IUI #7 (Cycle 10): IUI Day

When I was little I was really into horoscopes. I thought I'd read mine for the month/week/day to see if I could get any insight into this IUI. Premonitions, insights, anything. No such luck unfortunately! lol. Guess I'll have to wait a full 14 days before I find out if it worked or not. Can't believe I used to totally be into that stuff.

I took a half-day off of work today for the IUI. I think I should've taken the entire day off of work today. I was pretty useless for the part of the day that I worked.

I ordered the progesterone suppositories through a local pharmacy I've used for my previous IUI's. They'll hand-deliver them tomorrow. 

Today was my IUI #7 day. It went as my other IUI's have gone, done in under 5 minutes. The speculum going in is still the most uncomfortable part. This time, I actually felt when the catheter hit the top of my uterus! My RE said, "I'm sure you felt that, that's the top of your uterus." Then he said, "All the Sperm is in the uterus." And we're done! 

Sperm Analysis 

Donor #2 had good numbers: 

• Motile Sperm: 28.4 million
• Motility: 58%

Here's the swimmers in the catheter: 

I didn't do much after the IUI. I was still dragging from lack of sleep this week and being a hormonal mess. So, I napped most of the afternoon away. I feel really bloated and uncomfortable. 

Otherwise, I'm hoping to be able to get through the TWW in one piece and not stress too much. I haven't been successful in the past in not doing early testing... but I think I'm going to hold off this time. The way this cycle has gone, I don't need the extra stress. 

Now, it's time to wait! 

Next Steps: 

• The Two Week Wait 
• 8/4/16: Beta Test 

IUI #7 (Cycle 10): Trigger + Sperm Arrived

It's funny, I was looking at my last IUI (Cycle #6) from October. There's some small things I've "forgotten" about doing an IUI, so was reading up on my old entries instead of going to Google-verse. I had said, "last IUI ever." Well, guess not!! I've even been thinking that IUI's might be a better option (cost-wise) if none of these other options work (IUI #7 and/or FET in September) vs. doing another IVF retrieval.

Last Injections

Since my IVF cycle was converted to an IUI, I still had to continue my IVF injections until the day of trigger. It was a bit bitter knowing I'm injecting my body with all these meds and not getting the wished for results of an IVF retrieval. But if I were honest, it was nice to do that LAST injection.

Trigger Shot 

Every time I have a trigger shot at odd hours I get paranoid I'm going to miss it. Which totally happened for IUI #5! So it's not like it's never happened to me before. I set my alarm before going to bed and I still woke up 10 minutes before my alarm thinking, "I missed it!" 

I haven't done a trigger shot for awhile (since IVF #2 in February), so I did follow the instructions carefully. I was happy to be done with it, last shot (for now anyways). After I was done with my shot, it took me awhile to get back to sleep again, was dragging a bit today. 

Donor Sperm Arrived 

Mini panic attack. I checked the shipping status this morning and it said "rescheduled delivery to 7/21." Eek! Freaked me out that the Sperm wouldn't get there on time... Then what? Can this cycle get any worse? But what was strange about it is, it showed it arrived in the City today and "destination scanned." So, why would it take an extra day to get there if it's already in the city? That doesn't make sense... 

I had to call UPS. Apparently the package didn't make it onto the truck for delivery, for whatever reason. So I asked if I could pick it up instead and they said no. WTF. I swear it took everything in me not to yell at the customer service person, "I need my Sperm delivered today!" Not to mention I was at work... at my desk... making this call, trying to sound calm and professional. Oh Lord, how people would've reacted to me saying that at work. 

It did get escalated to a supervisor. After 20 minutes in the phone... Turns out that the package WAS on a vehicle for delivery TODAY. But the online system didn't catch it and changed the delivery day automatically. Stress over nothing apparently. 

Is the universe telling me something about this cycle? Not one thing has gone as planned this cycle. Will I get a break? Sheesh. 

After all that, the package was delivered on time.

So, what sucks big time is my clinic called me and was confused on why a second vial of sperm arrived today. If you recall, I ordered an IUI A.R.T vial for the IVF cycle, Donor #5. Well, A.R.T vials are cheaper and supposedly have less sperm than a regular IUI vial. My RE told me to order a regular IUI vial when the cycle got converted on Sunday. When they called to verify the shipment, turns out that Donor #5 IUI A.R.T vial had just about as much sperm as Donor #2 IUI vial... UGH. Seriously? So I didn't have to buy another vial after all! Damn. $815 down the drain. They asked me which vial to use for tomorrow, I told them to use the new one (Donor #2) that they just got. <sigh>

Then there's the medication screw up. I did a refill order for Progesterone at my pharmacy. Thinking I was ordering the progesterone suppositories. Turns out I ordered the PIO shots. WTH. More $$ down the drain, sadly. That was totally my fault though, I tried to do an online re-order. Need to get this fixed tomorrow as my pharmacy apparently does not have the progesterone suppository RX on file for refill. I guess I'll donate the PIO to my clinic, I have no use for it right now and it expires in 30 days. 

At this point, if this cycle works - it'd be like a miracle. Seriously. All the things that could've went wrong - went wrong. Not to mention my hormones are in a muck with all these injections, combined with all these things going the wrong-way -- it's not a pretty picture! I'm a bundle of hormonal madness at the moment. $ down the drain, things not going according to plan, unneeded extra stress, worrying about sperm arriving.

A miracle... a miracle would be really nice just about now. Let's see how all this turns out. 

Next Steps: 

• 7/21/16 @ 11:45am: IUI #7 

Thoughts on IUI #7 (Cycle 10)

This cycle has been all over the place. Every since the decision was made yesterday to convert IVF #3 to IUI #7, I've been feeling like all this TTC is leading no where. I've been so bitter and angry.

To begin with, I wasn't even sure if I should do a new fresh cycle. It took me awhile to talk myself into it. Not to mention subtle suggestions from close friends suggesting maybe I should stop TTC altogether.

Originally I was just going to transfer my 2 frozen and go from there. Maybe I should've went that way to begin with? Hindsight can be a B.

It's so annoying that I had to convince myself to do this whole new egg retrieval process and I spent hours... maybe days... just thinking about it and weighing my options. Then I finally decide to move forward -- and this happens. Another cancelled IVF cycle. WTH. 

I've been on supplements for 3 months: CoQ10 and DHEA. Doesn't seem like they helped. Or maybe they did and for some reason the protocol that worked for IVF #2 decided not to work for IVF #3. Reason? Who knows! I don't have DOR (Diminished Ovarian Reserve), my baseline follicle count was the highest its been since I started this process (~15). Yet, it's all gone downhill. None of this makes any sense to me. Not to mention that physically, nothing is wrong with me. My blood work and numbers look really good. My uterine lining is always excellent. Yet, I haven't gotten pregnant with 6 IUI cycles and 2 embryo transfers. They call it, "Unexplained Infertility." No reason why. It's just what it is. God's plan? Perhaps.

Makes me wonder: Would another IVF protocol work? Should I try switching clinics? Would it be worth it to switch clinics after I've been with mine for 1.5 years and they know my history? Should I even try for another egg retrieval? Would any change really matter?

I'm starting to think that this cycle was doomed for failure. From my indecision on moving forward. From my horrible time ordering my medications. Almost like the Universe was telling me that maybe I shouldn't move forward with this egg retrieval cycle.

Not to mention how disconnected I've been feeling from TTC since FET #1 failed.

It just doesn't seem like any of the "cards" are aligning for me to have a baby. Each corner there's a new challenge. Each time, things don't go right. It's just so damn infuriating.

Yet, I'm moving forward with IUI #7. After all my complaining, the question might be the "WHY" in that. Why move forward? Why not just stop?

I don't know if I have a good answer to that. All I can think of is, "What if this time it works?" I have thought that EVERY single time... and it hasn't. But there's that damn thing called HOPE. That the next time will be the time. I just can't let myself believe that after this long journey that I won't have a baby at the end of it all. Even though reality has been hitting my head in with a hammer over and over telling me that not having a baby is a real possibility...

But damn hope. Hope tells a different story. Keeps the dream alive for me. That it's still possible. It can still happen. I can have a lucky IUI Cycle #7 or maybe a lucky Hail Mary FET #2 in September.

Even with all my bitterness and anger and frustration, I'm still not ready to call it quits yet because it's not over yet. There's still a small thread of hope weaving its way around my heart of the possibility that this can still happen.

Misplaced hoping? Maybe. Either way, it's time to turn around my attitude and get back on the positive train. I actually blame the fertility meds for my strong anger feelings. They're easy to blame, because they mess with my emotional balance. Dang meds.

I know the statistics on this IUI being successful. It's like only 6-10%. <sigh> But here I go anyways. As I said at my first IUI, "May the Odds be Ever in Your Favor."

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): IVF converted to IUI #7

My ramblings on Stim Days 6-8 and the important Monitoring Appointment #2 results, & the decision to convert to an IUI. For my other stims days see:

Stim Day 1
Stim Days 2-5

Stim Day 6 (7/15)

I was a bit bitter doing my injections today. Not sure what was going to happen this cycle makes it frustrating to be injecting all these meds into my system. Feels like I'm almost throwing money away. I know it'll all be worth it if the cycle ends up continuing. But if it doesn't, it's such a waste.

Stim Day 7 (7/16) 

Starting to feel really "hot," which sucks in this heat! I'm also highly impatient, which maybe means my estrogen levels are going up? But I'm hoping these are good signs and that it means my ovaries are working and the follicles are growing. Maybe some more will show up??? Feeling a little less fatalistic about the cycle today. Hoping it's not mis-placed optimism/hope. Right now I'm leaning towards moving forward with the cycle with PGS testing anything that makes it to Day 5 (plus my 2 frozen). I'm hoping that's still an option tomorrow...

Stim Day 8 (7/17) + Monitoring Appointment #2

I had a horrible Charlie horse this morning and hoped it wasn't indicative of how my monitoring appointment was going to go. Going into the appointment: I haven't been feeling noticeable ovary pain, so worried my follicles weren't  growing. I am moody, have CM, & running "hot" - so was hoping those were good signs.

Well, bad news first. At the monitoring appointment I only had maybe 2-3 follicles (most likely only 2). Therefore, IVF was not an option (needed >4 to do IVF). My options at that point: 1) convert to IUI or 2) cancel the cycle and do nothing.

The good news: I could convert to an IUI. I'm not sure if you remember, but when IVF #1 was cancelled, an IUI conversion wasn't possible and it was pretty devastating for me to do nothing. Have to find little strings of good news in all this...

Ordering more donor sperm 

Luckily, my RE was OK with converting to an IUI. Which I honestly don't have much hope of it working... and I wish I can have more "hope" that it'll work. The IUI led to another issue: I needed to order more sperm. Turns out the sperm I ordered for IVF #3, Donor #5 , did not have any IUI vials. I had purchased an A.R.T sperm vial for IVF #3, which has less sperm/vial than an IUI vial. Which meant I had to make another decision on a sperm donor. Frustrating? Yup. I decided to check out my previous donors. Both Donor #2 (from IUI #5) and Donor #3 (from IUI #6) were available. I decided to just go with Donor #2. No rhyme or reason really... I had vetted him thoroughly and would have used him for IUI #6, but he had no vials available. He also had a good sperm count, so that's where I decided to go.

I have a lot of emotions running through my body right now and thoughts swimming around. I'll try to post a more thorough post on my feelings later... I'm just exhausted from all this right now. Here's the plan:

1) Have IUI #7 this month.
2) If it doesn't work... do a FET in September and transfer both my frozen embryos. No testing them.
3) If that doesn't work... save money to do another IVF egg retrieval. Possibly do IUI's in between.

Not the best situation, but it's the situation I'm faced with.

Next Steps:

• 7/19/16 @ 11:45pm: Trigger Shot
• 7/20/16: Donor #2 IUI vial should arrive at my clinic 
• 7/21/16 @ 11:45am: IUI #7

For more info on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline.

The Woes of IVF #3

Warning: this will be ranting post.

The news I received yesterday at my first monitoring appointment sucked.  I'm not responding to the meds. How can I be responding so poorly to the medication? It just doesn't make sense to me. I guess it goes to show that every single IVF cycle is completely different than the last. Even though I had an "OK" response on this same protocol last time, it's not working this time.

All I can think is: F#@K!

THIS cycle was supposed to be my LAST IVF cycle. I was so sure about that when I decided to move forward that I would let myself stop after this. But now? I don't know... I wanted this to be equal to or better than IVF #2. Now it's looking disastrously like IVF #1.

I just feel so defeated... like this entire journey to have a baby, to build my family -- is going to end with no baby. I just hate this.

With all the ups and downs that I've gone through since starting this process, I've never felt so dejected. Things just keep stacking against me and I can't understand the "why" of it all.

Why it has to be so hard.
Why I have to have fertility issues.
Why I can't get pregnant.
Why I am not responding to the stims.
Why this journey has to be so long.
Why I can't just "stop" trying.

I want to be positive and optimistic and hopeful... I really do. But right now...

I just need to feel the anger that Infertility has brought into my life.
I need to feel the frustration.
I need to feel the sadness.
I need to feel the aches.
I need to feel the losses.
I need to feel just how hard this path has been.

With trying to conceive, it's like you keep going and going and going. You jump over the hurdles. You pass the sadness. You keep looking forward to that DREAM. The dream that helps you stay positive and optimistic and hopeful. But sometimes... You need to just STOP and let yourself feel all the anguish.

This is that time for me.

There are thoughts that I've been fighting with... the thoughts of my body failing me... or the lifelong dream of having a birth child melting away... So much going on in my mind of getting so close to being forced to let go of my dream of having Baby C. It's all just so heartbreaking and I can't let myself linger too long on this or I might not have the power to keep moving forward.

My thoughts are swirling on possible next steps, which won't be clear until my next monitoring appointment on Sunday. But here are some options I'm going to discuss with my RE:

1) Continue with the Cycle. I need 4-5 follicles for this to happen.

Option: freeze the embryos after fertilization. Then do a 3-day FET in September. No PGS. The risk here is not knowing if they are PGS normal.

Option: let the embryos grow to day 5 and PGS test, as planned. Risk here is that maybe none will make it this far.

2) Convert to an IUI. I would need less than 4 follicles for this option.

3) Cancel the cycle and do nothing.

I have no clue what the right thing to do is. I hate that I have to make all these hard decisions and not knowing if I'm making the right/wrong choice. I just pray the answer is clear when I need to make the decision on Sunday... unless the decision is forced upon me and there is no progress with my 5 follicles.

I wish I had a crystal ball just about now...

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): Stim Days 2-5, Monitoring Appt #1 - Possibility of canceling cycle

Here's a few ramblings for Stim Days 2-5 and my first monitoring appointment on Day 5.

See my post on Stim Day 1.

Stim Day 2 (7/11)

Started spotting today. My last BCP was last Tues 7/5. I normally get a light AF after I stop the BCP, but this time it took it awhile to start. Maybe because I was on BCP for a short period of time? Who knows... 

Stim Day 3 (7/12)

Already have a bruise on my tummy from the injections :(  Also, already feeling emotional. Need to stay away from sob-worthy TV episodes. Ugh. 

Stim Day 4 (7/13) 

Received an email from the genetic testing lab. I have to fill out some more waiver forms and put my credit card on file. The cost is going to be $1950 for up to 8 embryos. 

I now have a lot of bruising on my tummy. Which surprises me, as I normally don't bruise this easily during stims. Oh well, almost half way done. Not really feeling any discomfort yet in my ovaries, so hoping this is all working! 

Stim Day 5 (7/14) + Monitoring Appointment #1 

I have to admit, I was worried about the monitoring appointment. IVF #1 I had a low response. IVF #2 my right ovary didn't respond well. I was hoping to get a good response from both my ovaries this round. Day 5 is kinda early to really "know" if it's working, it's easier to see the follicles the longer you Stim for. However, at IVF #2 I had 8 follicles at the Day 5 monitoring. They retrieved 9 eggs, 8 were mature. So maybe it was the same 8 they saw on Day 5? 

The monitoring appointment didn't go well -- at all. I'm not sure if I was even prepared for the discussion on possibly canceling this cycle. Yup, CANCELING! I'm going to do a separate entry on my feelings and frustration with everything.... For now though, I'm responding very similarly as I did to IVF #1. They only saw 5 follicles and I have another cyst on my left ovary.

Here's a comparison of Day 5 monitoring results from all 3 IVF Cycles:

Monitoring Appt #1 (Stim Day 5)	IVF #1	IVF #2	IVF #3
Uterine Lining	11.56 mm	5 mm	4.5 mm
E2	280.5	252	254.5
Right Ovary Follicle Count	4-5	3	3
Left Ovary Follicle Count	2 + Cyst	5	2 + Cyst
Total Potential Follicles	6-7	8	5

At this juncture, I was actually doing better on Stim Day 5 with IVF #1 vs IVF #3. Ugh.

This is not what I expected, at all. I have my next monitoring appointment on Sunday (Stim Day #8) where I'm really going to have to decide what to do next... I'll save that for my venting entry.

I'm feeling so defeated at this point... I'm just not understanding why this just keeps getting harder and harder and harder. Where's the light at the end of the tunnel?

Portal Message: No medication changes. 

Next Steps: 

• 7/17/16: Monitoring Appointment #2 - ultrasound and blood work. 

For more info on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline. 

So long, old Insurance Coverage

I really wish I was keeping my old insurance with my old employer. This is the first time I've ever maxed out all my out-of-pocket costs. I was surprised to see this when I checked the balances. I think I may have some money coming back to me when all the claims are settled. Which would be really nice. 

Too bad this insurance ends in August. Will be starting over with the new insurance, which I'm sure I'll hit my deductible pretty quickly. 

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): Stim Day #1

The day has quickly arrived for me to start stims! Since I'm doing my injections so early 5:30 am/pm, I still had to do them early today -- Sunday, even though it was the weekend.

I ended up laying out all my supplies the night before, so I wouldn't be scrambling in the morning. This seemed to work well for me, especially since I was a bit groggy this morning! 

The injection wasn't too bad, it actually is less painful than the Lupron needle. 

I had a bit of a lingering migraine after my morning injection. Not really sure if it's related to the stims or not? I'd have to read my previous blog entries to recall if I had migraines on stims previously. You'd think I would remember! But the truth is, all my cycles are a bit of a blur at this point. Looking at  my entry from IVF #1, looks like I had a headache on day 1 of stims as well. 

The evening injection was a little stressful because it was during the time that I was making dinner and prepping my meals for the week. But I got it done! Day #1 of stims completed. 

How am I feeling? 

I've been on this journey to have this baby for such a long time now... All I could really think is, I never thought it'd be so hard to build my family. It seems like such a far away dream to have this baby. I have doubts that it'll ever work. I have big hopes that it will. I'm trying my best not to have any expectations. Right now, I don't have any expectations of this cycle. There are so many steps to go before things will become clearer... 

Throughout my entire TTC journey, I've held onto my hope and love for my future child. I still have that today, maybe more so... Because of all the trials I've had to go through up to now. There's also something hanging in the air this cycle -- the end of TTC. Which brings so many conflicting feelings. 

Anyways... Here we go! Let's see how this cycle goes. 

Next Steps: 

• 7/14/16: Monitoring Appointment #1 - Ultrasound and Blood work.

For more info on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline. 

Budgeting Project: Teaching My Son About Money

Yup, at 2 1/2 years old I'm starting to teach my son about money. If you've been following my blog, I have been working the Dave Ramsey plan in my Budgeting Project. I'll be adding a "Kid" component to my blog.

Every since I was laid off in March, I've been pretty dedicated to getting out of debt. Not only that, but making sure I teach my kids about money. I don't want my kids to ever be in a position where they're drowning in debt like me. I want to teach them a way to manage their money and provide tools to be successful when they're adults. What they do then, will be up to them!

I decided to read the Dave Ramsey/Rachel Cruze Smart Money, Smart Kids book. I've finished lesson #1 and decided to implement some of their suggestions for 3-5 year olds with my son. 

I picked out a few chores he could do to earn "commission": 

1. Help feed the dog, water + food 
2. Help fold hand towels 
3. Help dust/clean 
4. Help empty small trashcans 

I do want to add that my son does a lot of house chores that I consider "part of the family" chores and not something I'm ever planning on paying for: 

• Putting clothes in hamper
• Making his bed 
• Cleaning up his toys 
• Setting the table 
• Putting his dishes in the dishwasher 
• Putting his dishes and cups away (after washed) 
• Putting his shoes away 

I bought a clear jar for him to put his money into, following the suggestions in the book. Made a big deal about him helping and presented him with a dollar each time. 

We went to Walmart and he picked out 2 cars that were $0.94 each. He even gave the cashier his money. 

Not sure if he's "getting" it, since it's just one day we've done this!  Will keep doing this and see how it goes. So far, I'm liking it and I think it'll teach him. It's more about me being intentional about it. 

Here's to trying to make positive changes to our family tree where money is concerned! 

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): Lupron Injections Begin + Sperm Arrived

Things are about to get busy with IVF, just started injections! 

7/5/16: Stopped Birth Control

I just have to note that I spotted a lot while on birth control. This happened to me in Novemeber 2015 when I was starting IVF #1 as well, but I don't think I wrote about it. I totally forgot that happened until it happened again this time. I don't like being on birth control, thankful to be done with it. 

I was a bit moody BEFORE I started the Lupron. Hoping that isn't a precursor for when I start stims! 

7/8/16 Start Lupron Injections 2x's a day

I started my Lupron Injections today. 2x's a day at 5:30 am/pm. As much as I have done injections, the first few I'm always a bit hesitant. First 2 shots are in the bag. 

Donor #5 Arrived

Received confirmation that Donor #5 arrived at my clinic. So, that's all ready to go... I had a bit of a minor "fear" that I only ordered 1 vial and kept thinking if I should've bought a 2nd vial "just in case" something goes wrong with the first one. I shouldn't be too nervous, I only had 1 vial last time and there weren't any issues. 

I can't believe I start stims in 2 DAYS! I'm not anxious yet... but I'm sure that'll change when stims start up. Things seem to be going so quickly now. 

Next Steps: 

• 7/10/16: Start Stims 
• 7/14/16: Monitoring Appointment #1 and Bloodwork 

For more on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline. 

Jobbing: Update on Routine and Job

The new job has been going well for the most part. Here's a quick update on how life has been on the new schedule.

Dealing with Difficult People

I've dealt with difficult people before, but there's one lady in particular at my new job that is straight up mean! Like obviously mean and rude. It got so bad that I actually spoke to her manager about it. I approached it in the following way, "I'm new here and I'm still getting used to everyone's personalities. I feel there's some hostility with XX and wasn't sure what to think about it."

Well, it turns out it's good I spoke to her manager (who is my peer and the one training me) about it. Turns out that this lady is mean to everyone, but she's especially mean to me because she's upset that I was hired in at a level above her. Like, really? Ugh. Petty work drama is not my thing. But honestly, my entire professional life I have never been treated so rudely by someone.

I try to keep my distance (as much as I can on a small team) and don't go to her for help now. It seems to be working ok lately.

The Routine

My routine has gotten a little better. I'm still not sleeping well, which really puts a hinder on things. But I think I've gotten the waking up 4am thing down. I've adjusted my bedtime, so I'm actually in bed by 8pm on most days. I'm just so tired, I'm useless and can't get anything done.

Dinner time has been working out OK. We mostly do a fruit cocktail-type dinner now-a-days. My son doesn't seem to want to eat anything else.

Meal planning has been going extremely well. I've been making just enough meals to make it through the week.

Laundry has been going OK. I've pretty much moved all my laundry to the weekends now, which works better for the new schedule and seems to be the only way that I can keep up with it.

House Chores have not been as easy to maintain. I do well with it when we don't have weekend activities. But, when we have weekend activities -- it's extremely difficult for me to get the house chores done. It's frustrating because I want my house to be maintained better. I'm learning to let go of my perfection and just doing what I can. House chores have been at the bottom of my priority list after laundry, dinner time, and meal planning.

Quality Time with my Son

Believe it or not, even though we have a shorter period together during the week - I feel like the time we spend together is better quality. I've been really focusing on connecting with him and making sure we do quality activities together at night time. That's been in the form of short games (he only has a 10-15 minute attention span) and story time before bed. I've also been having him help me with preparing dinner. He helps wash the fruit off :)

It's sometimes hard at the end of the day to stay engaged when I'm so tired, but I make it a priority. I'm doing all I'm doing for him. The least I can do is spend some QT with him and make sure the long hours don't impact my connection with him.

Sleep and Working Out 

As I've mentioned, my sleep is horrible. I toss and turn all night. I wear my Fitbit Charge HR to bed and I can see how horrible my sleep patterns are. So, even though I'm going to sleep at a decent hour and I'm exhausted-- I'm not getting quality sleep. I've tried a few different things: 1) going to sleep earlier, 2) buying a new pillow, 3) setting the AC temp lower. Nothing seems to be working.

I was hoping to start adding in a workout in the morning, but it's so hard when I'm so groggy from lack of sleep. Now, I'm starting my IVF Cycle #3 - so I can't really start right now anyways (they don't want you doing vigorous exercise while stimming). But I have to do SOMETHING!

I've been trying to get up at work every hour and walk around. I also have added some desk stretches. But even with that, my # of steps aren't much. I'm just not moving enough. I really want to make this a priority because I love how I feel when I workout. BUT, the time crunch is a real thing. There really aren't enough hours in the day.

I know theoretically if I work out, I'll probably sleep better. But crawling out of bed groggy at 4am right now, not sure I have it in me to crawl out of bed at 3/3:30am and actually workout!

I know I have to make it a priority. I'm trying my best. After I'm finished with IVF#3, I'll try to make a better effort and see if I can make progress with this.

So, overall things are going well at the new job. The schedule/routine is working out pretty solid. I'm getting more flexibility where I can work from home a few days a week. Which will hopefully help with the time crunch.

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): Donor #5

I had a bit of dilemma when entering into IVF #3, Donor #4 I used for IVF #2 does not currently have any vials available. This was hard for me when deciding to move forward with IVF #3 because that means I'd have to use a new donor. Meaning, my 2 embryos from IVF #2 will have a different donor than any embryos from IVF #3.

Normally, I'm not that attached to my donors (after donor #1 that is). However, since I already have 2 embryos... I would have really liked to have all my embryos have the same donor. I guess I won't really know how it'll all play out until after we see what happens with IVF #3 and then receive the PGS results. I'll be honest though, that depending on how the PGS results turn out - the donor with the most normal PGS embryos will be the batch of embryos I choose to transfer. Not to jump too far ahead... fingers crossed I have a good egg retrieval - then that they make it to blast - then that they come back PGS normal - and survive freeze and all that. So many steps. Nonetheless, it's hard not to think about it.

Ideally, having one donor would have been better. Now, I'll have embryos from 2 different donors...

Choosing Donor #5 wasn't very difficult. I narrowed it down a month ago when I was considering moving forward with the cycle. I have to admit, I did less screening as I've done in the past. Not sure it really matters all that much anymore? I remember feeling so conflicted when I ordered Donor #1 and it took me a long time to pick a donor. I guess since none of those donors have "worked" and nothing has worked in this TTC process, the stress of picking a new donor is way down on my list of worries.

This time, I did have a small conflict between two donors that I liked. But I stuck with the one I already vetted.

Donor #5 will be arriving on 7/8!

For more on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline. 

IVF #3 (Cycle 10): Big Box of Meds Arrived

My big box of IVF #3 meds arrived today! I remember when my first box of meds arrived for IVF #1 and how overwhelmed I felt. What is also funny is that I DID have drama ordering my IVF meds this first time, I just didn't remember that until I re-read that entry. Funny how memory works sometimes.

This time when I received my IVF meds, it was like nothing. Interesting how easy you can adapt to IVF. It's all "crazy big IVF" to begin with. Now, it's just another cycle.

My meds: 

I was actually missing 1 med, the Zithromax Tri-Pak. When I called they said they don't carry it... Which is funny because I've ordered it from them directly 3x's prior. Tsk tsk. When I submitted my order the other day they included it. They really should call and say, "We weren't able to order XX." Alas, customer service is dead at some companies. They're lucky I wasn't PO'd this time, since I don't need that med till later. I put in a message to my RE to see if they can send a new script to my local pharmacy. It was so quick, that my order was ready within 30 minutes of sending the email request to my RE's office. Now, THAT is customer service. 

Other than that, everything was there. I ordered my Microdose Lupron. It'll arrive on Wednesday.

I'm not feeling much emotion over the cycle yet. But it seems to always start out that way. Once the medications start, things change. I have to say, I do think it's the hormones that make things so wacky with IVF. I mean, there is also the emotional side of TTC of course... but the meds just escalate those feelings a million-fold. Logistically, it'll be different doing stims this cycle because I commute to work. I have to decide on a time I can consistently do my injections. I have a morning shot and then 12 hours later I have my evening shot. Right now, I'm thinking 5:30am and 5:30pm. Have to see if that works as mornings are hectic. I figure if I'm +/- 15 minutes from those times, I should be fine.

I still need to order donor sperm... which is on my agenda this weekend. I already chose the donor, it's just a matter of doing the order.

Right now, still excited about this cycle. I actually can't believe I'm doing this again... I was thinking the other day that I've been on this journey since November 2014! I can't believe it's been that long and I can't believe I have not gotten pregnant through 6 IUI's, 1 fresh transfer, and 1 FET. I thought I'd have my baby by now... I really did. I had no clue this journey would be so long and so difficult.

Well, here's to hoping I'm closer to the dream of Baby C.

Next Steps:

• 7/5/16: Stop Birth Control Pills
• 7/8/16: Start Lupron 
• 7/10/16: Day #1 of Stims 

For more on my IVF cycle, check out my IVF Timeline. 

Gratitude: June 2016

Has a month ever zoomed by and at the end of the month you wonder, "where did the month go?" More and more my months are going like that. June 2016 was very much like that. I felt extremely "busy." Still trying to focus on my Gratitude project, I ran into a little hinderance. I think my son accidentally deleted my recurring reminder to add to my gratitude list! I was so busy, that I didn't even notice it was gone. Oops. So, I missed a few weeks in there. But here is what I got:

• My last day with Munchkin 
• Making sure Munchkin had a smooth transition 
• Starting to get more comfortable at work 
• Getting a new cleaning schedule down 
• Being able to carpool to work 
• Making headway with my retirement planning 
• My Fitbit Charge HR 
• New work clothes 
• Taking a strengths finder test 
• Attending a team builder event 
• Learning how to deal with new toddler testy behavior 
• Cooking new easy meals that turn out yummy
• My Fitbit silent alarm 
• Going to sleep early  
• Getting new dresses! 
• Baby carriers 
• Starting a new IVF cycle 
• Going to the movies with my son 
• Not hitting traffic when driving home from work 
• Making holiday plans 
• My severance check 
• Discount on the Ramsey Smart Money Smart Kids package 
• Big Brother! It's just entertainingly addictive.