Goodbye 2016!

I ended 2015 with my first IVF cycle being cancelled and not knowing if I would ever be able to have a baby. I also ended it with having adopted my son! Two big extremes on the emotional spectrum, which seems to be the theme for 2016 as well. Looking back on 2016, it was also a year of extreme ups and downs for me. Some 2016 Highlights:

The Not-so-Good: 

• Failed fresh transfer for IVF Cycle #2 
• Failed FET #1
• I got laid off --> unemployment 
• Cancelled IVF #3 cycle (converted to IUI #7) / failed IUI #7
• Pregnancy Scares (SCH, bleeding, first trimester screening high risk) 

The Good: 

• IVF Cycle #2 led to my one and only egg retrieval, one of those embryos would turn into my baby boy :) 
• My son was baptized 
• FET #2 worked and I became pregnant with my baby boy! 
• Starting a new job at a great company 
• Taking Financial Peace University 
• Getting serious about budgeting and attacking my debt
• Celebrating one year of being a forever family with my son! 
• Reconnecting with my mom and little brother 
• Everything that is my son, his year being 2 years old and celebrating turning 3 :) 

Some of the Not-So-Good stuff was pretty difficult to get through, especially the unemployment, the failed transfers, and the pregnancy scares (which I guess will continue into 2017). 

I have absolutely no regrets. Even when life is difficult and I wonder how I'm going to survive or provide for my family, I know that the path I am traveling down is bringing me to where I need to be. It can be hard to trust God in those difficult times, but when I look back and I see the results, I know it's all for the better and I was led to a better situation. 

Unemployment --> I was able to get out of a toxic/stagnant work environment and now make a better income and work for a better company. 

Failed Cycles --> If any of my failed cycles would have worked, I would have been pregnant and unemployed. Also, I wouldn't have my baby boy gestating today and I truly believe that he is the baby I was meant to have. 

Pregnancy Scares --> I'm still going through this right now... but I think one of the lessons that I'm learning is that I just need to Let Go and Let God. I need to trust that all will work out as it should and maybe having more information isn't always the best. In the end, God decides how it plays out and all the screening/testings in the world isn't going to change the outcome of whatever is to come. 

Overall, it's been an extremely blessed year for me. Not only did I get to celebrate an entire year of being a Forever Family with my son, I also was able to start some family mending and reconcile with my mother and little brother after 8 long years. Not to mention the little life growing inside of me right now. 

I'm really looking forward to 2017. A year where my son will become a big brother. A year where my baby boy will be born. A year where my extended family will continue to mend and find peace. 

There's so much to look forward to and so many blessings to come! Thank you God for 2016 and for all my experiences this year, I look forward to another year filled with love and joy. 

17 Weeks Pregnant!

Somehow I feel like I'm doing my weekly pregnancy updates so often, like time is speeding up or something. I'm already 17 weeks pregnant...! Somehow that seems pretty significant to me for some reason, it sounds so far along in my head. Sometimes I still don't "feel" pregnant. I still don't "look" pregnant. Yet, here I am - getting closer to the half-way mark of my pregnancy. How amazing is that? 

Some pregnancy randoms: 

• My MFM changed my insulin intake. I am now taking 12iu in the morning and 26iu at night. My fasting blood sugars just don't seem to be under the 95 that she wants. We also added a new insulin - Humulin R - of 4iu in the morning before breakfast. 
• I'm not a big sleeper on my tummy. I've always been a side-sleeper. But every so often I'll lay on my tummy when I'm reading or something. I can't do that anymore as it's become very uncomfortable and I start to feel sick. 
• If I sit a certain way or bend a certain way, my tummy hurts. 
• I had this strange "dull ache" on my left side really low down on my tummy. It didn't hurt, it was just highly uncomfortable. 
• Something funny that I noticed. I've been so worried about this pregnancy because it's my first pregnancy and I've never been through this before (not to mention all the screening tests). I'm not that worried about baby once he's born, all the newborn stuff. I think it's because I've had multiple newborns and I know what to expect in that regard. Some things will be new with this baby: I'm planning to breastfeed and I'll be recovering from L&D. So it will definitely be a different experience, but I feel like "if I can just get through the pregnancy and have my baby boy in my arms, everything will be alright." 

How far along: 17 weeks.

How big is baby: A pomegranate. Ovia app: 

Weight Gain: -8 lbs. 

Stretch Marks: A few days before Christmas, I started noticing a very faint pregnancy line on my tummy. It's so faint, that you can't really see it - but it was definitely not there pre-pregnancy and it seems to be getting a little darker as time goes by. It reaches from my pelvic bone to my belly button, then extends a little north of my belly button. 

Symptoms: Nothing new or unusual. I actually feel really well! Just hormonal at times and so tired at others. 

Sleeping: I'm really liking the pregnancy pillow so far! I'm getting better sleep than I have had since I've gotten pregnant. 

Food cravings: White rice... which is HORRIBLE for a diabetic! I just can't seem to eat fish without rice or chicken without rice. I've also been on a big binge of fried rice with egg for breakfast. Childhood eats are front of mind and I can't believe I don't eat it regularly. The good news is... the rice doesn't seem to be impacting my sugars really, as long as it's paired with a good protein. 

Food aversions: I think I'm over these! Yay! I think I've cooked more in the last 2 weeks than I have in the last 4 months! I can cook, I can handle raw meat, I can eat what I cook. It's this really freeing experience and it feels so good to eat a home cooked meal. 

Maternity Clothes: Nothing new yet, but I keep waiting for that day I'm going to "pop" and look pregnant. Will that day ever come? LOL. 

Movement: I **think** I felt the baby on Wednesday at 16w4d. It was morning time and I was laying in bed, not ready to get up. Then I felt this little poke on my side, then some of that bubbling feeling I've felt the last week. I'm pretty sure it was baby because there was no one else there with me to poke me! Nothing regular and often yet though. I've thought I felt a nudge here and there on my sides and I get the butterfly/bubbling feeling - which I notice mostly at night and in the mornings.  

What I did / Got for Baby: I received the following book for Christmas. I think I'll go ahead and read it and see if I can get any new/better ideas. 

My son and I were looking through baby clothes at the store. My son really liked this one because it has a dog on it! I liked it because it says, "Little Brother." So I bought it and now its hanging in the baby's room :) 

What I miss: Going more than a few hours without having to go pee. 

Workouts: I haven't even had time to think about planning workouts and now I'm already 17 weeks. Will I ever find the time? 

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling regular movement from baby boy. 

Best moment of the week: Feeling baby boy's little poke and hearing his heartbeat on the doppler at my OB appointment. 

Rants/Raves: Here's a rant. I just want to sleep. Like sleep for an entire day and not do anything but get up to eat or drink or go to the bathroom. I want to be LAZY for just one day. If I could have someone cook my meals for me, that'd be nice too. LOL. I just feel like I'm not sleeping enough and I never can find the opportunity to really rest because there's always something to do. 

Here's a Rave: This week I've felt that I've really started to connect with the pregnancy. I've been talking to baby boy, singing to him, humming some tunes. He's starting to become "real" to me and every day I feel like I'm falling more in love with him. 

Appointments Next Week: MFM diabetes follow-up 1/6.

16w+6d: OB Monthly Appointment

I had my 4 week follow-up appointment with my OB this morning. What's nice about seeing my OB is that there's not all this "doom and gloom" when it comes to my pregnancy! I guess that's all saved for the MFM and genetic counselor. Going to the OB makes me feel like a normal pregnant lady.

Normal pregnancy stuff: pee in a cup, take weight, check blood pressure, check for fetal tones on the doppler.

Pee in a cup = nice that they use big cups and not little ones!
Weight = didn't even make me take off my boots. With all my clothes on, I am -4 lbs.
Blood Pressure = they said it was normal.
Fetal Tones = 153 bpm!

It was nice that they were able to find baby boy's heartbeat on the doppler. Last time, they weren't able to find it. He was hanging out on the left hand-side which seems to be his preferred spot.

Discussion on Numb Hands / Feet 

I asked the doctor about my numb hands/feet. She said it could be the diabetes or it could be the pregnancy. She suggested I try a brace for my hands at night.

Discussion if Something is Wrong 

We kind of discussed my monitoring at the MFM and my discussion with the genetic counselor. My OB said that when she was pregnant that she didn't do all the extra tests because it can lead down a slippery slope.

But she did mention that if something is wrong with my placenta, that I'm so closely monitored that they can keep a close eye on things. Meaning, if I have to deliver earlier than expected -- it can pretty much be planned since the MFM will have recommendations depending on how things go with my placenta and baby's growth.

She did recommend that I tour a few different hospitals in case I have to deliver at the hospital that has a better NICU...

Other Stuff 

I've been increasingly worried about delivery... I know - I know, it's extremely FAR away right now and there's a lot of other things I should be focused on. However, my mind has time to think about these things still! I just don't know the timing of when to do birthing classes and stuff. My OB said not to worry about it right now until I'm in the 3rd trimester.

Next OB appointment is in 4 more weeks.

Dealing with all the Uncertainty

After trying so long to get pregnant, I never really had time to think about the reality of what it would be like once I was pregnant. I was so focused on each step of my cycles, of my next injection, or my next monitoring appointment. Pregnancy was always this unobtainable dream that was just always a little out of reach for me. 

Going through IUI's, IVF's, and FET's -- there's some comfort in the scheduling of it all. The expectations of next steps and clear "if / then" scenarios. It became pretty routine and normal for me to be going through each cycle and preparing for the next cycle at the same time. 

Now that I've finally gotten pregnant, I feel like I'm in a new reality and dealing with so many uncertain things. None of it scheduled, no clear "if / then" scenarios. I never thought being pregnant would be a "cake walk" or anything. But I had imagined it being this whole enlightening experience where all I had to really worry about was preparing for this new life. I guess since I was TTC for so long, I kind of romanticized what it would be like being pregnant in a way. 

I know for some women, that's exactly what their pregnancy is like - no worries, happy, giddy, excited. It just hasn't been my experience. 

My list of strange or worrisome pregnancy stuff: 

1. Low Starting Betas 
2. Subchorionic Hemorrhage (SCH) and constant bleeding/spotting until 11 weeks 
3. First Trimester Screening results of "high risk" with low HCG levels and low PAPP-A 
4. UTI x2
5. Tilted Uterus 
6. Bacteria Vaginosis 
7. Doppler hard to detect heart beat (probably due to the tilted uterus) 
8. Blood glucose levels spiking 
9. Starting Insulin  
10. Genetic Testing / Concerns of chromosomal abnormalities 
11. Concerns of irregular hormone levels / possible placenta insufficiency 

Not to mention "normal" pregnancy stuff: 

• Lower back pain
• Ligament pain 
• Headaches
• Food aversions 
• Nausea 
• Extreme exhaustion 
• Cramping 
• Extremely emotional / PMS-type things
• Acne 
• Dry skin 
• Forgetfulness / Pregnancy Brain 

With all that, I'm not saying that I'm ungrateful to be pregnant with my baby boy. I truly am. When I have moments to think about him being born or my boys meeting for the first time -- I start to cry these wonderful tears of happiness and joy. 

What I guess I'm trying to get out with this blog entry is, there's so many things with pregnancy that people don't really talk about. How fragile pregnancy really is... The balance between that overjoyed feeling of "I'm pregnant! I'm having a baby!!!" and having real concerns over carrying my baby to term and worries over any possible chromosomal abnormalities or that my placenta isn't working properly. 

It's not that I WANT to worry or be concerned... I really want to be that happy go-lucky pregnant woman and have that care-free happy pregnancy. 

That "dream" and tears of happiness and joy when I think of my baby boy being born and my boys growing up together... it feels like it can be swept out from under me at any time. One diagnosis. One poor hormone level. One soft marker found on the ultrasound. One bad genetic test. 

I guess it boils down to = I'm afraid. I feel like I'm just ONE step away from having that wonderful scenario taken away. 

I'm doing my best not to focus on all the bad that can happen... I truly am. But I'm having a hard time dealing with it at times partly because I have no one to share these concerns/worries with. Most of my friends that I can confide in think I'm just paranoid and worrying over nothing. "Just focus on the positive" or "Worry when there's something to worry about" type things. 

Is it just that easy for people to not worry about big things? Lucky them... 

All I want is for my baby boy to be healthy and for me to carry him to term. It's not easy dealing with all the uncertainty that surrounds my pregnancy. 

In the mean time, I'm making plans for my baby boy to arrive. I'm trying to prepare my son for his baby brother, I'm going to start buying nursery furniture, I'm making a list of things that I need for him, I'm making plans for a possible "Sip and See" event once he's born, I will be mailing out our holiday/baby announcement cards this week, I'm looking up matching outfits for my boys for newborn pictures, I budgeted for maternity leave and for medical expenses, etc. 

I'm preparing like everything is going to be okay and he's going to arrive into this world safe and healthy. I talk to my baby boy and tell him how much I love him already and how excited we are to meet him. My son and I pray for him every night. 

In the background, I prepare myself for my upcoming blood tests, my genetic analysis, my next ultrasound, contemplate whether I want to do an amnio -- and just keep my fingers crossed that everything will truly be ok with my baby boy and that God will help me get through whatever is to come. 

16 Weeks Pregnant!

It's so weird how quickly time is going by, but at the same time - time is going so slowly. I guess all the worry about something being wrong just makes me grateful every time I make it one more week being pregnant. Like I'm itching forward. I can't seem to enjoy the pregnancy too much because every time I think all is well - something else comes up on the worry radar.

BUT, trying to focus on the POSITIVE... baby boy seems to be doing really well. Growing at a good rate and measuring well. 

Some pregnancy randoms: 

• It's weird being pregnant and not really "looking" pregnant. I'm at the in-between stage where my tummy hasn't really formed, but it's definitely looking different (or at least feeling different). 
• Being the holidays, it's hard not to CRY about everything. I've been doing pretty well, but it's been touch and go at times. 

How far along: 16 weeks.

How big is baby: An avocado. Ovia app: 

Weight Gain: -10 lbs? I'm not sure. My scale told me I am 10 lbs down from my pre-pregnancy weight. Which is weird because I have definitely been eating regularly. But I guess it's not too much of a concern since baby is gaining weight and measuring well, so he's obviously getting everything he needs. Maybe the weight is just getting redistributed on me? 

Stretch Marks: Not yet. 

Symptoms: 

• Carpal Tunnel: I've been getting numb hands when I sleep and numb feet when I sit down. I'm not sure if this is pregnancy carpal tunnel or not. I need to talk to my OB about it. It doesn't hurt, just more annoying than usual. 
• Extreme Exhaustion: It's hard to maintain a regular schedule. I still get tired quickly and need to take frequent breaks. If I don't get any rest in the afternoon, I'm a mess by early evening. 
• Pregnancy brain: I've been having major pregnancy brain. I'll go into a room and go completely blank - like why did I go into the room? What was I supposed to do? I've been writing everything down and using my reminders app to try and make up for it. 
• Boob pain: I've been getting some strange pain in my breasts and they'll hurt pretty bad. But my breasts haven't grown in cup size yet. 

Sleeping: Still tossing turning and waking up 2-3 times to pee. I just started using my new pregnancy pillow and the first night went well. Time will tell if it makes a big impact overall. It looks weird, but it's strangely very comfortable. It takes up a lot of room as well. 

Food cravings: Lumpia! I got my fix the last few days :) 

Food aversions: These seem to have gone away. Still using the peppermints when my tummy feels upset or if my food pains start kicking in. 

Maternity Clothes: The pants are really helpful. I'm not "showing" yet really... but my tummy seems to have repositioned or something. 

Movement: Sometimes I think I feel little bubbles, ultrasound tech thinks I'm feeling the baby! I'm not convinced yet. But now that I'm 16 weeks, I'm hoping I'll feel the movement inside more. I did find out that I have an anterior placenta, so I might not feel movement on the outside until closer to 22 weeks. 

What I did / Got for Baby: Nothing this week! 

What I miss: A regular bladder. Peeing so frequently and in such a "emergency" manner, can suck at times. 

Workouts: ------ no :( 

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling the baby move around! 

Best moment of the week: Finding out my NIPT results and that I'm having a baby boy! Also, seeing my baby on the ultrasound moving around and developing so well. 

Rants/Raves: I decided to do my "coffee trial" with my blood sugars. But turns out my Keurig, which hasn't been used since August decided NOT to work on me!!! I almost cried and thew it away. Luckily I didn't because a few days later it decided to start working again?!!! Why it was defunct when I first tried, no clue. But I'm happy to report that it works now and my "coffee trial" has started. So far, so good with 1 cup a day -- doesn't seem to be impacting my glucose levels. 

Upcoming Appointments: OB routine follow-up 12/30. MFM diabetes follow-up 1/6. MFM detailed level 2 anatomy scan 1/16. 

It's a BOY!

It's so funny, I was convinced I was having a GIRL! I really was. Partly because my entire TTC journey I've been dreaming about having a baby girl. I even had a dream in 2009, that I wrote down. Here it is: 

August 31, 2009
I had a dream I was in my brother's room at our old house (that we grew up in). I had two kids: a boy who was a toddler and a baby girl, just a few months old. The little boy had straight blonde hair. The little girl had a round face with brown hair. Little boy was sleeping while the baby girl just starred at me. I walked away from the room with her and was humming to her a familiar tune... but I can't remember it now. The humming seemed to be putting her to sleep.

What's interesting to note about this dream is, I had it in 2009. The toddler I believe is my son... straight blonde hair. At the time, I thought that I would end up marrying a white dude that had blonde hair! But no, my son is adopted and I truly believe that I dreamt about him before he was born. Which in itself is pretty amazing. I've always felt that I was meant to be his mom and that God brought us together. 

Now, what's funny is a dreamt about a baby girl. I guess with babies, when they're only a few months old, it can be hard to discern if baby is a boy or girl. In the dream, I just assumed the baby was a girl because the baby looked very similar to me. That's why I always thought that when I got pregnant I would definitely have a girl. Everything seemed to align with my dream = toddler blonde hair son and baby girl. 

Well, a few weeks ago I had my ONLY dream about having a baby boy. It was a little strange. 

I was at a theme park and they were doing ultrasounds for people. The audience watched the TV monitor and people would "vote" what they thought the gender was. On the screen, you can clearly see a penis. The audience members said, "Yes, it's a boy." Then, I went to the cashier to check-out and purchase pictures (like you do at a theme park). At that time, I touched my tummy (in the dream) and called the baby by his name. When I woke up, I remember feeling really happy and content. I then touched my tummy and repeated the baby's name and it felt RIGHT. 

I had a girls name picked out... but it never felt "right" to me. I love the name, but it just didn't seem to fit and it felt a bit forced. Now I know why... because the boy's name was the right fit all along :) I remember when I was thinking about names and writing them down. I liked a lot of names, but none of them felt like "this is the one" until I found my son's name. I wrote it down and I knew if I had a boy that this would be his name. 

I am sad that I won't be able to buy little girl clothes, because they're just so darn cute!!! 

I'll admit, I've always thought the benefit of a little brother for my son would be a better fit for our family. A brother-brother relationship will be a totally different experience than a brother-sister relationship. For the better? Eh, who knows - I guess it depends on the siblings! But I get this wonderful feeling every time I think of my two boys growing up together. 

As a single mom... the thought of two boys is a great feeling. There's something so special about a mother-son relationship. It also just feels totally "right" for my family right now. 

Thinking about my growing family brings tears of happiness and joy. It fills my heart with so much love. After all this time, it's starting to feel "real" - like this is all really happening. I really want to hold onto that feeling as I go through all the extra testing and monitoring to make sure my baby boy is OK and is healthy. 

But all in all, I still can't believe it... I'm having a baby BOY!!! 

15w+5: Detailed U/S and meeting with Genetic Counselor

I had a looong 2.5 hour appointment at my MFM. Lots to go over.

Genetic Counselor

I thought after I received my NIPT results that were "low risk" that I was in the clear for genetic concerns. But I was wrong... I guess the First Trimester screening may still play a role in things. I had a low PAPP-A result and low HCG, which is bad. This is all hormone-related.

What they want to do is do something called a Sequential Screening in the 2nd trimester. It's where someone would normally do the Quad Screening, but the Sequential Screening is a little more thorough than the Quad Screening.

What they do is combine the NT Ultrasound results, the First Trimester Screening Results, my detailed ultrasound results, and the Sequential Screening results to come up with a risk value of low or high.

Why all the concern on my hormone levels? 

Turns out that there are a few things that the hormone levels can indicate:

1) The baby has a chromosomal abnormality that can't be seen on an ultrasound, one of the rarer ones. Only way to really know 100% is if this is the case is if I get an amnio.
2) My placenta is not functioning like it should. There's something called Placental insufficiency. This is pretty bad because that means the baby wouldn't be getting all the things it needs from the placenta. Baby can be smaller or have some issues from lack of oxygen, can lead to pre-term labor and/or birth defects, etc.
3) Nothing is wrong.

So right now, still kind of in limbo on how things can go. So, next step is to get the Sequential Screening done.

Genetic Screening 

The geneticist talked and talked and talked about a lot of stuff. But one thing she would want me to do is to get screened for other genetic issues. Which also means they would want my donor to get screened as well... which is where one of the tricky parts come in. I have to call my sperm bank and ask them if they can contact the sperm donor for additional genetic testing. More on this later.

Detailed Ultrasound 

It's so great when I get to see my baby boy! He was moving around and dancing. So crazy to watch him be so active and I can't feel a thing. He had a strong heartbeat of 153 bpm and was measuring about 2 days ahead, which they say is good. Everything that they can see (kidneys, length, etc) looked good and no soft markers for anything.

It also looks like my tilted uterus is coming forward. I found out I have an anterior placenta, so it might take me longer to feel the baby kick.

All in all, baby boy looked amazing and wonderful and great.

MFM Meeting 

My MFM wasn't happy with my diabetes blood logs. My fasting blood sugar was higher than she'd like and I wasn't consistently tracking my glucose levels. We are upping my night time insulin to 22 iu and keeping the morning insulin at 12 iu. I might end up having to add another insulin to my day if my after-meal glucose levels remain high. Breakfast and lunch after-meals have been great, just dinner time where things get a little wonky. She has forbid me from eating french fries and pizza... sadness. My blood levels just got too high with those.

How am I feeling? 

I honestly thought things were in the clear after the NIPT results that I wasn't even concerned about the meeting with the genetic counselor. I don't really know what to think or feel. I have been too busy with visitors and holiday stuff to really let myself think about things. I'm bummed that I can't just have a happy pregnancy and feel good about my baby boy. The worry about things just seems to linger from one thing to the next. I kind of wish that I would be told EVERYTHING at one time so I would be prepared better. But this is all new to me and all new things I have no clue about.

In my heart I believe my baby is going to be OK. He was so active and measuring really well, so I'm hoping the placenta is doing its job. The chromosomal abnormality possibilities.... I'm going to need to figure out how comfortable I am with dealing with it *IF* it comes or if I want to risk an amnio. For my MFM, the risk is 1:400 for a miscarriage with an amnio. They also suggest doing it by 22 weeks. So, I really have to think about that. I don't want to risk my baby doing a procedure that might just tell me there's nothing wrong. But the preparation I can do prior to his birth if something is wrong... has me teetering on the idea. Plus my anxiety is through the roof and not sure if "not knowing" is going to just be too stressful.

A lot to think about and a lot to consider. I'm not leaning one way or another right now. I guess the logical step is to get the Sequential Screening and see what my hormone levels are telling them, then decide on next steps from there.

I truly wish that everything could just be OK and not have all these worries. A boring pregnancy would be so wonderful... I also wonder if all these extra screenings are really worth it? I guess in a way, it's nice to be prepared and monitored so closely -- so we can get in front of any issues. At the same time, there's all this extra worry and there might not be anything wrong with the pregnancy or baby.

I guess I'll have to look back on this experience and ask myself if the worry outweighed the benefit of the extra monitoring. I'm split right now.

I just pray that my pregnancy goes smoothly and that I'm able to carry my baby boy to term and deliver a healthy baby.

Next Steps: 

• 12/30/16: OB, Monthly Appointment
• 1/6/17: MFM, Diabetes Follow-up and Sequential Blood Draw 
• 1/16/17: MFM, Detailed Ultrasound (Level 2) Anatomy Scan

Can I breathe now? Redraw of NIPT results are in = LOW RISK!

It's been a weird 2 weeks for me. For one, I feel like I've been holding my breath - like I can't breathe.  On the other hand, I've been moving forward like nothing's changed - preparing for the baby, although cautiously.

I even stopped talking to my son about the baby... just in case.
I didn't order our announcement cards... just in case.

It's like I hit the pause button, but at the same time had to move forward like everything was ok. Such a strange time to guard myself from bad news, but at the same time acting as though I would receive good news.

Everything with my baby, to this point, has turned out ok.

Low-starting betas = baby ok with strong heartbeat and growing right on target
Subchorionic Hemorrhage = baby ok with strong heartbeat and growing right on target
Ultrasounds = baby ok with strong heartbeat and growing right on target

I wanted to believe in my heart that all would be ok, even with all this worry. Because there was no way I couldn't worry!

First Test taken at 11w+3d

Here were the results from the first test. The big item is the "fetal fraction." They need 3.5% or more to give you results. Only about 2% of women get a "no result." This can be due to weight, testing too early (not enough placental DNA in blood stream), or maybe a bad blood sample. 

Retaking the test, they even give you the percentage of IF you would get a result if you take the test again. The odds for me are in the 60 percentile... I wasn't sure if I liked those odds very much. 

Second Test Taken 13w+5d

This time I was able to get the "Kit ID" that came with the packet, so I could check for the results online. I didn't know you could do that, but after the results came back inconclusive last time -- I read a lot of message boards on it and found out this info.

Maybe it's good or maybe it's bad to have access to the results online? Can I admit to being obsessive and checking the website multiple times a day? Well, I did...! Eep. No real rhyme or reason to it. I wish they would post results as they go or something. Updates like, "Almost there" or "2 more days." LOL, although that probably would've drove me nuts as well!

Anyways, initially the website said they'll have the results by 12/20. I'm thinking, "that's so long!!!" But I've heard of results coming back within a week and that's what I was hoping for. My doctor's office told me they were expecting the results anywhere from 12/14-12/16.

The results came on "officially" on 12/15, received a call from my MFM's office on 12/16, but the results didn't post on the Natera website until 12/19.

I was so happy to receive the news.... LOW RISK and I'm having a baby BOY!!!!!!! Here are the official results: 

I have to admit, I was surprised to hear her say "BOY" because I was totally expecting a girl. LOL. Guess my gut was all wrong on the gender! I even had her repeat it twice, "You said boy?" Haha. I guess that predication site was right and the Chinese calendar. I'm guessing the strong heartbeat old wives tale isn't true. 

After I got the news, I wasn't sure how I wanted to let everyone know the gender. Do something special? But I just ended up calling and texting - I couldn't keep it a secret :) 

I'll write a different entry on my thoughts on having a boy. Right now, I just feel so good and relieved and happy that baby boy has low risk for these items. I'm still cautious about being too optimistic, but I'll admit - I'm feeling pretty darn good about things. I'll be even happier after I see my baby boy on the ultrasound this week. 

In other thoughts... I'm wondering if all the monitoring that I've been having is "good" for me or not. I'm not sure I'd do anything different per se... but all my stress hasn't come from the pregnancy itself. The pregnancy has actually been relatively easy for me so far. All the stress has been from the test results (and the waiting). Something to think about and contemplate later I suppose. Right now I'm going to celebrate my baby boy -- who already has a name!! -- and be grateful that as of this moment, all is well :)

15 Weeks Pregnant

15 weeks pregnant already...! Getting closer to that "half way" mark in the pregnancy at 20 weeks - only 5 weeks away! The pregnancy still doesn't feel "real" sometimes, like this is all pretend or something. I think once I can feel baby move, then it'll feel like everything is really happening.

Some pregnancy randoms: 

• It's been nice being on less oral medications. I'm only taking my prenatal and baby aspirin right now. I think this is the less I've been on meds for the almost 2 years I was TTC. 
• I have a HUGE bruise on my tummy from the insulin shots. It got so big, there was no room on that side to inject on. I've been exclusively injecting on my right now -- but now that side is starting to form bruises. Sometimes that little itty bitty needle stings when it goes in. Odd after doing the PIO that the little insulin needle is giving me such grief. 

How far along: 15 weeks.

How big is baby: Navel Orange. Ovia app: 

Weight Gain: -4 lbs

Stretch Marks: Not yet. 

Symptoms: Here's the list: 

• Starting to get major round ligament pains. They randomly hit when I move too fast or change positions. They hurt a bit. I wonder if that means my tilted uterus is coming forward. 
• One word: constipation. Ugh. 
• I've had crazy peeing episodes at night, like getting up 2-3 times. It sucks. 
• I've been crazy emotional, like crying at the blink of an eye. I was looking at books in Target and one was so adorably cute (toddler book) and I started crying right there in the aisle! WTH! I watched a preview video of an event I was bringing my son to and I bust out crying thinking how much he was going to enjoy it. Sheesh. I'm like a pool of tears just ready to unleash. 

Sleeping: Hard to sleep when you're peeing 2-3 times during the night. Might be time to try a maternity pillow? 

Food cravings: Ice cream, chocolate, and coffee! 

Food aversions: not sure if I mentioned this, but right now I'm obsessed with peppermints. When I have hunger pains and or feel  nauseous, it's the only thing that saves me. So, if I end up eating eggs or peanut butter, I eat a peppermint afterwards and I don't feel nauseous anymore. 

Maternity Clothes: I wanted to mention that I switched to my full coverage bras. No more nice cute ones, they just didn't fit well anymore. The full coverage bras seem to be doing the job right now. I don't think I've grown in cup size yet. I also switched to "granny panties." LOL. They're just way more comfortable than my other underwear. 

Movement: There were a few times I thought I might have felt something. Like little bubbles or something. But it could've been gas! lol. It's still early. 

What I did / Got for Baby: I've been stocking up on diapers and wipes on my Amazon Mom/Subscribe and Save monthly deliveries. I should have a good amount of diapers and wipes by the time baby arrives. I'm sticking to the bigger sizes right now, Size 2-4. Then I plan on getting Size 1 and a few newborn sizes closer to when baby arrives. I don't want too many NB sizes since most baby's grow out of those quickly. 

I received a birthday gift with items for the baby. I busted out crying because 1) it was my first baby gift and 2) I've been crazy-worried about something being wrong with the baby. Very sweet gift. 

What I miss: Not getting up in the middle of the night to go pee. 

Workouts: One day hopefully! 

What I'm looking forward to: seeing the baby again at my next ultrasound. 

Best moment of the week: Briefly finding the baby's heartbeat on the doppler. I swear, the baby is so hard to find! I found it a few times, but it's like hit or miss. More misses than finds the past few times I tried. But one night I found it right away! A nice strong 160 bpm. Then, baby moved and I couldn't find it again. What's also cool is hearing the baby move through the doppler. I swear I heard the baby kick it! 

Upcoming Appointments: 12/22 having a detailed ultrasound. 

How the "Big Reveal" Went

I mentioned before Thanksgiving that I was going to let friends/family know about my pregnancy, see the entry here. It's funny. I was totally worried about sharing my infertility story, but no one even asked questions about that. Here is how most of the conversations went:

Me: I'm pregnant!
Them: "Who, what, when, how?" Or "Who's the dad?"
Me: "There's no dad, it's just me." Or "A doctor helped me get pregnant."
Them: "Oh, you did artificial insemination?" Or "Oh, you did IVF?"
Me: Yes
Then: "Oh ok."

And... that's it really!

I only had a few questions on choosing a sperm donor, but not as much as I thought I would. I also got a few concerns about me being "alone." One of my cousins just had a baby and he said he wouldn't leave his girlfriend alone while she was pregnant. So he kept asking me if I changed my oil, got my tires checked, before I drove to Cali. He even checked my tires, just in case. He was also concerned about when I go into labor, who would help me.

Which is completely funny to me because I feel like I have all those little details covered already. Also, it was weird to have someone worry about stuff I take care of regularly on my own. But it was really sweet to have some worry, I'm just totally not used to it.

Now, what's interesting is -- my dad and my brother reacted just how I thought they would. Their only response was, "Oh" and nothing else. Not surprised at all... but afterward when I was thinking about it, I thought to myself "Geez, they didn't even say congratulations." I could be butt hurt about it, but I feel like they've disappointed me so much in the past -- that this didn't even cause a dent. Just made me start thinking about my kids and how much their lack of participation/interest in my family was going to have me start changing how I interact with them in the near future. But I can save that for a longer diatribe in a future post.

Something Unexpected 

What's also interesting... I haven't been in contact with my mother or little brother (half brother from my mom) for 8 years. There was a big family fall out that basically split our already dysfunctional family up. Long dramatic story... Anyways. Ever since I thought I was pregnant, I've been thinking about trying to get in contact with my mother. I think I even posted about some of the dreams I've been having with her in them. She had always wanted to be a grandma... and ever since I adopted my son, I felt bad that she was missing out (her choice in way).

Well, it turns out that my mother and little brother "resurfaced" out of nowhere right before Thanksgiving. (The reason she showed up was part of the family drama storyline that happened 8 years ago, that I won't post here.) But all of a sudden, I had my little brother and my mom's contact information. Since I was in California, I had to decide - do I contact them while I'm here?

I was back and forth on whether to contact my mom. Partly because we never had a good relationship and the way she had been the last time I saw her, I just didn't want my kids around someone like that. So, I decided to contact my little brother. He agreed to meet me for brunch. Also, my dad and brother had told me that she was just as bitter and angry as before. My dad even warned me, "Don't let that woman around your kids!" I guess I should've figured that they may have some (big) biases where it came to her... but it still had me hesitate as it wasn't out of context for my mom to be the way they were describing her.

What's crazy is -- my mom and little brother had NO CLUE I was a foster parent or that I adopted my son. They didn't know until they got in contact with my father (for the post-family drama stuff). So, they had just heard the news. See how much you can miss out on when you hold grudges...? Just saying.

When I met with my little brother, we talked about my mom. Knowing I wouldn't be visiting California again until maybe end of 2017, I decided to go ahead and see if my mom wanted to have a quick meeting with me and meet my son. I figured, if she acted crazy/drama - we could just leave.

Well, we met and it was a bit emotional for me - although I surprisingly was able to control it at the time. She was great with my son. We talked a little about the past, but I refused to talk about the drama she has with my dad and brother. I was able to get some important family medical information that I never thought to ask about before I was pregnant. I did tell her I was pregnant and the conversation went EXACTLY like I described above, which is so funny to me.

This entry is getting kind of long... but, my mom told me that she's happy to be a grandma. She was excited about meeting my son and about the new baby that's coming. She even said she wants to be there for the birth of the baby and that she would be able to stay for the month of June to help out... which totally surprised me. Her and my little brother are also coming out to visit next week to do an early Christmas celebration and so she can go to my next ultrasound.

My mom also told me that I've changed... Maybe I have since I've become a parent? But I don't really think I've changed much, I think that maybe she's barely seeing me for the first time outside of her misconceptions about me as a child.

All so unexpected... and crazy... and emotional. I figure, some people may not be great parents -- but they can be great grandparents. I hope that's the case with my mom. I have some concerns about her, but I figure I can always cut off contact if she steps out of line with my kids. Because for me, it's not really about MY relationship with my mom... it's about her relationship with my kids. I don't want my mom to miss out on being a grandma and I don't want my kids to miss out on having a grandma. More to come on this, I'm sure.

All in all, I'm happy that I've reconnected with my mom and little brother. It's also nice to let go of the past and move forward.

14 Weeks Pregnant - Entering the 2nd Trimester

I can't believe I'm in the 2nd trimester! It felt so very far away and now it's here. Here's what the last week looked like.

How far along: 14 weeks

How big is baby:  A peach. Ovia app: 

Weight Gain: -4 lbs

Stretch Marks: Nope. 

Symptoms: Food pains, some headaches, sensitive breasts, get tired really easy. 

Sleeping: Sleep? I wish! I'm not sleeping so well still. 

Food cravings: I haven't been craving anything in particular. But man, when the food pains hit -- I feel so sick. Then I eat and I'm full really quickly. We went to a restaurant for dinner and I was so hungry, my stomach was talking and cramping. So, I decided to order an appetizer. I ate it so quickly, but it made me completely full that I couldn't eat my regular meal. Such a strange thing my eating habits have come to. 

Food aversions: I *thought* I was over my egg aversion. Well, I'm able to eat eggs now -- but after I'm done it's a bit scary as my stomach feels very unsettled and the nausea kicks in. I haven't thrown up yet, but there were moments where it was sketchy. I think I may lay off the eggs again for a few weeks. What's also interesting is the same thing happens after I eat peanut butter. Eggs and peanut butter make my nausea kick in. Which sucks because those are my best sources of protein! Blah. 

Maternity Clothes: I'm going to buy more maternity pants. I'm exclusively wearing them now because they are just so darn comfortable! I haven't gained any weight, but when I wear my regular pants I just feel like I'm so confined and the pressure on my tummy makes me feel sick. 

Movement: Not yet, too early. 

What I did / Got for Baby: I almost feel like I'm "nesting" already. I have cleared out the baby's room for the most part - still need to work on the closet.  Once I know the gender I can start getting rid of some of the baby clothes I have, which will make it easier clearing things out. I'm planning on getting a new dresser/clothes chest. The one that's in the baby's room is very old, from when I moved into one of my apartments in 1999! It's basically falling apart. I got rid of my 2 previous cribs (with drop-sides) and I put together the baby's new crib! It took me about 1-2 hours to put it together by myself. There were a lot more extra pieces to put together than my other cribs which were much simpler. I have to admit I had moments of frustration with those darn bolts and whined a little (or a lot) when they wouldn't stay in place. It's not the easiest putting a crib together by yourself and would be a lot easier to have someone hold pieces up while you screw. But whatever, not my first time assembling a crib solo and I got it done :) I really like it and think it looks lovely, especially for the price I got it for on Amazon. I'm actually really impressed with the quality. 

I also bought a new diaper bag... which is crazy because I have so many diaper bags!!! But the one I wanted was on sale on Amazon and I couldn't resist getting it - like $100 off! How could I resist? It is a Ju-Ju-Be BFF Convertible Diaper bag. It can be a regular over the shoulder bag or a backpack! They're usually very expensive, but I got it for almost half off. I really do prefer the backpack-style diaper bags. So much easier when you're using a baby carrier and/or have a toddler you need hands for. I just never wanted to splurge that much for one before. Woohoo for getting deals! 

What I miss: Feeling rested. I have more energy, but I get tired so easy. Afternoons in the office are killing me, I just want a nap. I always find stuff I need to do in the evenings, so not going to sleep early enough. I'm just so tired most of the day. But even when I have opportunities to nap, I can't seem to. Argh. 

Workouts: I wish... 

What I'm looking forward to: Getting my Panorama NIPT results back. 

Best moment of the week: Not baby related, but the best moment of the week was celebrating my son's birthday. He kept singing to himself, "Happy Birthday to B." Brought tears of joy to my eyes. 

13w+5d: MFM Followup and NIPT re-drawn

I had my diabetes follow-up with my MFM.

MFM Followup 

My sugars looked really good this week. I'm going to stop taking Metformin, as of today. No changes to my insulin levels, keeping them at 12 iu in the morning and 16 iu at night. This may need to be adjusted if my sugars spike from not taking the Metformin. I'm also going to do a "trial" run on coffee... and see what it does to my sugar levels. I normally only had 1 cup a day, but I add creamer -- can't drink it black. So, going to see if the creamer I use will impact my sugar levels.

NIPT Re-Drawn

My MFM did not recommend that I re-take the NIPT now. She wanted me to wait until 15 weeks. She also mentioned that there are studies that show if you have multiple inconclusive tests, that it can mean there is an abnormality with the baby... Which I had already read, so wasn't surprised when she said it. There's also some research to show that women overweight are more likely to have inconclusive tests. So there's that as well. She did say that she thought we would have a good idea about baby at the detailed ultrasound, as the soft markers are usually very obvious at that stage in development. Either way, I'll know soon enough.

Well, I couldn't wait until 15 weeks and wanted to do it now. So, she let me... I'm keeping in mind that if it comes back inconclusive for a second time -- not to freak out... I also think that since I've had time to digest things, that I can deal with the results either way it goes. It's all God's will and out of my hands. Either way, I should know what's going on after the detailed ultrasound (hopefully). I am extremely hopeful that everything is ok with my baby and I pray that I can deal with whatever the outcome is.

Next Steps:

• 12/22/16: MFM, Detailed Ultrasound 
• 12/30/16: OB, Monthly Follow-up 

For a timeline and more details on my pregnancy journey, please click here.

Dealing...

Every since I had my 1st Trimester Screening come back as "high risk" for Trisomy 18/13, I've felt so defeated. Like nothing was ever going to come easy with this pregnancy. The thought of something being wrong with my baby is so overwhelming that I can't let myself focus on it for too long. This anxiety and worry... it's tiring. I'm emotionally drained.

Now, I realize that it's only a "screening" and not a diagnosis at this point. But that fear that my baby will be impacted by one of these fatal abnormalities just has me in a worry-storm. The uncertainty and the not knowing makes it even harder. Like I have no clue how to proceed. I was ready to share my pregnancy news and even have my pregnancy announcement card almost done. Do I wait? Do I continue to celebrate the pregnancy for now?

I started looking more into the First Trimester Screening vs the Panorama screening, this was on the Panorama website: https://www.natera.com/panorama-test/clinical-information.

I wasn't "scared" to redo the Panorama NIPT before... but I all of a sudden have this huge concern to do it, because look at the false positive rates, very low. If the Panorama comes back positive -- then it's really not good. With the 1st Trimester Screening, 80% for Trisomy 18 and 50% for Trisomy 13, there's room for error in there. 

After almost a week of letting the news of the high risk set in... I think I've calmed down "a little." It's been so busy with us traveling, then preparing for my son's birthday/birthday party -- that I didn't really have time to just let it sink in. I figure, there's absolutely nothing that can be done at this point. If my baby has a chromosomal abnormality, he/she has it. Me worrying over it can't change anything. My heart is pained though... just hoping to get good news this month. 

My MFM wanted me to wait until 15 weeks to retest with the Panorama. I'm going to ask if I can retest this week. It's been 2 weeks since my initial test, so hopefully there's enough baby DNA in my blood stream by now to get a result. Will see what she says. I figure, I'd rather know BEFORE my detailed ultrasound at 15 weeks the results of the Panorama. That way, I can have peace of mind - either way it goes. It'll also help me decide on doing an amnio. 

Some Good News 

There is some "good news." My company is changing their parental leave policy starting in 2017. Which is awesome! They're increasing paid leave to 8 weeks (originally at 3 weeks). What's also super great about that is, I had already budgeted for maternity leave. It was nicely funded by my refund from my fertility clinic, which is really the money I put in for IVF #3 that was cancelled. So now, I can reallocate that money somewhere else :) 

There's also a lot of other great things that have happened. I know I haven't written about other things non-pregnancy related, but everything else in life is going really nicely. I feel like my blog has been all "doom and gloom" lately. Hopefully after the NIPT results and after my detailed ultrasound, things will be clearer and I can try to be a happy go-lucky pregnant lady. 

13 Weeks Pregnant

This week was not what I expected. I thought that once I got to 13 weeks, that I would have less worries, but with the "high risk" screening for trisomies 18/13 - I just find myself in a whole entire world of worry and concerns. I really hope that it's all a "worry for nothing" thing and that my baby is OK. None-the-less, I'm going to continue to track the pregnancy and see how things go along the way. 

How far along: 13 weeks

How big is baby: A Lemon. Via app: 

Weight Gain:  -4 lbs

Stretch Marks: Nope. 

Symptoms: I feel almost "normal" right now. The only thing is I get really tired quickly when things get busy. The other thing is I get horrible hunger pains! I'll be fine and then I'll need to eat quickly. But then I end up not being able to eat that much. 

Sleeping: Still tossing and turning at night. Getting side-sores. Seriously considering getting a pregnancy pillow, maybe it'll help? 

Food cravings: Chocolate... 

Food aversions: No food aversions anymore! Going to see if I can actually cook raw meat though. Wish me luck. 

Maternity Clothes: Pants and loving them still. I want to buy more. My pre-pregnancy size in maternity clothes is one size too big, oddly. So, I think I want to go down a size and buy a few more pants. My regular pants still "fit" and everything, they just feel confining. 

Movement: Nope, too early still. 

What I did / Got for Baby: Nothing this week. 

What I miss: having less anxiety. 

Workouts: Will my schedule ever lighten up to fit workouts in??? 

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling the baby move. 

Best moment of the week: Finding the baby's heartbeat on my home doppler. It took awhile to find it, but once I saw the 161 bpm - I knew I finally found my little one! 

12w+6d: High Risk for Trisomy 18/13

After taking so long to get pregnant, I used to imagine what being pregnant would feel like. I imagined it would filled with so much happiness, giddiness, excitement and so much planning for this new little life.

Things haven't really gone that way for me... First, the low-starting betas. Second, the Subchorionic Hemorrhage. Now, I just found out I'm at a high risk for Trisomy 18/13. 

1st Trimester Screening & NIPT

Last week I had my NT scan and I had my blood taken for two tests: 1) NT Blood Work (AKA 1st Trimester Screening) and 2) NIPT (Non-invasive pre-natal testing) with Panorama. The NT Blood work relates to your hormone levels. The NIPT is a DNA test. 

I have to say, I was not worried about these blood tests AT ALL. I just wanted to know the gender! I didn't even really look into what they specifically tested for. Well, they test for Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome), Trisomy 18 (Edward's Syndrome), and Trisomy 13 (Patau syndrome). Feel free to look them up. But basically Trisomy 18 and Trisomy 13 are almost always a fatal prognosis where the babies either die in-utero or die shortly after birth. 

The NIPT test through Panorama company came back inconclusive. I was short like .1% of fetal DNA in my blood, so they weren't able to come back with results. I had like 3.4% of fetal DNA and they needed 3.5% in order to process results. 

The 1st Trimester screening came back with a low risk for Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome) with a 1:6500 chance. Results came back with a 1:94 chance for Trisomy 18/13. Which means I'm high risk for one of these. The 1st trimester screening doesn't break out between Trisomy 18 and 13 because they both have the same hormonal indicators. The NIPT test would be able to break them out better. 

Just to level-set, these tests are just "screenings" and aren't diagnostic. It doesn't mean my baby DOES have these chromosomal abnormalities, I'm just high risk for them. Which scares the crap out of me. 

What's Next? 

The only way to 100% know if my baby has Trisomy 18 or 13 is through an amniocentesis, which is a very invasive test that has a risk of miscarriage... I had no plans at all to do an amnio. But now, I'm not so sure because I really want to know what to expect. Before we get there though, my MFM said that there are normally 'soft markers' they can see on an ultrasound. They didn't see these on my NT scan, probably because it was so early or because they weren't really looking for it. My MFM wants to perform a detailed ultrasound first. The plan: 

1) Repeat the NIPT Panorama test at 15 weeks. 

2) Perform a detailed ultrasound at 15 weeks. 

3) Have me talk to a genetic councilor. 

The detailed ultrasound is similar to the one performed at 18 weeks (at what's normally called the anatomy scan). I'll be repeating the detailed ultrasound at 18 weeks. If any soft markers are found at one or both of the ultrasounds, my MFM will give me a recommendation on whether or not an amnio should be performed. 

OB/MFM Appointments

I had my OB appointment and it turns out I have a UTI (my second one while pregnant) and bacteria vaginosis. I asked my OB why I keep getting stuff, since I haven't had a UTI since I was a kid and never had other issues. She said it's just because I'm pregnant, that our bodies do weird things. So, this might keep happening. The OB wasn't able to find my baby's heartbeat on a doppler, so they told me to have my MFM perform an ultrasound (their ultrasound tech wasn't there). 

My MFM wasn't very happy with my food/glucose logs. I was on vacation and it was nearly impossible to eat regularly or check my glucose levels 6x's a day. We are upping my bedtime insulin, I'm up to 16iu/night and 12iu/morning. They performed an ultrasound to check for the heartbeat and they were actually able to see the baby through the tummy, although it was hard to see clearly. My uterus is still very tilted, but should start to come forward (hopefully). I'm getting some back pain, I think it's due to the tilt. We were able to see baby moving around and hear the heartbeat of 163 bpm. Such a relief.

Eye Appointment

Had my annual eye exam and all is well. 

How do I feel? 

I've been in sort of a daze since I've had the news. I was just letting myself get really excited about the pregnancy and I had just told my close friends and family about being pregnant over Thanksgiving... Now, I kind of regret telling anyone anything. I should've waited for these results. But after my NT ultrasound went so well, I just assumed everything was OK and I wanted to finally share the news. Stupid... stupid. I should have waited. I've only told a few close friends about this "possibility" and don't plan on telling anyone else for now. 

What is so frustrating is that the odds are so very low for the baby having either trisomy. But at the same time, that means that 1 in 94 babies gets the diagnosis. For that ONE baby, how devastating... I can't help but worry about if my baby ends up being that one baby out of 94. I want to think and believe that my baby is OK and believe in the odds. But, I just can't let myself relax or trust in it. I think it has to do with my experience so far being pregnant and just how much I struggled trying to get pregnant. 

I'm trying to "let go and let God" and all that, but my mind and heart just hurt. It's like I'm hitting the pause button. I was going to send out "I'm pregnant" announcements this month, but now I'm going to wait... I just need to get through all this testing. 

I'm a bit envious of other women that have such easy pregnancies and no worries about any of this type of stuff. To be so lucky... 

I wish I could be celebrating my baby instead of worrying. After my infertility struggles - this just all sucks. 

Next Steps:

• 12/22/16: MFM - Repeat NIPT test, detailed ultrasound, and genetic counseling 
• 12/30/16: OB - follow-up appointment 

12 Weeks Pregnant!

Back posting this entry since I was on vacation.

How far along: 12 weeks

How big is baby: A plum. Via app: 

Weight Gain:  -5 lbs

Stretch Marks: Nope. 

Symptoms: Symptoms have started to lighten up! Still get tired quickly though. 

Sleeping: Not sleeping very well. Tossing and turning. 

Food cravings: Ice cream...! 

Food aversions: These have started to lighten up. 

Maternity Clothes: I have maternity pants and I really like them! 

Movement: Nope, too early still. 

What I did / Got for Baby: Nothing this week. 

What I miss: care-free eating. 

Workouts: Eventually...! 

What I'm looking forward to: Feeling the baby move. 

Best moment of the week: Seeing the baby on the NT scan moving around.