surrounded by. Ok, rant over! 

Appointments Next Week: No Appointments - woohoo! A one week reprieve. Very rare.