Goals (2016): August Results + September Objectives

Earlier this month I decided to create Mid-Year 2016 Goals. Things I wanted to accomplish before year-end. I am breaking these goals out each month, to make them more manageable and also to hold me accountable. Since I posted my goals, I made some tweaks to it and also added to them! I tried o make them more measurable, so it wasn't just "open ended."

Here are my revised 2016 Mid-Year Goals: 

Goal #	Category	2016 Mid-Year Goals
1	Budgeting Project	Budget: 1) Complete Budget before the month begins. 2) Reconcile at least 2x's a month. 3) Track budget items that go over/under.
2	Budgeting Project	Debt Snowball: pay Debt #2 50% down
3	Budgeting Project	Finish Smart Kids/Smart Money Book/Online Classes (6 lessons)
4	Decluttering Project	House Decluttered: 1) Make monthly target goals to tackle clutter areas. 2) Have loft, extra room, and son's room clutter free.
5	Photo Booking Project	Photo Booking: Family Year Book 2016. 1) Choose 10 pictures per month. 2) Storyboard album. 3) Drop pictures from Jan-Nov into photobook.
6	Photo Booking Project	Photo Booking: Complete Adoption Photo Book by November Family Day 11/21
7	Health & Wellness Project	Health & Wellness: 1) Rejoin the gym. 2) Make monthly gym attendance goals. 3) Go to the gym when scheduled!
8	House Repairs & Projects	"Patty-Do" List: complete 1 house repair a month and/or 1 small house project.
9	Taxes	2016 Tax Tracking: Update tax spreadsheet (costs, mileage) and collect receipts.

August 2016 Results:

Can you believe it, I met all of my goals for August! Woohoo!

Goal #	Category	2016 Mid-Year Goals	August
1	Budgeting Project	Budget: 1) Complete Budget before the month begins. 2) Reconcile at least 2x's a month. 3) Track budget items that go over/under.	1) Complete Aug/Sept budget. 2) Start cash envelopes 3) Reconcile at least 2x's a month.
2	Budgeting Project	Debt Snowball: pay Debt #2 50% down	Pay at least 20% of balance
3	Budgeting Project	Finish Smart Kids/Smart Money Book/Online Classes (6 lessons)	Complete Lesson 2 Complete Lesson 3
4	Decluttering Project	House Decluttered: 1) Make monthly target goals to tackle clutter areas. 2) Have loft, extra room, and son's room clutter free.	1) All unused/empty boxes to recycling. 2) Go through baby/toddler clothes, sort by size and label boxes. Blog Entry
5	Photo Booking Project	Photo Booking: Family Year Book 2016. 1) Choose 10 pictures per month. 2) Storyboard album. 3) Drop pictures from Jan-Nov into photobook.	Choose 10 photos for July and August for photo book. I did June, July, August.
6	Photo Booking Project	Photo Booking: Complete Adoption Photo Book by November Family Day 11/21	1) Complete Story-Board 2) Mock Up Photo Book Blog Entry
7	Health & Wellness Project	Health & Wellness: 1) Rejoin the gym. 2) Make monthly gym attendance goals. 3) Go to the gym when scheduled!	1) Gym Membership Renewed 8/20. 2) Monthly Attendance Goal: 3 days Blog Entry

I only have 7 goals here because I didn't create #8 and #9 until recently. I also added my "Health & Wellness Project" #7 to the list, but I made progress on it and actually made it to the gym 3x's this month! Woot!

September 2016 Objectives:

Goal #	Category	2016 Mid-Year Goals	September
1	Budgeting Project	Budget: 1) Complete Budget before the month begins. 2) Reconcile at least 2x's a month. 3) Track budget items that go over/under.	1) Adjust Sept Budget and allocate funds for October Budget. 2) For Sept - do not exceed any budget categories.
2	Budgeting Project	Debt Snowball: pay Debt #2 50% down	Pay at least 10% of balance
3	Budgeting Project	Finish Smart Kids/Smart Money Book/Online Classes (6 lessons)	Lesson 4
4	Decluttering Project	House Decluttered: 1) Make monthly target goals to tackle clutter areas. 2) Have loft, extra room, and son's room clutter free.	1) Baby blankets 2) Baby Misc Items (hats, socks, etc)
5	Photo Booking Project	Photo Booking: Family Year Book 2016. 1) Choose 10 pictures per month. 2) Storyboard album. 3) Drop pictures from Jan-Nov into photobook.	1) Choose 10 photos for Jan/Feb for photo book. 2) Decide on Story-Board "format" for Photo Book
6	Photo Booking Project	Photo Booking: Complete Adoption Photo Book by November Family Day 11/21	Choose pictures for photo book (limit only a few to a page).
7	Health & Wellness Project	Health & Wellness: 1) Rejoin the gym. 2) Make monthly gym attendance goals. 3) Go to the gym when scheduled!	Monthly Attendance Goal: 5 days
8	House Repairs & Projects	"Patty-Do" List: complete 1 house repair a month and/or 1 small house project.	1) Replace light bulbs on all outside lights. 2) Laundry Storage Solution
9	Taxes	2016 Tax Tracking: Update tax spreadsheet (costs, mileage) and collect receipts.	Update: Jan-Mar

So far, focusing on a little bit at a time has really helped and I've managed to make time for these things. I'm hoping I'm not adding too many "goals" here. I figure not many of them take that much time. I just have to prioritize my down-time. Plus, all of these things I need to take care of one way or another, so it's best if I have them in my goals so I can actually make progress on them. Like getting tax documents ready. Very stressful in January if I'm not organized. If I get it done now, my tax meeting will be easy.

Here's to a productive September!

Click here for more info on my Goals & Projects.

PhotoBooking: Family Year Book + Adoption Book

As part of my August 2016 Goals, I wanted to start working on my 2016 Family Year Book and work on completing my son's adoption book. I'm happy to say that I've actually made progress on this! 

Using My Mac Photos

I haven't really been organizing my photos on my Mac. I started working on this a little bit and getting Photos in a good order.

2016 Family Year Book 

I'm tasked with actual completing a Family Year Book! I've always wanted to make one and am so very excited that I have the opportunity to make one this year... a year where we have been a Forever Family :) Creating a photo book, yet alone a whole years worth of memories, is no easy task. I'm already years and years behind on moving these digital memories into a cohesive photo book. Small steps... and small tasks... will get me there (hopefully). For August, my task was to pick 10 photos ONLY for two months: July and August 2016. Luckily July and August weren't difficult to pick pictures from! So far, so good!

I'm back and forth on whether I should actually drop the photos in a photo book NOW... and keep adding as I go. Or do it all in one sitting (which might take a very long time!). But I guess I'm still contemplating what a full 2016 formatted Family Year Book should look like. It's all in the details, right? :) That'll have to be pushed to a different month as a goal, as it's a lot to try to accomplish this month.

Adoption Book - Story Boarding

It's taking me so long to finish my son's adoption book. There are so many ways to organize it and I couldn't really make a firm decision on it. Once I decided one way, I leaned a different way. Part of the reason I'm so indecisive is that I want to make an Adoption Book about our family and how we became a family vs. a lifebook. A lifebook is a book that goes into more things than just the adoption. I love making lifebooks for my foster kids and my son has 2 completed books. But I've been conflicted on how to approach our adoption book.

Plus, I want it to be just the most perfectest adoption book ever! I just had to really let go of all that and think about how I want to tell my son his story. I finally sat down with myself to really think about OUR family and OUR story. What I really want to accomplish by making an Adoption Book:

• I want it to be the story I tell my son. 
• I want my son to feel special about his adoption book. 
• Hopefully it'll be a story he wants to read over and over again because he loves the way it makes him feel. 
• Each adoption day (and hopefully days in-between) I want to be able to sit and read this book with my son. 
• I want him to feel loved from the book. 
• I want him to feel good about adoption from the book. 
• I want him to get a little about his "story" from the book - in an age-appropriate way. 
• I want him to know that I love him. 
• I want him to know he's loved by his birth parents. 

Lots of HIGH expectations from a little bitty book! No pressure or anything! :) 

When I think of our adoption story... I think about how our lives intersected in the most unexpected and random way. Like it was meant to be! I also think of my son's story as beginning in his birth mother's tummy. This is VERY important... because I think that's where part of the story really "begins," right? 

So, we have ME (aka Mama) who became a foster parent. 

Then we have Little Guy growing in his birth mother's tummy. 

With that said, that's where OUR story will begin!

I'm so excited about completing the adoption book, that I had to slow myself down. I made an outline and I've dropped it into a photo book on Shutterfly. I'm still playing with parts of the story, so I'll post the "completed" storyline once I go to print in Oct/Nov.

I have to say... I can't wait until it's done and I get to sit down with my son and share it with him. I think it's going to turn out really well. 

Decluttering Project: Organizing Kid Clothes

One of my goals this month (August 2016) was:

Go through baby/toddler clothes, sort by size and label boxes

I *thought* I had gotten rid of a bunch, but it turns out I've accumulated more than I've gotten rid of. Of course it's hard for me to get rid of any baby clothes because I might need them for a future foster child or future birth child. But it has gotten a bit out of control:

1. Clothes were randomly thrown into boxes. Some folded, some not. Sizes were mixed together. There was no order in the madness! 
2. The boxes of clothes were stored in different places. In a closet here, a closet there, under a bed. 

It took me a few hours at night time to get through this project: 

1. Empty all boxes
2. Sort all clothes by sizes 
3. Fold all clothes. 

I have boy clothes from 0-3 months all the way to 3T. Then the problem I had was, "How do I store all these items?" Some options were: clear plastic bins (which can still be bulky and $$), still use the cardboard boxes I have, or come up with a different solution. I decided that storing them in boxes was bulky and starting Googling other possible solutions.

Turns out a lot of people use those vacuum storage bags to store old clothes. In the past, I haven't had a good experience with vacuum storage bags. I honestly didn't even consider it an option. Well, times are tough and there's so many clothes! 

Then it came down to the budget. I didn't budget for this in August. I do have wiggle room in my budget... But I worry that I make exceptions all the time for things that I feel I "need." Do I need the vacuum bags right now? 

These are the ones I'm looking at, they're about $25.00: SpaceSaver Premium *JUMBO* Vacuum Storage Bags

And these ones, which are about $26.00: Primode Space Saver Vacuum Storage Bags 

So, total about $51.00-ish, before tax. 

I looked at the mess of what is the extra room and knew I had to do something or the clothes would just sit there. 

I knew if I put them back in the boxes, I wouldn't want to move them again. 

I looked at my budget and found that I definitely can afford to invest in the storage bags without impacting anything significantly. So, I bit the bullet and bought them. I did wait about a week before deciding if this was indeed the solution I wanted. 

Here's what it looked like after: 

Here are all the bags vacuumed up and the empty boxes that are also part of my goals this month (August 2016) to get rid of unused/empty boxes to recycling. Now, all these boxes making their way to the recycle bin. I just need to figure out where to store the vacuum sealed bags...! 

I then starting going through all other things "baby" that were still in my son's room. I found: 

1. Baby bibs 
2. Burp rags 
3. Receiving blankets 
4. Baby blankets 
5. Socks of all sizes 

I decided to add these to the things to "store" out of my son's room. His drawers are basically empty now! I haven't had time to sort through these items, so I'm going to add that to my September goals. 

At least I'm making progress now! Yay for a small step in the right direction in my decluttering project! 

FET 2 (Cycle #11): Starting Lupron + Chronic Endometritis

Just when I thought I knew everything there was to know about my uterus, something new comes up!

Endo Scratch 

After my endometrial scratch last Friday, I had cramping for a few hours after the procedure. I also started spotting, almost was like a light period. I'm still spotting a little today - 6 days after the procedure, which isn't really "normal." At the scratch, they took a uterine biopsy. I totally forgot about it until I received a call from the nurse with the results. 

Biopsy Results 

Originally I wasn't worried about the biopsy. Figured everything would be normal. It's always the procedures/tests that I don't worry about where I should have worried about it! Turns out I have Chronic Endometritis. What?

At first, I wasn't concerned. The nurse made it seem like not a big deal. Go on antibiotics, continue on FET protocol as scheduled, and that's it. It's not going to impact my cycle? Well, good. Then, it's nothing to worry about. Right?

I should have stayed away from Google-verse. I really should've. But I just had to look it up. Surprisingly there's not that much information out there about it. Chronic Endometritis is inflammation of the endometrium (the inner lining of the uterus). 

Google can be a scary thing and it definitely scared me a bit. What I found online was that most people go on antibiotics then have a repeat biopsy to make sure it's gone. Then, once it's confirmed to be gone - they move forward with the cycle.

Well, if I did a repeat biopsy -- I would have to push back FET #2 by a month. But would it be worth it?

I gave a panicked call to my clinic and left a message for the nurse. I was perturbed that they didn't call me back! They normally call me back right away. Then, this evening my RE called me personally to talk about it. I really appreciate him doing that because it made me feel a little more reassured about the process. He said that he was putting me on 14 days of antibiotics (instead of 7-10) to really fight the Endometritis. He didn't think that a repeat biopsy was necessary and he said he normally doesn't do a repeat biopsy on cases like mine.

He did give me the option to push back the cycle and do the repeat biopsy, for peace of mind. But he said he didn't think it would make a difference. I could go through with the cycle, if it doesn't work, blame the endometritis. It's easy to think "what if." He just didn't think it was necessary. He also doesn't think the endometritis is the reason for my previous failed transfers.

I guess I'm skipping a bit on things... but since endometritis is inflammation of the uterine lining, it impacts implantation of an embryo. It's just not a "hospitable" environment for an embryo to grow. My first thoughts were, "is this why I had 2 failed eSETs?" My RE said, "No."

My RE also thinks that the spotting post-endo scratch may be due to an infection from the procedure. But since I'm on antibiotics, that should take care of it.

It's a gamble, but my RE feels very confident that the antibiotics will clear it up and that it won't impact my FET cycle... So, I'm going to go ahead and move forward with the FET as scheduled. I hope I'm making the right decision... It's always hard to tell with these things. Hindsight and all. I know it seems so easy to just decide, "let's wait a month." What's in a month anyways? SO MUCH is in a month. A month is FOREVER in TTC. Also, I've been feeling extremely good about doing a transfer in September - like it was meant to be or something. I don't know. Sounds silly, but pushing it back was more stressful for me... even if it would give me peace of mind to have a follow-up biopsy. Did I mention how much I disliked the endo-scratch? Another reason not to repeat the biopsy.

Here's hoping it all goes well and the antibiotics does its job and my uterus becomes a hospitable environment for my embies.

Starting Lurpon 

With all the frustration with the Endometritis, I did start Lupron tonight. Not exciting or anything! Sticking yourself with a needle isn't a joyous occasion, but it does represent the true "start" of my FET Cycle! So, in a way it is exciting - for me. Not so much for my tummy where I have to give myself shots though. LOL. The joys of IVF. 

Next Steps: 

• 8/30/16: Stop BCP 
• 9/3/16: Start Estrogen Patches 

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

Wellness: Breaking the budget - to Gym or not to Gym?

As part of my budgeting project, I stopped my gym membership. I needed to find places to cut costs and I haven't been attending the gym in forever!

I do have to say, that before kids, I did go to the gym 5-6x's a week and really utilized it well. At that time I felt like the cost was justified. I had a good monthly cost of $19.99/month. But when life got busy (I started TTC or my volunteer commitment or foster care obligations) and I stopped going. I made the gym work previously because I would use my lunch-hour to go to the gym. With new obligations, my lunch hour was going to my TTC appointments, my volunteer activities, or ushering my foster kids to appointments. There just wasn't enough time in the day to make the gym work. I was always hesitant to stop my membership because I knew I had a great monthly cost. Most gym memberships are $30+ a month.

Well, I just received notice that my gym will let me re-start my membership at the same monthly cost, no initiation charge, and no contract.

I had to ask myself: Should I commit myself to going back to the gym and allocate the budget towards it?

That's $240 a year of funds that would go towards the gym membership.

The real questions are: do I have the time to do it and will I do it even if I have the time? 

I have to admit, I've gained so much weight since I started TTC. Part of it is due to being so tired on the medications. Fertility meds = no joke. Especially when I was on Clomid for my IUI cycles. Not to mention injections for IVF cycles and the recommendation NOT to workout because of your ovaries being stimulated.

The other part is truly not having the time. I always thought, "Oh I'll get back into a routine." And I just never did. Doing IUI and IVF appointments is no joke and the tiredness that goes with the fertility medications is no joke either. I know some women manage it and props to them. But with all my other commitments, something had to give - which was my personal exercise time.

I will add to this that I did try to work out from home. But it just hasn't worked out for me. I like the classes at the gym and miss Zumba so much!

Ok, so when thinking about renewing my membership my mind was spinning. I'm not going to do it if I can't tell myself that I'm going to make the time to go, so I had look at my current predicament:

• I'm still TTC with a FET in my future and a possible new IVF fresh cycle 
• I'm able to work from home 2x's a week 
• I'm still really tired from bad sleep quality (which maybe exercise can help?) 
• I have a volunteer commitment with Toastmasters that takes up a few hours/week 
• I can't work out in the morning, due to my work schedule and toddler care 
• I can't work out in the evenings, due to needing to spend time with my toddler 
• I need to do something about my weight / need to move my body more 

I think one of the issues I had about working out is that I over-commit. I was always an "all in" with 5 days a week working out. Looking at my above list... I can't do that. I don't have the time.

New Question: What do I have the time for? 

Here's my thought process: I can go to the gym on the 2 days that I work from home. That's 2 days of working out a week (during most weeks). That's all I can really say I can do FOR SURE. Of course... this will vary depending on work projects, toddler appointments, IVF appointments, etc. 

So, I decided to bite the bullet. I renewed my gym membership and commit to going 2x's a week. A friend had a good suggestion on checking in after two months and seeing if I indeed am going to the gym. If not, cancel the membership. Not having a contract helps and makes this do-able.

Now... the 2 days a week is flexible! I wish it was more concrete. But just looking at my next few weeks, it's already looking "difficult" in September: we are going camping, we are traveling to go to a wedding, I have my FET cycle. So, I'm truly going to take it 1 week at a time. If things turn out where I can only go 1x a week, that's good. The point is: I have to go when I schedule myself to go. I'm planning to make a monthly goal.

August Goal: 3x's 

First Gym Visit! 

With all that said... I MADE IT TO THE GYM TODAY!!! I went to Zumba during my lunch break at work. I have to admit... it was so strange to pull out my old workout clothes and put on sneakers. I have a bunch of workout clothes from my running days. Not surprisingly, most of my old clothes don't really fit that well (too small). Eek. But I'm not letting that get to me. I know where I'm at right now and I'm trying to make positive movement to correct it. Yet, I was really nervous to go back to the gym!

It's funny, the gym changed a bit. They re-did the floors and some of the wall decoration things. I used to love going to the gym, but after all his time -- it was a strange experience! I'll have to get into the "gym people" thing at a different time. There are even some of the same people in Zumba class that I recognized from when I used to attend regularly. The instructor is the same as well. Overall, Zumba was fun! I was definitely out of breath quickly, not surprisingly. Learning the new routines wasn't too bad, but my feet didn't want to move fast enough with my brain. Haha. I had to "take it easy" since I haven't really worked out in... forever! But I'm glad I went and was a bit giddy that I took the first steps. It's definitely a measuring stick on where I used to be and where I am now... But this is my new starting point and it can only get better from here.

Per my FitBit:

• Workout: 56 minutes 
• Calories Burned: 754 
• Heart Rate: 140 bpm (with a high of 180 --- eek!) 
• 21 peak mins, 13 cardio, and 23 fat burn 

I'm not really "tracking" my weight at this point. Right now the goal is simply to "start moving" and building a habit. Eventually I want to add more days to my workout (I want to add strength training), then add weight loss goals. One step at a time... 

Here's to being positive and trying to focus on my HEALTH and WELLNESS.

Potty Training 2.0

For the most part, my son has been very easy.

Transitioning to a crib from the bassinet = Easy
Transitioning from a bottle to a cup = Easy
Transitioning from formula to milk = Easy
Transitioning from crib to toddler bed = Easy

He's taken transitions and changes like a champ.

Then came potty training entered our lives.....!!!!!

My easy, adaptable, child = GONE. Potty training has been like a war zone. There have been casualties. We've lost some beloved pants and underwear through this process.

I first introduced potty training in March/April. At first, I thought, "Oh, he has this! This is going to be Easy!" NOPE! Wrong.

At first, things were going lovely. He was totally getting it. He had hardly no accidents. Then BAM. it started to become a battle. I didn't want potty training to be a war between us. So, I started to back-off a bit on the potty training. It didn't help that daycare didn't want to help with the potty training at the time. So, I think it was confusing when he would be there in a diaper and at home in underwear. I totally get that, which is why I started to back-off.

Anyways. Fast forward to today. Daycare finally says, "Let's do this potty training thing!" I get super excited because now he'll get the messaging at home and at daycare. Woohoo! That's great... right?

Well, we just started this week and daycare is starting to think he's not ready....

NOOOOOOOOOO!

See, my son KNOWS when he's going. He will look at me and just go in his underwear. He doesn't care if he's wet. I know he has the bladder control, I know he knows when he's going.

But - HE JUST DOESN'T CARE. He's OK peeing in his pants. He's OK if he stays in his wet pants. Totally gross, right? But to my toddler son, he doesn't care as long as he gets to keep playing.

So, we're giving it a trial try this week with daycare and home focused on potty training. They have "potty buddies" at daycare. If the week doesn't go well or if we don't see any progress (just need a little forward progress from him), then daycare might pull the plug on potty training until he's closer to 3.

<sigh>

I really hope this week is a turning point for him...! I really do. I don't want to rush him, but it'd be nice not to buy diapers anymore! It would also be nice to get past this difficult part in the potty training process. This, by far, has been my least favorite part of parenting! Pee on the couch, pee on the floor, pee in the underwear, pee on the chair.... pee everywhere but in the toilet. <sigh>

Let's see what happens this week.

Toddler Sized Independence

I've been working on trying to give my son some "independence." Meaning, letting him do things on his own without me pestering him :)

To help with this, I made some changes to make things more accessible to my son:

1) Used a command hook so my son can hang his towel himself in the bathroom. Even added a little letter for him. Saw this on Pinterest. Now he can hang up his own towel. He loves hanging his own towel and really likes that his letter is there.

It looks crooked! But it's not, it's just the angle of my camera. :)

2) Saw this trick I saw on Pinterest to put kid's toothbrush lower and under the sink. She used Velcro and attached to the cabinet door.

http://livingwellmom.com/2013/10/organizing-toothbrushes-toothpaste-out-of-sight/

I was going to do the exact same thing, but when I was at the store, I decided to just use an over-the-door basket instead. I only have one child for now, so this will do. If I have more and this doesn't work anymore, I will probably do the Velcro trick. Before my son's toothbrush was in the medicine cabinet and he can't reach there. (I have the "clear surface" thing going on and nothing is on the bathroom counter.)

Here's what it looks like. There's a cup for his toothbrush, one for flossers, and one for toothpaste.

We probably don't really need the toothpaste cup and can just place it in the basket. Will see how that works out. I haven't added labels & not sure if I will (that may be done when/if I have more kids). Now, all is within my son's reach and it's still hidden and off the counter. Yay and yay! Now my son can get his own toothbrush, add toothpaste by himself, and brush his teeth. He's really enjoying this and giggles every time he gets to brush his teeth. 

3) I started this awhile ago, but in the pantry - I cleared out the lowest shelf for my son to put his plates/cups/silverware on. He sets his own place settings, puts away his own dishes in the dishwasher, and also puts away his dishes when they're clean from the dishwasher. This is his little spot. Sometimes he organizes it really nicely, other times - not so much! But I try my best not to "fix it" and let him run with it. Every meal he's super excited to grab a plate, silverware, and a cup. 

Breaking the Budget?

None of this was in my budget, so I was worried I wouldn't be able to get any of this done this month. I looked at my budget and didn't want to allocate more funds mid-month, as that goes against the whole "instant gratification" thing I'm trying to avoid. Instead of waiting a month to finish these small projects, I decided to just re-allocate funds to my "household goods" funding category. There were a few spending categories that I allocated funds to, but can live without this month. 

Other things we are working on: 

1) He's learning to put his clothes on and learning to take them off. This has been an interesting process. He can totally do it by himself! But he will whine and complain so I'll help him out. I'm trying to find a happy medium with him because I know he can physically do it, it just might take him a little longer.

2) He's learning to put his own shoes on. He's got this pretty much down, but he's still practicing. Sometimes he'll get left/right mixed up, but that's to be expected.

3) Started a "tomorrow drawer" where all things needed for tomorrow are placed. He's working on picking out clothes (top, bottom, socks) and putting them in the tomorrow drawer. Then, in the morning he gets the clothes from the drawer and works on getting dressed. This has led to some mismatched outfits! But he's loving making the choices and using his "morrow" drawer.

I'm still looking at other ways to give him more independence and have him start doing things on his own. So far, these small things are helping with that. Plus, I love how excited he gets when he can do it himself and how much pride he takes in it. Hopefully good habits will come with this and it'll be easier as he gets older (a parent can hope!). 

FET 2 (Cycle #11): Endometrial Scratch

Since I had my FET appointment today, I thought I'd gift them with my sharps containers. I've been meaning to bring them for awhile now, but kept forgetting. Not even sure which cycles these sharps containers are from. But here are three of them:

Endometrial Scratch

Saying I was a "little" anxious/worried about this appointment was an understatement. I had NO CLUE what to expect from this darn scratchy thing. I just hate pain and knew I'd feel some. The first thing we did was the Endo Scratch. My RE tries to "relax" me by having some small talk, but it actually didn't work - it made me distracted more! LOL.

As many times as I've had that darn speculum put in, it is still uncomfortable every-single-time! Ugh. I don't know how to really "explain" the scratch. But basically, he cleaned off my cervix, put a catheter-type thing through my cervix into my uterus, then did this "windshield wiper" technique. It hurt. I had my eyes closed the entire time just trying to focus on my breathing. So imagine a windshield wiper motion in your uterus. Very uncomfortable and I started feeling the cramping right away. It was like having extremely bad cramps where you almost feel sick, like you want to grab your tummy and just lay down until it passes.

Not only did my RE do the windshield wiper thing once, he did it twice... ugh. The second time felt worse than the first. They had to gather enough of the uterine lining to test it. I actually didn't realize they were going to be testing the sample. This is a good thing. They did the same thing when I had my hysteroscopy and everything came back normal. Hoping the same goes for this.

With all that said... the entire thing lasted maybe 5 minutes? But the cramping continued afterwards. I'm typing this almost 2 hours after the procedure and I'm still feeling some cramping.

After the procedure, my RE said that he thinks I'll end up with twins. He was "joking" in a way. But my entire TTC journey has been focused on not having twins. He said that the way things go, since we've been trying to avoid it, it'll probably turn out that way. The scratch is supposed to help with implantation. Hoping and hoping and hoping this works.

Twins? Singleton? --> either way. Just get me pregnant!

Injections Training

There wasn't much to the injections training. We just went over PIO a little bit, since I haven't done that since April.

Sign Consent Forms

Signed my life away with the consent forms. Nothing new, it was just weird putting on there that I wanted to thaw my 2 embryos and transfer both of them...! My little embies. I have them as a screen saver on my phone right now and I still get mesmerized looking at the little ball of cells... wondering and thinking of the possibilities.

Pay for Cycle

I had to "pay" for this cycle. But since IVF #3 didn't turn out so great (converted to IUI#7), I have a huge credit at the clinic. So, I didn't have to pay anything. The cycle cost $1,040 total - if I were to have paid for it out of pocket. Now, I'm trying to get them to issue me a refund for my balance. As much as I trust my clinic and all... there's no reason for them to hold onto my funds. I have over $8K sitting there. Plus, if this FET doesn't work - it's looking like I won't do another fresh retrieval until January 2017. I'd rather hold onto my money than them... that's for sure! I'm not pushing it right now, but next monitoring appointment I'm going to make a point to have them move forward with issuing me the refund (after they apply the FET 2 charges).

Ok, that's it! Busy day with this appointment, but it's really happening... moving forward with FET #2 and transferring my two precious embryos. I have to say, the "good feeling" I have been having about deciding on this FET vs another IVF egg retrieval, hasn't gone away! I feel extremely good about this FET. I'm hoping that good feeling carries over the entire cycle.

Really, really, really hoping this cycle is the lucky cycle!

Next Steps: 

• 8/25/16: Start Lupron 
• 8/30/16: Stop BCP 

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

FET 2 (Cycle #11): Medication Arrived

I had an interesting medication situation this cycle. I had to order from 3 different pharmacies (since my old insurance is going away).

Order #1 (Old Pharmacy)

Ordered: Lupron, Medrol, Vivelle Patches, Progesterone Suppositories. It arrived today:

The box is so small compared to the IVF full retrieval box! Not many meds.

Order #2 (Local Pharmacy)

For the FET, I have to take a Diazepam/Valium an hour before the procedure. They don't carry that at the speciality pharmacy, so I ordered it with my local pharmacy.

Order #3 (New Pharmacy)

Progesterone In Oil (PIO) has a short shelf-life of about 30 days. Since I'm not starting PIO until next month, there was no point in ordering it now as it would just go bad. So, I need to place an order with the new pharmacy for delivery sometime next month. I still need to call them, going to try getting that done tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the Endometrial Scratch, which has me freaking out a bit. Trying not to over think it and just go with it. This is my first time doing that... Hopefully it won't be too painful! Also, hoping it'll do the trick to help for a successful FET.

Next Steps: 

• 8/19/16: Injections Training, Consent Forms, Cycle Pay Day, and Endometrial Scratch

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

FET 2 (Cycle #11): Sonohysterogram No. 3

In my TTC, I just never know what to expect! Recently I've been going into each appointment with an "idea" of the drastically different directions a cycle can go depending on the results of the procedure or monitoring.

Today, I had a saline ultrasound (SHG aka Sonohysterogram). Basically they insert fluid (saline) into your uterus to see if there are any uterine defects (polyps or fibroids). It's my 3rd one since I started my TTC journey. First one was for pre-testing, second one was prior to starting IVF#1, and now this third one prior to FET #2. 

At my first SHG, they found a uterine defect, which turned out to be a polyp. Which delayed my first IUI by 4 months. I had a hysteroscopy to remove a polyp. 

Now that I've been TTC, I know that polyps can grow back. I also know that I do not have to remove a polyp, if I don't want to. I also know that polyps decrease chances of implantation (since they can be attached to the uterus where the embryo would implant) and increase chances of miscarriage. On the other hand, some women get pregnant with a polyp and have no issues during pregnancy. Forever the odds game and the crazy vortex of "who knows" and "if and then and maybe." 

Going into the SHG, I knew there was a possibility of a polyp and the possibility of a delay in FET #2 and the possibility of having to decide on a hysteroscopy (again). I also knew that everything can possibly turn out with no uterine defects, keeping the timeline as scheduled. 

Oh the never ending possibilities of this direction or that.

The procedure went OK. It's very similar to an IUI and goes by quickly. The most uncomfortable part is having the speculum put in and having a bright light shining on all my lady bits. There was some cramping, but nothing crazy. I am "all clear," meaning they did not detect any uterine defects. Yay for that! They did have a hard time finding my left ovary again... but right now, the cycle is a Go. One step cleared. Now onto the next! 

I'm feeling more and more positive about the upcoming FET. I keep looking at the picture of my embryos and letting my mind wonder about all the possible beautiful scenarios in my if and then potential futures.

Even though I'm on my 11th cycle and I've been at this for what feels like forever... I still get a glow just thinking about the "if it works this time" scenario... Because "then all of this" would have been totally worth it. And wouldn't that be something :)

Next Steps: 

• 8/18/16: receive first order of medications 
• 8/19/16: Injections Training, Consent Forms, Cycle Pay Day, and Endometrial Scratch

Click the hyperlink for more details on FET #2, IVF Cycles, or TTC journey.

Post-Adoption: Communication with Birth Parents

I've been thinking a lot about Little Guy's adoption and communicating with his birth family. I haven't written much about it on my blog, although it's been on my mind a lot.

Since my son was adopted from fostercare, his birth parents didn't voluntarily put him up for adoption. We went from court hearing to court hearing for 18 months until the very last one to terminate parental rights (TPR). It was at this hearing where his birth parents stopped fighting and expressed interest in me adopting him. For more on the specifics of our adoption, see my Adoption Timeline.

At the time of the TPR trial, there was also discussion about communication post-adoption. We do not have an official post adoption agreement. But verbally, I agreed to some sort of communication, but was not specific. I set up an email address and a PO Box for them to communicate with me. 

My son's birth mother has consistently written... Almost at an obsessive level. We receive multiple letters a month from her. Sometimes what she says in the letters makes me question if she really "gets things." She would panick if I didn't write her back right away and think I was "mad" at her. 

I quickly set up some limits with her. I agreed to write 2x's a year and send pictures. She can write as much as she wants (and she does). She expressed some dismay at "two times a year" isn't enough and some side comments about it in her letters to my son. Almost trying to guilt trip me (it hasn't worked and I don't respond to her on those comments). I keep my letters 100% about my son and what he's up to. 

She has tried to get me to meet up with her sister and her kids (my son's birth aunt and cousins). She's also tried to have me agree to phone calls. I've said no to both... Which surprised me. I thought I would be more open to building relationships with my son's birth extended family. But I guess I'm leary of their sincerity. This is the aunt that tried to get custody of my son and who only visited him 2x's the entire time they had fostercare visitations (where they could've visited 2x's a week). Plus, his cousins are way older than him - no real relationship building there. I had to think, "would the contact benefit my son?" My answer was no at the time. I think it would've only benefited them and I had a gut feeling that the request wasn't really to see my son, but to keep an eye out on me. 

As for phone calls, my son doesn't even know how to talk on the phone yet! 

Eventually I know she's going to ask for in-person visits. Right now, I'm leaning towards no. There are some safety concerns that I don't want to post here... Which is another reason why I'm against contact with the aunt. I don't want to get into specifics on all of that and may be a little vague. I know it's my son's birth mother... but my son was in foster care for a reason and the State terminated rights on his birth parents for a reason. There are a lot of aspects to consider in this and it's not black/white. My son's safety is my #1 priority and that trumps anything and everything. 

My son doesn't know his birth mother, hasn't seen her since he was 5 months old. I don't feel like I should make that choice for me son at this juncture. When he's old enough, I'll let him make a decision on whether or not he wants to meet his birth family. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. I'll support him either way. 

Now, there's his birth father. He made visitations pretty consistently right up till the TPR trial. Then he missed he goodbye visit and I haven't heard from him since. Which is so odd! He was very adamant about having a communication plan. Since my son knew him, I probably would've even allowed in-person visits with him. But not one email and not one letter. 

It didn't bother me at first. But recently I started to question if I should initiate contact. I want to have contact with his birth parents so that when my son is ready (and he chooses), it'll be a smooth process on getting him in-touch with them. Not only that, I want to have contact if any medical issues come up. I also want to do all I can do to keep my son's birth parents informed of his life and development. Partly because I would want to know if my child was adopted. 

I've been playing with the idea of emailing the birth father... I didn't want to initiate contact because I had to think there was a reason he wasn't communicating? Plus, maybe he's involved in unsafe behaviors again? 

Well, I bit the bullet! I emailed him today. I asked if he wanted to set up a communication plan and receive pictures. I also asked him if he had any pictures of my son and him together. I know he does (he showed me on his phone), but he never gave me a copy. I would love for my son to have pictures of him with his birth father. He might also have pictures with my son and relatives that attended visitations. Right now I only have 1 photo of my son with his birth parents. I would love for him to have more... 

Anyways, now I wait to see if I'll hear back from his birth father! 

Adoption can be tricky and there are so many things that I have yet to be faced with. I'm not sure how my son is going to react to all this as he gets older or how sensitive he'll be to his foster care/adoption story. Only time will tell.

Right now, I'm working on his Adoption book... which I've been working on FOREVER. With our one-year anniversary of our adoption coming up (our "Family Day"), I'm forcing myself to really make the effort in finishing it. Which it's why it's part of my August goals this month and one reason I'm thinking so much about post-adoption communication with his birth parents.

I am making a point to talk to my son about being adopted. I show him pictures of his birth parents and tell him "his story" in age appropriate terms (which will be easier once I can get a few of his adoption books done). They are part of him. I'm also looking at other ways to "honor" his birth parents on an on-going basis. As he gets older, I am hoping that our discussions and stories will help him through understanding his past. I'll write more on that later.