IUI #7 (Cycle 10) - Beta Test Results

Cycle 10 and IUI #7 = BFN. I knew the odds were relatively low for this IUI to work... but I still hoped it would miraculously be the crazy cycle that worked. No such luck.

Not to mention that I got AF this morning prior to going for my Beta test. So, I knew this would be the outcome. Which is weird, I've never spotted or got my period while on progesterone before! Out of all my cycles, this has never happened. Just another oddity to add to Cycle 10.

I tried so hard not to do a home pregnancy test, I really did! But at 10dpIUI I was really itching to POAS. By 12dpIUI, I caved. I did end up testing early on 12dpIUI. Stark white negative result.

My RE is so nice. He called me personally, which I never can get used to! He's never called for my IUI results, only for the IVF results. But I guess there was an exception because of the IVF cancellation that converted to an IUI. He sounds almost just as frustrated as I do that I'm not pregnant!

I have to admit that I'm really disappointed it didn't work. But I think my disappointment stems from this ENTIRE cycle just being horrible. From AF not starting on time, to my medication issues, to not stimming well, to the IVF cycle being converted to an IUI, to the sperm almost not arriving on time for the IUI. It's just been one F'd up rollercoaster of a cycle.

I feel like I wasted 2 months of my life with this cycle and I could've just did a FET or something else. Instead of flushing money down the IVF drain to not even get to an egg retrieval. So lame.

I'm glad this cycle is over. Now, I get to move on and leave the bitterness in the past. I need to turn the POSITIVE back on. I'm not really sure how to do that... TTC has really been one disappointment after another. For the most part, I think I've dealt with the rollercoaster pretty well. But this cycle really got the best of me.

What's Next? 

I had a few choices on what to do next:

1. Do another full IVF retrieval 
2. Do a FET 
3. Do an IUI 
4. Do nothing 

Option #1: I was thinking and thinking and thinking about the possibility of doing another IVF retrieval. With IVF #3 being converted to an IUI, most of my payment didn't get applied - which means I have a credit at my RE's office. I can use those funds to pay for another full IVF retrieval. Which means I can afford to cash roll another IVF cycle. 

But the thought of going through all that again... Right now, it's just too much. I don't want to go through stims again. Not right now. Emotionally, I'm still too bitter from Cycle 10 to contemplate going through it again. Plus, I stopped my supplements the day of IUI #7 and if I do another retrieval I want to make sure I have a few months to take supplements prior to a retrieval. 

Option #1 has a lot against it, so I opted against it. 

Option #3: I thought about doing IUI's, but why do another IUI when I have 2 frozen embryos? 

Option #4: I'm not ready to give up yet! 

That leaves Option #2: A Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) 

Doing a FET feels right. FET's are less stressful. Plus, I have 2 frozen embryos. These embryos aren't PGS tested... which worries me so much. But the cost analysis doesn't make sense to test just 2 embryos. Plus, there's the potential to lose the embryos with the thaw/biopsy/re-freeze part. 

Then there's another choice: transfer 1 or transfer 2 embryos? 

My RE said that since I've had two failed transfers, he's recommending transferring both my embryos. He said the odds are the same at this point to transfer 1 or 2, that it'll most likely lead to a singleton pregnancy. Basically, he thinks the risk for twins is low. I have been very twin risk-adverse up to this point. 

So the plan is... FET #2 in September and transferring 2 embryos. Oh my....!!! 

I actually have my baseline ultrasound tomorrow and will be put on birth control pills. Basically, jumping right into FET #2. 

How Do I Feel? 

I had a very difficult and emotional July! I know most of it was because of the medications enhancing my emotions. But man... I cried a lot and got into sad/depressed states. It was pretty ugly. Not like I was crying everyday or non-functional. But it was pretty bad for me. At the same time, I'm glad that I cried it out and got my frustration out. I've been feeling like a "good little TTC soldier" and kept moving forward after each disappointment... that I didn't really let myself cry more than just a little bit. I think Cycle 10 just over filled my emotional bucket and I had to let it all out. 10 cycles of disappointments. Tens of thousands of dollars spent. Getting close to 2 years of trying to have a baby.  

So, I'm glad this chapter is over and I have a plan for the next steps. I was so bitter the entire month, I wasn't sure if the next steps would be "clear" or that I would even want to do anything. I was thinking, "Maybe I need a break from all this." 

When I got my negative pregnancy test, I started to think about what I should do next. When I thought about doing the FET and transferring 2 embryos... I felt at peace with that decision. I always felt bad that I was "giving up" on my last 2 embryos from IVF #2, since the other 2 didn't stick. I really wanted to PGS test them to get a clearer picture on egg quality. But nothing to be done on that at this juncture. 

I feel really good about moving forward with the FET and I feel so much less stress about it all. 

Here's the plan: 

• September: FET #2. 

If it doesn't work...

• Nov or Dec or Jan (Holiday travel schedule will impact when I'll move forward): Try another Egg Retrieval 
• I'll probably try an IUI or two during the IVF-wait period, if I have the time in between cycles to do them. 

But there's always the possibility that FET #2 works... it'll be a miracle! 

I always try to imagine what that "moment" would look like, to actually get 2 lines on one of those damn evil pregnancy tests and to get a happy phone call from my RE with positive beta results. I really hope that one day that moment will happen and all the wonderful moments that'll trickle after that. 

Here's to adding HOPE back into my bucket. 

Next Steps:

• Stop all IUI Medications 
• 8/5/16: FET #2 Baseline Ultrasound 
• 8/19/16: Scheduled WTF meeting with RE for Cycle #10. I want to discuss what he would change if I did another Fresh IVF cycle (in the event FET #2 doesn't work). Got to stay one step ahead of the game on this...