A HUGE Bill $$$$$

I received an invoice from a laboratory for my blood work processing that was completed on 12/30/14. Can you believe, it was over $1000!!! I was like WTF! I was pretty angry considering they told me it would only cost about $150. 

I kept my "anger" under control and called my RE's office. They said that that I needed to contact the lab. Luckily the lab customer service was amazing. They just added my insurance information, told me to ignore the invoice, that I would be re-invoiced with the correct amount if I owed anything. They also said "make sure your doctor's office adds your insurance to your labs." Grrr. 

I honestly think it was the doctor's office that left off the insurance information. I've worked with this lab before for my regular blood work through my normal doctor's office and never had an issue with billing. 

Oh well. Mistakes happen, right? At least it is getting fixed. But man, if I had to pay that amount - I would've been livid. 

Can't believe blood work costs so darn much...!!! How do people with NO insurance afford these things? Sheesh. 

I've also been trying to understand my "explanation of benefits" and "claims" on my insurance website. It is so confusing!!! How can a normal person ever understand what's covered and what's not. It is ridiculous. 

Who knew this fertility adventure would turn into a Insurance 101 course. 

First Kiss

As a foster parent, there are sometimes "moments" that really show that you're making progress with a child. 

Little Miss has been with me for a little over 2 weeks now. Some moments that are showing me she's adjusting well: 

• No more tantrums!!! Not to say that she doesn't show defiance. She does, she is a toddler :) But no more throwing herself on the floor and screaming at the top of her lungs for up to 20 minute periods. That's HUGE progress. 
• She goes to sleep without screaming. She actually ASKS me to go to sleep. She knows the routine so well, she'll say "ni-ni" and head to her room. 
• She is laughing more. 
• When I ask for a hug, I get a hug! :) Before I would get a "no".
• This morning, I asked for a hug and she hugged and KISSED me! :) That's my FIRST kiss from her. This is pretty amazing because it shows she's bonding with me and feels more comfortable. Previously, she did not show much affection. 

I am so happy she's doing so well. She has the routine down and I think it brings her comfort to know what to expect and what comes next in the day. 

When things get hard being a foster parent, I just have to sit back and look at how much progress has been made. This helps me take a deep breathe and know I can deal with whatever comes next. 

What's also pretty sweet, is my Little Guy adores Little Miss. He smiles and laughs with her. He really enjoys her company. 

I have an appointment scheduled with her Guardian Ad-Litem (GAL)'s social worker next week. I should learn more about the case through her. We have court next month: an R&R (report and review). I still haven't met her Case Manager from DCS...  

I also started Little Miss in swim lessons this week. Oh man... it was really sad. A lady that looks like her Birth Mother (BM) walked in the building and she started yelling "MOMMY!" and got really excited. I had to tell her that it wasn't her mommy...  She did pretty well for her first lesson. She only screamed when she was taken off the step of the swimming pool! But she was able to sit and follow directions extremely well. Which is awesome.  

So far, being a family of 3 has been a smooth transition! But don't look at my calendar - it looks like a war zone! Between both children, my work schedule, my personal appointments, and my Toastmasters commitments -- things look HECTIC. Thank goodness I love to calendarize ;) 

Hysteroscopy Surgery Scheduled

My Hysteroscopy Surgery is scheduled for 2/12/15 in the morning. I have to admit... I'm nervous. I almost wish I could back out of it! I guess technically I *can*... But I won't... <sigh> 

I received my period (AF) this morning and that's when I'm supposed to call to schedule the surgery. I'm also a little sick with a sore throat, coughing, and runny nose. They are hoping that my symptoms will be gone by surgery day. If not, I'll need to reschedule. I don't want anymore delays, so I'm hoping for the best! 

Also, since they weren't able to get me in next week for surgery - they are starting me back up on Birth Control pills to stop ovulation, I'm assuming. So, back on the pill I go. 

This is all such an odd process to me. So much to do. Some people don't have issues having babies and get pregnant so easily. Who knows, maybe if I were married and was trying - maybe I wouldn't have any issues getting pregnant. But that's not my circumstance and I have to focus on the here and now. Single woman wanting to have a baby. Got to do what I got to do. Which would be easier without the surgery part!!! EEK. =-( 

Here's the schedule: 

• 1/30: Start BC pills
• 2/2: Pre-Opp 
• 2/9: call if I'm still sick 
• 2/12: Hysteroscopy 
• 1-2 weeks after 2/12: Post Opp 

THEN, HOPEFULLY in March -- first IUI cycle! Here's to hoping everything goes smoothly. 

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe: Choosing a Sperm Donor

As I search for a sperm donor through an online catalog, I have to think to myself: What REALLY matters in picking a sperm donor? 

There are a few search criteria where you can narrow down your donor: Race/Ethnicity, Eye Color,  Hair Color, Height, Weight, Unit Type Available (IUI/ICI), Quantity Available, Blood Group, Rh Factor, CMV Status, and Jewish Ancestry.

Some of this makes sense: Units available, type of units available, CMV Status.

Some of it, I am asking myself:

• Why is Blood Group and Rh Factor in there? Should I be trying to match my Blood type?
• I'm not Jewish. Do I mind if my donor is? 
• Do I really care about Race/Ethnicity? I'm a mixed race. Should I choose one race over another? 

Does eye color REALLY matter? I have brown eyes. My dad has green/blue eyes. I would love for my child to have light colored eyes. But does it REALLY matter if they do? Not really... But will I limit the search on the eye color....?? Same goes with height and weight.

Within each profile you get more info: Education/Occupation, brief overview, audio interview, baby photo, extended profile, Keirsey Test, and staff impressions.

It's not like this is online dating, but it kind of feels like it is! How DO you narrow down the possibilities? Do I base it on: I like his voice? I like his background? Medical background? 

Other things to ponder: I've been looking at the baby pictures of the donors and I'm not sure if I want to go with a donor that has similar features as I have, so the baby can look "more like me" or if I go with someone that I would potentially like to date. Tall, handsome, blue eyes, and brown hair. 

<sigh> The choices are endless. But that's the thing. I have to make a choice. I have to decide which one of these criteria really matter to me. Also, the impact on my child by choosing a donor. 

Instead of focusing on all these endless questions. Here is the Game Plan: 

FIRST ROUND: 

1. Someone that is "easy on the eyes". Aesthetically pleasing ;-) Why not? :) Which, if you really want to know, this is a hard call. All the pictures available are of babies. MOST babies are cute and so adorable!! So, not that "easy" to really choose by this factor. 
2. Someone taller than 5'9. I'm 5'6 and if I have a baby boy, want him to have the option of having some height on him. 
3. Going with lighter eye color, blue/green - just to up the odds that my baby will have light colored eyes. 
4. Has to have IUI vials available and have at least 5 available for purchase. 

SECOND ROUND: 

These are the TOP TWO things I'm looking at, but are not in the initial search criteria. Have to read through the profiles to get the info: 

1. I want an Open Donor (not in search criteria - have to read in the profiles) - willing to be contacted when my child turns 18. 
2. Medical History (not in search criteria - have to read in the profiles)- no family history of Diabetes or major diseases. I have diabetes and I want to give my child the chance to NOT have it. 

THIRD ROUND: 

1. In voice interview, someone that sounds "nice". NOTE: Not everyone sounds nice and authentic! Some of them sound cocky. LOL. I am also in Toastmasters, so someone that doesn't have a lot of "um's" or "ah's". Haha, J/K - kind of... ;) 
2. If still unable to narrow it down: read through staff impressions and the Keirsey Test. 
3. Finally, email the sperm bank and find out if there are already any reported pregnancies and the number of siblings reported. 

FOURTH ROUND: 

1. Once I have all the info and I STILL can't make a decision, I'll ask my trust worthy friends to get their opinions :) 

That's the Game Plan! Wish me luck!!! Going to really focus on choosing by mid-February. 

Moments

Sometimes we are in such a rush in life, we forget the small things that just make us smile. Almost everything my Little Guy does makes me smile :) Here are a few super adorable things he's started doing lately. 

When I sing a song before bed, he puts his forhead to mine and hums along. 

When I ask him "where are your ears?" He puts his finger IN my ear! 

When I ask him "where are your eyes?" He pokes MY eyes!!

When I ask him "where is your nose?" He sticks his finger IN my nose! 

When he does these things, he laughs :) 

Yesterday we were home, just the two of us. He sat on the couch with me and cuddled at my side and just started "talking". 

This morning as I was getting ready for work, I was listening to him on the baby monitor -- singing and talking to his stuffed animals. 

Moments like this, I don't want to forget. 

Someone is WALKING now!!!

My Little Guy has been soooooo close to walking for a few months now. I really thought he'd start walking by Christmas. Well, yesterday 1/25 - my Little Guy is officially a WALKER!!!! He took 20 steps unassisted, even turned in a little circle in place. Then after that, he had the confidence to keep walking across the room! Yippee! So proud of him :)

Watching these milestones and seeing him be so happy... That's what life's all about. It brings such joy and love into my heart to have him in my life. He is such a blessing.

We have court next week and I have no clue what to expect. Every time I've gone to court, nothing ever goes the way I think it's going to go. I'm hoping for no more surprises and for things to just steadily move forward.

I just love him so much. As a foster parent, I know I'm supposed to be prepared for my foster children departing. But with the way his case has been going, I've already invested in the thought of adopting him every since the case plan changed to severance/adoption. He's also been my longest placement. He's been with me since birth and he's almost 14 months old.

<sigh>

I just want my Little Guy to have permanency. To not be bounced around. He doesn't realize all this is going on - right now. But if it were to progress longer, it might be an issue when he starts understanding. It shouldn't take almost 2 years for a baby to be either be reunified or adopted.

Sad system we have. Sad reality of things.

CMV Negative

Revived my blood results back for my CMV status. I am CMV positive, meaning I can choose any sperm donor -- positive or negative. 

What is CMV? Cytomegalovirus, or CMV as it is more commonly known, is a member of the herpes virus family which includes cold sores, chicken pox and infectious mononucleosis. In healthy adults, infection with one of these viruses is characterized by an acute phase followed by an immune response. These viruses are not completely eliminated from the body but are confined in low numbers within certain cells for the lifetime of the individual. This person is healthy, has no evidence of disease and will not ordinarily transmit the virus to another person. If there is a suppression of the immune system, the virus may reactivate, shed viral particles and cause disease..

Medicated IUI vs Natural Cycle IUI - Insurance Clarification

Just received some clarification on my Insurance Benefits. I have pretty good insurance... but I'm still paying a lot to do all of this. Already met my annual deductible and am getting close to meeting my total out-of-pocket costs.

I wanted clarification on when my insurance would cover IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization).

Insurance Coverage 

Turns out, that I would need to have SIX (6) Ovulation Induced IUI Cycles that fail BEFORE the insurance will cover IVF. 

I was REALLY hoping for a natural cycle. All my test results were normal. On a medicated cycle, you release more follicles and have a higher risk of multiples. The percentage is low for multiples... But it's something I didn't really want to risk. 

However, if I do a "Natural Cycle IUI" - with no medications, it WON'T count towards the SIX "attempts". 

I am really hoping that IUI works and that I won't need to do IVF. However, I want to be prepared that if IUI doesn't work, that I can move onto IVF as quickly as possible. I need to talk to my RE about this. Originally he wanted to try a few natural cycle IUI's. I don't know if he'll start with medicated. 

Medicated IUI

PROS: of starting with medicated is you have a higher percentage of getting pregnant because you're releasing multiple follicles. There is more monitoring - leading to higher costs. 

CONS: Higher risk of multiples. Releasing (losing) more follicles (these are finite). Impact of the fertility drugs. 

Praying that IUI works, with no multiples...! Also, hoping the RE agrees to begin with medicated IUI for insurance coverage purposes. 

Some good news, it looks like the IVF coverage isn't limited to the "number of tries".

The fertility medication that I would get started on is called Clomid. 

Visitation Frustration

Little Miss was supposed to have a visit today with her Birth Mother (BM) and a sibling. Yesterday, I texted the Parent Aide (PA) to confirm the visit. No response.

A PA is the person that picks up and transports foster children to supervised visits. They also observe the visit and make notations. They are "contracted out" and do not work for the State directly. 

I moved forward as if the visit was going to happen by packing the diaper bag and notifying the daycare provider.

I receive a text AFTER Little Miss was supposed to get picked up saying "Sorry for the late reply. Visit is tomorrow."

Really? Seriously? Late reply... no reply.

I responded with asking if the visit for Friday was still on - NO RESPONSE. Visits are supposed to be Wednesdays and Fridays.

Very frustrating. Lack of communication, lack of notification - makes it extremely difficult to schedule anything.

GRRRR.

I have to admit, this is my NUMBER 1 frustration of being a foster parent is working with people that are incompetent in performing their jobs. They put foster parents in limbo.

Rant over. I'm going to talk to this PA when she drops off Little Miss after her visit tomorrow with expectations on notifying of changes to the normal schedule. Let's see how that goes...!

Test Results

Had my consultation with the RE. Everything came back: NORMAL. Yup, everything is NORMAL. Yippee :)

Cliff Notes Version of Test results: 

• All my hormone levels are normal. 
• I tested negative for cystic fibrosis and spinal muscular atrophy. 
• We discussed my oddly shaped fallopian tubes, he doesn't think it's an issue. He said the fallopian move within the body anyways. Which I thought was interesting and a bit strange... our bodies are magnificent things, aren't they?! 
• We discussed the cyst on my right ovary. Called it a "Paraovarian cyst" that was approximately 1 cm. Said it's normal and not to worry about it. Need to go to Google-verse and see. Not that I don't trust my RE... But I'm just curious. 
• Only bad thing was the fibroids, but easily fixed it the surgery. 
• I do not have PCOS!!!! This is GREAT news!!! I KNEW that OBGYN was nuts when he tried to diagnose me with that within 10 minutes of meeting me with NO tests. A$$hole. 

Surgery or Not to Surgery? 

The only thing I had to decide on was the surgery. I decided to go forward with it... It's non-evasive and it's out-patient surgery. Plus, it'll increase my odds of getting pregnant. Ultimately that's what I want, less complications. There are risks to surgery, but they're minimal. Let's just hope I'm not 1 in 1000 that has something crazy happen! Really... please pray for that. The name of the surgery is: Hysteroscopy. They go in through the cervix and use a scope to remove the fibroid (or it can be a polyp - they won't really know until they remove it).

IUI vs. IVF 

We talked about options: IUI vs IVF. Looks like it'll depend on what my insurance says. My insurance will cover IVF after 6 months of "monitored" and perhaps "medicated" IUI cycles... I'm getting clarification on this. But looking like I'll be doing IUI for at least 6 cycles before I can move forward with IVF.

Natural Cycle vs. Medicated Cycles 

Good news, since I hit my co-payment, the IUI cycles are pretty cheap out-of-pocket. Bad news, insurance doesn't cover purchasing sperm!! LOL. Sperm will be expensive, but at least the procedure won't. We are not sure about medicated vs natural cycle IUI... We will discuss further after the surgery to remove the fibroids. He may suggest 3-4x Natural Cycle and 3-4 Fertility drug cycle... Over 6 cycles, there's a 60% change to get pregnant. That sounds good, but think about it --- 6 MONTHS. <sigh> I'm hoping to get pregnant in the first shot! As I know most women probably feel the same way :) But realistically, it would be great to get pregnant within 3 cycles. With IVF, you have a 60% chance to get pregnant in ONE cycle. Would be nice to start with that, but no can do.

More than one baby? 

Moving to IVF is costly, but I'd have to do 6 cycles of IUI before I can even THINK about doing that.  I've also been thinking "do I want more children in the future?" Because my eggs will continue to age... Which sounds so crazy... Thinking about a second child when I would feel blessed with just one. But I do want a sibling. Hopefully I'll be able to adopt Little Guy, but I've always wanted 3 children... It just feels like "more more more".

I wish I didn't have to contemplate that, but with aging eggs, I do have to consider "Do I want to freeze my eggs now?" I may continue to age, but the eggs would still be the quality that they are today. Only thing is, insurance doesn't cover the cost for freezing eggs and man - it's really pricey. Worth the price? Or just try with the eggs that I have at the age that I want to get pregnant? Darn getting older. I'm going to have to really think about this...

So, that's in the back of mind... my aging eggs and if I'm going to want to birth more children.

CMV Status - UNKNOWN 

Turns out that my CMV status wasn't ordered at the last blood test. So they had to take blood AGAIN!!! ARGH. This time, I think I'm getting a bruise on my arm from the needle. Looks nasty. Oh well, need CMV status in order to order sperm. I should get the results on Friday and then I can really narrow down a sperm donor! Yes, I'm excited about that part. It's almost like online dating narrowing it down. Once I get the surgery out of the way, I can really focus on that part.

Next Steps: 

1. Get period. Call on CD #1 to schedule surgery within 12 days. 
2. If period doesn't come, then call on CD #35. 
3. Follow-up consultation 2 weeks after surgery to discuss IUI process (to begin in March!)
4. I can order sperm at the first period after surgery. 

A Good Day for Little Miss

I just had to share. Little Miss had an exceptionally wonderful day! She has been with me for less than a week. First day, tantrums ALL day over everything. Today, a few "transition" tantrums at daycare - but by the end of the day, no tantrums. Came home & no tantrums!! Just a happy girl. She was able to tell me "night-night" when she wanted to sleep. 

She had a good day and is adjusting really well. I hope it keeps up! 

One reason why I love being a foster parent, seeing the progress in children when they have structure, consistency, and attention. :) 

Consultation Rescheduled to TOMORROW!!

Received a phone call, they had a cancellation and have moved my consultation meeting up. I'll be meeting with the doctor tomorrow to get my test results...!!!!

In the mist of adding a new foster daughter, I've been distracted from the WAIT of figuring out what to do next... Surgery for fibroids or no surgery? I'm also going to discuss IUI vs IVF with the doctor again. The odds are SO much better for IVF... I'm thinking time / money / resources... Maybe I *should* do IVF?

Ugh.

Hard choices to make... Will see what's in store tomorrow...!!!

Toddlers Galore

I spent 5 days of being a full time Mommy and spending time with the kids. I have to tell you, I'm exhausted! Not sure how stay-at-home moms do it. Just in that short period of time, I was drained!

Having two toddlers is interesting. Little Guy with "sympathy" cry when Little Miss tantrums. Tag-teaming already.

Overall, it hasn't been too bad.

You have to feel for Little Miss... Her tantrums were pretty bad to start with, but have gone down significantly the longer she's been here. She wants to be "right next" to me at ALL times. Which makes it difficult to do things like go to the bathroom or cook! She plays "OK" with Little Guy. She has age-appropriate behaviors with wanting "her" toys, even when she's not playing with it. There were a few times that she pushed or hit Little Guy (not hard). I haven't left them unsupervised, so I was right there to correct the behavior. She tried to hit me a few times during her tantrum blowouts. I corrected that and it hasn't happened since.

She's so easy to go to strangers! We went to the park and she just went up to other parents and "clung" onto them... She did the same at my friend's house. This is typical behavior for foster children, unfortunately. It's just been awhile since I've had an older child as a placement to see it.

She sleeps REALLY well. She was only taking 1 nap at the Shelter. But doing 1 nap at my house led to tantrums. I moved her to two naps and the tantrums almost stopped! She would sleep 1.5 hours in the morning and 2 hours at night AND sleep 11-12 hours at night. I have to admit, I'm a happy camper that she sleeps so well! :)

Little Guy has adjusted well to her being here. He is happy to see her and tries to play with her. You can tell that he gets confused when she won't share or why he can't have what she has. He'll learn eventually.

Overall, things are going really well with the schedule of adding a new family member.

Little Miss started daycare today and is having a tough time adjusting. I'm sure once she gets into the swing of things, that things will go smoothly there as well. I'm interested to see what happens when I pick her up today!

Family of Three!

We are officially a family of THREE!

Yesterday was a weird day, nothing really went as planned - which actually worked out *better* than things going as planned! Oddly...

Agenda for 1/14/15:

Speech @ Work: DONE and went well.


Fertility Consultation: CANCELLED and reschedule for next week. Bummer... Doctor got stuck in a surgery.


Picking up Little Miss: went well, met with the Shelter Case Manager and went over all the paperwork. A substitute DCS Case Manager came to drop off the Notice to Provider (NTP - is a required form that shows she's my foster daughter). The regular Case Manager was at court for another case. I also received a lot of clothes and toys from the shelter for her, which is awesome.

When we were just about to walk out the door, the Parent Aide (PA) came to pick up Little Miss for a visit... that apparently NOBODY knew was happening! After some frantic phone calls, it was approved to have her go to the visit. Thank goodness, wouldn't want her to miss a visit due to a change in address. Her visits are pretty far from my house...! So, she wouldn't arrive until after 7PM. Yikes. She has a sibling that's school aged, so visits have to be after school.

That was the strangest "pick up" I've had, considering I left without the child!

Pickup up Little Guy: Poor little guy, didn't get to meet Little Miss because his bedtime is at 7PM! He was asleep by the time she arrived.

Visit from Little Guy's Case Manager: This went well. No new news. I did receive some letters from Little Guy's Birth Mom (BM)... they were pretty sad... she mentioned me adopting Little Guy and wants an open adoption... I have to admit that I cried when I read them. It's heartbreaking.

It is strange being on this path. If I have the blessing of calling Little Guy my forever son... that would mean that BM loses him. Adoption is a blessing and a celebration for the adopting parents. But the Birth Parents... not so much. I have all these conflicting feelings of joy and sorrow. I love my Little Guy so very much and can't imagine my life without him... I'm sure BM feels the same exact way.

First Night with Little Miss: When she finally arrived home, she was asleep. She woke up once she was handed over to me. She's perfectly fine with strangers and didn't mind. I gave her a bath, read a book, and started the process of putting her to sleep. Her bedtime at the shelter was 7:30pm.

The first night was rough. She didn't want to sleep in a crib and kept screaming. Poor thing. I rocked and sang to her, which seemed to calm her. When I put her down, she just screamed. So, I stayed in the room with her for a little bit - but every single time I left, she would wake up screaming. This lasted about an hour. Finally, I decided that going back in every single time was probably not helping get her to sleep. I let her "cry" a little (she didn't have more tears, was just mostly screaming) - then she fell straight to sleep. She slept the ENTIRE night! She's a good sleeper. I even had to wake her up in the morning, she didn't wake up by herself.

I'll write another entry on her first day.

So far, so good with being a Family of Three. I can see where the challenges are going to be with getting both kids up and ready in the morning. Keeping to a routine will help. Also, getting up BEFORE the kids would help! Now, if Little Guy can wake up NOT at 5am - I think I can manage. LOL.

Busy Day Today...!! Good stuff!

Today is a busy-busy-busy day!

• First, I have to go into the office for a meeting and am presenting a speech...! 
• Then, I go for my consultation at the Fertility Clinic and get ALL my test results. I already have my list of questions to ask. 
• Then, I pick up Little Miss from the shelter! 
• Then, I pick up Little Guy from daycare. 
• Then, Little Guy's Case Manager comes for his monthly visit. 
• Then, I'm having groceries delivered. Yes... I have my groceries delivered! It frees up time when I have days like this :) 

THEN, hopefully the little ones go to sleep OK! So that *I* can sleep! 

Hoping for the test results to come back good... Trying not to focus on it as much. But it's difficult. Also, hoping Little Miss adjusts well. Really excited to pick her up and start getting to know her :) 

Small World

I have a friend that volunteers at the shelter Little Miss is at right now. She got to play and cuddle with her last night :)

What's really strange is that there's another volunteer at the shelter that mentioned she knew a little baby that was in foster care - that had the SAME name as my Little Guy. Turns out - she was in fact talking about my Little Guy...

This volunteer happens to be My Little Guy's Birth Father's - Brother's Wife's - Mother. Follow that?

How extremely odd is that? That out of everyone that works at the shelter that my friend would happen to be talking to someone somehow related to my foster son. It is such a small world.

I learned a little more about My Little Guy's family this way...

But let's think about this for a second. There's been a lot of controversy on whether or not foster parent's can post pictures of their foster kids on social media outlets. A lot of foster parents treat foster children like they're apart of their family (Side Bar: I realize that not ALL foster parents do this - but the GOOD ones do!). I can now see why this is not such a good idea. You never know who knows who and how people are related. If foster parents want to keep their confidentiality and privacy - it's probably best not to post pictures. Not to mention, if there are any safety concerns with birth relatives - it is our job as foster parents to keep the little ones safe.

Even after I adopt, I'm not really sure I'm going to be posting any pictures of my adoptive children on social media. I've really been thinking about it a lot lately and reading articles about "digital footprints". I guess time will tell if I change my mind. Some foster and adoptive parents have really good relationships with the birth families and friend them on Facebook, give out their numbers, invite them to their home. I think it really is a case by case basis on that. In some circumstances, it may be unsafe or damaging to the child. While in others, it can be a wonderful experience.

Just so strange that there are all these connections that we really don't think about or realize.

She arrives tomorrow!

It's official! Little Miss will be arriving tomorrow afternoon. Everything is in place, received approvals from the shelter and from the Case Manager. Yippee! 

I don't know much about the case, but hoping to get a better idea later this week. 

Very excited! Have her room ready, carseat is getting installed tonight! I am taking Thursday and Friday off of work so that we can bond. The daycare referral is being put in and she can start next week. There's going to be a transition period, hoping it goes smoothly. 

Tomorrow is going to be a busy, busy day. 

Waiting... Waiting

No word from the Case Manager for Little Miss today. Bummer. Was hoping to get her moved in today. But looking like that's not going to happen. Hopefully I'll hear back tomorrow. Have everything ready for her. Just need to install the carseat in the car.

Heard there were more kids coming into care today and there weren't open beds to take them... Very sad situation.

Back to the Gym...!

I wasn't able to work out as much as I would've liked last week. There was a lot going on with regards to appointments (for me and for Little Guy).

BUT - I was back TODAY for Zumba. I have to say, I feel sooooooo good after I work out... I really do! I just love Zumba. I missed it so much. It's like a long-lost friend.

This week isn't looking "clearer" or anything, with Little Miss possibly arriving any day now. However, I do believe I'll be able to work out 4x's this week - with two of those being Zumba. So yippee for that!

It's been so long since I've consistently worked out... that I forgot how much my body loves to move and feels so rejuvenated after I have a nice workout session. Now, just to get the discipline to do my "at home" workouts. THOSE are a challenge because I actually have to FORCE myself to do it. Not as fun as Zumba. LOL.

I feel good. Just need to keep it up.

Meeting Little Miss

I went to the shelter to meet Little Miss today. It was very sad seeing all the little ones in the shelter... We really do need more foster homes or more preventative services for birth families - so it doesn't come to this.

There were some behaviors by Little Miss, but nothing too crazy. Typical toddler behavior that will just have to be watched and corrected, like tantrums and hitting. It took her a little while to warm up to me. She does seem a bit speech delayed, but may just be the circumstances. She sat on my lap during snack time, but only let me hold her once. She even called me "Mama"... Which is normal for little ones in foster care to do. She was upset when I left... 

I've decided to move forward with taking her as a placement. I really thought about it today: 1) how will it impact Little Guy, 2) how will it impact our schedule, 3) if I have the dedication/time to devote to her. 

I think Little Guy will do well with her. He gets along with other kids really well. I am looking to put her on Little Guy's exact schedule -- so hoping she'll adjust within 2 weeks or so. I definitely have the time and passion to dedicate to her. 

I sent an email letting them know I wanted to take her. Should hear back tomorrow on when/if they'll allow her to move in. Also, hoping to hear more about her case tomorrow. 

Here's to Family C becoming a family of 3! 

Little Guy's 1st Dentist Appointment!

My little guy had his 1st dentist appointment today! It was actually a fun experience for both of us. First, the dentist is AWESOME! My friend recommended him and I'm so glad she did. I really liked the dentist office.

Little Guy loved playing with their train tracks / trains in the lobby. He thought the trains were cars and was making the car sounds with them :)

When we met with the dentist, he was really nice and kind! Gave me so many tips about Little Guy's teeth. Everything seems to be good thus far, developing appropriately and on schedule. He has a little chip on one of his bottom teeth. Either from biting on something hard or from falling. It's barely noticeable. Next appointment is in 6 months.

My Little Guy was having so much fun, he even wanted the Dentist to hold him! Which I think made the Dentist's day :) We got pictures and everything! They asked if they can put it on their website. Sadly, I had to decline because he's a foster child and his picture can't be used on websites or social media. It was still adorable to see him "talk" to the Dentist. Everyone in the office just loved him.

Hopefully all the rest of the Dentist appointments will be as "fun". LOL.

Adding another family member!

Being a foster parent, it's always hard reading or hearing about children that are coming into care. Especially when foster beds are limited... some children have been spending the night at the CPS (DCS) office. Small children and babies are going to shelters.

Why?

Because there aren't enough foster homes that have open beds to take in these children.

Sometimes I wish I could just not pay attention to these stories... They are heartbreaking. Especially since I am a foster parent and I am licensed to take up to three children. Right now, I only have one - my little guy. Makes me feel guilty not taking in another child when I have the room... Strange to feel "guilty" - but that's how I feel. I CAN help, but I'm not.

Why? 

The last couple of placements I've taken were babies. With my little guy being only 1 and with me trying to have a baby... I didn't think taking a new foster baby would be the best situation. Therefore, I decided that I will not be taking anymore foster kids in. I was actually considering closing my license after I am able to adopt my little guy.

Why? 

Being a foster parent can be heartbreaking and it's difficult. I've been a foster parent for 3 1/2 years and I've seen a lot of sad stuff and have gone through some hard situations. Even with my little guy... I worry that something will happen and I won't be able to adopt him. It's a scary place to be at times, loving these little ones and having absolutely no control.

Well, today I heard that there were more children going into care and more children going into shelters. I decided that I W|ILL take another foster placement. But this time, I'll go with a 2-3 year old. That way, they can be on the same schedule as my little guy. I called my Licensing Worker (LW) and she told me about this little girl that was at one of our shelters. I am going to meet the little girl on Sunday and see if it'll be a good fit for my home.

It just feels RIGHT. It feels right to take in another child. I also feel ready. Things are so easy with my little guy. We are on a great routine. Adding a new child will change the dynamics, but I think for the better.

I will know more after I meet the little girl on Sunday. From what I've heard, she's a sweet girl with no behaviors. I hope my home is a good fit for her! It is also looking like she'll be a short term placement of about 6-9 months. Will have to see how her case plays out.

A Flying Kiss

My foster son fills my heart. Everyday he does something new or better, he's growing up so fast. 

This morning when I dropped him off at daycare, he gave me his FIRST flying kiss!!! So adorable!!! I had to hold back tears (didn't want to cry in front of my daycare provider!). Lol. 

He's been through so much in his short life and he's come so far! I'm so proud of him. I can't put into words the wonderful feelings I have being his mama. He's such a happy little guy & his laugh is just music to my ears. 

He brings me so much joy & has totally stolen my heart. ❤️ So blessed to share these special moments with him. 

HSG Test (CD#10) - Good & Weird Results

Today I had an hysterosalpingogram (HSG). Yeah... long word. Here's an explanation: 

What is a hysterosalpingogram?

• Radiographic contrast (dye) is injected into the uterine cavity through the vagina and cervix 

• The uterine cavity fills with dye and if the fallopian tubes are open, dye fills the tubes and spills into the abdominal cavity

A hysterosalpingogram, or HSG is an important test of female fertility potential. The HSG test is a radiology procedure usually done in the radiology department of a hospital or outpatient radiology facility. This shows whether the fallopian tubes are open or blocked and whether a blockage is at the junction of the tube and uterus (proximal) or at the other end of the tube (distal).

MY TEST

I arrived at the office early and had to fill out some forms. I was actually surprised at all the "releases" I had to complete for this one procedure! Considering I've had a few already and they were like "no big deal". Not for this one! Release-release-release. Hmmmm. That got me a little nervous, I hate going to the doctor in general. All these tests are not easy breezy for me.

I signed all the paperwork and went back into the radiology room. The nurse explains the procedure and what's going to happen. Takes my blood pressure, my temperature. Then the Doctor comes in and he talks me through it as he's doing it.

Turns out, this one was only FIVE minutes. Really - 5 minutes. There was some discomfort during certain portions and I did cramp up when the dye was inserted. Right when it was "uncomfortable" - It was over. Just like that. Easy breezy? Not really - but wasn't as bad as all the release paper work suggested!

My "Outpatient post-op Instructions and Physician Orders":

• Notify your physican if you begin to show signs of infection, such as foul smelling discharge, fever above 101 degrees F, sever lower abdominal or pelvic/pain.. 

• Vaginal bleeding should not last more than 5-7 days. In most cases it is a watery bloody discharge. This is normal. 

• If your physican finds it necessary for you to have to take home medications, you should obtain them from the pharmacy of your choice. 

• Avoid sexual intercourse, swimming and tub baths for 24-48 hours. 

• If a tampon was inserted after your procedure, make sure to remove it 2 hours post procedure. 

After the procedure, we looked at the results.

Good news: my fallopian tubes are open and my uterus is a normal shape. YAY and YAY!

Weird News: My fallopian tubes are in a strange position. The "normal" position is for the fallopian tubes to be to the side of the uterus. Like a T. Mine are more in a "TOUCHDOWN" position like a Y... The Doctor asked me, "Have you had surgery before?" Which, freaked me out!!! I was like "WHY?!!! Is something wrong?!!!" But no, my fallopian tubes are just formed differently. He said it was symmetrical (which is good I think - the symmetrical part of it). I need to go to Google-verse and search for Touchdown shaped fallopian tubes.

Well - good and weird news. I don't think the position of my fallopian tubes will have a big impact on getting pregnant... They're "open" which is what they need to be. I'll know more after my consultation next week. I have SOOOOO many questions, I better write them down before I go.

I just have to say. It is really ODD to see your "insides" on the screens. The uterus and fallopian tubes are really just these small little things. It's crazy how those small organs are so essential to creating life. What a miracle child bearing really is.

UP NEXT...... 

I am OFFICIALLY done with all the pre-testing: Yippee!!!! Woohoo!!! 

• Transvaginal Ultrasound (CD 2, 3 or 4) - DONE 

• Bloodwork (CD 2, 3, or 4) - DONE <one vial retaken on CD 9> 

• Sonohysterogram (before CD 13) - DONE 

• HSG (before CD 13) - DONE 

Not to mention the additional things I had to do: 

• High Risk OB Consult for Diabetes  - DONE

• Psychology Consult - DONE

NOW... for the Follow-Up Consultation with the doctor. That is scheduled for next week on 1/14. We'll go over all the results and see what the next steps are. I'll finally have a clearer idea on where I stand with my fertility factors and hopefully have a "plan" put in place. Figure out what the odds are and if I'll need any fertility treatments or can do the natural IUI (which I'm hoping for). 

I want to get to the fun part: picking out a donor!! Which I'll get to do once I get the results. :) I swear, picking a donor is so strange...! But I'll save that for another post! 

Work Weight Loss Challenge - 10 Weeks

Some of my co-workers are doing a Weight Loss Challenge for the first 10 weeks of the year. It goes like this: 

• Pay in $120 
• Each week, the person with the most percentage of weight loss gets the "pot", which would be $10/person each week. 
• The "winner" after the 10 weeks gets the remainder of the "pot". 

I figure, might as well. My IUI may be delayed until March anyways - with the potential fibroid surgery in February. 

Why not? Maybe it'll help motivate me to keep up with my workout program. 

The challenge begins 1/9 and ends 3/20. It's almost perfect timing, must be a sign to do it. 

Here's to being motivated to workout...! I hope :) 

Sonohysterogram - Fibroids!

Had a Sonohysterogram done today. Sonohysterogram uses ultrasound to look at the inside of your uterus. A salt (saline) solution is put in the uterus for a clearer image.

The test is to look at the lining of the uterus and make sure there are no fibroids, that can interfere with an egg implanting. 

It was almost like a Pap smear & is similar to what they do when they perform the IUI. It was a bit uncomfortable, but wasn't too bad. I was trying to relax, but it's hard! 

Some bad news! I have 1, maybe 2 fibroids!! Ugh. Doctor is recommending surgery to have them removed since it can lower my chances of getting pregnant... Or I can try and then if I don't get pregnant, get them removed later. 

Doing some research, fibroids have some risks of miscarriage and can lead to Higher risk of C-Section.  

The fibroid is 3mm on the right hand side. There looked like there was potential for another one at the back of my uterus that was a little smaller. 

Recommendation is surgery to remove them, which would delay my first IUI cycle by a month. Meaning not starting until March... 

I have to admit I was a little upset with this news. I didn't think I would run into this type of issue and I wasn't even concerned about this specific test. 

Luckily it's fixable with surgery... Which would be non-evasive. They go in through the cervix and use a scope to remove them. I have to be put on anesthesia though... Which doesn't sound fun to me at all.....!!!! I've only been under once, when I had my wisdom tooth pulled because it was impacted. That was a horrible experience waking up from. 

Now, I have to make this decision on which path to take: surgery or no surgery? That is the question. 

I'm going to wait to make a decision until I have my consultation with all my test results. 

I also had blood drawn again....! Not much, just one vial - but still. I hate needles!  

Not the best of news & surgery sounds scary... But got to roll with it if I'm going to have this baby! 

Bad Doctor?

I chose my fertility clinic based on searches, reviews, and results. I didn't really know what to look for or how to find it at the time. A friend of mine made a comment that she DID NOT recommend my doctor for fertility treatments. It was a random post on a Facebook group that we are members of. I asked her why (she doesn't know I'm pursuing AI). Turns out she had a horrible experience with him, said he was in it for the money, etc.

This prompted me to look up more specific reviews and I came across mixed results. Some absolutely LOVE this doctor - others absolutely HATE this doctor. Most of the ones that had negative reviews all made similar comments that my friend did.

Interesting...

It made me think if I was with the right fertility clinic...! With all the $$ and time I'm dedicating to this, I want to be at the right place.

My conclusion (for now) - I have had an amazing experience with them so far. They have always been prompt, informative of my insurance benefits, and explaining the process/results. Yes, it's a bit pricey... even with the insurance coverage. However, I am also "high risk" with my weight, irregular periods, and diabetes - so all the extra tests and screening are necessary for me.

However, I am keeping this in the back of my mind -- just in case my viewpoint or experience changes.

Bloodwork Abnormal

Received a phone call from the Fertility Clinic. Looks like my bloodwork I had done last week came back a bit "abnormal".... EEK! I swear, I freaked out when I heard that message. I called the nurse back to get a better explanation. She said that the bloodwork came back abnormal, but it may have been due to me being dehydrated.

Hmmm... who knew that dehydration can cause abnormalities in blood results? Well, now I know -- DRINK YOUR WATER!!

They're going to re-do my bloodwork on Wednesday when I go in for my other test... They want to make sure it WAS in deed due to dehydration and that I'm not anemic or something...

Praying that the second blood test comes back normal and that it was indeed just me needing to drink more water....

You bet - I'm going to be drinking MORE WATER from now on.

Back to the Gym - ZUMBA

I haven't been back to the gym for over a year!!!! I used to be REALLY good about going to the gym and watching my weight. One of the issues with having a baby is that I am overweight. If I can drop my weight, my period will normalize on its own (which will help me get pregnant), it'll be better of my diabetes management, and I'll be healthier overall.

<sigh> So, WHY haven't I been to the gym in over a year you may wonder...

Truth is, being a single foster parent is time consuming. My little guy had so many specialists appointments early on. I would use my lunch break from work to take him. My lunch break is when I used to go to the gym...

There can be arguments that you can "find the time" - go after work and such. But after work was my time to bond and spend time with my little guy and I didn't want to trade that. Not to mention, I had other commitments that I was participating in - which just meant I had a time issue.

Well, those are my "excuses"! I know that there are many people out there that will argue about making excuses. I used to be one of them, believe me. The truth of the matter is, I was overextended with my commitments and something had to give for my sanity & time management. That just happened to be the gym.

I never cancelled my gym membership because I always intended to go back. I absolutely LOVE Zumba class and didn't want to give it up.

Today, I went BACK to the gym and I went to Zumba class!!! YAY ME! It kicked my behind... but I enjoyed it. What was really nice is, some of the ladies in the class came up to me and "welcomed" me back :) I forgot how much of a community I build with some of these random stranger ladies in Zumba class. LOL. It felt good and I'm glad I went.

My schedule and time commitments haven't changed... What's changed is - I'm going to go WHEN I can. That's not going to be 5-6x's a week...! But that's OK. I'm going when I have time in my schedule to go. That's going to have to be good enough. For example, I can't go to Zumba this Wednesday because of a work meeting. That's OK. I'll go WHEN work/schedule allows me to go.

I'm also going to work in other stuff like circuit training. I'm just not going to stress when time is short and I can't go. I'm going to do what I can, which is better than not doing anything at all.