21w+3d: MFM Follow-up and Ultrasound

It's been an entire week since my big bleed last week. Thankfully the bleeding/spotting seemed to stop last Friday. But it has been a long week waiting for my ultrasound to make sure everything was OK with baby boy. I'm surprised I handled the wait so well... I'm usually more stressed and worried than I was. I think at this point in my pregnancy, I'm just so tired of all the worry... It's hard to worry "more" or "harder" than I already have. I realize there's nothing I can really do if something is wrong... it almost makes me feel defeated in a way... But worrying endlessly just doesn't help and isn't productive.

Ultrasound

They were running behind at my MFM's office, so my appointment ended up lasting a little over 2 hours. I was worried for the ultrasound and once she got the image up - I couldn't really tell if he was moving - because he wasn't moving much at first. Then all of a sudden he started moving around a ton! Such a relief... He was in a breech position and facing towards my back. The ultrasound tech was trying to get pictures of his brain and heart -- we didn't have much luck with that. He was just too active and wouldn't stay still for her to get any good images. Fetal Heart Tones were at 144 bpm.

It was funny watching him grab his feet and touch his face and hit around. I can't feel a thing when he's moving around and he moves a lot.

She didn't see anything that would have caused my bleed last week. No SCH, cervical length was good, nothing wrong with the placenta, baby boy looked OK. So they have no clue what caused the bleeding.

It was so wonderful seeing my baby looking healthy and moving around like crazy.

Meeting with MFM 

My MFM wasn't thrilled about my food logs or my sugars. Being sick the last two weeks I think really impacted my sugar levels. Also, the stress last week from the bleed really set me back a bit - as far as logging my sugars. But good news, my A1C came back at 5.5%. This is REALLY good. The last time they checked my A1C was in November (see blog entry) and my levels were at a 6.0%. My MFM wants to see A1C under 6.0% during pregnancy, so this is extremely good! Basically, my levels are reading like a non-diabetic.

She was going to add more Humulin R to dinner time meals, but I asked her to wait and see how my sugars regulate now that I'm not sick (since my levels looked awesome right before I got sick and I haven't changed my eating habits).

The only change she made was to my Humulin N in the morning, increasing from 14iu to 16iu. Now I'm on:

AM: Humulin N 16iu + Humulin R 6iu
PM: Humulin N 38iu

My next ultrasound will be in 2 weeks and will be the fetal echo cardiogram. Let's see how that one goes... hopefully baby boy will cooperate and we'll get good images. If not, they'll have to reschedule me.

So far... so good. It was a relief to see baby boy today, especially since he's so active. Feeling a lot better after my appointment :)

21 Weeks Pregnant

Officially 21 weeks pregnant. Feels super far, but at the same time doesn't feel far enough. It's been a very... very long week. I'm just grateful that all seems well with baby boy right now.

How far along: 21 Weeks, 3 more weeks to viability 

How big is baby: An Endive. Ovia app: 

Weight Gain: -4 lbs (with clothes on) 

Stretch Marks: No new ones, but I am starting to get some itchy feelings on my tummy. I am starting to show though, even though it's a "questionable" bump and not obvious if you didn't know I was pregnant. 

Symptoms: Nothing new or un-ordinary. A bit of insomnia and just feeling completely exhausted. It's also hard for me to take deep breathes lately (probably because I've been sick). Like I feel like my stomach is filling so much of me, if that makes any sense. 

Sleeping: Not sleeping well. Don't feel rested when I do sleep. Having to go pee more frequently lately, I think baby boy might be resting on my bladder. 

Food cravings: the endless need and want for some chocolate... yum. I do think that I'm going to have to add more food to my snacks though. I'm starting to get more hungry and eat more at my meals, but my snacks aren't cutting it - I'm still hungry. So I might start doing small-mini meals for snacks. 

Food aversions: None. 

Maternity Clothes: Some shirts are not fitting well, trying to hold off on having to buy some though. 

Movement: Nothing constant. 

What I did / Got for Baby: I received my LifeCare package of free goodies. I really liked this package because it came with a small cooler bag! It's just the right size. I'm hoping to be able to use it for breast milk storage/transport. I've also started reading the Dr. Spock baby book. 

I went shopping this weekend -- FINALLY! My son and I have been so sick this month that I've been putting off buying furniture for the baby's room. I've also been meaning to buy my son a new bed frame. It was nice because I found affordable furniture that was very close to what I was wanting. I bought my son a "captain" bed, so he'll have some bookshelves and storage space under his bed. I bought the baby a new clothes chest and a dresser with mirror, very similar to what I have for my son - just a different color/theme. The furniture will arrive next week and I'll really be able to work on preparing the baby's new room and clearing things out. I need to make it functional. 

The best part = I stayed within budget!!! Woohoo!! I've been saving for awhile so I could buy furniture and cash roll it vs. finance it vs. charging a credit card. It was nice knowing I could walk in and pay for everything with cash. I actually was under budget. I looked into getting a glider or a rocker/recliner since I had enough for one. But then I saw my son "play" with them -- and I could see what a horrible idea it was to even think about! LOL. He kept pushing the chairs making them go as fast as he could. It was entertaining, but not something I want to see in my house - because I could totally see disaster playing out with that. I'm going to put the extra money towards getting all the necessities for the baby... or I'm playing with the idea of using the money to decorate the kid's rooms. But really, necessities trump decorations! 

What I miss: Not being so worried all the time... 

Workouts: --- no comment. 

What I'm looking forward to: Reaching viability. 

Best moment of the week: Everything that is my son. He's such a bright light on a bad day. A funny conversation with him: 

Me: "Baby Brother's in Mama's tummy."

Son: "Ma ate baby brother?" 

Me: laughing, "No, Ma didn't eat baby brother." 

Son: "Baby brother eat Ma?" 

Then I had to ask myself... do I even try to explain what a uterus is to a 3 year old? LOL. He's potty training, so we talk a lot about "you eat, your food goes to your tummy, then your food comes out your bottom" - things like that. I think it's cute and funny that he's making a connection with what we've talked about. Hope I'm not confusing him! 

Another thing that's funny is, he looked at my belly button and asked me, "Baby brother come out of there?" pointing at my belly button. Haha. Only if it were that easy. Now, he's fascinated with belly buttons and keeps playing with his. 

Rants/Raves: I think I complained enough this week. I do have a rave. I'm grateful for my son's godmother for helping us out when I had to go to the hospital. I hate asking people for help because I feel so guilty about it... But I'm glad I have people I can ask help from people that are willing to go out of their way to help us. I also love the relationship my son is building with others, it touches my heart immensely. 

Appointments Next Week: Tuesday, January 31 - MFM Visit and Detailed Ultrasound 

20w+6d: Update and OB Monthly Follow-Up

The last few days were a little out of the ordinary for me... I've only told 3 people IRL about having to go to the hospital for my bleed (my mom, my son's godmother, and my friend that works at the hospital I was at). I don't know why I don't want to tell anyone... I guess it's because this pregnancy has been riddled with just some scary stuff and I've found that although people are supportive and all -- they don't know what to say to me when something bad happens. If that makes any sense? I guess none of their words really help either, it makes them feel uncomfortable (at times), and I HATE getting any type of sympathy. The "I'm so sorry" words kinda suck...  I even hate more, "Don't worry about it" comments. I get it though, I always have a hard time with the right words when I speak to my friends and they're going through difficult times. I suppose I just didn't want to deal with that dynamic right now.

I have to say... it was weird because life resumed just like normal the next day. I worked from home the rest of the work week, my form of "rest" I guess. But although I worked from home, I've felt utterly exhausted. Just so drained and tired... I even let myself nap in the afternoon before I pick up my son from preschool and even with an hour nap -- I wake up so groggy and feel even more tired and drained -- like I didn't get replenished at all. Even when I sleep at night -- I wake up like I haven't slept at all. 

The day after the hospital visit, I cried a lot. That's one reason I worked from home, my eyes were so swollen... I didn't want the questions and wasn't sure I would be able to hold back tears if I went into the office. 

What I want to be thinking about right now is: picking out furniture for my new baby, thinking about prenatal classes I want to attend, reading books on breast feeding, learning about giving birth, making sure I have all the "need" essentials for baby boy, and going through my son's old clothes/blankets to see what will work for the baby. 

I have to admit... It's hard to move forward this time. It feels like such a set-back mentally. It took me a long time in my pregnancy to deal with some of the scares and to feel really comfortable planning. I know I need to find a way to move forward and get my mind back in a calm/peaceful place. I feel like I just need an entire day to just SLEEP and just BE... without any responsibility... so I can come back into myself and deal better with this. Not really possible for me right now.

It's hard to explain just how dramatic the emotions can be living through it. One minute, I'm elated that baby boy looks good. Next minute, I get some big scare that some thing's wrong with the baby. All the highs and lows, constant ups and downs, worry to worry, good to bad. It's literally a crazy roller coaster of emotions. Sometimes I just don't know if I'm up or down. If I'm over worried or not worried enough. If I should plan or wait to plan. I'm just so tired... 

I'm not 100% OK yet and I'm not sure I will be. I'm trying though... 

OB Appointment 

I was so worried for my OB appointment because I was so scared that my baby boy wouldn't have a heartbeat. I'm back there again to that place where I'm worried at every turn... I think I started getting comfortable with the idea that baby boy was going to be just fine, so this bleed just put me off balance.

All was well at my appointment.

Weight: -4 lbs (with boots and clothes all on)
Blood pressure: really good
Fetal Heart Tones: 145 bpm

My OB was surprised that they didn't give me an ultrasound or check my cervix when I went to the hospital. They didn't have an ultrasound tech on-site today, so they weren't able to give me an ultrasound. She did check my cervix and it's closed. Can I say, getting your cervix checked is highly uncomfortable... Since I am still spotting, she checked in my vagina and said that all that is there is some old discharge, no new blood or anything.

My OB is so weird... I asked her how much I should worry about the bleed and under what circumstances should I go back to the hospital if I have another bleed. Her answers were basically, "it depends" but more leaned towards "better safe than sorry." So, I'm taking that as -- go to the hospital.

I tried asking my OB about birthing classes and stuff, but she's all "don't worry about that until third trimester." I tried to explain that classes fill up pretty quickly, but she didn't want to talk to me about it at all.  Which I didn't like really.

I'm still very congested with coughing/runny or stuffy nose and a lot of mucous. She was surprised I still had cold symptoms and asked me if I was taking allergy medicine. I told her it didn't help (because it didn't), but she didn't offer to give me anything for it. Hopefully it'll pass soon... going on 2 weeks of feeling like crap.

Next appointment with the OB is in 4 weeks. I'll get the ultrasound at my MFM next Tuesday...

For now, all seems well with baby boy. My spotting has gone down significantly. I'm to stay on pelvic rest for now. Trying to take one day at a time... 

20w+3d: Bleeding

At about 4pm yesterday I went to the bathroom and when I wiped, I had bright red blood. I tried not to freak out... but then I kept wiping and there was more and more blood. I looked in the toilet and there was a lot of blood in the toilet that had leaked out. There were also some small blood clots in the blood.

It was so unexpected and so "out of place" in a way...  we had just gotten home and my son was in the living room singing and playing and just so happy... he was having such a good day and I was looking forward to spending the evening with him. To get bleeding, seemingly out of nowhere, just felt like a moment that shouldn't be happening at such a happy part of the day. I remember looking at myself in the mirror in such shock that this was happening and not knowing what to do or what to think or how much to worry or what.

I didn't think I would go to the hospital due to my last experience with bleeding - where they didn't really do anything and I could've just waited for my next appointment. Initially, I started crying and kept telling myself, "Don't freak out. Calm down." I even changed out of my work clothes thinking I would just go to the OB or something the next day... But I decided to call the OB. They transferred me to a nurse. The nurse told me to go to the ER. I asked her if I should go to Labor & Delivery (L&D) instead and she said, "No, because I was too early for them to help me" is what she said... because basically I haven't reached viability (24 weeks).

Since I was directly told to go to the hospital, I felt like I had no choice and that I needed to follow the nurses advice. The first thing I had to figure out was: what do I do with my son? I called his godmother to see if she was available to watch him. She was -- thank goodness! She later apologized to me and said she didn't really register what I was saying when I said that I had started bleeding and needed to go to the ER. She said I was so calm about it, that she didn't initially get the "emergency" of the situation until we hung up the phone. She came to get my son right away and she had the forethought to have ask me if he could spend the night and to pack clothes for him. Thank goodness she did, because I ended up being at the hospital until pretty late (compared to my son's bedtime). She also offered to bring him to daycare the next day for me, so I wouldn't have to worry about things. I am so grateful to her for all of that... Means so much to have my son taken care of where I didn't have to worry about him at the same time with worrying about the baby.

It might sound weird, but I had a lot guilt and regret about not spending time with my son... Like I was taking time away from him. I was also sad that I wouldn't get to spend time with him when he was in such a good mood. But I'm glad he was able to spend the evening joyful, without a care in the world, and well taken care of - even if I couldn't be with him.

After my son was picked up, I headed to the ER. The same ER I went to when I had my last bleed. When I got there, they told me to go to L&D. I hesitated and told them that the nurse specifically said not to go to L&D. They called L&D to confirm that that's where I should go -- and they told me it was better for me since they could help me better. So, I had to walk all around the hospital before I could take the elevator to the maternity floor. I had calmed my crying at this point... but for some reason, that long ass walk just felt overwhelming and I cried again.

When I made it to the L&D floor... it was so weird because there were people arriving for a maternity floor tour... with cookies and lemonade out. There were people waiting in the waiting area. It was so lively with excitement that just didn't match my feelings of despair. I hated that my first experience on the L&D floor was for a miserable reason and not for a fun/exciting tour.

Once I arrived, they checked me in - gave me an ID bracelet thing - and then brought me back to the triage room. The triage room was a weird experience as I was the first one to arrive for the night and the nurse was super perky and happy and giddy. It was hard to focus on her because my mind was on doom and gloom and she was just so damn perky.

The first thing she had me do was go to the bathroom, remove all my clothes, give a urine sample, leave my bloody pad on the table so she could look at it, she gave me mesh panties and a HUGE pad, and a hospital gown. She said it so quick, that I had to pause and repeat what she just said to make sure I got all the directions right. As I peed to give my urine sample and saw all the blood that was still there -- I started my crying again.

She then brought me to Triage Bed #1 and the first thing she did was check for fetal tones. Once she found his heartbeat, beating strong at 150 bpm -- I just cried and cried. Thank goodness he still had a heartbeat. Then she hooked me up to a monitor thing that went around my tummy to check if I was having contractions -- which I wasn't.

The doctor on-call was from my OB office and had access to my records. She said with my history of a SCH and since I just had an ultrasound last week, that she wasn't going to have them check my cervix or do an ultrasound. There was some talk about them possibly putting me on bed rest... But I was to stay in the hospital for them to monitor my bleeding.

I was in the hospital for a little over 3 hours. During that time, the triage room filled up. One pregnant lady was trying to do a home birth that didn't go well, she was over 41 weeks pregnant - so they came in to deliver at the hospital. Another lady was pregnant with twins at 18 weeks and I guess she was having issues, this was her 2nd visit in 2 weeks. Then another lady came in because she said she couldn't feel her baby and was having anxiety attacks, she was about 23 weeks. You hear a lot just sitting there in the bed in the triage room...

They monitored my bleeding and it had started to slow down. Then it seemed to have stopped, so they decided to discharge me and put me on "pelvic rest." Which I was glad it was pelvic rest and not bed rest... because the thought of bed rest stressed me out more than anything... the logistics of what that would mean for work... for taking care of my son... for managing my household. It was just too much to process.

They said I would have to follow-up with my OB at my regularly scheduled appointment this Friday and then with my MFM next week (already scheduled). The nurse also told me I need to go to a different hospital if I have another episode and I'm still under 32 weeks. At this hospital, they don't have the NICU to care for babies under 32 weeks.

They don't know what caused the bleeding. The doctor said it's probably another SCH and that they couldn't do anything about it, if it was. They didn't do any extra monitoring... which I question now. At the time though, I was extremely exhausted to question anything and just deferred to the experts.

So, I guess I won't really know what it was all about until my appointments... if they can decipher why I bled. Which just baffles me because everything looked PERFECT at my anatomy scan just a week ago. I just don't understand...

I guess I could get into all my thoughts and feelings with a different entry, as this one is getting so long.

But I'm just so emotionally tired... This much wanted baby, it pains me to think that maybe he won't make it into this world. It's so overwhelming thinking about the possibility. I feel like this pregnancy has just been riddled with so much fear and worry at each turn. Every single time I let myself feel comfortable... to let myself relax... to let myself get excited -- something always happens to have me back to anxious and worried and scared.

Right now... I'm counting down to my doctor's appointments... and I'm counting down to 24 weeks when we hit viability... Because I feel like, if something happens at that point -- at least maybe my baby has a chance to make it. If something happens before then... I can't even let myself think about it.

Praying to God that at the end of this pregnancy that my baby boy is in my arms healthy and thriving.

Edited to Add: I was having really bad headaches that were coming and going since Monday. I also was having back pain. I wasn't sure if the headaches were related to my sickness and congestion. The backaches have been there for awhile now, so didn't think anything of it. My stomach also felt "different" when the bleeding started happening, but I had been feeling some twitches all day. I thought originally that I may be feeling baby move because it felt like jabs and I had been wondering if baby boy was getting big enough for me to feel him despite my anterior placenta. Now, I wonder if it was all a precursor to the inevitable bleed? Hard not to overthink things or question every single weird/different feeling hoping to decipher something to explain it.

20 Weeks Pregnant: The Half-Way Mark!

I'm officially at the HALF-WAY mark in my pregnancy! 20 weeks in and 20 weeks to go. Although, if my MFM decides to induce me at 38 weeks, then I really only have 18 weeks to go... crazy.

Random:

• One co-worker asked me, "Was this planned?" I wasn't offended at the time and just responded with "Yes, it was planned. I've been trying for awhile and it finally worked." But now that I think about it -- it was a little out of line! Some people... 
• I had my first "curious" look at my tummy area, but no questions asked. 
• My son's teacher asked me, "When are you due?" Didn't even ask me if I was pregnant! LOL, what if she was wrong and I wasn't pregnant?! How embarrassing that would be. It cracks me up though, some people are just so comfortable asking things like that. Made me wonder if my son mentioned a "baby brother" or something.  I guess my baby bump might be starting to pop out after all! But really, I think that my pre-existing fluff is just getting repositioned as the baby gets bigger. Haha. 
• I stopped taking weekly pregnancy pictures. I think I made it from Weeks 8, 9, and 10 when I realized that there was no baby bump progression to follow! So why take weekly pictures. I think I'm going to start up again this week because maybe in the next month my baby bump will start to make it's official appearance. 

How far along: 20 weeks! Half-way!

How big is baby: a Banana. Ovia app: 

Weight Gain: -6 lbs. 

Stretch Marks: Nothing new. 

Symptoms: Nothing new-ish.  But I've been extremely gassy, it's a little embarrassing! Also, people talk about the 2nd trimester burst of energy. I'm not feeling it! Maybe because I'm sick right now? But I'm still finding I'm exhausted and need a mid-day nap. At the same time, I'm having insomnia at night :( 

Sleeping: I've been sick, so sleeping has been a struggle. I also think I may have restless leg syndrome or something when I'm sleeping. It's hard to explain, but it's like my legs just hurt and nothing helps them feel better and they just feel restless - like it hurts to stay still. I've also been getting side-pains in my hips. Not sure if there's anything really I can do about that. 

Food cravings: I've been more hungry lately, but not necessarily craving anything... accept CHOCOLATE! 

Food aversions: None. 

Maternity Clothes: Might need to start getting maternity shirts. I'm going to hold off as long as I can. 

Movement: Some days I think I feel baby more than others. It'll be nice when it's more constant. 

What I did / Got for Baby: A few things - 

1. Registered baby for daycare 
2. Ordered a prenatal kit from one of my benefits at work 
3. Registered for a hospital tour (to be taken in April) 

What I miss: Sleeping more comfortably. 

Workouts: This is starting to become funny, in a not-so-funny way. I really need to make time for this. But there's always something, right? This week it was all the sickness. 

What I'm looking forward to: buying furniture for the baby's room! 

Best moment of the week: I have a few: 

1) Seeing baby boy on the ultrasound. Especially when he was sucking his right thumb and yawning/stretching. He looks so much like a baby now, I just can't wait to see his little face and hold him in my arms. 

2) Showing my son baby brother's ultrasound pictures. 

Me: "Let's look at baby brother's new pictures." 

Son: starts to look at the pictures and I start to tell him what everything is. He points at one of the pictures and asks, "What's that?" 

Me: "Oh, that's baby brother's penis." 

Son: "Baby brother's penis?" He looks extra close at the picture, then he looks down at his underwear and points and says, "B's penis." LOL. We look at the pictures some more with him asking "What's that" and me explaining. Then he says, "Baby brother's kinda scary." 

Haha. These ultrasound pictures are a bit funky looking!

Rants/Raves: Rant... being sick sucks. Being sick + being pregnant = sucks more! It just does. My patience was below zero this week too because of being sick/miserable. My poor son got the worse of it. Poor guy. When I'm feeling better, I'll have to do something to make up for my horrible grumpy behavior. 

Also, I can't believe how much my medical costs have been so far this year! We're not even a month in and I'm almost to my deductible. I've been following closely on my insurance claims, so I'm not surprised by any bills that come through and to make sure I'm not over charged for anything. Turns out that none of the genetic testing was covered by my insurance. I never checked, which is my bad of course. I would've done the testing anyways... but man -- it's $$. I'm also on a new high deductible insurance plan this year, which ended up costing less than a comprehensive plan (overall with all the projected medical costs). I'm going to be hitting my 80/20 marker really quick, maybe after my next appointment! Luckily I saved for my max OOP costs already because I have an HSA to help cover costs, but it's funded as you go along the year -- so I'm glad I thought ahead and saved for things. 

One RAVE, since I feel like I've been complaining a lot! Some friends have been bugging me about giving them my registry information... I did start one as more of a check-list for myself on what I wanted to get for the baby. But it's kinda nice to have people wanting to help me out with baby items and being so generous :) I'm not sure if I'm going to have a shower, so I'm only sending my registry out to people that ask for it. I haven't even made my registry "public," so you can only see it if I provide the link. I feel weird giving people my registry link because it makes me feel like I'm asking them to get me stuff for the baby. I'm trying to get over that though. Right now, I'm trying to save money in my budget for my "must have" items --- and then I can get the other "want" stuff after baby is born. 

Appointments Next Week: Monthly OB Appointment on 1/27. 

Deciding to close my Foster License

You'd think it would be an easy decision to close my foster license. I'm almost 20-weeks pregnant, I have a 3-year old preschooler/toddler, I work full-time, I have volunteer commitments, not to mention normal "life" stuff.

The decision should be easy... 

But it wasn't. 

I've been a foster parent for almost 6 years now. A lot of my friends/network came from my connections though the foster care community. I have loved being a foster parent (most of the time). It's how my son came into my life. Being a foster parent has been something I've always been proud of.

Here I am at a certain point in my life where things are changing. My focus is changing.

I originally became a foster parent when I was a single woman with no children. I wanted to help families stay together and help children that were in need. That was almost 6 years ago.

Now, I'm a single parent with one son and a new baby on the way. I'm 1+2 now. Things have definitely changed. Where I'm at right now... taking in another foster child isn't a good idea. I want to be able to focus on my son and preparing him for a new sibling. I also want to spend quality time with my son while it's just the two of us. I want to focus on my new baby and give him the same love/attention that his big brother received as a baby. I don't want to spread myself too thin where I can't give any of my kids the attention they want/need.

With a heavy heart and with sadness, I decided to close my license. I'm keeping in mind that I can always reopen my license if/when my family situation allows me to, if the circumstances permit. I'm not closing my door on being a foster parent forever, just for the near future so I can focus on my boys and our family.

In the meantime, I'm trying to think of other ways I can contribute to the foster care community.

I'll keep my 8 former foster children in my heart, mind, and prayers. I'll also keep praying for all the children in foster care that they find permanency one day.

FET #2 (Cycle 11) TWW Symptom Spotting

I've been meaning to post some of my TWW experience from my successful FET #2 Cycle (Cycle 11). I think I was holding back until things looked good with the pregnancy. Well, I'm almost 20 weeks now - so maybe it's time I just post it!

I did post blog entries on my TWW here and here.

These notes I took as I obsessed over the TWW, the unedited version where I was symptom spotting and hoping for a miracle. Not sure how much of this was due to me actually being pregnant or if it was more anxiety or medicine related. But here are my obsessive ramblings:

1dpt: feeling tired, feeling hopeful. I've been feeling nauseous almost this entire cycle. I still feel nauseous. Normal foods aren't appealing to me.

2dpt: felt some pinching in my uterus, hoping it's implantation. Still have food aversions. Lots of progesterone side effects. Sore boobs.

3dpt: some cramping in my uterus. Hoping it's not AF. I tested early on an internet cheapie. BFN. But I expected that, it's way to early to test. I had a horrible back spasm when I was folding clothes. Not sure what it was that caused it and haven't had something like that before. Slept pretty good this night, which is new. Not getting a gut feeling if the transfer worked or not. Wish God would whisper in my ear. Maybe He is and I'm so distracted from POAS that I'm missing it.

4dpt: saw a post on a forum I follow where a lady that had a transfer the same day as me had a clear BFP already! Would I be so lucky? Tested on a FRER, pulling out the big POAS dogs, and I saw a "shadow" of a line. Indent line or the real thing? Feeling hopeful and subdued at the same time. Feeling nauseous still. Hungry, but hungry for all the wrong stuff. Very distracted all day about the thought of the shadow line! Something new and strange: watery CM.

5dpt: today I think I saw the same type of shadow of a line. So maybe the box of FRER's were defective or I'm seeing things? It was a little easier to see than the one yesterday. I started really feeling like it didn't work today. Starting to prepare myself. Getting pains in my breasts. Watery CM continues. Runny nose.

6dpt: is it a shadow or is it a line? On a new box of FRERs and a really faint line came up almost right away. It's faint, but dark enough to take a picture of & for it to show up. So darker than yesterday's. Still not convinced it's positive. It's still a shadow of a line and I'm convinced all FRER's have the test strip that shows through. Wish it was more conclusive. Holding onto hope by a thin wire. Also, thought I saw the slightest color on the CG. All the other ones were stark white. Man, I'm going crazy over here!

Peed on a CG 3x's today and saw a faint line on every single one. Real?
I started getting cramps this evening - AF?

7dpt: BFP's!!!!! Getting: Migraines, super tired, feeling dizzy.

12dpt: Just to note: dry mouth and cramps.


I stopped really tracking it here since I ended up in Beta Hell for a few weeks and was tracking it on my blog. But that's it, how my TWW symptom spotting went and all my POAS madness.

Reactions to my Pregnancy

I've been meaning to write an update on how everyone has reacted to my pregnancy so far. I mentioned a little bit in my last blog entry, but more has happened since then.

When I told my dad and older brother I was pregnant, I didn't really get a reaction from them -- which I expected. I could tell my brother was a little bothered by my use of donor sperm. He asked a few questions about it, but didn't give his opinion on it. In a way, I'm happy he didn't. On the other hand, I wish he did. I share my ultrasound pictures with him and he seems a bit fascinated with them. Maybe he'll say something later on, maybe he won't. Guess time will tell.

I was surprised to hear that my dad had a very strong reaction to me being pregnant. A very NEGATIVE reaction. He basically (not to my face) said that I was "stupid for getting pregnant by myself" and that it was a "stupid choice."

At first I was pretty angry about what he said... well, hormonal pregnant me was more sad about what he said. Not because he said it, but the fact that he didn't have enough courage to say it to my face. But what bothered me more than the "stupid" comments is that he said he doesn't care to be a grandfather and doesn't care for grandkids.

That's where I kinda hit the pause button.

My dad has never been a kid-friendly guy. He doesn't like kids. He raised my older brother and me on his own and I have some trauma from my childhood from it. But I never expected him to say he doesn't care for grandkids.

I feel sorry for my dad. I really do. He had a really hard life and considering where he came from, he's really turned his life around and on the outside -- I would think he was "successful" to be where he's at today compared to where he started out in life. But at the same time, he's a recluse. He always said he cares about family, but his actions never really matched those words. Now, he doesn't really care about anything but doing what he wants to do.

Anyways. I had a choice on how I would deal with it. I considered cutting him out of my life all together... But in reality, I only see him once a year maybe? And when we do see him, it's not for a long period of time. My dad doesn't take care of himself and I don't think he has many years left here. So, I decided I'm going to just act how I've been acting and let him think/say what he wants to. He doesn't have enough courage to say it to my face anyways.

He doesn't treat my son poorly when we see him. So, I don't think my dad's aversion to grandkids is going to impact my son or the new baby. If the interaction did impact my kids, I would be making a totally different choice.

For now, I grin and bear it. He doesn't know that I know what he said or how he feels and I don't intend to confront him over it. In part, I don't really care all that much his opinions of my life choices. The other part, I don't think it would make a difference confronting him either way. There would be no benefit.

I've said it before and I'll say it again... as sad as it sounds. When I had my falling out with my dad in 2010 and he stopped talking to me for the next 5 years, it was hard at first. But once I got over the hurt and loss of having him in my life -- my life started to change for the better. He was no longer this negative fixture in my life saying hateful things to me, bringing me down, judging me, fighting with me over every single thing. I was and I am better without him.

Of course I wish things could be "different." I wish he could see how wonderful life can be if he let himself be happy. But I think I'm at a point in my life where "wishing" has run its course and reality has set in. My dad is never going to change. His comments on my "stupidity" just goes to show it.

We'll continue to see him maybe once a year, we'll send Christmas cards/gift, we'll send birthday cards. But that's about it. I'm not expecting anything from him other than showing up at our once a year dinner of niceties.

Which is so weird in a way... I never thought that my relationship with my dad would turn out this way. Although our father-daughter relationship was always dysfunctional, we were still very close and talked every day prior to our falling out in 2010. I know my dad misses me, I can tell from his interaction with me at my last visit. But it's like he doesn't know how to just be normal or something.

I am grateful to my dad in a lot of ways. I know he sacrificed a lot to be a single dad to two small kids -- when single dads were an anomaly. But where we both are in life -- I think my family is better off keeping our distance. I don't think that's better for my dad, because I truly think he's missing out on the awesomeness of my son and soon, my baby boy. We all make our own life choices though...

I don't think my dad's opinions are really a reflection on me or my boys. I think it's a reflection on his life and his choices.

Just to round out this post. One interesting reaction from a friend was, "are you adopting again?" Hmm. I thought that was weird because on my announcement card I had a picture of an ultrasound and of my son kissing my tummy. LOL. A few others wanted the details on "who" the father was. Other than that, the big telling has been uneventful thus far. I guess I was truly worried over nothing. Everyone now knows I'm pregnant and hopefully I'll start "looking" pregnant!

If anything else comes up strange or odd, I'll be sure to write about it.

19w+2d: Anatomy Scan Level 2 Ultrasound

I feel like I've been waiting forever for my Anatomy Scan! In reality, I haven't been waiting very long. I do have to admit that I get a bit nervous every time I have an ultrasound. Yes, I'm excited to see the baby -- but at the same time I get so worried they'll find something wrong. Will the fear ever go away? Maybe not... 

The Anatomy Scan is a Level 2 ultrasound. This is where they look at everything and measure everything on the baby. Mine took about an hour, then we had to look again at a few things -- so total took maybe 1 hour 15 minutes. 

We started off looking through the abdominal. At first I was worried because I didn't really see baby boy moving and couldn't really see the flicker of his heartbeat. So, I held my breath. Then I saw him wiggle away from the probe as the ultrasound tech put pressure on my tummy. Baby boy is in a breach position and was vertical with his bottom sitting on my cervix. 

After we got all the shots they can get abdominally, we switched to a vaginal ultrasound -- where you get really good images and can see baby much better. 

• Measured his head/brain 
• Looked at his kidneys/measured 
• Looked at his bladder 
• Measured the size of his torso 
• Measured his arms/legs 
• Looked at the blood flow from the umbilical cord to the placenta 
• Looked at his heart and the blood flow in the chambers 
• Took another look at his boy parts 

What's interesting is that you can "see" the bladder. If they can see it, that means that baby is drinking the amniotic fluid and peeing it out, which is all good. 

I noticed she paid special attention to the brain, the kidneys, and the heart. She looked at the heart a lot. They didn't say anything was wrong and said everything looked good - they didn't see anything. But it was curious to say the least. 

What was interesting is the positions that baby boy was in! There were times where he was bent and his legs were up by his head! Flexible little guy. He crossed and uncrossed his legs. I also saw him touching his face with his hands. He was sucking his right thumb! Which was really cool to see. I even got to see him yawn and stretch. Pretty amazing to see all of that. 

The ultrasound tech did say that my tilted uterus has "come forward" but it's still leaning towards my back, which is why I haven't really "popped" yet and I don't look pregnant at all. She said it should happen in the next month or two. Will see I guess. My uterus is all the way up to my belly button right now. 

She confirmed that my placenta is not covering my cervix, which is really good. Also re-confirmed that I have an anterior placenta. She measured my cervix and they're going to keep looking at it. They're not sure if it's gotten shorter or not. She got different measurements at different angles. They like to see it above 2.5 and I was between 2.75 and 3.15. They'll keep checking at each of my monitoring appointments. 

Baby boy was extremely active and it was really hard to get any good pictures of him! 

• Fetal Heart Beat at 142 bpm 
• Measuring 4 days ahead (I thought it was 2 days originally but I misheard) 
• He's weighing in at about 11 oz right now -- which is double what he weighed at the 15 week u/s (5 oz) 
• He's at about the 78th percentile, which they say is good 

No soft markers for anything. 

Nothing concerning on the ultrasound. 

My MFM was a little concerned that I may have had some Braxton Hicks contractions. I was very tired over the weekend from my son being sick and I felt some tightness in my tummy one night. I was too tired to pay too much attention to it. MFM wants to monitor me every 2-3 weeks to check my cervix and baby boy's measurements. If I have any Braxton Hicks-type of contractions, I'm to call her immediately. 

I also had some adjustments to my insulin: increase Humulin N dosage at night to 38iu. Overall, my blood levels looked amazingly good! Yay for that. She had NO complaints about them, which is totally awesomeness! I did get some more blood drawn to check my A1C, which they'll check every few months. The last time they checked in November, my A1C was 6%. She'd like to see my levels below 6%. Let's see if I'm there, I think I might have managed to get it below that amount since I've really been watching what I eat (for the most part). 

All in all, I'm feeling REALLY good about my anatomy scan! Baby boy is such a miracle baby to me and I am just so grateful that he's doing ok right now. I just can't wait to meet him and my heart is just overwhelmed with love and gratitude that right now -- all seems well with him. It's been a rocky journey so far in this pregnancy and getting good news is such a relief. 

My MFM did talk about when I should be delivering the baby. She said with pre-existing diabetes she doesn't like to go past 38 weeks or maybe 39 weeks, but she was very firm on the 38 weeks. If things go in line with that, Baby boy will be born at the end of May/first week of June. Which... I think I've kinda thought he would arrive around that time. Will have to see how it all plays out. 

A few other random things: 

• I reserved a daycare spot for baby boy at my son's daycare. 
• I am getting a Prenatal Kit from one of my benefits at work. Yay for free stuff! 
• I've registered for a hospital maternity ward tour in April. 

I need to make a more thorough "before baby comes" checklist. But part of my to-do includes: 

• Going through 0-3 month clothing (my son was born in December so not sure I'm going to have the right seasonal clothes, so need to figure out what will work and what I will still need to get for the baby) 
• Go through crib bedding, blankets, receiving blankets, bibs, socks, hats (I have so much -- need to pick out the right seasonal items for June) 
• Buying a new dresser/chest for the baby's room 
• Buying my son a bed frame -- trying to decide if I want to invest ahead of time on bunk beds for the boys or let them keep separate rooms... Long term planning here 
• Look into birthing classes and register 
• Look into other hospital classes (like lactation classes, newborn care class, etc)  

Just to mention... looks like I've picked up on my son's strep throat...!!! UGH. I go to see the OB tomorrow to get tested and see if there's any medicine I can possibly take while pregnant. 

Ok, I think that's it for now. Long update! 

19 Weeks Pregnant!

Entering the 19th week of pregnancy and I still do not look pregnant! I haven't popped at all, which kind of sucks. I'd prefer looking pregnant as I feel so very pregnant. And someone rubbing their tummy all the time who doesn't look pregnant can look a little weird. LOL. Oh well. Maybe soon-ish? Every day I wake up and check if I *look* pregnant.

In some ways, it still doesn't feel real to me. I know baby boy is in there, but I guess once I start looking pregnant and feeling more consistent movement -- it'll really start to feel real. One more week until I'm half-way there...! Which is wonderful and crazy all at the same time. 

How far along: 19 weeks.

How big is baby: A mango. Ovia app: 

Weight Gain: No doctor appointments, so no weigh-in this week. 

Stretch Marks: No new ones yet. 

Symptoms: Nothing new. 

Sleeping: About the same.

Food cravings: Cereal... and whole milk. Ugh. Those are the worse for a diabetic. Of course I only crave food that I can't have... :( 

Food aversions: Nope! 

Maternity Clothes: I bought a belly band. I'm waiting for it to arrive. But I bought it in anticipation of being able to wear dresses when I get a little bigger. 

Movement: I *think* I might be feeling more movement. Sometimes I feel something that's like a muscle twitch or a muscle spasm. LOL. I know, it doesn't sound glorious, but that's what it reminds me of. My friend thinks I'm feeling flutters. 

What I did / Got for Baby: I am re-doing my guardianship designations in my Will. I also received my Amazon Welcome Box. It was ok. I also told my manager and team at work about the pregnancy. Which was weird in a way since I'm not close to any of them. Only one asked for more details, but she's probably the person I'm closest to at work so I didn't mind. 

What I miss: Eating without being paranoid. 

Workouts: I really should take this one out... not happening. 

What I'm looking forward to: My anatomy scan! 

Best moment of the week: I was using the doppler and you can hear the baby moving around in there. 

My son: "What's that?" 

Me: "baby brother is dancing." 

My son: "Baby brother dancing?" and then my son starts to dance :)

Rants/Raves: Here is a rant. My son was sick this week, a fever that turned into strep throat. I felt bad that my son was so sick. But I couldn't help being paranoid that I would catch it and if I'd be able to take anything for it - that it'd be safe for the baby. My son was coughing on me, sneezing on me, rubbing his face all over me. I'd be surprised if I end up not getting it. So my rant is on sickness and the "sick season" in general. It's hard to prevent sickness, but things are just going around right now. Still waiting to see if I'll get sick. 

Appointments Next Week: Anatomy Scan on Monday 1/16! 

Genetic Results Back = All NORMAL!

Last week I wrote about getting some genetic testing done: 1) Fragile X and 2) the Sequential Screening (2nd trimester test). I received the call yesterday from the genetic counselor and she told me that all the tests were "within normal range."

This is REALLY good!

But... as optimistic as the genetic counselor is, she had to say, "This reduces the risk, it does not eliminate it." Sheesh.

It's weird going through all these tests and the possible doom and gloom just hanging around waiting to either lift or attack. When I got the results, I thought I would be filled with excitement and relief. But I guess after my excitement about the NIPT coming back low-risk and thinking I was "in the clear" from the scare -- I just can't let myself feel too relieved. Like the moment I do, something else will drop in unexpectedly.

I guess the way that the genetic counselor explained it is, these results "lower the overall risk." The PAPP-A results from the 1st trimester screening still are concerning, even though they don't really test for it again after the 1st trimester.

What that means is I'll be closely monitored to make sure my placenta is functioning, that baby boy is getting all he needs from the placenta (growth checks), and that there are no soft markers on any future ultrasounds.

Next up is the anatomy scan on Monday. This should be a long ultrasound, maybe one hour long. They'll check everything and it should give me a good idea of where things stand. I'm nervous about the ultrasound... I just want to get it over with so I'll know how it's gong to end up. Up to this point, baby boy has looked great on all ultrasounds, let's hope that trend continues.

18 Weeks Pregnant - entering my 5th month!

I know I say this every week, but every week feels like a milestone to me. I am officially entering my 5th month of pregnancy and it feels amazing to have made it this far.  

How far along: 18 weeks.

How big is baby: An artichoke. Ovia app: 

Weight Gain: -6 lbs. My MFM is worried about my weight loss. I find it a little funny that when I don't want to lose weight --> I'm losing weight. When I want to lose weight --> it seems impossible. 

Stretch Marks: No new ones yet. 

Symptoms:  

• Feeling uncomfortable. Before this week I haven't really felt any different physically. A few aches and pains, but nothing major. This week changed that! All of a sudden my stomach feels highly uncomfortable. I feel myself slouching and my posture is horrible. Certain sitting positions hurt. But it's weird because I don't really LOOK any different. 
• Pains in my tummy. I think I'm going through major round ligament pain. I've been getting these random pains and sometimes I need to just pause and let it pass. A part of me worries about it, but I'm sure it's all normal stuff. 
• Feeling heavy. My stomach feels really "heavy" and "full." It doesn't necessarily feel tight to the touch right now, but I think that's what's impacting my posture is the heaviness my tummy is feeling. I read that my center of gravity has changed with the extra weight of the baby. 

Sleeping:  I am absolutely loving my Leachco pregnancy pillow!! Love, love, love. It's so comfortable that I wonder if it'll still be comfortable post-pregnancy. I don't miss my old pillows at all. I sleep way better with the new pillow. The only issue I'm having is that I've been staying up way too late. I feel like I'm "nesting" or something. But I've been going through all my paperwork (my nemesis), getting my tax information together, filing, etc. Which is great and awesome I have the energy for that! At the same time, my need for productivity and to get things done is cutting into my much needed sleep time. Can't I be productive during non-sleep time hours? 

Food cravings: Nothing this week! 

Food aversions:  None. 

Maternity Clothes: I really do need to buy more maternity pants, I can't wear anything else right now and my pants are getting worn out. I'm doing OK with shirts, but do foresee me having a need in the near future. 

Movement:  Sometimes I am convinced I can feel baby boy dancing around in there. But once I focus on it, it goes away! 

What I did / Got for Baby: I've been really focused on certain things recently. One of those things is getting all my paperwork in order "just in case" something happens to me. So, this is for both of my kids. I'm in the process of organizing all my important papers/information into ONE place. I'm also creating a document called, "What my family needs to know" using a few different examples online like this one: https://www.state.gov/documents/organization/154946.pdf. This will be a work-in-progress for sure, but I really want to get this done before the baby is born. I already have most of our important documents in a folder in a fire proof/water proof safe, but it's not nearly where I want it to be. What I envision is --> if something happens to me that all they have to do is get this folder and they can run my household and have everything they can possibly need to take care of my kids. No need for anyone to search through my stuff or miss something, since it'll all be right there. 

Another thing I did was start a document, "Letters to my son." I'm doing this for both my kids. I've always wanted to write letters to my kids as they grew up and then present it to them when they are adults. I started one for my son once he was adopted. It's kind of changed from what I originally thought it would be. I tried a hard book at first = impossible to maintain. I then tried a blog = I found this impossible to maintain as well, more due to the app on my phone not working properly and constantly crashing. So now, I've started one for each of my kids in Google Docs. It's accessible on my phone or computer. The plan is to write special moments down, write them letters at special times, and then print/bind it for them when they're older. Maybe when they get married or go through a momentous moment. It's kind of my way of leaving a peace of me with them and to show them how very special they are to me. 

A little secret, I've been writing to my baby boy since I had started thinking about TTC and have a few letters while TTC, but those fell off as I started tracking everything on my blog. I'm in the process of combining those into my Google Doc for baby boy in a section called, "Before you were born." 

What I miss: Not checking my blood 6x's a day or injecting myself. Ugh. It's never ending. 

Workouts: Maybe I should take this out? :(  It's totally not happening. 

What I'm looking forward to: My anatomy scan! 

Best moment of the week: Finding Baby Boy's heartbeat on the doppler and having my son listen with me. He was excited to play with the doppler :) My son said, "Baby Brother's heartbeat!" 

Rants/Raves: Here is a rave. My mom is so interested in my pregnancy. It's kinda nice! She's always checking on me, asking about the baby, and checking up on my son. We're already planning for the holidays, not to mention she'll be here for a month when the baby is born. She wants to come visit her grandkids when she's off work in November and December. That's two months! I thought I would be concerned about such a long stay... but I'm actually grateful she wants to be so involved. I might even be able to pull my baby from daycare for two months and put my son in part-time, save some money as well. My mom is big on baby boy spending his first holiday season in his home and with family. I love that someone else loves my kids and wants to spend time with them as much as I do. I'm not really used to it, but I'm happy that my kids have their Lola and it fills my heart with so much joy with thoughts of watching their relationships grow. 

Appointments Next Week: None next week, which is so nice and rare! 

17w6d: MFM Visit and Genetic Testing Discussion

I had my weekly follow-up with my MFM today and there was lots to discuss, as usual. 

Diabetes Followup 

My blood pressure was really good at my appointment today, which surprises me because I feel like I have all this anxiety... maybe it's all in my head and not really reflecting in my body? They also checked for baby's heartbeat on the doppler. It was kind of funny because we found it right away, but baby moved and it took her about 20 minutes to find it again! You could hear him moving away from the doppler. I think she was pressing too hard. He doesn't normally move if you press the doppler lightly. LOL. It's always wonderful hearing his precious heartbeat. It was beating away at 156 bpm.

I thought my blood sugars looked excellent the last week. I've been cooking at home a lot lately and hardly going out to eat. But apparently, it's still not where it's supposed to be. We are upping my insulin intake AGAIN.

Morning: Humulin N 16iu, Humulin R 6iu
Evening: Humulin N 36iu

Hopefully this will be good and things will stabilize? I was hoping that things would be OK and I can ask about lessening the amount of times I test throughout the day. Testing 6x's a day is getting tough... not to mention that nasty insulin needle. It's so teeny tiny, but sometimes it hurts like hell and burns. Not sure why it's painless sometimes and so painful other times.

There was also a concern that I've lost weight. I guess I'm down 3 lbs since my last weigh-in. She doesn't want to see me lose any more weight. If I lose anymore weight, she's going to have me add more meals into my day. Which is so weird because I feel like I'm eating a lot already! Will see how this goes.

Genetic Testing 

The genetic testing stuff is a little strange and confusing at times. I haven't posted much about it since my initial meeting with the Genetic Counselor last month (read my blog entry here).

The Genetic Counselor wanted to do a genetic screening panel on me, but it would be useless if we didn't have the donor's genetic testing done. Last week I called my sperm bank to have them send over my donor's genetic testing results to my MFM. When I was going through IVF, I specifically chose a donor with the "extensive" testing (read my blog entry here). I'm glad I did! Turns out they test for about 101 potential chromosomal abnormalities. My donor was not a carrier for anything. Which is good news.

Since my donor isn't a carrier for anything, that means they don't need to do an extensive genetic panel on me. We both have to be carriers for the baby to get it. Well, the genetic counselor in all her glory said, "it was unlikely, but not 100% guaranteed." Ugh.

Even though the donor is not a carrier, we are still doing some testing. I went in today for two specific blood tests:

1. Fragile X. I guess this is the only thing a mom can pass on genetically on her own to the baby. The results should come back next week. 
2. Sequential Screening. This test is similar to the 2nd trimester Quad screening, but a little more extensive maybe or maybe it's the same? It checks hormone levels (AFP, Estriol, hCG, inhibin). They will combine these result with my 1st trimester NT blood results and come back with a risk rating on things. This test will take 2 weeks to come back (the torture...!!!). 

The big concern is that my PAPP-A and my hCG from the 1st trimester screening were low, which led to the "high risk" stuff. If any of the hormone levels in the sequential screening come back askew, it's not a good sign. This website explains the Sequential Screening: http://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/sequential-screening#Testmeasurements3. The second blood test measures for the following.

• Alpha-Fetoprotein (AFP): The baby’s liver mostly secretes this protein that passes over into the mother’s blood. Too-high and too-low levels of AFP have been associated with birth defects. 
• Estriol (uE3): Estriol is the highest amount of circulating hormone in a woman’s blood while she’s pregnant. Low levels of this hormone are associated with increased risk for Down syndrome and trisomy 18.
• hCG: Human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) is also known as the “pregnancy hormone.” The body usually makes less of this hormone in the second trimester than in the first. High levels of hCG are associated with Down syndrome, but there are other reasons levels may be high. Low levels are associated with trisomy 18.
• Inhibin: Doctors don’t know exactly the role this protein plays in pregnancy. But they do know that it increases the reliability of the sequential screening test. High levels are associated with Down syndrome while low levels are associated with trisomy 18.

The biggest concern is that there may be something wrong with my placenta and that it can't support the baby or the baby can't get what he needs -- which can lead to some scary stuff. The other concern is that the baby may have a chromosomal abnormality, but this is looking more unlikely due to the good ultrasounds, low risk on NIPT, and the genetic screening of my donor. But as my genetic counselor said, "we can't rule it out."

The genetic counselor is all doom and gloom. My MFM told me, "Don't worry about it."

I think I've been handling all of this pretty well (see my blog entry here where I talk about it). I figure, things are going to work out the way they're going to work out. I can't really control it. Of course I want my baby boy to be healthy. I want him to be born full-term and healthy. But really, I'm getting monitored so closely. My MFM told me not to worry about it. She said if something is funky in the results, we'll just add additional monitoring appointments and we're already doing a lot as is. With such close monitoring, I feel like my medical team will prepare me and hopefully get ahead of any problems (if we are faced with any). I just don't think it's going to be this "out of nowhere" surprise if something does go wrong.

Right now, I'm trying to let myself be happy about my pregnancy. I'm starting to FEEL pregnant. My tummy is getting uncomfortable and I'm getting these odd aches/pains. I'm not complaining though, it just makes me FEEL pregnant going through all these things :)

Hoping to get good news from these blood panels and hopefully be able to relax a little. The next big appointment is the anatomy scan. The results of the scan + the sequential screening should get me to the next stage in my pregnancy.