I've been thinking about my upcoming FET and my two Day 6 embryos. Here's a picture of my embryos before they were cryopreserved:
I can't help but wonder about these two embryos and if either one will result in a Baby C. For my fresh transfer in IVF #2 and my FET #1, I had decided to do an eSET (elective single embryo transfer) because I didn't want to risk a multiple pregnancy.
What's changed?
Well, nothing has changed... really. My RE thinks the % chances of transferring 2 embryos (with my history of 2 failed transfers) will result in a singleton pregnancy. Even with the talk of percentages and stuff... there is still a slight possibility of both embryos sticking. In that case, I wanted to make sure I was OK with that scenario.
Am I OK if transferring two leads to twins?
I had to ask myself that question because I want to make sure I'm not making a mistake in transferring two and that I can deal with the results if I get pregnant with twins. My answer is: YES. I'd feel blessed with a singleton pregnancy, but doubly blessed if it was a twin pregnancy.
With my acceptance of the possibility of a twin pregnancy (although % is relatively low), I feel good with transferring both embryos.
I also had to think about parenting twin newborns with a toddler. I guess being a foster parent has its benefits because I'm not too concerned about it! Maybe I should be. But all I can think about is where I would need extra help and then getting the help if I need it. I'm being realistic about it, I don't think it'll be a cake walk -- AT ALL. I know I would need extra help with twins. I just know that others have done it as single moms and have managed. I've also had difficult parenting situations being a foster parent. I know my parenting limits and I know when to ask for help (or hire help). It doesn't feel like a "mission impossible" thing. It feels more like a "mission do-able, I'll survive" if it happens thing.
With all that decided and said, I have to say I'm on my 11th cycle. Yes -- ELEVENTH! I can't believe it. Through all this time I haven't had one pregnancy. Thinking about having twins feels "far fetched" in a way. Like something that happens to other people, not me. I'm mentally preparing for it because it is a slight possibility, but I think realistically - it probably won't happen. Even thinking about a singleton pregnancy feels "far fetched" since it hasn't happened in all my tries!
With that said... I would feel blessed if one of these embryos, or both of these embryos, became a baby. I printed their embryo pictures so I can look at it everyday and think positive thoughts. At this point in my TTC journey, I need positive. I need to believe that it can happen. I need to believe that I can get pregnant. I need to believe that one, or both, of these embryos will grow to become a little person.
Second Opinions
I've been thinking a lot about getting second opinions from different RE's. I absolutely LOVE my clinic and my RE... but as a friend mentioned, I've had 2 failed IVF cycles there. With that in mind, I think I'm going to look into getting 2nd opinions from other RE's.
I'm just not sure on the timing.
For one, I want to get the consults NOW. So that I'm prepared if FET #2 doesn't work... But at the same time, I don't want to be pessimistic that FET #2 isn't going to work and don't want to jinx my cycle! On the other hand, if I get the consults now, if I FET #2 doesn't work - I can move forward quickly with another fresh cycle IVF egg retrieval.
For two, I want to wait to see what happens with FET #2 first. Why waste the time and energy if I end up getting pregnant (oh please let me get pregnant this cycle!!). If I wait, that'll delay any "start date" on doing another egg retrieval (if I end up switching RE's).
Not to mention, it's a lot to think about. I'm already thinking about FET #2 and accepting the possibility of "maybe twins" scenario. To add into the mix meeting with different RE's to see what they would change about my IVF protocol... It doesn't feel "overwhelming" per se... but it just feels like a lot to process at one time. Especially after my emotional July rollercoaster.
Right now, I'm at a standstill on moving forward with 2nd Opinion consults. Hopefully I won't need a consult and I'll get pregnant this cycle. Wouldn't that be such a blessing :)
Positive thoughts and baby dust all around.
Next Steps:
- 8/17/16: Saline ultrasound
- 8/19/16: Injections training, consent forms, cycle costs due, and endo scratch
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